The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yesterday was mine and Ah's 5th anniversary. I was worked up to have a horrible day. We were getting together to discuss things. I had to speak to my sponsor before he arrived, who shot it to me plain and simple...
"Your attitude stinks and you've decided to have a horrible day with your A. So you will. You get what you put out."
And I needed to hear that.
It's hard for me to distinguish (at this point in my program) the difference between setting reasonable boundaries and just being hostile and stubborn towards my Ah. Honestly. I don't really know how to seperate those two.
Anyways, Ah and I did make some positive progress together. And we laughed together at some points, which we haven't done in many many moons.
I was happy with him yesterday, because I purposefully made a shift in my attitude and allowed myself to be.
I understand. It's good that you could pull some happiness out. It is hard because on one hand you don't want to give them permission to "have a good time" and think they are allowed to keep drinking but then you long for that happiness so bad your willing to put it behind you sometimes. Good for you. With my ah, he yearned for happiness so much that when he did come home and it was happy he missed that SO much. So now he's realized that he'd rather have that then be miserable. So maybe showing him there is happiness there will touch him more then just being angry and "attacking" know what I mean? It worked in my case. God knows I tried everything and I mean everything I could to fight against alcohol, you name it. I did it.
Good for you for listening to your sponsor and changing things around. That's progress.