I have not been posting much because (a) I did not have the internet at home (the A allowed the service to be cut off. For me that used to be a sticking point. I would go "off" on the  a when it was down. This time I did not and it was pretty hard to manage the resentments and the difficulty of using the internet in other places. I have to say I really missed all of you tremendously.  At the same time (while I don't appreciate the A's cavalier attitude towards it, it was great for me to not over react and take care of myself (something I am sadly lacking in experience with).  (b) I had the flu.  I had a really bad case and had to just stop and take care of myself.  I wanted to martyr and really feel like life was terrible for me but circumstances permitted that I just take off and sleep.  I did that and have much work to do on taking better care of myself physically and mentally.  I am also in a new job and have to spend quite a bit of time there (although I really don't have the hours I need to save money and more).  I am finding a lot coming up.  As I am working I have not been able to go to therapy (I was going to a low fee option duirng the day) and I have to work on other options which is a real obstacle to overcome.  I've also been working pretty hard on certain milestones in my long plan b and made them but now I have to work on the next phase.  I don't set time limits for myself anymore I just set goals.  I try to accomplish those goals and keep working on what do I need to do next and what else is up for me.

I'm pleased with my progress and for once I am not beating myself up with any stick about shoulda coulda wouldaing.

Maresie.