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I am FREAKIN' out here. My AH called me 2 days ago after 3 weeks of no word from him. He wanted to get into our storage unit for his gun safe so he could sell it. His credit cards are all max'd out now. I told him that I'd meet him there. He called later than afternoon and said he wouldn't be able to make it but maybe the next day. Then the next day he text my cell phone & asked that I leave the storage key under the door mat. I said fine. I don't care what he sells any more. Take it, sell it, smoke it up! I don't care. Less I will have to move later. Well he never showed up for that either. ARRGG!!
So now this afternoon he calls my cell from JAIL!!!!! He has finally been arrested. His story is that he was driving around w/a friend who had a warrant out for his arrest and they got pulled. He was arrested for parafinalia. He wanted me to call his step dad or whoever and have someone call a bail bondsman to have him bailed out for $100. He said he was stuck there until someone came. So I called his step dad and he clued me in to some facts. The guy my AH has been staying with was arrested for robbery and failed to appear in court. So the cops have been looking for him. They came to his house one day looking for this guy and my AH hid him in the attic. I am so freakin out over this. This is so totally out of character for my AH. Well maybe not! I guess he has always defended the rough crowd....saying they were good people just down on their luck, trying to make it in this world.
This is just totally crazy. I feel like I have been ripped out of my normal regular life and thrown into something right out of the movies. Drugs, robbery, guns, cops, jail. What next? How deep his my AH going to go? How much further can he fall.....where the heck is the rock bottom for him???
His step dad said he would talk to his mom, grandma & sister but he thinks they will let him sit for a few days. He said that it would do him good to get off of the drugs for a few days. I told him that wouldn't matter....as soon as he gets out, he will go right back to it. I told him he has sat at my house for 3 weeks w/out any drugs and then WHAM, disappeared for 3 weeks. So sitting in jail isn't going to do it either. But whatever. It is out of my hands. Not my responsibility, not my problem. What is my problem is now that I have a better clue as to the people he is hanging around, what kind of trouble is going to find it's way to my house? Are my kids and I in danger now? I have just changed all of my door locks. Now I am thinking I will go further and get additional window locks and add some more door locks, alarm system. Will I ever feel safe again? This is crappin crazy!!!!
I am so so proud of you for not bailing him out. I also would NOT answer his calls anymore. Would not even call anyone for him. He is dangerous and toxic.
This is my experience.
YES protect yourself in alll those ways and more. Teach your children what to do to protect themselves from all kinds of situations.
There are books on it and classes.
We all really need to think about how we can make ourselves safe as possible. Sadly this world is very evil.
I always have a huge dog, I do not even lock anything becuz they can just break a window. My animals are all around me and my gates are locked.
I do have a gun. I am not afraid to use it. I would shoot the ground first.
It can get so much worse in ways you and I have NO idea about. He my owe money and believe me those creeps are not afraid to get it in any way they can.
They used to call and harass his mother!!! They even went to her house. I KNOW my dogs kept them from me. Plus my phone number is always hard to find.
Plus it is known I have a gun and will protect my animals.
It makes me so sad to know what you are going through. This surely is nothing you would ever have expected to experience in your life.
I am so farm girl mentality. NO ONE in my family was ever in jail. They barely got a speeding ticket.
Here I am married to what most call the scum of the earth along with his family. They all progressed too. Used to look pretty normal....
Please always, always listen to your intuition and trust yourself. What can it hurt to protect yourself? What can it hurt to cut him from your and the kids lives?
I am so sorry you are going through this QOD. I have been there. I'm actually there now, with my a b/f in jail. I worry too about my safety, knowing who my b/f has and continues to associate with. Take all the security precautions you can to make yourself feel better. From what you said, it doesn't sound like you are in any imminent danger, but better safe then sorry.
Take care of yourself and keep focused on you and your kids.
I am so impressed that you weren't writing how you felt a need to bail him out. That alone would be progress for me. Good for you! I only wish I had found this place before my b/f 's last arrest. It would have saved me more than I care to admit ($$).
