The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I turned in my questionaire paperwork yesterday to obtain a separation from my AH. They told me it could take 2-3 weeks to get the formal ones back. I was like "Whoa!" I didn't want to wait that long. Turns out I didn't have to. they called me this morning and told me they were ready. WOW!! was all I could say. The receptionist at the law office was even surprised that they were done so fast.
I was a little bit confused on how this all works in VA. But I think I have it cleared up now. Basically we have to live separately for one year b/c we have children. After one year, the separation agreement is filed with the court in a request for divorce. They don't officially file anything with the court until after that one year...so nothing is legally official, which totally bites. But hey, it is the law.
So now I have 3 copies of this agreement they drafted for me. My AH and I have to go to a notoray and sign all 3 copies. One for him, one for me and one for the lawyer. I don't even turn those in until I am ready to proceed w/the divorce, which can't happen until 1 year has passed. BLAH.
I fully intend on getting those signatures from my AH as soon as he returns from this dag on binge. It has been 12 days already and considering he has done cash advances today, I don't think he'll show up today or tomorrow either. He has about $1200 of credit left between his 2 credit cards. So he should turn up over the next week....or so I'd assume.
Ya know, I cannot even get him for desertion or abandonment until he has been gone for one whole year. That is grounds for immediate divorce in VA but oh well. I reckon I am jumping ahead of myself.
Ok....time to check out and go home. Thanks for listening.
I'm thinking it would be hard to "reel him in" just to "turn him loose" again...part of the reason he may be MIA is he knows what's coming down the pike. Would it be possible to get all the parts you can done, turned in and then whatever, when he shows up, jump him?
Well a year is a year. I have been here a year it went by pretty quickly. I think it is in progress that is the good thing.
I don't think I can say when someone on a binge is going to surface. Obviously this is a bottom for him of sorts. Some people get really sane after their bottom for some its just a plateau.
I have only just started my plan b. For me there are many parts to it the financial part, I did an important part of that in January. I also had an emotional part of it. I also have serious logistical parts. I don't set time limits on it. I just keep working on those parts. I know I get great great solace out of having a plan b. In fact sometimes when I used to be totally on overwhem with the A's behavior I just chant to myself plan b, plan b, plan b. That helps.
I hope you have a plan b in mind for yourself. A friend here challenged me on that I needed a whole emotional plan b and I am working on that. I know I need a whole lot of support around lots of issues. I used to when I was sabataging myself look to the A for emotional support then get totally frustrated and feel abandoned when he didn't come through. Now I don't go to the butchers to buy bread anymore but I do look for better emotional support and I think about that need as being valid.
Girl I am right there with ya. half way thru my year and in civilized places the divorce would have been final months ago. I guess u just gotta work with what u got where u r. Frustrating as that is.
