Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

One thing that keeps coming back to the forefront of my mind is how I teach others to treat me. The biggest thing I ask myself is what would I say to my best friend if she came to me telling me the same story? Since finding Alanon it is easier to be gentle with myself and ask harder questions in terms of if thi...

SoLost · SoLost

WOW. I've been on the receiving end of my AH's anger before (not physically, just emotionally and verbally) but DANG, he's on a new level this weekend. Maybe it's because he can't drink and he knows it. He's on his last leg at work and his oldest child refuses to even speak to him since he missed her bir...

PosiesandPuppies · PosiesandPuppies

My AH is still actively drinking. Not pass out drunk anymore, but the kind where he tries to hide it, all the while promising he will get help. He never follows through on that. I have moved on to ACCEPTANCE, b/c I have to.But because of his continued usage, he health is deteriorating. He has some decent...

hotrod · hotrod

The ODA T reading for April 9 talks about being in a crisis that lasts for what seems like an eternity. When we are involved with these difficult experiences, we can find no escape and the problem occupies our thoughts continually. This is the time that we must remind ourselves that we need to recal...

makebelieve11 · makebelieve11

So this weekend, hubby and I need to call the A (hubby's brother) and the A's fiancee and let them both know very clearly that we will not be paying A's bills, handling his paperwork, finding new housing for him, or all the other myriad things that A has chosen not to take care of while he drinks and gambles...

lookingup · lookingup

ive heard a lot of folks talking about being sick all the time around my town,with upper respiratory infections,stomach problems. same with me,now it's eco me a concern of mine, i live in a small town,old house. a year ago,a man had to go up into my attic,(very small crawl space), when he came down he imm...

Junenine · Junenine

in despair. my partner/fiance has been sober 5 months. yesterday he broke into my phone and read my journal. we've been down this road before. previously he broke into my computer, put in spyware, altered my contacts, then wrote to my ex boyfriend to try to replace some information he had deleted. he w...

MissM · MissM

I had the most ridiculous conversation with my drunk mother. When she dies, she wants champagne and flowers and she doesn't ever want to be buried with the spiders and the slimy things and yuk. Then she spoke of my death like it's going to happen next week. She asked me to plan my tombstone. What do I want i...

VickiR · VickiR

I am asking for help here, I have seen messages from other members talking about minimizing the terrible financial toll of an alcoholic spouse and I need some guidance! My husband has been out of control with money for a while - pretty sure he is racking up a personal line of credit at the moment. Is it w...

Marie71 · Marie71

Last Staurday, the people I live with went to a wedding. As some of you know the husband's mom lives here and has dementia. In lieu of rent I take care of her while they are gone out to work, dinner, etc. The wedding was at 5. But that morning, they both got up showered and got ready and the woman informed me...

Bon17 · Bon17

This is my first time posting. I've only been to 2 meetings, but I could immediately tell I was in the right place. My 32 year old brother and my father are both alcoholics. My brother lives with my parents (major enablers) and recently I've been working on my own boundaries - taking more space from them....

Iamhere · Iamhere

Today's reading discusses humor, expectations and right-sizing our life and recovery. It gives an example of a member anticipating speaking at a meeting. She envisions a large group of serious minded members, in a perfect location with a perfect format. She of course gives a marvelous share co...

katiebug76 · katiebug76

My little brother was a wonderful person, and an alcoholic. He passed away suddenly last November. He had lived with my alcoholic parents and took care of a lot for them...cleaning, yard work, etc. I have talked to my parents every day since he passed away, and I get very anxious when I call and leave a m...

ForwardMotion · ForwardMotion

So for those of you who read my first post, you'll know that I've been in panic-mode a bit after the last contact with my A who is currently in rehab. While in intensive detox, he was communicating with me daily. But when he transitioned into rehab they cut off all his contact. A very combative phone cal...

PosiesandPuppies · PosiesandPuppies

Before I posted this, I was reading other posts, trying to absorb some ESH. So thank you all for posting... it helps more than you know... or maybe you all DO know! Why was this day a "resentment" day? Mainly b/c I get so sick and tired of my AH focusing on himself all. the. time. My AH works very weird hour...

Helpangel · Helpangel

Hi everyone! I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to tell kids. My daughter is 9 and her biological father has been terrible with her and she thinks of her step dad as her best daddy. However, he is a alcoholic that just can't stay dry longer than a couple of months. He moved out before and she begg...

Iamhere · Iamhere

I love how the daily readings always seem to align with what I need to hear - one day at a time. Today's reading in Courage is about Alcoholism being a family disease. Because this sums it all up, I am starting with Today's reminder - "My acceptance of this family disease allows me to stop wasting energy...

