Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

hotrod · hotrod

Step four has been posted to the step work board. I have posted the link below and am looking forward to your shares Step Work BoardWhere we discuss each of the Twelve StepsIn the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.Learn How The Twelve Steps Work.Participate in your own re...

Cathyinaz · Cathyinaz

Good Morning Everyone I want to wish everyone a blessed Easter. I'm now in a funk and I'm so so sad and don't know what to do with myself. The hurt is deep and I think about being alone for the rest of my life and no one to take of me when I die. Crazy to think of this now but I am. I pray as the days pass I will b...

hotrod · hotrod

and PASSOVER The ODAT reading for April 16 speaks about the slogan:"Let go and Let God" . It suggests that once we are able to let go of a problem- solutions do unfold. These solutions are ones that we never dreamed possible' so that when we see things unfold like this,we come to realize that ano...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

This really has struck me lately .. I totally get it and I can obsessively think about one thing usually singing the him's in my case. Him did me wrong. Him did this .. him did that .. LOL. I still do it .. guilty as charged. I thank GOD for Alanon because it put into perspective what is me causing pain to my...

gabigail · gabigail

Hi everyone- It's been over 100 days since my AS got a new liver and seemed to have a total 180 in attitude and apologizing for hurtful behaviors toward me. It has been like dealing with a new person at first. After staying in the hospital we stayed at a friend's house to recover (at that time our house set...

andromeda · andromeda

Tonight I spent the night with my bf's family. They are a completely dysfunctional group. Filled with alcoholics. I played the hostess and we all had a lovely time as we were celebrating his dad's 77th birthday. But, I miss my family. MY OWN DYSFUNCTIONAL family! I'm crying now because all I want to...

Isthisreallife · Isthisreallife

I posted yesterday the my husband called me at work to yell at me for talking to his sister. Today he got home from work way later than he should have and fell out of the car. He was so drunk he could hardly make it in the house. When he finally does he starts in on how I've betrayed him, I should have his back, an...

Marie71 · Marie71

Have any of you felt like this? Even after being away from the xeAH, I feel like I just watch life go by. I am in college, but have little money. I did take a painting class, and I enjoy it. But I still feel like I have nothing to offer anyone...the people I live with are musicians. I don't sing, I don't play a...

WhewWee · WhewWee

Morning all! I woke this morning to that maddening, obsessive thinking about the xAB. It truly is over. I need to stop looking back, but how? This man did not love me yet I stayed with him for over a year of my life. And here I am feeling so sad this morning thinking about how he's with someone else? As if he's...

MissM · MissM

Today's C2C is about personal safety. It begins by reminding us that when people come to al-anon, they often have a lot of questions that they want answers to. Should I stay? Should I leave? What should I do about the financial/practical/(insert difficulty here) problem? The reading suggests that...

Isthisreallife · Isthisreallife

My Husband missed family Easter last weekend with his family. Yes missed get togethers since last 4th of July. Including our daughters birthday in December bc he was too drunk to wake up. His family knows but don't really acknowledge it. His sister called me yesterday to see if they needed to an interv...

Mattie · Mattie

You may remember that my ex-AH is staying with us temporarily. I've been sick so that's been an extra stress. But tonight all my hard-earned emotional health just fell apart. To make a long story short, he did several of the kind of things he used to do. For instance, he need to file an extension for h...

VickiR · VickiR

Tonight I couldn't help myself. My AH called around the time he was supposed to be home to say "oh still at the office having an important meeting" (yes like almost every night, and these meetings are always at a bar) - he swore up and down he was still at the office and not a bar. Annoyed I moved on, but then h...

Mcat54 · Mcat54

My attorney advised me to stay off social media, so I haven't been posting. Thursday, we had a mediation and reached a settlement agreement. He gets the house and $100K from my IRA. (I was always worried that he didn't have enough saved for retirement. I was right. Ha.) What did I get? I get to keep m...

Aline · Aline

My now Xabf contacted me yesterday and I agreed we should talk in person. I went to his flat today.It turns out he hadn't contacted me for over a week since I left because he felt hurt by my leaving (not for the first time), feeling he's had enough of it. From his pov, I guess he sees me as this flighty gf who ju...

