The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
for sure i need to take care of myself, for sure i need to pay bills, be responsible, and, enjoy the good things in life.
but, it's pretty darn hard to live in "just for today", when i continually harbour feelings of resentment, control, compulsive , depressive, obsession. when i make others business my business.
my husband is gone. i really don't know where he is. somewhere on a job, in a motel, a camp, an apartment , only God knows.
and that is the key right there, God does know.
i am feeling those old feelings of what about me????
but, really it is not about me. at least not in the way i think. why doesn't he call, why don't i get the respect i think i deserve to know where he is? because.........., he doesn't want me too. that's it . it is so simple. i tell myself, if it was me, i wouldn't disappear, i wouldn't leave people wondering i am, i wouldn't do this or that or blah, blah, blah. but, it isn't me.
what is me.........?.
Oh LORD , make me an instrument of Thy peace, where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury; pardon; where there is doubt;faith; where there is despair; hope; where there is sadness; joy.
Oh Divine Master, grant that '' I MAY NOT SEEK TO BE CONSOLED, AS TO CONSOLE, TO BE UNDERSTOOD, AS TO UNDERSTAND; TO BE LOVED AS, TO LOVE;'' for it is in the giving that we receive, it is in the pardoning; that we are pardoned, and, it is in the dying that we are born to eternal life.
one of my favorite spiritual readings by St. francis of Assisi
it was the first things i read when given a little pamphlet in a welcome package at my first alanon meeting. entitled....... JUST FOR TODAY
I think what you are describing is exactly why I value my daily 10th step and my sponsor so much. I am coming to see, over time, that many of the former, once useful belief systems I held not only don't work any more, they were inherently incorrect to begin with. Moreover, I think it was so important for me to hold these beliefs because I had nothing to explain my life. It was so fragile, and now, here, were these falsehoods I was telling myself, and yeah. It might help if you got back into the steps. I know that always helps me.
It sounds to me that you have a "Just for Today" pamphlet? If you do there are two sides to that little jewel(y). I memorized the other side because that was what I needed to know, believe and do in order to create some positive change. "Just for today I will live thru this day only. I could do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I thought I had to keep it up for a lifetime." (paraphase). Just for today I will be happy.... Just for today I will have a program. I may not follow it directly but at least I will have one. Just for today I will do three things... and on and on and on. Practice, Practice, Practice and then the jackpot!! Serenity.
Keep coming back you are growing and it is showing. (((((hugs)))))
