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Ok - so as of this morning....my AH has been gone for one solid week. Off smoking his crack, probably feeling sorry for himself. Boo hoo. Yea right!
I know he is alive for 2 reasons.....I can track his credit card cash advances to know he is still withdrawing money. AND he called his sister last night and told her that he was so messed up....he is a drug addict....blah blah blah. He said that he would be going to his stepdad's house in the next day or two to straighten up before coming home.
I talked to his step dad last night before finding this bit of info out. He said the my AH could stay with him as long as he was getting help for his addictions & problems. He said that if my AH didn't want to get help or continue w/the help then he would have to move on. So that is good. I told him that I didn't want my AH coming home .... that I am going forward w/the separation and all I need is for him to sign the papers, collect his bills and his clothes. I don't want to end things on a bad note...we have 2 kids and it is important to me that he stays active in their lives (as long as he is clean). And I do still love him....just not the way I used to.
So that is my latest. Thanks to all who have offered experience and advice for all of my many questions. (((MIP Family)))
Sounds like you have some very healthy boundaries set for you & your children - good for you!!!! Keep hanging in there - hope that this weekend is peaceful for you - please give yourself the extra care, love, and attention you need to take care of yourself.
Sending you good thoughts & prayers for peace, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
There's a pattern emerging here. One of obsession. Why are you tracking his credit cards? Why are you quasi stalking him? He's the one that ran out on you. He's the one that left. And yet you're obsessing and losing time on what he's not doing, which is being sober, being a father, being a husband, et cet et cet. Why? What are you supposed to be doing? What are you, at this moment supposed to be doing, and why aren't you doing it? Why are you so focused on him that you have to check online reciepts of MasterCard to tell yourself what you already know to be true? Why have you allowed your identity to be based on what he is and isn't? And how are your children doing? Right now, their mother is persona non grata mentia. She's acting as if she's there, but she's not. You really need to pull it together and get a grip. Their father's left them, too. Everyone's hurting. And you're thinking that psuedo stalking's gonna get him to his bottom faster? Please! Right now, these kids are at a loss-what are their teachers saying? What are their friends saying? What do they say to their friends? How do they say anything at all? Should they bring friends over--or will daddy come home tonight? And lets not forget this is the SECOND time he's done this! Remember how it feels to be left the FIRST TIME? It's happenining again! And your kids are blaming themselves, you, the sky, God, school....anything but Dad. Dad's okay. He'll be okay as long as he comes home. STOP obsessing about your husband. STOP tracking his credit cards. LIVE in the solution. DO the next right thing. START now!
ignore that your doing great!, you have been doing things just fine. I don't think you have been obsessing, keep protecting your interest and you kids. You got boundaries of steel, we will all get together and work on our buns later.
From someone who knows the whole story!
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
Thanks to all for the "positive" posts. I really do greatly appreciate them. I love my MIP family and I don't think I could have made it for the past year without y'alls love and positive re-inforcement. Ya know, I read the posts on this board and see how much we lift each other up, encourage each other to work the program, to heal. And that helps me do just that.
Tiger - i just have to say a few things - I know that your post are usually from a different point of view & that can be good - that can help us all look at every angle of an issue, i mean no disrespect when i say this, but i do feel that because someone looked at a credit card statement doesn't mean they aren't being the parent that their children need. Ten minutes on a computer account doesn't mean there is neglect going on.
We are all trying to do the best we can with what we have - with the over whelming sense of responsibility that most of us have - I'm sure that QOD is making sure the kids are taking care of.
I know you are not the soft mushy type - you are very direct & straight forward - that is a great quality in you - some of which I would probably do better if I had, but in this case just my opinion (take what you like & leave the rest) telling a Mom to stop stalking her H & take care of her kids might have been a little on the rough side.
Not trying to hijack a post -just expressing my feelings which I know Tiger was too - that is your way of expressing care about the kids' well being -
QOD - please contine to take care of you & your family.
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