Iamhere · Iamhere

In Courage to Change today, the reading discusses 'stinking thinking'. For many of us, we develop a heightened awareness of our thoughts as we recover. In time, we are able to notice when our thinking becomes distorted. If we want to stop the negative thoughts, we have the tools taught by our progr...

LinSC · LinSC

You are still helping people in your sad times Cathy. I applaud you, you are quite a woman. Thank you for what a good example you are putting forth. I can't imagine what you are going through now but there is still a certain "bright spirit" in you that will never die. I am amazed. Linsc

Green Eyes · Green Eyes

It's been awhile since I've posted, but I still try to check in here now and then. Today is my twin daughters' 30th birthday. One of my twins is my qualifier. We have been in very little contact since my AH's passing four years ago. She continues to play the victim and still blames my AH's death on my leavin...

At a crossroads · At a crossroads

Hello, I'm new to Al Anon. I haven't attended a meeting yet, but plan to do so soon. I have an AH, who just started drinking again. We have been married less than 3 years. I didn't know he was an alcoholic when we married. Soon into the marriage he became an active drinker, and then it all came out. He has been...

VickiR · VickiR

Tonight I couldn't help myself. My AH called around the time he was supposed to be home to say "oh still at the office having an important meeting" (yes like almost every night, and these meetings are always at a bar) - he swore up and down he was still at the office and not a bar. Annoyed I moved on, but then h...

Cathyinaz · Cathyinaz

Dear Family I lost my beautiful son tonight. He is finally at peace. I'm lost Oh God let him be happy

Lee51 · Lee51

I attended my first meeting on Monday and my second last evening. I'm hopeful that being in a supportive environment will help me work through my issues. It has been exhausting trying to keep up an appearance of normalcy. Like many families, problems weren't talked about much in my family; everyone w...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Good morning/afternoon all - sorry for the late daily - my morning has gone different than planned! Today's reading talks about how we improve in our responses, relationships and intuition with recovery. We consider responding with kindness when we are uncertain because - why not? We also can ac...

WhewWee · WhewWee

My abf broke up with me. I'm not surprised. I've been trying to detach for a while, because I know this is ultimately what's best for me. I couldn't even say that I would have fallen in even the top four things that matter to him in his life. He had no future plans for us. I could tell that he didn't truly care a...

VickiR · VickiR

Sorry if this is long. I am sitting here alone another night. I posted last week, but my AH and I had a particularly bad week last night, he was drinking every night and didn't come home after work a few times and then Friday he stayed out until 6:30 in the morning doing god knows what. He missed a family outi...

Aline · Aline

Hi all, I want to share my story (so far). I had been living with my ABF for close to 10 years and we've been together since I was 16, so for around 12 years now. We used to drink together, the two of us or in larger company, a lot and often, but I didn't see a big problem with that for a long time. At some point I re...

El · El

I am trying to apply program tools to all areas of my life; I want to improve all relationships and be the best me that I can. I am really struggling with my brother and his obvious disinterest in what is happening here with his family; meaning our elderly mother and myself. He lives out of state and comes t...

wifeofalcoholic · wifeofalcoholic

I have often thought about alcoholism being a disease. I don't struggle with the label but I do struggle with all the differences of what family members go through. Let me list them: 1. Alcoholics lie about many things 2. Alcoholics keep secrets 3. Alcoholics apologize for their condition 4. ...

MissKid · MissKid

Hello all! I am 53 and have been in relationships with A's my whole life. It started with my father, then mother and step father. My first marriage was to an emotionally unavailable man (I was pregnant.) My second was to a momma's boy. My third to the very definition of an addict. I, too, tend to have an add...

Tthump · Tthump

I'm at a loss...I go to meetings. I listen. I apply what I hear. But sometimes circumstances .. Situations...Feel hopeless...My son's decisions do affect me..They affect my grandchild..They affect my relationship with my grandchild..It's just a vicious circle of swirling s**t...And it's very...

Rickbrins · Rickbrins

I failed myself and my recovering AGf today... This was my first trip away from home since she finished her 90 day in house rehab. I failed and resorted to my old ways of tracking and questioning. I lost my focus. She was doing what she felt necessary for her recovery and all I could see was her going back to...

Mattie · Mattie

I mentioned earlier that my ex-AH is staying with us for a while to see our kid. He is a binge drinker and he is not drinking at this particular juncture - in fact he is so feeble that I would be surprised if he could get out to buy any alcohol. We don't have a car and although we are in a city, I think the neares...

