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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> My Husband
Post Info TOPIC: My Husband
Brenda


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My Husband
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I believe my husband is an alcoholic.  He usually goes out with friends for a few hours on Wednesday nights and then plays cards at a friend's house every Friday.  On those occasions, he calls me and I pick him up so that he will get home safely.  This past week, both Wednesday and Friday, he drove home drunk.  We talked and he admitted he was being stupid but didn't want to impose on me again.  I have never complained about picking him up.

Saturday night, I was going out with a friend...a pretty rare occurance.  He was to be my safe ride home.  He played cards at her house with her husband and some others and was not going to drink.  Once we got out, I wasn't feeling well, so I only had a few drinks at the beginning of the evening.  We stayed out and danced and once we got back to her house, my husband was completely trashed.  I left him there and went home.  He kept calling, so I eventually went to pick him up.  Somehow, me leaving him there made me the bad person and he even threatened to pack his crap and leave because I "abandoned" him.

He has since gotten over it, but I haven't.  Things are going along pretty normally because I know that talking about it or nagging him isn't going to make a difference.  My question is, what happens when he goes out the next time and calls me to pick him up?  Should I?  I'm torn because he obviously could have cared less if I made it home safely, but I also don't want him hurting himself or anyone else.  A DUI would be a welcome thing though.  We also have 2 teenage children, for what that's worth. 

Any help would be appreciated.  Thanks in advance.

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Rita G


~*Service Worker*~

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((Brenda))

Welcome to the MIP family.  I am glad you had the courage to find this site & to post your story.  I hope that you will continue to reach out for help, read the other post, possibly attend some meetings {on-line or face to face (f2f)}, and read some recovery literature. 
This is what helps me deal with the affects of alcoholism/addiction.

As for picking your husband up from a friends house - that's about you, dear.  What do you want?  Would you rather pick him up?  Do you mind getting up in the middle of the night to go get him?  If you don't want to do this anymore, then possibly you could discuss this with him, prior to the time.  This the program calls setting boundaries.  For instance, "I am uncomfortable with getting up in the night to drive you home, if you are unable to drive home, you will need to make other arrangements - I am not available." 

Brenda, please know that I am not telling you what to do - these are only suggestions - I do not know all the circumstances of your life - so therefore I can't know what is best for you - That is why we suggest the other resources like meetings, literature, sponsors, and reading the post here to seek out information to be able to decide what is best for ourselves.

I hope that you will continue your search for a life that is happy, joyous & free - You deserve it.

Rita

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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK - teamwork.gif
Tiger2006


~*Service Worker*~

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 For one, dear, you are under no obligation to bring him home. If he's got the cash to gamble and play cards with, call him a cab and have him ride home via YellowCab. You deserve a life. Babysitting the disease of alcholism isn't it.
 For another, you are more than welcome to come to al anon. I hope you do. Your husband's drinking is his problem, but the way it impacts your life is yours. That you don't have money for food, that he isn't around to be your husband, that he speaks to you however he does--that's something we can help you with. Your husband's drinking, we can't. 
 If you're interested in learning how to have a happy, joyful, energy filled life no matter how much he drinks, I suggest in addition to this website you go to www.al-anonalateen.org and look up the meeting scedule most local to you. The people at the meetings will be able to help you gain a prospective on life that you only dreamed of.

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maresie2


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1718
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Well I can't tell you what to do. When I first came to Al anon the A I live with was out on one of his runs.  I used to feel so caught and fearful when he was out. That night I gave it to HP.

That was one day.  365 days later its easier. I can't say it will ever be a piece of cake. I live with an A. He may not drink at the moment but he is not in recovery and he is not sober.

No one here can tell you do x, y z. You can find your own way, your own decisions but you can use the tools of the program and you can over time hear what others did and how they fared and learn other ways to be.

Maresie.

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maresie
Brenda


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Posts: 2
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Thank you for the quick replies.  I am checking into Al anon for my daughter and I.  My son isn't quite comfortable with the idea, but maybe he'll come around.  It's comforting to know that I have others to turn to who have been through this before.  Again, thank you!!



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