The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i don't know what to say. my brothers brief visit has triggered something in me. i called my daughter today. i wanted to maintain some semblence of control, but......., i lost it.
" i feel this way'', i said, ''i feel that way'', i said, ''i feel concern for this and for that'', ''i don't like the misrepresentation of certain issues'', '' i , i , i,...........'' and, ''most of all, i don't like pretending everything is alright when it isn't''.
of course being a mom, tears began to flow, and, words like worry, respect, lack of responsibility, and love entered into the conversation.
when i said everything i wanted to say, i asked her, ''do you have anything you would like to say?'' she said....., ''i can't help that this happened and that happened, it is not my fault so and so did this and that did in my home.''
'' no dear, you can help what is going on in your home'' i said, ''all you have to do is make a choice.''
then i told her........., ''i can see how hard you are trying to be a good mom. i respect your position as an adult to make choices, and, i can make room in my heart for your partner, the father of my grandchild, i can see he is trying.'' i told her....., ''in the social circle we travel, had it not been for your relationship with this man, i would have never met him or his family or their associates. i am not saying their lifestyle is wrong, i am saying it is DIFFERENT. different is not wrong. i needed to get used to this scenario'', and, then i told her, ''dear , i really don't appreciate it when you call the father of my grandaughter an F_ _ _ en A_ s. no mattter what he has done, he is the father of your child, and, she deservers more than that." she said ......., " yah, i know ".
i thanked her for allowing me to share my feelings, and, in the end, even though i believe I LOST IT, i think I GAINED IT [her respect]
now, i feel vulnerable and tired.
GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE, THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN, AND, THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
Sounds like you did really great to me all round this week Jewely. You accepted the things you could not control and expressed your feelings. I hope you are safe and not feeling as vulnerable now as you were a few days ago. Try and make some relaxation time for yourself you have had a lot of stress. ((())) Luv Leo xxx
