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Post Info TOPIC: Ongoing Miracles


Senior Member

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Posts: 472
Date:
Ongoing Miracles


My granddaughter is grounded again.... LOL.  It's because she's becoming a teenager, and her parents are setting boundaries... consequences.  I watch this in amazement.

I grew up with an alcoholic father and a codependent mother.  My father was not a violent person - not really even verbally.  He could be sarcastic and caustic at times, but he wasn't a raging lunatic who would rip you apart.  He just wasn't present... I almost look at him as kind of a non-factor in my upbringing.

My mother rarely dealt out a punishment.  Lots of threats, lots of pleading.  But in the end, it was all bark and no bite.  I really had to discipline myself.  I got away with a lot, it seems, but nothing truly horrible.  I could have gotten away with more, but maybe I was old enough to know how much I was on my own.

Then my daughter grows up with a stepparent (me) who feels pretty powerless.  I don't make the rules, and don't even enforce them.  My ex made the rules, and enforced them only long enough to get her point across, which was usually measured in minutes.  She becames a wild child at age 12.  She has too many years of unsupervised mayhem, without a lot of consequences.  Then she has her own child at 21, and within a little over a year, her life came down on her - she had her moment of clarity.  

When I see my daughter and her husband as parents - they don't act in anger.  They have some kind of a consistent vision and guidelines.  If those guidelines are broken, there are consequences.  No anger.  I could never discipline a child.  I had a tendency to let them get away with anything until it truly made me angry, then I acted in anger - yelling, generally feeling violated.  I was such a nice guy, I never "made" the kids be a certain way, but when they violated my trust, it made me angry and feel like a failure.  And I did nothing.  It was a cycle.

Then I look at this woman whom I once called a child, and see the parent she has become.  And I am amazed.  Where did that come from?  Certainly not from me!  Her program?  Her education?  Sanity?  I don't know.  I'm just amazed.  I have told my granddaughter that she has great parents... that I could never have the will to say no to her.  And when she's grounded, I'm grounded LOL... it means we can't go to the movies or go shopping on Sunday.  And I miss her then.  But I'm not angry, and she's not angry, and her parents aren't angry.  It's just life.  It's learning.  It's growing up, for all of us.

I have so little to do with this miracle, my part can't even be measured.  My part is that I stay sober myself, so I can continue to witness this miracle, be a part of their lives as the softie grandpa who can't say no, but mom knows that too.  I don't even have the ability to provide financial help anymore, which is good because they don't really need it... LOL.    

If this is my legacy as a parent, I can't complain.  They survived and thrived.  If I claim no credit and deserve no credit, so be it.  But at least I did no harm.  I don't know what's good for me, or for anyone else.  I don't regret a single thing - because if even the smallest of details of my past with my kids were to be altered, things might not be the way they are... I might not have this granddaughter that teaches me how to love unconditionally.  I talk to her about things sometimes, as if I'm an authority on this or that, then I look at her and in her eyes, I realize she already knows most of the important things.  Better than I do.  It makes me feel very humble.  And grateful.

Barisax



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Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 465
Date:

Ahhhh Barisax,

The wonder of Grandchildren.

Haave a good rest of the day.

Doxie



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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1371
Date:

Barisax,

What a great family there.  Enjoy every minute of it.... when you get ungrounded of course... LOL

For whatever you think of your influence on your own children.... you can bet they learned much from you.  I refer to my Father as my ASober Father all the time in these rooms, but he was a huge influence on me, and now that he is 20 years sober... a good friend.

We went to the car show together this past weekend and he was like a little kid.  Even "crawled under" one of the cars on display.  Just scooted right under the rope barrier.

You are a good man and I am so glad to hear you are so involved in your grandkids lives.  That is a blessing for you both.

Take care of you!



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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 260
Date:

barisax,

thankyou for sharing.

i am deeply touched.

blessings,

jewely



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