ForwardMotion · ForwardMotion

Logged on to social media today and clicked through to an friend's engagement video...and felt so defeated and loveless and unloveable. Because there's part of me that can state unequivocally that I don't have that kind of relationship. Mine isn't founded in joyful moments anymore. Mine's g...

ForwardMotion · ForwardMotion

New here, and coping but not really succeeding at much more than that. Brief recap:left an extremely abusive marriage to an addict many years ago. Stayed resolutely single whilst working on self and raising special needs son. Five years in, fell in love and took the risk. Fast forward to a decade...

SoLost · SoLost

Hello - I just recently found this message board and have read some wonderfully helpful things here. My AH is on another terror. I'm doing my best not to react but he's pushing me to the limit. He's got a great job, if he actually went to it and wasn't hung over he could make a ton of money. Instead he ju...

runi · runi

2 adults live in my home. they drink most nights, i have never seen them drunk. but.......their drinking bothers me. i do not drink one of their children is getting into trouble with substance. when they moved in i said i liked my home a safe non alcoholic home and asked them to consider that. they...

jenn6 · jenn6

I am new to Alanon. i am struggling terribly depression anger resentment. my husband went to rehab sept 2016 to mid november 2016, to get off his fentanyl patch due to severe work place accident, he is alcoholic. angry drunk. I also live with 2 of my 4 teenagers. my daughter was raped in 2014 and been down...

thekentuckygent · thekentuckygent

I'm at a loss and am completely exhausted after a few days in hell with my AXBF. Long story short, we've been dating long distance for 8 months. He lost his job (due to his step-dad, not himself), and I offered for him to move in with me (I know, I know) because I thought maybe being in the same city would mak...

a4l · a4l

I'm so over it. Not that i don't recognise it in my alanon self, because boy do I, but this is a written antidote to swallowing the lie. We are all ok and safe and getting on our feet. Actually there's a lot to be grateful for, i need to remind myself of that. Over here, they tend very well to the physical set u...

Curlyblu · Curlyblu

This may end up being a long post.......needing to get a few things off my chest. Mostly because I am learning....less about my A (the 3Cs) so the focus is more on me. I started off this past weekend doing a special day for my youngest two and visiting with my oldest who I don't get to see that often (or I sho...

Mandi2413 · Mandi2413

I recently started seeing a male friend of mine but it started during a bad time in his life and he ultimately ended up in rehab. He is now in intensive outpatient at the facility and has his phone. Everytime i reach out he seems angry with me. I know this is to be expected and he has voiced frustration wit...

VickiR · VickiR

Sorry if this is long. I am sitting here alone another night. I posted last week, but my AH and I had a particularly bad week last night, he was drinking every night and didn't come home after work a few times and then Friday he stayed out until 6:30 in the morning doing god knows what. He missed a family outi...

Marie71 · Marie71

I went to my first meeting last night, it was great, everyone was so kind. I was reading the detachment paper, and it says don't prevent a crisis if it is the natural order of events. Here's the thing, I an not with my A, but because many of my issues (control, people pleasing) have carried into my relati...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

I used to think that there was only one way to enable and now I am seeing there are more ways and how devastating those can be to loved ones. One thing I have become very aware of is allowing the people around me to make their own choices regardless if they are right or wrong in my mind. After all I have it so g...

mheather · mheather

Hello - I'm new to this board, but not new to Al-Anon. I am a mother of two adult addict sons, a sister to an addict and a daughter of two alcoholics. I struggle daily. Today, I am really struggling with jealousy and resentment. I have been trying to see my sons as well as my sister - to spend a little tim...

Kim C · Kim C

My AH relapsed last Monday after almost 9 months. He came to me and told me about it. We began to have the same old conversation that goes with the old way of life...."If you loved me"....etc. At some point just a few minutes in I was able to recognize the insanity and walk away from it! I have wondered ho...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

It has been a week of birthdays in the literal sense of the word. I have had some frustrations and a lot of gratitude regarding my relatively new relationship and the fallout from his choices. Some days I'm ok with it and some days not so much. This week I have struggled to focus on the positive of what m...

Enigmatic · Enigmatic

Today's page describes the 12 Steps as a desperate person's shortcut to God, allowing us to access our good qualities and abilities. Though we may be aware that working the steps will bring relief from the confusion, fear, anger and self-pity we suffer from handling alcohol on our own, we don't alway...

katiebug76 · katiebug76

I find myself struggling not to respond with anger when my alcoholics lie to me about various things, but especially drinking. I have only been going to al-anon meetings for a few months, so I guess it's not too surprising that my reactions haven't changed yet. I do my best to at least not snap at them w...

makebelieve11 · makebelieve11

I posted a couple of weeks ago about my brother-in-law, who had finally gone through detox, and we were trying to find AA meetings and other treatment for him. I had hoped he was staying away from alcohol after the detox, but now know that he went right back to drinking as soon as everyone's back was turne...

yanksfan51 · yanksfan51

Good morning everyone- Today's reading is about the relief we feel when we turn away from resentments and toward forgiveness. The energy it takes to hold onto and feed resentments is not only draining, but leaves us with little room for the positivity forgiveness will bring to our lives. The writer...

