The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last night, one of my AH sponsees (R) relapsed. His family had taken him to the ER with a blood alcohol level of .365 (I don't know much about levels but I think I'm saying that right - he was just under the alcohol poisoning level). As God works, my AH's co-sponsor was working at the hospital. He got the family's permission to call for support. My AH called me. He said "I know you are tired, I know it's late, but R's Mom is in really bad shape. I've talked with her about Al-Anon and I think it would help her, do you think you could meet me at the ER?"
What do you say? Of course, you go. I pray during the drive to the hospital - "God, please don't let me be preachy, please just let me show her she isn't in this alone. That someone is there for her, not just her son, R."
So, we sat with her for a while - she & I went in a private area. We talked - I mainly tried not to talk - just to let her talk, to cry, to be angry. To question how to let go of her precious son. You see R just turn 18 yrs old last week. He is still in High School. Since January, he has already been through a 30 day treatment center and had 2 relapses since leaving treatment.
My heart broke for her - she said the words that I felt for so many years "I feel like I'm going crazy, but I have too much responsibility to let that happen"
I told her I hated she was having such a difficult time. That it is an extremely tough place to be, knowing you love your children more than life itself, but that you can't do anything to help them with this problem. That I had felt that way too.
I wanted to say so many other things, but I felt it wasn't the time. I just listened. I tried to console & comfort.
When we left the hospital, R was doing a little better. The Dr's were flushing his system and pretty sure he would be fine. Fine. No probably not fine. Not R nor his mom. Not until they both are able to get some help.
After we got home, my AH & I talked about it. Our first 12th step call together. Even in the midst of all the issues we have going on between us - we can still share with someone there is hope of a better way.
So, today if you have a few moments - please pray for R and his mom, M. Especially, M. She's hurting that pain we all have felt and hasn't found her path that will lead her to the tools to deal with the pain, yet. Hopefully, I pray yet.
Thanks so much for your thoughts & prayers, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
You did a wonderful thing by going to the hospital. I'm so glad that you went. I want to thank you for R's mother for your support. When we are in so much despair it is hard to acknowledge these acts of kindness.
What a wonderful share! I know such a hard and terrible thing for R and his mom, but its so great that you and your hubby could do a 12 step together! I think you handled everything well.
In the word of the movie "Babe", slightly modified "That'll do, Rita, that'll do." Sometimes there really isn't anything you can say. Food for thought: Saw a woman that had relapsed at an AA meeting. As soon as she saw me, she broke down sobbing. I said "You have nothing to be ashamed of. You relapsed; it happens. When you're ready to go to any lengths, come back [meeting where we met here]. We're worried about you." I have no idea what'll happen.
Sending prayers for R and his mom M. I think its awesome that you and your husband were able to share that moment together. I'll pray that R's mom knows she's not alone and that she will have the courage to take a step to get help. Reading your post I could feel her heartbreak. Sounds like you gave her the best gift you could; which was to listen and let her know there is hope out there.
Peace, Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
How wonderful for you to be there for these people in the time that they probably really really need someone the most. You are so great to just listen, that is really hard to do, just be there for someone and listen to them. I am saying a prayer for the whole situation, what a heartbreak. Alcohol just destroys everything in its path, but thanks to people like you and your husband, both of these hearts may have some hope!!!
Awesome stuff Rita, and your post sums up exactly what Al-Anon is all about. Very cool stuff, and hope you can give yourself a bit of a pat on the back...
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
