The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As you know, my beloved grandaughter I have raised since a baby left home Dec. 10th. She was not "nice" about it and it broke my heart. But, I still continued to leave the door open to keep communication open. I also have the 14 yr old grandaughter here too.
The oldest turned 18 in January, so she is considered an adult. She was keeping her grades up in school and continuing with her sports. She's a Sr this year. She has always been on the honor roll.
The past month though, I started getting calls from local businesses that she was having returned checks. I talked to her about it and told her we would still help with Sr expenses but not bad checks. I offered 3 different times to help if she wanted it. She turned me down.
Now the bad checks continue to a point of seriousness .... she is overdrawn $700 at the bank!!!!! Then I find out her grades have slipped, she is missing school, and all the teachers are greatly concerned. She has a job which requires working some nights and I guess oversleeps. She has 12 weeks before graduating .....has scholarships and grants!
I feel like I am watching her self destruct right in front of me and ............I am powerless to stop it.
My daughter, her birth mother, has started back on her down hill slide also after doing much better for several years; my other daughter, mother of the 14 yr old, seems to have no brain left; my youngest son is in prison with a 40 year sentence; my oldest son is still self medicating his bipolar......etc. etc.
Today.....one more time I find $40 missing from my purse. I had been saving that for 2 months. Either grandaughter could have taken it .... I don't know who or when but it's gone. I suspect the older one ... she won't take help when I offer it but has had no problem stealing from me in the past.
ONE MORE TIME......after much anger....tears.....and prayers.....it seems it is just God telling me again and again.....I am powerless over other people's choices ..... I have to take care of myself. How many times do I post on here telling others to take care of themselves?
God is telling me something...one more time..take care of you!!! Leave the others to me. I know it's true and sounds so easy ..... it's simple, but not easy.
That's alot for anyone to live with. I understand. It's not so much that you are taking it on or trying to fix..but we love them and just hate to see them going down that road. Am going through the same with my first Grandchild. He was placed into the system today despite our best efforts to get him some help. I can only hope that this will make him realize what he's done. It's heart wrenching. I guess all we can do is let them know we love them. The rest is up to them.
Take care, Christy
-- Edited by Christy at 22:44, 2007-02-27
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Your right! You are powerless, but only to a point. You do not have to get involved with your family members especially if they are treating you like this. It's so so sad but you will only cause yourself more heartache worrying over them. Your grand daughter is not doing so well but nothing you can do will help her, she needs to learn all by herself. Do not bail her out of her mistakes. You will only be hurting her by doing this. Good luck sweetie. Your hearts in the right place. (((((HUGS)))))