Enigmatic · Enigmatic

The AlAnon program makes it possible to believe in miracles because we get to see dramatic change in ourselves and others: Fear, confusion and hopelessness turn into hope, understanding, and serenity, sometimes without change in the qualifier's behavior. We are grateful for the wisdom of this sp...

pumkin26 · pumkin26

Im struggling to stay present and focused on myself today. My A is still very much active and to my knowledge has stopped attending meetings as he told last week he didn't "need them". I didn't comment, just turned and walked in the house. I guess I'm learning to separate the man and the disease, but I'...

andromeda · andromeda

Not sure how many of you have ever been in this position, but dang, I am really struggling in my role as a step parent (well, we're not married but technically it's my role here). It's more thankless than being a parent. You don't have a parent/child relationship with someone else's kids. You can car...

lgnutah · lgnutah

Can you share how you stop your mind from going back to the negative thoughts and memories, worries and instead focus on what is good. Because, of course, there is always so much good in everyone's life if we just move our attention there!!

texas yankee · texas yankee

Things have been going well - everything in my life is very good - I have so much to be thankful for - of course, my heart still hurts all the time knowing the type of life my adult son is living, but aside from that one thing, all else is very good. Still, knowing the power of this disease, I've been going to a...

MissM · MissM

I had lunch with my parents yesterday. It was pleasant, mostly, although we had a moment when I was trying to discuss a recent parenting decision I had made and instead of listening they were lecturing, and not politely. Note- I didn't bring it up and would have preferred not to discuss it. And probably...

El · El

Ugh. Had a very embarrassing incident last night with AH when we were out to dinner. I was angry, but realize I will need to set some boundaries for the future. The good news for me is that I can see my program tools taking effect. At least for today. I woke up this morning thinking about last night, and rat...

hotrod · hotrod

Step 3 has been posted to the Step Boards please join in and share your thoughts. Learn How The Twelve Steps Work.Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together! Here is the link http://stepwork.ac...

hotrod · hotrod

The ODA T reading for April 2 speaks about the Al-Anon program working because it helps us to take the focus off of our pain and sadness. When we think constantly about our own grievances and blame the alcoholics,our minds are too confused to accept life, the beauty and joys that are al around us each da...

lgnutah · lgnutah

My situation is this. I have an AD, in her late 30's, who lives in another state. When she is high, she calls or texts me nearly every day (wanting to share the un-ending chaos that is her life) then she sinks into depression and I don't hear from her for days. Then when she is taking too much of her prescript...

Chelle3 · Chelle3

I'm struggling with this concept. Our marriage counselor thinks it's possible, alanon promotes it, I can't seem to live it. I realize alcoholism is a disease, but living with the effects of the disease, especially the fact that alcohol is always #1 can't be good for a marriage. Alcohol is like a mistr...

PosiesandPuppies · PosiesandPuppies

So this week has not been the best for me and my AH. But, since I am trying to practice DETACHMENT, and using the PAUSE. i am able to not react to the things that have been happening. That's not to say that I am not mad as hell, it just means that I say, "Oh, OK." and walk away... without the outbursts, without t...

MissM · MissM

Today's reading considers the 'three A's'- Awareness, Acceptance, and Action, and how tempting and easy it can be to jump from awareness to action without ever considering acceptance. When a problem comes up and we become aware of it, those of us that are "fixers" tend to rush to fix it as fast as we can...

WorkingThroughIt · WorkingThroughIt

hi everyone. this is the 3rd apartment I've lived in over 7 years that has mold in the bathroom. the first apartment's bathroom smelled horrendous after the prior tenant left and took her nice-scented things out if it. I got very, very sick. i developed sensitivities to chemicals after that because m...

VickiR · VickiR

I find it really difficult to detach from my AH and then reattach and then detach and try and remain open hearted. I just find myself feeling indifferent about our marriage and kind of dead inside. I mentioned before, my AH is still very active with his addiction. He doesn't come home from work at least a...

El · El

I am trying so hard not to JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain) every day over every decision I make. My AH's rational thought process is diminishing....and he appears so threatened by so much. I feel the need to explain and defend a lot lately. I retired last June and due to health issues, a family d...