It is really hard not to worry when things like this happen. I am glad you posted and hope you can make it to a meeting or do some alanon reading to help you stay grounded.
Gosh gee this sounds familiar... LOL Mine just got done sitting for 3 weeks because no one would pay 150 for his bond. Maybe if you're lucky yours will do the same although I seriously doubt it on a paraphenalia charge. Well, mine has been going to meetings every day since getting out and got a $20 hr. job and talking the AA talk but we'll see how long he can walk the walk. Take some deep breaths, know that he's safe and you don't have to wonder if he's gonna show up at your doorstep and it's not your problem! I know it's surreal but still...not your problem. you are a fabulous single woman!!! (Read he's just not that into you)... This too will pass and you know his friends are unsavory and HE is unsavory NOT THE SAME GUY!!! Now he's "down on his luck trying to make it in this hard cruel world" (sorry to be sarcastic but life is what we make of it).
One of the bittersweet benefits of the penal system is that, at least on a temporary basis, there is some level of restraint on our loved ones. It might not be a bad idea to use this time to take a deep breath and say a prayer of gratitude. For the smallest of moments, your loved one is confined, controlled, and told what to do. It may not be the ideal--after all, it IS fairly easy to get drugs and alchol in the penal system--but it IS also a place where all his calls are collect; where any thing like candy, clothes, razors, et cetera are from the outside only. It might also be wise to take what few moments he will be incarcerated and to sort through "his stuff" vs "your stuff" in that locker. Is there ANYTHING you can donate, sell, or simply throw out? It was painful for me, especially, to throw out some of my clothes--I was certain that if I lost "just the right amount of weight" I would fit into "those" pants. But I was able to see, in time, that this was the benefit of program, and time: I was EATING, SLEEPING, and not PUNISHING myself for eating GIRL SCOUT COOKIES. So what? The pants didn't fit? Oh well! It meant that I got jeans that ACTUALLY DID! It also meant that the Salvation Army had a rather, ahem, fashionable set of red and white 70's style clam diggers to add to their extensive collection (if I do say so myself...).
`I agree that letting him stay in jail is helping him. It seems he needs lots of time to think. It may teach him how bad things can be by meeting other criminals who's history probably ALL involved alcohol. Hopefully he will learn a few things. Let's hope. It sucks you are going through this. Stay strong. Your in my prayers. ^i^
I said to my husband's sponsor--the 2nd time I went to bail my ah out of jail--that I never would have thought I would be bailing a husband out of jail once, now I'm on my second jail run. Good for you, for not bailing him out. I should have left my ah there the first time. The only reason I didn't the second time was b/c he had been sober for 2 months. I might should have left him in anyway, just so he would have had bigger consequences for bad behavior from while he had been using, but he was trying so hard and had just gotten a job. We were lucky in that he has kept goiing to AA and right now has 7 months. But you are so right the compny they keep especially when using is so scary!
i am sorry you are going through this, but you are making some good decisions. I will be praying for you.
I see you are using your alanon tool box It is hard when someone you love is placed in a position like that but I am glad to see you say,
"It is out of my hands. Not my responsibility, not my problem."
If I were you I would probably give my house a good once over and maybe even see if the police department can send someone by (even off duty) to give your house an "outside check". The officer can let you know if you have any vulnerable areas that need to be addressed. I had an officer do this for us when my daughter heard someone outside her bedroom window. Hopefully your police department will be as cooperative. Maybe for your piece of mind you can also place emergency numbers near all the phones. I don't know how old your children are but you can also teach them how to make an emergency call if needed and how to tell if they need to make that call. Even if you end up not having to worry about an unwanted person showing up due to this situation, these skills are good for children to learn.
Oh well! It meant that I got jeans that ACTUALLY DID! 
It also meant that the Salvation Army had a rather, ahem, fashionable set of red and white 70's style clam diggers to add to their extensive collection (if I do say so myself...).