The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am feeling really down right now, today my ex-A who had been living with me for the last two months but left last sunday, progressed to a new level for him, drinking during the day in order to play darts properly. I know I should not be surprised or disappointed that drinking comes before his family and other responsiblities but I am. I know my family deserves so much more. It is so sad to think that he now cannot function at something unless he has liquor. To me this is real dependence and I don't know why I am so surprised. I have read all your stories and they tell me that its the same for you all. Am I stupid?
No, you are not stupid. Is it disappointing? Yes. Does his behavior define who you are? No. Can you and your family pick yourself up by the boot straps and survive this? You bet. What matters in my recovery is that, even though the A may not get it....I can. I can live happy, joyous, and free. I need one person in my life in order to do that. We can love our A's, we can be supportive of their efforts to get sober....but just like us, it will be entirely up to them and God to get better. My life and my families has to go on. Good luck to you! Please don't tell yourself negative things....otherwise you will end up believing them. If I say positive things to myself, often....I will start to believe it. Ziggy
No Hon, you're not stupid! It's this da*n disease, it still baffles us all. So many times, things were going so good, and WHAMMO, it strikes again. Remember the 3 C's, it's NOT YOUR FAULT!! And... he isn't 'doing this' to you, the disease is doing it to all of you. That's why they call it a family disease. I think it is as baffling to the A as it is to us. Do something special for you, keep your chin up. I'm sending special prayers for you and your family,with Love, TLC
No, you are not stupid. This is a progressive disease and if the A does not stop drinking it progresses. I was always disappointed when it did because I just wanted him,AH, to get better. It does not make us stupid, just human.
evey
P.S. Make time for you, do something for you, even if it is just a long shower.
You are definitely not stupid. To see how progressive this disease is one only has to look at what the alcoholic drinks today vs what they did when they first started drinking. If my 20 year old son drank as much as my husband did in one night, he would simply die. Those horror stories about college kids drinking themselves to death... my A can and does down more than that in a day. Somehow he can still function the next day. He knows however not to look for sympathy from me if he's not feeling very well...cause it just isn't there.
NO, you are not stupid. I don't feel there is anything wrong with feeling disappointed when your A progresses downward in their disease. I also don't think there is anything wrong with any of our feelings when it comes to our A's or what the disease has done/is doing. The problems with our feelings comes when we allow those feelings to rule our lives. Dealing with feelings in a healthy way means to feel them, deal with them and then let them go. This is how I feel and think about feelings and this is what has worked for me. Our feelings are what make us human and set us apart from all the other animals.
Alcoholics often have to deal with both a psychological addiction and a physical addiction. My AH's drinking progressed to the point of have a drink with breakfast lunch and don't get me started on dinner, just to feel normal, nevermind getting a buzz. It's called cellular dependence. Their physiology actually changes to accomodate alcohol, and when it is taken away abrubtly...they withdraw. I am sorry that he is moving in a downward direction.