Lucas Buck · Lucas Buck

We have been together almost four years, married for two. I'm a social drinker but she likes to drink every day. She very rarely gets drunk usually restricting herself to one or two glasses of wine after work. When she does drink to get drunk she drinks a lot. After an especially vicious hangover last Th...

Mattie · Mattie

I am venting here because venting at home won't lead to any good outcomes. My child and I are living far away from our hometown for a couple of years. This means that child does not regularly see my ex-AH. My ex-AH is an ex-H, but not an ex-A. He is very much a current A, though he's a binge drinker, so he go...

shrnp · shrnp

My A-exbf has been sober for over two months now. He will die if he drinks because of his liver, so he remains in recovery. Now, he has pain pills. The pills are fairly strong compared to what someone else might get prescribed. He is taking two at a time, and yesterday he took five of them. They are not presc...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

The next few days are so bitter sweet for me. My son turns the big 13 today and my daughter will be turning a very big 18. I can't believe they both survived in spite of me .. LOL! It really is a shock how much time has passed and how quickly it has passed as well. How much time I wasted being focused on my XAH a...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Today's reading starts with a suggestion that many of us who have lived with alcoholism truly begin to grow up for the first time when we arrive at Al-Anon. We learn to deal with our feelings and we learn to share honestly about our experience. We also learn about ourselves and nurture our spiritual g...

Rhod76 · Rhod76

My AH has made progress. 4 months ago he couldn't even admit he was an alcoholic. He did 8 days in inpatient rehab in December after admitting he had a bad problem, and 6 weeks of IOP. However the longest he has been sober by my count is 3 weeks. He's been relapsing every couple weeks for 3 months. Sometimes...

Junenine · Junenine

i am going away for two nights. by myself. leaving my ABF home alone. i know this bothers him even though he understands it and doesn't begrudge me the need for quiet time away. neither of us have gotten away in a long time. i think it's healthy to have some space and independence in a relationship. i was al...