KT2015 · KT2015

I've been trying to write this post on and off for more than a week but I just can't figure out exactly what the point of it is. So I keep deleting it and starting over. This time I am going to get it out. I feel like I'm starting to accept that my AH is in fact an AH and that our relationship isn't healthy. ...

runi · runi

what is denial and what does it look like in daily life? detachment with love? when is it denial and when is it detachment and how do i tell the difference.

Enigmatic · Enigmatic

Who of us hasn't felt despair at one time or another, especially before recovery: the feeling of hopelessness and no way out. Today's page describes despair as an absence of faith, felt when we expect solutions to come only from us. Perhaps we lost our faith, maybe we never had it. AlAnon gives us the op...

a4l · a4l

Coming out of denial is a bit like chipping off a cast. At first, little pieces come away and you can see the bits underneath. You keep chipping away, little pieces keep falling, then get bigger. Keep chipping, chipping then in a soft but fast crumble, the whole thing is revealed and its Very different t...

MissM · MissM

HE has a court-date tomorrow morning. I've been worried about it and the high potential for jail-time, but when I spoke to him a couple of weeks ago he told me he'd spoken to a lawyer who said he was sure he could get an adjournment as he needed time to review the case etc. So I put it out of my mind until there w...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

I'm adjusting to a new norm of having someone who steps in where in the moment don't have the ability to always be there. I enjoy some aspects of it .. however I still have triggers that are very valid based upon the issue of dealing with someone who lacks common sense and was in an altered state of mind. T...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

What a beautiful day! I just want to share my day w you. The sun is shining on this beautiful spring day. I am so excited to get out & enjoy the sunshine. We have had a long winter & it is time to get out finally! I am so grateful for anything positive that happens to me. It is my God-given gift to share t...

_bunny_ · _bunny_

Al-Anon provides me with simple tools to make my life more manageable. But sometimes I make it complicated, by overthinking a process, a step or a slogan making them complex and confusing. I get stuck in my head and I'm unable to move forward in my recovery. This is when I have to remind myself to "keep it...

pumkin26 · pumkin26

So yesterday I found myself in a mess of my own doing. Wallowing and such... I quickly recognized and tried to change my attitude around. Jump to today. Sundays are always the hardest. I wake up with anxiety wondering if my A was going to follow thru on plans and promises he has made to the boys. Today is no...

yanksfan51 · yanksfan51

Good morning Everyone: Today's reading is about the influence of alcoholism on our feelings. Do we try to draw attention to ourselves? Do we avoid having attention on ourselves? Do we try to control and manage our feelings? Personally there are two points that stand out to me in today's reading- one...

Iamhere · Iamhere

We all know, experience and hear how cunning, baffling and powerful this disease is.....For me, yesterday was an interesting day. I say interesting instead of maddening, sad, crazy, insane as it was all that and then some. I'll be as brief as I can - nobody likes to read long, long posts. My oldest so...

Foomamapop · Foomamapop

This is my first post, I've read many of yours and hope I'm following group guidelines. I've been to two meetings the last two weeks after avoiding them for months. I suppose I don't want to admit that this is my new normal, that this did indeed happen in my life. I have an AH who was mostly sober for 13 years...

lookingup · lookingup

Today I'd like to share on the 3 As and people pleasing,and jade. ive come to realize that I am still a people pleaser even when sick,and then jump to jadeing ,justifieing defending and explaining as to why I can't do some things when I'm sick,as in not get out around others to spread my virus,or just real...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

I seem to attract difficult people who have little to do with me in all reality. They always seem to be on the outskirts of my life. The good news is I am learning that trying to talk rationally to some of them is like arguing with a fence post .. and as someone very close and wise recently pointed out to me ....

ForwardMotion · ForwardMotion

Briefly, my A is being discharged today, after weeks in detox followed by in-patient. He'll be doing out-patient at the same facility, but we pick him up tonight after that. My son is worried...rightly so...about "who" is coming home. And you know what? So am I. I've had my ups and downs this who...

shrnp · shrnp

Today my A ex=bf called me and started talking about how I do not want to see him. Last night he was depressed and called me. I actually have not said that I did not want to see him, I just do not want him spending the night at my house. He does not drive and he is expecting to be able to get someone to drop him off a...

