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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> The nightmare...
Post Info TOPIC: The nightmare...
rtexas


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(((((Everyone)))))

My AW asked me today, " ...how do you live with yourself when I just have to leave and go back to that apartment instead of staying here with my family..." 

I asked here if she means how do I feel inside about this whole situation.  When she said yes... I thought about it for a moment.  I asked if she had in our 20 years together ever seen me having a nightmare at night?  She of course said yes.

What did you do?  Did you wake me up?  She said sure she did.  Well, I feel like I have caught you having a nightmare, and not matter what I do, I can't get you to wake up.  Until you wake up on your own, you are stuck in the nightmare.

I was in the nightmare with you and I woke up somehow.... my heart is still racing, I can't catch my breath, but I know now it was a nightmare and I am trying to calm down from it.

I want us to live our lives together more than almost anything, but you alone know what to do in order for that to even have a chance.  This has nothing to do with love... I will always love you.

I don't know if it made sense... but it was all I could think of at the time. 

My prayers are with you all...

Take care of you!



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Jerry F


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Aloha rt...

Good share.  Good program response.  Who said an alcoholic can't think?  Hopefully she will take the time to look at the conversation you had and self reflect and then; hopefully seek help for herself.

Thanks and (((((hugs)))))

ps.  Nightmares were also one of my reactions to the insanity I lived in and with.  Hope you are free from them.  I did learn alot about myself by inventoring them and no longer have them as often or as severe as I use to, thank God.   They ain't real just the way my subconscious presents the reality of my fears.



-- Edited by Jerry F at 20:10, 2007-01-21

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BlueCloud


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Dear RTexas,

I was so moved by your response to your wife!

I love how she was potentially asking you a "loaded question" and yet you answered it seriously and earnestly.

And, the waking up from a nightmare, is a perfect metaphor for lives with our As. This story has really helped me a great deal with my own situation. Thank you!

BLueCloud



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david62


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((((R))))

That was an absolutely wonderful response.

Makes perfect sense to me, and I am sure it does to you too. Whether or not the disease allows her to understand it...shrug!

Great job of not taking the bait and answering her with love.

David



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doxie


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wonderful response and way to work your program.

Stay strong.

Doxie



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CJ


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Brother, do you have copyrights on that response?

beautiful, sad, truth
cj



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jewely


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''my prayers are with you all...''

and,

mine are with you rtexas.

thank you for sharing this wonderful post.

blessings,

jewely



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AndiLynn


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Great reply!

 

Andi



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Andi
carosie


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(((rtexas)))

Your response was awesome.  You are right.  We do live in a nightmare....alanon helps us wake up from that nightmare.  I never thought about it that way before...but that is what I felt too.  Keep taking care of you...you're doing a good job.

 

your friend in recovery,

rosie 



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twinmom2


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(((RT)))

I think you explained how you felt perfectly to your AW.  It was a great analogy and one that she can hopefully identify with.  For me it didn't matter if I was awake or dreaming.  I was just shook up all the time.  I'm glad those days are few and farther between now.  Keep your eye on the prize, your recovery.

Peace,

Twinmom~



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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
QOD


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AMAZING RTEXAS!  I wish I could come up with responses like that.  In fact, I wish my AH would just talk to me.  But he doesn't.  He shuts me out usually.  And all I feel like I can say to him is that I love him and that he is not alone even though he feels lonely.  He shuts me out and always has.  Maybe I will remember some of what you said when and if I am approached with such a question.  More than likely I will only say my standard....I love you. I am here for you. You are not alone.  It just hasn't been good enough up to this point and probably will never be.

Thanks for the inspiring story.

Sincerely,

QOD



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Becky1


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((((((Rtexas)))

Beautifully put, as usual.  You sure have a way with words.

I am constantly amazed at your posts, how you detach with love. 

Keep working your program, you show wonderful strength, even tho you may not feel it at times.  And you give us all who read your posts strength, too.

Oh, if love was only the answer, NONE of our A's would have the disease they have.  I will love mine forever also.

Love in Recovery,

Becky1



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aunitedway


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((((((((rtexas))))))))  just want to give ya a (((((BiGHuG)))

Your posts always affect me... emotionally.    I feel the same about this being like a nightmare that we can't seem to wake up from.  I love my AH but so hate the disease.

Your strength is an inspiration...... inspiration that fuels me (and others) to continue with our/my program.  To Let Go and Let God. To keep coming back to Alanon... that  I know I am not alone with this.  Thank you my friend.  Thanks for posting.

 Stay strong (workitworkitworkit) Keep Looking uP 



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