Tannersmom · Tannersmom

So here we are. AS is back living with his dad. I am grateful that he is out the drug house he was in. His dad is again enabling. His text to me the other day was, T isn't an addict, he isn't taking pills or shooting up. If he wants to smoke marijuana it's okay as long as he doesn't do it in front of me. And... he isn...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	How we teach others to treat us .. (Preview) One thing that keeps coming back to the forefront of my mind is how I teach others to treat me. The biggest thing I ask myself is what would I say to my best friend if she came to me telling me the same story? Since finding Alanon it is easier to be gentle with myself and ask harder questions in terms of if thi...	SerenityRUS	9	612	Apr 10, 2017 by KT2015
	Oh the Anger.... (Preview) WOW. I've been on the receiving end of my AH's anger before (not physically, just emotionally and verbally) but DANG, he's on a new level this weekend. Maybe it's because he can't drink and he knows it. He's on his last leg at work and his oldest child refuses to even speak to him since he missed her bir...	SoLost	2	408	Apr 10, 2017 by hotrod
	Did You Ever Consider This? (Preview) My AH is still actively drinking. Not pass out drunk anymore, but the kind where he tries to hide it, all the while promising he will get help. He never follows through on that. I have moved on to ACCEPTANCE, b/c I have to.But because of his continued usage, he health is deteriorating. He has some decent...	PosiesandPuppies	6	471	Apr 10, 2017 by PosiesandPuppies
	Odat Reading (4-9-2017) (Preview) The ODA T reading for April 9 talks about being in a crisis that lasts for what seems like an eternity. When we are involved with these difficult experiences, we can find no escape and the problem occupies our thoughts continually. This is the time that we must remind ourselves that we need to recal...	hotrod	6	419	Apr 9, 2017 by lookingup
	Feeling like a jerk (Preview) So this weekend, hubby and I need to call the A (hubby's brother) and the A's fiancee and let them both know very clearly that we will not be paying A's bills, handling his paperwork, finding new housing for him, or all the other myriad things that A has chosen not to take care of while he drinks and gambles...	makebelieve11	6	453	Apr 9, 2017 by Lyne
	Being and staying sick (Preview) ive heard a lot of folks talking about being sick all the time around my town,with upper respiratory infections,stomach problems. same with me,now it's eco me a concern of mine, i live in a small town,old house. a year ago,a man had to go up into my attic,(very small crawl space), when he came down he imm...	lookingup	4	446	Apr 9, 2017 by lookingup
	the straw breaking my back (Preview) in despair. my partner/fiance has been sober 5 months. yesterday he broke into my phone and read my journal. we've been down this road before. previously he broke into my computer, put in spyware, altered my contacts, then wrote to my ex boyfriend to try to replace some information he had deleted. he w...	Junenine	13	646	Apr 8, 2017 by Junenine
	stuff (Preview) I had the most ridiculous conversation with my drunk mother. When she dies, she wants champagne and flowers and she doesn't ever want to be buried with the spiders and the slimy things and yuk. Then she spoke of my death like it's going to happen next week. She asked me to plan my tombstone. What do I want i...	MissM	3	510	Apr 8, 2017 by 2HP
	Financial advice please! (Preview) I am asking for help here, I have seen messages from other members talking about minimizing the terrible financial toll of an alcoholic spouse and I need some guidance! My husband has been out of control with money for a while - pretty sure he is racking up a personal line of credit at the moment. Is it w...	VickiR	7	527	Apr 8, 2017 by VickiR
	Something is bugging me (Preview) Last Staurday, the people I live with went to a wedding. As some of you know the husband's mom lives here and has dementia. In lieu of rent I take care of her while they are gone out to work, dinner, etc. The wedding was at 5. But that morning, they both got up showered and got ready and the woman informed me...	Marie71	7	535	Apr 8, 2017 by Marie71
	Tonight, I did things differently (Preview) This is my first time posting. I've only been to 2 meetings, but I could immediately tell I was in the right place. My 32 year old brother and my father are both alcoholics. My brother lives with my parents (major enablers) and recently I've been working on my own boundaries - taking more space from them....	Bon17	3	430	Apr 7, 2017 by shrnp
	Courage to Change (C2C) 4/7/17 (Preview) Today's reading discusses humor, expectations and right-sizing our life and recovery. It gives an example of a member anticipating speaking at a meeting. She envisions a large group of serious minded members, in a perfect location with a perfect format. She of course gives a marvelous share co...	Iamhere	3	422	Apr 7, 2017 by Iamhere
	Anxiety!!! (Preview) My little brother was a wonderful person, and an alcoholic. He passed away suddenly last November. He had lived with my alcoholic parents and took care of a lot for them...cleaning, yard work, etc. I have talked to my parents every day since he passed away, and I get very anxious when I call and leave a m...	katiebug76	9	800	Apr 7, 2017 by katiebug76
	Learning, forgetting, relearning... (Preview) So for those of you who read my first post, you'll know that I've been in panic-mode a bit after the last contact with my A who is currently in rehab. While in intensive detox, he was communicating with me daily. But when he transitioned into rehab they cut off all his contact. A very combative phone cal...	ForwardMotion	1	439	Apr 7, 2017 by Iamhere