Enigmatic · Enigmatic

Today's author notes how we may view ourselves as victims, especially as it relates to the effects of the disease of alcoholism. Work in Steps 4 and 8 can help us see and address where we, too, have caused harm to others. This is an opportunity for balance, for not swinging from one extreme to the other by...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

One thing that keeps coming back to the forefront of my mind is how I teach others to treat me. The biggest thing I ask myself is what would I say to my best friend if she came to me telling me the same story? Since finding Alanon it is easier to be gentle with myself and ask harder questions in terms of if thi...

SoLost · SoLost

WOW. I've been on the receiving end of my AH's anger before (not physically, just emotionally and verbally) but DANG, he's on a new level this weekend. Maybe it's because he can't drink and he knows it. He's on his last leg at work and his oldest child refuses to even speak to him since he missed her bir...

PosiesandPuppies · PosiesandPuppies

My AH is still actively drinking. Not pass out drunk anymore, but the kind where he tries to hide it, all the while promising he will get help. He never follows through on that. I have moved on to ACCEPTANCE, b/c I have to.But because of his continued usage, he health is deteriorating. He has some decent...

hotrod · hotrod

The ODA T reading for April 9 talks about being in a crisis that lasts for what seems like an eternity. When we are involved with these difficult experiences, we can find no escape and the problem occupies our thoughts continually. This is the time that we must remind ourselves that we need to recal...

makebelieve11 · makebelieve11

So this weekend, hubby and I need to call the A (hubby's brother) and the A's fiancee and let them both know very clearly that we will not be paying A's bills, handling his paperwork, finding new housing for him, or all the other myriad things that A has chosen not to take care of while he drinks and gambles...

lookingup · lookingup

ive heard a lot of folks talking about being sick all the time around my town,with upper respiratory infections,stomach problems. same with me,now it's eco me a concern of mine, i live in a small town,old house. a year ago,a man had to go up into my attic,(very small crawl space), when he came down he imm...

Junenine · Junenine

in despair. my partner/fiance has been sober 5 months. yesterday he broke into my phone and read my journal. we've been down this road before. previously he broke into my computer, put in spyware, altered my contacts, then wrote to my ex boyfriend to try to replace some information he had deleted. he w...

MissM · MissM

I had the most ridiculous conversation with my drunk mother. When she dies, she wants champagne and flowers and she doesn't ever want to be buried with the spiders and the slimy things and yuk. Then she spoke of my death like it's going to happen next week. She asked me to plan my tombstone. What do I want i...

VickiR · VickiR

I am asking for help here, I have seen messages from other members talking about minimizing the terrible financial toll of an alcoholic spouse and I need some guidance! My husband has been out of control with money for a while - pretty sure he is racking up a personal line of credit at the moment. Is it w...

Marie71 · Marie71

Last Staurday, the people I live with went to a wedding. As some of you know the husband's mom lives here and has dementia. In lieu of rent I take care of her while they are gone out to work, dinner, etc. The wedding was at 5. But that morning, they both got up showered and got ready and the woman informed me...

Bon17 · Bon17

This is my first time posting. I've only been to 2 meetings, but I could immediately tell I was in the right place. My 32 year old brother and my father are both alcoholics. My brother lives with my parents (major enablers) and recently I've been working on my own boundaries - taking more space from them....

	Sub Forum	Topics	Posts	Last Post
	Al-anon speakers - Read Only Al-anon speakers	2	2	October 26th by WebHelper
	Old sticky posts - Read Only Not sure what to do with these so parking them here.	6	91	Mar 10, 2026 by yopame7132

