The material presented
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level.
I need to know if this is "normal" for an alcoholic. My sister has done some pretty crazy stuff before, and now she's into cutting. Being depressed myself, I can understand that part, but what I don't understand is what she did after that. She used the blood from her cuts to write messages on the walls. The messages were basically saying "FU" to myself and to her 18 yr. old son. The walls were wiped down by the time I got up this morning, so she must have had the presence of mind to know that what she did seemed kind of kookie. So, is that something that alcohol can do? She's not on meds right now (she quit a couple of months ago). But paranoia, depression, and delusions run in our family. Should I be calling the men in white coats?
Normally, the alanon response to crazy behaviour by the A would be something like "Take the focus off of her, put it back on you - alcoholics do crazy stuff, don't waste your time trying to figure it out".
However, since there is a chance she could really hurt herself (or maybe you) with this, I'd suggest getting some advice from someone who knows what he/she is talking about. Since you have some experience with depression, you probably have a relationship with a doctor who is knowledgable in this field. Any chance you could run this by him? Even just your normal doctor might be able to shine some light, or her doctor, if you have access to him. There are mental health hotlines, too, with trained people to answer the phone, who you could talk this over with.
You'll probably feel better once you have some solid input from an expert. No matter what, though, keep the focus on you - protect yourself and the kid, and don't let her drama be the only thing going on in your lives. A's are experts at making sure it is all about them, all the time. You can be concerned and helpful without letting it take over your life.
(((Gotta Vent))) I'm really sorry your sister is in a mindset like that. Cutting is an addiction, too -- as with alcoholism and drugs, it alters the real reality of life. From what I have read and learned in program, the A (addict) uses out of habit and to not have to deal with self issues. Molestation is a common thread, although I do not have the knowledge or facts to make any statement besides it is common.
like Lin said, a professional trained in the field is probably where HER healing can begin.
for you, though, ((((welcome)))) <---those are hugs, to Miracles in Progress. this place has helped so many people, and I am eternally grateful for the gifts it provided my recovery. one of the first things I learned, when dealing with my Awife and that bad behavior was:
I didn't cause it I can't control it I can't cure it
from that perspective, I hopped off the 'chaos' train (crazy train if you're an ozzy ozbourne fan-hey hey)(which i am not...sinatra more my style), and started looking at life with the tool of the serenity prayer at hand: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage, to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference!
my life has become 99% less stressful, and that gets better everyday because I KEEP COMING BACK, and I encourage you to do the same.
with love, cj
PS - we also have a saying, "take what you want, and leave the rest" - you are the only one that knows all of your circumstances, hence, your decisions are yours and noone else's.
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
Thank-you both for your replies. Someone else e-mailed me privately and expressed concern about her hurting herself, too. I have her counselor's number and I'm going to make her counselor aware of it. Hopefully, she'll talk to me - she won't have to "discuss" her patient - all she has to do is listen. My sister has always done self-destructive things, and until now, I didn't think that the cutting was a big deal. But, what's really going to stop her, when she's drunk, from cutting her wrists instead of her legs?
From what I'm hearing, the cutting is due to depression, and the writing in her own blood is probably due to her being drunk. Either way, I need to do what I can do to make sure she doesn't end up killing herself.
Thanks for the ((())) hugs. I've been lurking for awhile and have learned a lot from this group. I finally stopped keeping myself awake at night listening for her to return safely. And I lock my doors when she gets drunk, so that she stays away from both me and her daughter. She gets mad at me and yells, but I stay safe. It's still hard - for all of us. Maybe someday I'll go ahead and vent about all of it. But, keeping my niece happy makes me happy, so it's not all bad.
Welcome to MIP - so glad you decide to join us, but hate that you are dealing with such a frightening situation.
I agree with the others - it might be best to talk with a professional to find out what is best for her.
For you, I would hope that you will continue to join us here, attend some Al-Anon meetings (on-line or f2f (face to face), reading literature and share with recovery people. Most of all, please take care of yourself. This may not sound like it will not do much for the situation, but from my experience it has done wonders to help my peace of mind.
Don't give up before the miracles happen in you - You deserve it.
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
With all the love I can offer you, it sounds like your sister DOES need professional intervention. Speaking as a former "cutter" (the "professional" term is "self mutilation") the danger is that scar tissue forms around the cuts. Then, the person has to "dig" deeper. As the cuts get deeper, the veins and arteieres are in danger of being sliced deep enough so that a person may intentionally or accientally slit themselves I am also concerned for the well being of her son. He, especially, needs to be talking to a professional, if he isn't already. It is traumatic to be exposed to this, and I can only imagine some of the horrible things that have transpired while mom has been under the influence. ((MONSTER HUG)) PLEASE, keep us posted. And remember, recovery is a journey of love,hope and growth.
I wouldn't say that cutting is necessarily being caused by the alcoholism, but more so from the samething that is causing her to drink. Alot of people who "cut" do so to escape from the intensity of their emotions (if they are hurting physically they don't "pay attention" to the emotional pains) or the opposite end.....so they CAN feel something since they feel numb and empty inside. There are many disorders that can be underlying for a person who self injures.....depression, bpd, bipolar, ptsd. She probably cleaned the mess of the walls since alot of "cutters" do not want others to know what they are doing.....it's a personal thing.
I agree with the others, I would make her counselor aware of what she is doing. If all else fails most cities have crisis intervention services that you can contact. If her counselor seems to put you off or there is some other sort of problem there, I would contact a crisis intervention agency for help. They can do just as their name implies.....intervene and take the necessary steps to ensure she stays safe.
Make sure that you take care of yourself and I hope you continue to come back to our boards and maybe even the chat room.
Thank-you all. I'm concerned about my nephew, as well. My sister didn't actually start drinking until my nephew had been using pot for quite awhile. He has been in rehab, but my sister doesn't know the definition of "tough love". She'll give him money, even though she knows what he spends it on. He keeps pot at home and most of the time, she'll pretend it's not there. He even sells it and she turns a blind eye. But, he's 19 now, and I don't know what to do about him. There's "transitional living" for people in his situation, but I can't send him there - I'm only his aunt. There are some crisis intervention numbers out there - maybe I'll give one a call and find out what my options are.
As far as my sister's counselor - I have her phone number and fax number now. The next thing to do is to write her a letter or try to set up an appointment. An appointment might be better.