	Today was a day for resentment (Preview) Before I posted this, I was reading other posts, trying to absorb some ESH. So thank you all for posting... it helps more than you know... or maybe you all DO know! Why was this day a "resentment" day? Mainly b/c I get so sick and tired of my AH focusing on himself all. the. time. My AH works very weird hour...	PosiesandPuppies	5	483	Apr 7, 2017 by Iamhere
	Explaining ah is leaving to a 9 year old (Preview) Hi everyone! I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to tell kids. My daughter is 9 and her biological father has been terrible with her and she thinks of her step dad as her best daddy. However, he is a alcoholic that just can't stay dry longer than a couple of months. He moved out before and she begg...	Helpangel	6	431	Apr 7, 2017 by SerenityRUS
	Courage to Change (C2C) 4/6/17 (Preview) I love how the daily readings always seem to align with what I need to hear - one day at a time. Today's reading in Courage is about Alcoholism being a family disease. Because this sums it all up, I am starting with Today's reminder - "My acceptance of this family disease allows me to stop wasting energy...	Iamhere	9	421	Apr 7, 2017 by Iamhere
	Little heartbreaks... (Preview) Logged on to social media today and clicked through to an friend's engagement video...and felt so defeated and loveless and unloveable. Because there's part of me that can state unequivocally that I don't have that kind of relationship. Mine isn't founded in joyful moments anymore. Mine's g...	ForwardMotion	6	403	Apr 7, 2017 by ForwardMotion
	New to the forum, old to the story (Preview) New here, and coping but not really succeeding at much more than that. Brief recap:left an extremely abusive marriage to an addict many years ago. Stayed resolutely single whilst working on self and raising special needs son. Five years in, fell in love and took the risk. Fast forward to a decade...	ForwardMotion	15	589	Apr 7, 2017 by ForwardMotion
	At the end of my rope (Preview) Hello - I just recently found this message board and have read some wonderfully helpful things here. My AH is on another terror. I'm doing my best not to react but he's pushing me to the limit. He's got a great job, if he actually went to it and wasn't hung over he could make a ton of money. Instead he ju...	SoLost	7	533	Apr 6, 2017 by SoLost
	2 adults living with me drink, influencing their children (Preview) 2 adults live in my home. they drink most nights, i have never seen them drunk. but.......their drinking bothers me. i do not drink one of their children is getting into trouble with substance. when they moved in i said i liked my home a safe non alcoholic home and asked them to consider that. they...	runi	3	433	Apr 6, 2017 by a4l
	help i need advice (Preview) I am new to Alanon. i am struggling terribly depression anger resentment. my husband went to rehab sept 2016 to mid november 2016, to get off his fentanyl patch due to severe work place accident, he is alcoholic. angry drunk. I also live with 2 of my 4 teenagers. my daughter was raped in 2014 and been down...	jenn6	5	563	Apr 6, 2017 by jenn6
	Love the Addict, Hate the Disease (Preview) I'm at a loss and am completely exhausted after a few days in hell with my AXBF. Long story short, we've been dating long distance for 8 months. He lost his job (due to his step-dad, not himself), and I offered for him to move in with me (I know, I know) because I thought maybe being in the same city would mak...	thekentuckygent	5	488	Apr 6, 2017 by milkwood
	terminal uniqueness (Preview) I'm so over it. Not that i don't recognise it in my alanon self, because boy do I, but this is a written antidote to swallowing the lie. We are all ok and safe and getting on our feet. Actually there's a lot to be grateful for, i need to remind myself of that. Over here, they tend very well to the physical set u...	a4l	6	718	Apr 6, 2017 by _bunny_
	So thankful for the tools I have learnt (Preview) This may end up being a long post.......needing to get a few things off my chest. Mostly because I am learning....less about my A (the 3Cs) so the focus is more on me. I started off this past weekend doing a special day for my youngest two and visiting with my oldest who I don't get to see that often (or I sho...	Curlyblu	4	2283	Apr 6, 2017 by shrnp
	How to be there for someone in rehab (Preview) I recently started seeing a male friend of mine but it started during a bad time in his life and he ultimately ended up in rehab. He is now in intensive outpatient at the facility and has his phone. Everytime i reach out he seems angry with me. I know this is to be expected and he has voiced frustration wit...	Mandi2413	11	313	Apr 5, 2017 by Jayla
	Detachment = coldness (Preview) Sorry if this is long. I am sitting here alone another night. I posted last week, but my AH and I had a particularly bad week last night, he was drinking every night and didn't come home after work a few times and then Friday he stayed out until 6:30 in the morning doing god knows what. He missed a family outi...	VickiR	1	392	Apr 5, 2017 by SerenityRUS
	preventing a crisis (Preview) I went to my first meeting last night, it was great, everyone was so kind. I was reading the detachment paper, and it says don't prevent a crisis if it is the natural order of events. Here's the thing, I an not with my A, but because many of my issues (control, people pleasing) have carried into my relati...	Marie71	6	337	Apr 5, 2017 by Iamhere
	Enabling .. (Preview) I used to think that there was only one way to enable and now I am seeing there are more ways and how devastating those can be to loved ones. One thing I have become very aware of is allowing the people around me to make their own choices regardless if they are right or wrong in my mind. After all I have it so g...	SerenityRUS	5	316	Apr 5, 2017 by Iamhere
	Jealousy - Resentment (Preview) Hello - I'm new to this board, but not new to Al-Anon. I am a mother of two adult addict sons, a sister to an addict and a daughter of two alcoholics. I struggle daily. Today, I am really struggling with jealousy and resentment. I have been trying to see my sons as well as my sister - to spend a little tim...	mheather	6	1253	Apr 5, 2017 by makebelieve11
