The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, I guess I just need to vent here. My A b/f FINALLY found a job about 3 weeks ago. Not much - only making about $10. an hour (not really good with the high cost of living where we are but at least it's something for now). Of course it took me kicking him in the butt to do it. We've got the lowest unemployment rate in the US so it's not hard to find a job here - unless you don't want to. He spent pretty much all the money that he had in his account. In fact he bounced a check at the grocery store buying booze. So I used my paypal account to put money in his checking to cover the overdraft (his bank is out of state so that was the easiest way). And I gave him some cash to pay for parking so he could work. He ended up using some of the cash to buy booze. Then when he realized there was a little bit of money in his checking now he used that to write checks for booze the past two days.
He's actually been doing a little better (by his terms). At least he isn't downing a fifth a day. but he IS drinking pretty much every day that he is off - even sometimes when he isn't. I'm just really disgusted with things right now. I'm making sacrifices to help him out until he starts getting his pay checks and he still has to go out and buy booze. I want to help him to get his life back in order and do something with himself. I know that I've been a positive influence but I just am so sick of this. I have all this work to do at night and I end up staring at a blank computer screen and doing nothing.
I keep thinking that maybe I'm just enabling him by helping him out like this. I told him that I was going to take his paycheck tomorrow and give him just enough money for gas and parking. He owes me way more money than he is going to get with one paycheck. And I'm depleting my extra emergency money by paying all the bills and everything else. I'm a single parent so I don't feel real comfortable doing that.
And I asked him to do a load of clothes today because he needs a clean uniform for work. He started it this morning and is just now putting it in the dryer. It's been sitting for at least 6 hours - I can only imagine how bad the clothes smell. Now he's talking about doing something for valentine's day. Right. He has no money and he's drunk. I don't even want to BE around him let alone be out in public with him.
I just keep thinking about how much better my life would be if he were gone. I even talked to someone about having his stuff shipped back to his dad's house. I just don't want to deal with wondering how shit-faced he's gonna be on any given day that he doesn't work. And then having to deal with him when he IS drunk. And I'm not sure he's really any better on the days that he doesn't drink. He pretty much sleeps all day on those days. Sometimes barely getting up in time to get to work. Ugh!! I'm just not doing very well at dealing with this and distancing my self from this dysfunction.
One of my friends send me an e-mail the other day - I just saw her for the first time in months. She asked me if I was happy and I couldn't even answer her. She's one of those people who just senses how people are feeling so I know that she knows.
Anyway, just venting because I have no one else that I feel like opening up to.
Well, you've come to the right place hon and I'm glad you're here. Please read as many of the posts as you can, and I'm sure you will recognize quickly that you are not alone.
I am so sorry you are going through this and I hope you will keep coming back. This is a family who will love you and encourage you through it all.
I hope you will check your area for any face to face (f2f) al-anon meetings and find as much information on al-anon as you can and read it often.
I am sorry your life is being complicated by addiction. Since yo are not married, I would encourage you to think hard about your future. As Dr. Phil says, "the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior." Sobriety is not the utopia we all hope it will be. Character flaws are character flaws. However, you can take care of yourself no matter what. Learn about the program, go to meetings, keep coming back. Good Luck!
I think we all need a plan a, plan b, and so forth. We think that we have no choices but we do. In Alanon they tell us that we shouldn't give advice only our experience, strength and hope. You don't have to feel guilty about not wanting to be with him. You don't seem to be getting alot in return. Keep coming back!
I can empathise greatly. The A I live with spent a month sitting around playing video games this Christmas. He felt sorry for himself. Now his bills are huge and he wants me to help him again. I am not in any position to.
I bust my butt in January to pay certain bills. Does he appreciate it? Not one bit. He is so totally self enclosed in his alcoholic bubble.
I feel for you but I also urge you not to make any drastic decicisions for a while. Let Al anon in and let the program affect you. Then you won't act rashly. Al anon suggests mean what you say but don't say it mean. When you are encompassed in the alcoholic bubble its hard to do that.
