I haven't posted on the message board in a long time, but it is a great tool to use. I'm currently unable to get into the chatroom which has become one of my main tools next to utilizing my home group and sponsor. I've been in al-anon for some time now and I never grow weary of hearing another share their es&p. I hope my posting will do the same for someone else.

I am currently sitting at home making this post while my non-A husband is taking my daughter to see her dad at their scheduled visitation. My daughter is 9 years old. She is so precious and so beautiful and I love her so dearly that it's hard for me to believe that I can't be there for her today, but I can trust my new husband, because he loves us both and I can trust God.

My daughter's dad and his family is severely affected by the disease of alcoholism and also the addiction of sexual dysfunction. It is a family disease, alcohoism and in my ex-husband's case, the family disease of incest has been passed down generation to generation. I can thank my HP today for my new husband of eight months whom I've known for two years that has chosen to fight this fight with me, so I don't have to face it alone. I am thankful that my ex-husband recognizes his addiction to child porn and is trying to get help for it and voluntarily agreed to put himself under supervised visitation in Feb. of 2004 and signed a legal document saying he turned the decision of who would supervised such visits to his daughter's mother, me. I am thankful today that after exausting my resources of pastors, 12-step recovery people, family and friends, TODAY I no longer have to have this resposiblity on my narrow shoulers.

Fortunately within the last year the House of Hope, a local organization in the state of Missouri, where I live, provides not only a refuge to battered wives, but a service to financially challeged individuals to allow the children of non-custodial parent to visit their child, without the custodial parent(me) having to be present. It is a professionally run organization, with a social service worker, a police officer, and volunteers present to help keep our kids safe. A year ago this service did not exist. I thought I was alone, much like the drinking days. I've found that I am not alone. We are never alone as long as we have an HP that is bigger than we are, and my God is.

Just for Today, I am Letting Go and Letting God protect my child, since he has allowed me to have the endurance to get this far, I can breath again.

Thanks for listening.
Java