	He relapsed (Preview) My AH relapsed last Monday after almost 9 months. He came to me and told me about it. We began to have the same old conversation that goes with the old way of life...."If you loved me"....etc. At some point just a few minutes in I was able to recognize the insanity and walk away from it! I have wondered ho...	Kim C	6	662	Apr 5, 2017 by Jazzie18
	Good News .. (Preview) It has been a week of birthdays in the literal sense of the word. I have had some frustrations and a lot of gratitude regarding my relatively new relationship and the fallout from his choices. Some days I'm ok with it and some days not so much. This week I have struggled to focus on the positive of what m...	SerenityRUS	6	467	Apr 5, 2017 by SerenityRUS
	4/5/17 One Day at a Time in AlAnon (Preview) Today's page describes the 12 Steps as a desperate person's shortcut to God, allowing us to access our good qualities and abilities. Though we may be aware that working the steps will bring relief from the confusion, fear, anger and self-pity we suffer from handling alcohol on our own, we don't alway...	Enigmatic	2	297	Apr 5, 2017 by Iamhere
	Struggling not to be angry when my alcoholics lie to me (Preview) I find myself struggling not to respond with anger when my alcoholics lie to me about various things, but especially drinking. I have only been going to al-anon meetings for a few months, so I guess it's not too surprising that my reactions haven't changed yet. I do my best to at least not snap at them w...	katiebug76	10	530	Apr 4, 2017 by katiebug76
	Worse than we thought (gambling) (Preview) I posted a couple of weeks ago about my brother-in-law, who had finally gone through detox, and we were trying to find AA meetings and other treatment for him. I had hoped he was staying away from alcohol after the detox, but now know that he went right back to drinking as soon as everyone's back was turne...	makebelieve11	6	729	Apr 4, 2017 by Iamhere
	Hope for Today April 4 (Preview) Good morning everyone- Today's reading is about the relief we feel when we turn away from resentments and toward forgiveness. The energy it takes to hold onto and feed resentments is not only draining, but leaves us with little room for the positivity forgiveness will bring to our lives. The writer...	yanksfan51	3	439	Apr 4, 2017 by Iamhere
	4-3-17 One Day at a Time in AlAnon (Preview) The AlAnon program makes it possible to believe in miracles because we get to see dramatic change in ourselves and others: Fear, confusion and hopelessness turn into hope, understanding, and serenity, sometimes without change in the qualifier's behavior. We are grateful for the wisdom of this sp...	Enigmatic	7	332	Apr 4, 2017 by Iamhere
	Fighting to stay present (Preview) Im struggling to stay present and focused on myself today. My A is still very much active and to my knowledge has stopped attending meetings as he told last week he didn't "need them". I didn't comment, just turned and walked in the house. I guess I'm learning to separate the man and the disease, but I'...	pumkin26	8	536	Apr 4, 2017 by el-cee
	Step parenting is a tough job (Preview) Not sure how many of you have ever been in this position, but dang, I am really struggling in my role as a step parent (well, we're not married but technically it's my role here). It's more thankless than being a parent. You don't have a parent/child relationship with someone else's kids. You can car...	andromeda	8	571	Apr 3, 2017 by Iamhere
	How to move your focus to what is good in your life (Preview) Can you share how you stop your mind from going back to the negative thoughts and memories, worries and instead focus on what is good. Because, of course, there is always so much good in everyone's life if we just move our attention there!!	lgnutah	7	504	Apr 3, 2017 by SerenityRUS
	Why can't I "get" it ?? I'm back again, for yet another serving of ESH (Preview) Things have been going well - everything in my life is very good - I have so much to be thankful for - of course, my heart still hurts all the time knowing the type of life my adult son is living, but aside from that one thing, all else is very good. Still, knowing the power of this disease, I've been going to a...	texas yankee	14	1034	Apr 3, 2017 by texas yankee
	A messy ramble about how MEAN everyone is...lol (Preview) I had lunch with my parents yesterday. It was pleasant, mostly, although we had a moment when I was trying to discuss a recent parenting decision I had made and instead of listening they were lecturing, and not politely. Note- I didn't bring it up and would have preferred not to discuss it. And probably...	MissM	11	625	Apr 2, 2017 by MissM
	A New Day (Preview) Ugh. Had a very embarrassing incident last night with AH when we were out to dinner. I was angry, but realize I will need to set some boundaries for the future. The good news for me is that I can see my program tools taking effect. At least for today. I woke up this morning thinking about last night, and rat...	El	4	486	Apr 2, 2017 by shrnp
	Step 3 posted (Preview) Step 3 has been posted to the Step Boards please join in and share your thoughts. Learn How The Twelve Steps Work.Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together! Here is the link http://stepwork.ac...	hotrod	0	353	Apr 2, 2017 by hotrod
	ODAT reading 4-2-2017 (Preview) The ODA T reading for April 2 speaks about the Al-Anon program working because it helps us to take the focus off of our pain and sadness. When we think constantly about our own grievances and blame the alcoholics,our minds are too confused to accept life, the beauty and joys that are al around us each da...	hotrod	3	1728	Apr 2, 2017 by Nix