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Step 4 (Preview) Step four has been posted to the step work board. I have posted the link below and am looking forward to your shares Step Work BoardWhere we discuss each of the Twelve StepsIn the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.Learn How The Twelve Steps Work.Participate in your own re...	hotrod	0	659	Apr 17, 2017 by hotrod
	I'm so sad (Preview) Good Morning Everyone I want to wish everyone a blessed Easter. I'm now in a funk and I'm so so sad and don't know what to do with myself. The hurt is deep and I think about being alone for the rest of my life and no one to take of me when I die. Crazy to think of this now but I am. I pray as the days pass I will b...	Cathyinaz	21	1533	Apr 16, 2017 by Cathyinaz
	ODAT Reading 4-16-2017 (Preview) and PASSOVER The ODAT reading for April 16 speaks about the slogan:"Let go and Let God" . It suggests that once we are able to let go of a problem- solutions do unfold. These solutions are ones that we never dreamed possible' so that when we see things unfold like this,we come to realize that ano...	hotrod	8	394	Apr 16, 2017 by hotrod
	Obsessive thoughts .. (Preview) This really has struck me lately .. I totally get it and I can obsessively think about one thing usually singing the him's in my case. Him did me wrong. Him did this .. him did that .. LOL. I still do it .. guilty as charged. I thank GOD for Alanon because it put into perspective what is me causing pain to my...	SerenityRUS	4	683	Apr 16, 2017 by MeTwo2
	Guilt trips and frustration (Preview) Hi everyone- It's been over 100 days since my AS got a new liver and seemed to have a total 180 in attitude and apologizing for hurtful behaviors toward me. It has been like dealing with a new person at first. After staying in the hospital we stayed at a friend's house to recover (at that time our house set...	gabigail	6	473	Apr 16, 2017 by tiredtonite
	Sad and crying.....blah (Preview) Tonight I spent the night with my bf's family. They are a completely dysfunctional group. Filled with alcoholics. I played the hostess and we all had a lovely time as we were celebrating his dad's 77th birthday. But, I miss my family. MY OWN DYSFUNCTIONAL family! I'm crying now because all I want to...	andromeda	12	2842	Apr 16, 2017 by Cathyinaz
	I have no words (Preview) I posted yesterday the my husband called me at work to yell at me for talking to his sister. Today he got home from work way later than he should have and fell out of the car. He was so drunk he could hardly make it in the house. When he finally does he starts in on how I've betrayed him, I should have his back, an...	Isthisreallife	6	636	Apr 15, 2017 by Enigmatic
	I am tired of just 'existing' (Preview) Have any of you felt like this? Even after being away from the xeAH, I feel like I just watch life go by. I am in college, but have little money. I did take a painting class, and I enjoy it. But I still feel like I have nothing to offer anyone...the people I live with are musicians. I don't sing, I don't play a...	Marie71	9	779	Apr 15, 2017 by jitsuka
	Early morning vent session (Preview) Morning all! I woke this morning to that maddening, obsessive thinking about the xAB. It truly is over. I need to stop looking back, but how? This man did not love me yet I stayed with him for over a year of my life. And here I am feeling so sad this morning thinking about how he's with someone else? As if he's...	WhewWee	8	615	Apr 15, 2017 by SerenityRUS
	Courage To Change 15/4 (Preview) Today's C2C is about personal safety. It begins by reminding us that when people come to al-anon, they often have a lot of questions that they want answers to. Should I stay? Should I leave? What should I do about the financial/practical/(insert difficulty here) problem? The reading suggests that...	MissM	1	384	Apr 15, 2017 by hotrod
	So frustrated (Preview) My Husband missed family Easter last weekend with his family. Yes missed get togethers since last 4th of July. Including our daughters birthday in December bc he was too drunk to wake up. His family knows but don't really acknowledge it. His sister called me yesterday to see if they needed to an interv...	Isthisreallife	3	522	Apr 14, 2017 by shrnp
	All my recovery fell apart (Preview) You may remember that my ex-AH is staying with us temporarily. I've been sick so that's been an extra stress. But tonight all my hard-earned emotional health just fell apart. To make a long story short, he did several of the kind of things he used to do. For instance, he need to file an extension for h...	Mattie	9	693	Apr 14, 2017 by a4l
	I got sucked in (Preview) Tonight I couldn't help myself. My AH called around the time he was supposed to be home to say "oh still at the office having an important meeting" (yes like almost every night, and these meetings are always at a bar) - he swore up and down he was still at the office and not a bar. Annoyed I moved on, but then h...	VickiR	3	609	Apr 14, 2017 by Cathyinaz
