The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I don't know what happened, nothing exactly, just minding my own business, thinking about some things...past things...not so good things...all the things I never forgave or forgot. Then I combined those with new not so good things...and BOOM! Only I didn't go boom I just held it all in and gritted my teeth untill little tears wanted to squeeze out of my eyes and I gave myself a headache and maybe a peptic ulcer. Can't say anything to the A, not even a word, or they will go BOOM way worse than me. Why am I so angry? I want to call someone I don't know and pay them, maybe $3.99 a minute and just yell all the dirty rotten filthy words I know at them. Or I could take all the bottles on the back porch and throw them at a concrete wall one by one untill the police came and then I really would clean it all up. Ok, feeling a little better now. Anger is just one of those things I guess. I don't want to be so angry, I want it to go away. Thanks Jamie
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
What you're doing is called stuffing your feelings. It's actually a very dangerous thing to do, emotionally as well as physically. Please pick up a paper and pen and let it all out. You could also go into a place to be alone...bathroom, get a tape recorder record yourself yelling, saying whatever comes into your head, letting your brain lead. Then after you have 'let it out' you will feel much better. When you're not feeling angry anymore, or when you're feeling a bit more sane, listen to the tape, you'll be shocked and you'll learn far more about yourself. You will listen to things that you never remembered you said. It might help you get in touch with what's really going on. Just a thought.
There's a great story in The Dilemma of the Alcholic Marriage, one of the Alanon books, which I really appreciate for its approach to anger, and I thought it might be useful to you. The woman sharing her ES&H says that when she got angry at her AH she would go out into the yard, and dig up the dirt. As she dug up the dirt, she would imagine that she was burying her AH (I was a little shocked at this--aren't we supposed to nice at all times LOL--but I remind myself this was purely imaginary on her part). Eventually the soil in her yard was so well turned and cultivated that she decided to plant a garden. Now that she no could no longer use digging to bury her AH/anger, she used pulling weeds instead. Whenever she got angry, she would go to the yard and pull the weeds and imagine that she was pulling out a hair in his head for each thing she was angry at. By the end of the summer, she was bringing in huge beautiful boquets of her rage to her Alanon meetings. LOL.
Reading this story taught me ALOT about the creative ways of the Alanon program. It showed me that what's important is that we express our anger. Sometimes that means expressing it directly. However, it can also mean finding a way to release the toxic levels of anger through physical hard work and in a way that is gratifying and leads to fruitful results. I don't have a yard to dig up, but I am exploring other physical ways to release anger including writing letters, exercise, etc. My wish for you is that you find a way that works for you and that is not destructive to release all of your very legitimate anger.
Finally, One other story shared in the dilemma for expressing anger was a woman who each morning in her shower, cursed up a storm until she felt better and was clean both inside and out .
My solution to letting out my anger......getting boxing gloves and one of those hanging "punching bags". With each punch of that bag I release bits of that anger until it is all gone. It's also great for toning up the upper body.
There are lots of solutions for releasing anger but "stuffing it inside" where it can just keep festering isn't a good solution at all. Put your favorite dancing music on and dance that anger away, take a brisk walk until you've walked that anger away. For each individual there are different solutions for releasing anger......find one that works for you.
Jamie, It's okay to be angry. I know your anger... it is probably so deep, you didn't even know you could be that angry. That was mine, anyway.
First, you have to let yourself have it. It's okay, feel it, don't try to not be angry. That won't work. Find a good healthy way to express it... In the yard, at the gym, in the shower, alone in the car, whatever. Letting it build is not good for you.
ANGER - I suffer from loads of bottled up anger also. When I was a teenager and got angry with my parents (as all teenagers do at times), I would go to the YMCA where I lifeguarded and swim, swim, swim. When I would first start out, you could see the anger in my stroke as I practically PUNCHED the water. After about a mile, my strokes would be more calm and smooth. Then by the time I finished up the third mile, I was exhausted and feeling much better inside.
Now I don't have access to a pool any more and for the last year, found that walking on my treadmill or even just through the neighborhood was a great anger releaser. I put on my headphones and an energetic dance CD, and boogie & walk my anger out.
Currently, my treadmill is in storage due to moving and it is too dang cold outside for a walk. So I have to settle with sitting in the shower and soaking/steaming my anger out. Every once in a while I bury my head in my pillow and give a good scream. I have been known to sit in my car & scream or if I am alone at the office, give a good scream.
Find a good outlet for your anger and make the most out of it. :) Good Luck! Sincerely, QOD
You don't have to pay us $3.99 a minute - we will listen - watch %&$() ()()&*%$ that &*(^*^&%$ can just ()*()&$#%^ and (&*$#@#&*
see I feel much better - don't you?????
Again - feelings are neither the good, the bad or the ugly - it how we react to them that can cause unhealthy things. When you feel angry, feel the feeling - I have had a week of feeling angry & not apologized once for feeling it. You can journal it, write some Kiss Off letters (then burn the letters if you would like), scrub the floors, fluff the pillows, beat the rugs, draw a picture of the person you are angry with & throw some darts at it, whatever helps you deal with those feelings.
Usually, after I get thru the anger, then comes the hurt, the fear and then the sadness. So, anger is just the start of the emotions that I am about to start working thru. I know if today I'm in anger in a day or so, I'm going to be working thru some sadness & then need some alone time to pamper me - to give me some self-care, to allow my wounds to heal.
Hope that you are able to take care of your emotions today,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Yeah, thanks, those are all great ideas. I felt better as soon as I started o write about it, but I sill went to bed with a headache and feeling kinda sick, a feeling that carried over to today. I guess I really wanted to hear someone say that I was right to feel angry. When the kids came home I was still mad and if they argued or did anything loud my first instict was to yell at them. I would cover up my ears and beg them to be quiet, it took so much control. That is alot like how my mother acted, and even now she gets very irritable, red faced and will yell and cover her ears if the kids are loud. One day I realized how strange it was that a mother of five couldn't tolerate loud noises. I never thought I would have anger issues, I grew up very mild tempered. That stress, it's a killer. Thanks for the ESH! Jamie
-- Edited by RainyJamie at 17:28, 2007-02-16
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
((((((rainy jamie)))))) Journaling is always a great idea and your post reminded me that I need to journal more. When I do journal, I use the computer and pound hard on the keys. I journal on my word processor so I can say whatever comes to my mind. The angrier I am, the faster and harder I type - seems to help!
Anger has actually worked for me in some positive ways. When my first husband left me with a brand new baby and an 8-year-old, I can look back and see how my anger gave me the courage to do what I needed to protect myself and my children. My anger gave me energy that I needed to counteract my depression.
When I get angry now, I try to think: "Now, how can I channel this anger in a positive way?" I usually take a walk - it's amazing how fast I can walk if I'm angry.
Anger is a normal emotion and when it's channeled in a positive way, it can help you and doesn't have to hurt anyone else. You're in my prayers - I'm sorry you have to go through this.
It is physically dangerous to hold those feelings of anger in. It is not a terrible thing to be angry. It IS a terrible thing to suffer the consequences that pent-up anger can cause. Get in your car, drive to a place where no one is around. Scream, curse, cry, yell, and carry on until the anger passes.
Anyone who tells you, me, or anyone else to stifle anger is wrong, and you may end up DEAD wrong if you do it. Of course there are ways to successfully deal with anger, resentment, and frustration. We all know that. But in the meantime a good cry does wonders for your mind and your heart.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
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