The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last night around 6:30 my A boyfreind called from the bar. He told me he had bought gifts and told me how much he loved me. He said he would be home in half an hour. So I waited, and waited.... he didn't come home until 9am this morning. He said he had stopped by a house with a couple of guys to smoke on the way home. Said he got sick and passed out. He said he didn't mean to hurt me. He said he loves me. I do feel hurt. I don't know if I believe that he loves me. Is it possible that he could do these things and really love me? He gave me the gifts this morning. I told him the one thing I really wanted was to be with him last night. I feel that he chose somthing else over me.
Sorry you had a bad valentines day. Not the first time I would expect, and likely not the last. This is a great place, and a great bunch of people who know and understand, and who have been through similar situations, some better, some worse. Glad you're here, keep coming back.
sorry to say, he did choose something over you and as long as he is using, he always will.
So he loves you, is this how you want to be loved? Do you deserve to be treated so disrespectfully?
My mother warned me about my A when he was my boyfriend. I should have listened. He basically allowed his disease to ruin my life.
It is up to you to set boundaries. You know what you want out of life. An A who is using has a terrible disease controlling them. You will never be first in his life, never. If he goes into recovery and has a plan going to follow, that will be first. It has to be for him to be ok.
He will never be cured.
I would concentrate on what I wanted. If he is already missing important things and you are just boyfriend and girlfriend, I guarentee it can only get worse.
I am so glad you are here. Alanon can teach you tools that will help you have such a better life.
Dear Fuzz - I have learned to not set myself for the disappointments any more. I don't expect ANYTHING from my AH. I don't even allow myself to expect him to screw up again. He has in the past and I am sure he will in the future. It is the nature of an addictive personality. I try to concentrate on each day, each minute in each day. I make my plans for me and the kids. I leave room in my plans for my AH in case he wants to be involved. And if I make plans that directly involve him, I am sure that they won't be ruined in case he is a no show.
Alternatives. Plan B and Plan C too.
If my AH tells me he is going to do something, well, I don't believe it until I see it. Ya know. I don't wait up for him to come home. I don't cook meals that accommodate him specifically.....I make dinner for me & the kids and if he is there to enjoy it w/us, then there is always plenty to go around...if he doesn't eat w/us, well, that is just more for me & the kids. :)....and if we don't eat it all by ourselves and don't want the left overs the next day, our doggy sure does enjoy it. :)
Seeing is believing as they say. And that is the way I live. My AH may say he is going to do something but then the addiction takes over & he disappears for days and days or the addiction takes over & he can't get motivated to do a dang thing. So live for yourself. Take care of yourself. Allow yourself to enjoy life w/out depending on your A to bring you happiness or sorrow. You are worth so much and deserve so much. Now go out and get what you deserve.....HAPPINESS!!