	Not sure where my role is here (Preview) My situation is this. I have an AD, in her late 30's, who lives in another state. When she is high, she calls or texts me nearly every day (wanting to share the un-ending chaos that is her life) then she sinks into depression and I don't hear from her for days. Then when she is taking too much of her prescript...	lgnutah	2	445	Apr 2, 2017 by el-cee
	Can an alcoholic marriage everbe healthy? ( 1 2 ) (Preview) I'm struggling with this concept. Our marriage counselor thinks it's possible, alanon promotes it, I can't seem to live it. I realize alcoholism is a disease, but living with the effects of the disease, especially the fact that alcohol is always #1 can't be good for a marriage. Alcohol is like a mistr...	Chelle3	43	8966	Apr 2, 2017 by Jayla
	Just a shot (Preview) So this week has not been the best for me and my AH. But, since I am trying to practice DETACHMENT, and using the PAUSE. i am able to not react to the things that have been happening. That's not to say that I am not mad as hell, it just means that I say, "Oh, OK." and walk away... without the outbursts, without t...	PosiesandPuppies	7	525	Apr 1, 2017 by Iamhere
	Courage To Change 1/4 (Preview) Today's reading considers the 'three A's'- Awareness, Acceptance, and Action, and how tempting and easy it can be to jump from awareness to action without ever considering acceptance. When a problem comes up and we become aware of it, those of us that are "fixers" tend to rush to fix it as fast as we can...	MissM	8	537	Apr 1, 2017 by MissM
	Allergies or inflammation to Mold? (Preview) hi everyone. this is the 3rd apartment I've lived in over 7 years that has mold in the bathroom. the first apartment's bathroom smelled horrendous after the prior tenant left and took her nice-scented things out if it. I got very, very sick. i developed sensitivities to chemicals after that because m...	WorkingThroughIt	16	490	Apr 1, 2017 by WorkingThroughIt
	Struggle to remain open hearted while detaching (Preview) I find it really difficult to detach from my AH and then reattach and then detach and try and remain open hearted. I just find myself feeling indifferent about our marriage and kind of dead inside. I mentioned before, my AH is still very active with his addiction. He doesn't come home from work at least a...	VickiR	10	597	Apr 1, 2017 by Iamhere
	Feels like everything's a battle (Preview) I am trying so hard not to JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain) every day over every decision I make. My AH's rational thought process is diminishing....and he appears so threatened by so much. I feel the need to explain and defend a lot lately. I retired last June and due to health issues, a family d...	El	4	438	Apr 1, 2017 by Iamhere
	My Wife has a Problem (Preview) We have been together almost four years, married for two. I'm a social drinker but she likes to drink every day. She very rarely gets drunk usually restricting herself to one or two glasses of wine after work. When she does drink to get drunk she drinks a lot. After an especially vicious hangover last Th...	Lucas Buck	11	679	Apr 1, 2017 by pinkchip
	Keeping my cool (Preview) I am venting here because venting at home won't lead to any good outcomes. My child and I are living far away from our hometown for a couple of years. This means that child does not regularly see my ex-AH. My ex-AH is an ex-H, but not an ex-A. He is very much a current A, though he's a binge drinker, so he go...	Mattie	8	539	Mar 31, 2017 by milkwood
	Trying to mind my own business (Preview) My A-exbf has been sober for over two months now. He will die if he drinks because of his liver, so he remains in recovery. Now, he has pain pills. The pills are fairly strong compared to what someone else might get prescribed. He is taking two at a time, and yesterday he took five of them. They are not presc...	shrnp	5	545	Mar 31, 2017 by shrnp
	Time Marches On .. (Preview) The next few days are so bitter sweet for me. My son turns the big 13 today and my daughter will be turning a very big 18. I can't believe they both survived in spite of me .. LOL! It really is a shock how much time has passed and how quickly it has passed as well. How much time I wasted being focused on my XAH a...	SerenityRUS	8	500	Mar 31, 2017 by Iamhere
	Courage to Change (C2C) 3/31/17 (Preview) Today's reading starts with a suggestion that many of us who have lived with alcoholism truly begin to grow up for the first time when we arrive at Al-Anon. We learn to deal with our feelings and we learn to share honestly about our experience. We also learn about ourselves and nurture our spiritual g...	Iamhere	6	514	Mar 31, 2017 by Iamhere
	Progress not perfection but I'm disappointed and judgmental (Preview) My AH has made progress. 4 months ago he couldn't even admit he was an alcoholic. He did 8 days in inpatient rehab in December after admitting he had a bad problem, and 6 weeks of IOP. However the longest he has been sober by my count is 3 weeks. He's been relapsing every couple weeks for 3 months. Sometimes...	Rhod76	7	546	Mar 31, 2017 by Iamhere
	pushing toward better perspective (Preview) i am going away for two nights. by myself. leaving my ABF home alone. i know this bothers him even though he understands it and doesn't begrudge me the need for quiet time away. neither of us have gotten away in a long time. i think it's healthy to have some space and independence in a relationship. i was al...	Junenine	5	478	Mar 31, 2017 by Iamhere
	Square One (Preview) So here we are. AS is back living with his dad. I am grateful that he is out the drug house he was in. His dad is again enabling. His text to me the other day was, T isn't an addict, he isn't taking pills or shooting up. If he wants to smoke marijuana it's okay as long as he doesn't do it in front of me. And... he isn...	Tannersmom	5	533	Mar 31, 2017 by Iamhere
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.