The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As some of you may know, my kids and I decided my A wife could not come home...too much damage has been done. She is in a recovery village down in Fla, and is working her program. I am quite encouraged with her progress. Life without her has been for the most part very good ...my kids agree...but today is valentine's day, and she has been my sweetheart since 1980. I'm just feeling a little low about things today. God, I hate alcoholism. It has destroyed my family. Thanks for letting me vent.
For no other reason than you care you can send her some flowers or something else that shows you are a caring person. It will make you feel better and who knows what it will do for the other person's recovery. They respond to kindness also. It doesn't mean that you have changed your mind about anything (although people do for time and reasons) it means that you are a loving, caring person and are acting in like manner. Of course I am a lover of the blues and use to prefer singing them until the next meeting. So you love an alcoholic is a great recovery pamphlet and I'll bet there is a meeting close by that has one. If you don't have the price they usually give it for free.
i really like Jerry's idea -- in fact, i have bought wife and MiL chocolates -- not for them, nearly, as it is that i need to keep up with how i define myself. that i wouldn't want them to feel unloved in the midst of the current crisis in my house.
keep coming back, my friend cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
I'm sorry you are having the blues. I am too, but my A is sober...Go figure. Actually, this Valentine's day has not been as bad as in the past. I had already acknowledged that it would be the same as all the others, and had decided I didn't care, I was going to have a great normal everyday-kinda day. But he surprised me with a nice card and gift this morning (a ceramic travel coffee mug from a little coffee shop on his walking route through town).
I liked Jerry's idea about the flowers. Heck, even get yourself some fresh flowers!
Some days are better than others. I am sure it is hard to be at home dealing with all the stuff. One of my pet resentments against the A is he is not supportive. I have stopped looking for him to be.
One of my core defects is to go the butchers to buy sugar as we say. The A I live with is not going to be emotionally supportive. He was briefly at the start of our relationship. Since then its been like a star now and again but that's it.
I have had to learn to go elsewhere for emotional support. I work on the emotional support part. For me personally I can see how the A was an alcoholic long before I met him so I can't say he's destroyed our relationship. I had my part in it too through over reacting. And sometimes I wonder whether what I thought was the relationship was my fantasy and dysfunction too. I'd hardly call it healthy. I've had to totally re-evaluate our relationship in terms of what I thought it was, what I fantasied it was and what I craved it to be.
Sorry you're having a terrible valentines day. Alcoholism may have destroyed your marriage, but I sure hope it hasn't destroyed your family. You and your kids sound like you will be okay...one day at a time.
I hear you. My family was so important to me. My AHsober moved out after 30 years of marriage. Gone are the dreams of happy Christmases, watching our sons graduate and marry, sitting there together, the proud parents. My dream, the disease took it. I am learning to walk thru the pain and create new dreams. As I have learned here, my AHsober has a right to his disease and his life.