	Divorced now (Preview) My attorney advised me to stay off social media, so I haven't been posting. Thursday, we had a mediation and reached a settlement agreement. He gets the house and $100K from my IRA. (I was always worried that he didn't have enough saved for retirement. I was right. Ha.) What did I get? I get to keep m...	Mcat54	9	765	Apr 14, 2017 by Cathyinaz
	Broke up (Preview) My now Xabf contacted me yesterday and I agreed we should talk in person. I went to his flat today.It turns out he hadn't contacted me for over a week since I left because he felt hurt by my leaving (not for the first time), feeling he's had enough of it. From his pov, I guess he sees me as this flighty gf who ju...	Aline	6	417	Apr 14, 2017 by Aline
	Courage to Change (C2C) 4/14/17 (Preview) In Courage to Change today, the reading discusses 'stinking thinking'. For many of us, we develop a heightened awareness of our thoughts as we recover. In time, we are able to notice when our thinking becomes distorted. If we want to stop the negative thoughts, we have the tools taught by our progr...	Iamhere	2	539	Apr 14, 2017 by Cathyinaz
	Cathy (Preview) You are still helping people in your sad times Cathy. I applaud you, you are quite a woman. Thank you for what a good example you are putting forth. I can't imagine what you are going through now but there is still a certain "bright spirit" in you that will never die. I am amazed. Linsc	LinSC	6	498	Apr 14, 2017 by Cathyinaz
	AD Estrangement Continues (Preview) It's been awhile since I've posted, but I still try to check in here now and then. Today is my twin daughters' 30th birthday. One of my twins is my qualifier. We have been in very little contact since my AH's passing four years ago. She continues to play the victim and still blames my AH's death on my leavin...	Green Eyes	7	694	Apr 14, 2017 by Cathyinaz
	Decisions-Need Advice (Preview) Hello, I'm new to Al Anon. I haven't attended a meeting yet, but plan to do so soon. I have an AH, who just started drinking again. We have been married less than 3 years. I didn't know he was an alcoholic when we married. Soon into the marriage he became an active drinker, and then it all came out. He has been...	At a crossroads	22	868	Apr 14, 2017 by Iamhere
	I got sucked in (Preview) Tonight I couldn't help myself. My AH called around the time he was supposed to be home to say "oh still at the office having an important meeting" (yes like almost every night, and these meetings are always at a bar) - he swore up and down he was still at the office and not a bar. Annoyed I moved on, but then h...	VickiR	3	540	Apr 14, 2017 by VickiR
	My Son ( 1 2 ) (Preview) Dear Family I lost my beautiful son tonight. He is finally at peace. I'm lost Oh God let him be happy	Cathyinaz	50	6840	Apr 14, 2017 by WhewWee
	New to Al Anon - Already a Bump (Preview) I attended my first meeting on Monday and my second last evening. I'm hopeful that being in a supportive environment will help me work through my issues. It has been exhausting trying to keep up an appearance of normalcy. Like many families, problems weren't talked about much in my family; everyone w...	Lee51	12	717	Apr 13, 2017 by Lee51
	Courage to Change (C2C) 4/13/17 (Preview) Good morning/afternoon all - sorry for the late daily - my morning has gone different than planned! Today's reading talks about how we improve in our responses, relationships and intuition with recovery. We consider responding with kindness when we are uncertain because - why not? We also can ac...	Iamhere	2	412	Apr 13, 2017 by Enigmatic
	Super Sad Newbie (Preview) My abf broke up with me. I'm not surprised. I've been trying to detach for a while, because I know this is ultimately what's best for me. I couldn't even say that I would have fallen in even the top four things that matter to him in his life. He had no future plans for us. I could tell that he didn't truly care a...	WhewWee	10	655	Apr 13, 2017 by pinkchip
	Detachment = coldness (Preview) Sorry if this is long. I am sitting here alone another night. I posted last week, but my AH and I had a particularly bad week last night, he was drinking every night and didn't come home after work a few times and then Friday he stayed out until 6:30 in the morning doing god knows what. He missed a family outi...	VickiR	12	820	Apr 13, 2017 by SerenityRUS
	My story (Preview) Hi all, I want to share my story (so far). I had been living with my ABF for close to 10 years and we've been together since I was 16, so for around 12 years now. We used to drink together, the two of us or in larger company, a lot and often, but I didn't see a big problem with that for a long time. At some point I re...	Aline	7	669	Apr 13, 2017 by Aline
	Powerless over everyone -ESH? (Preview) I am trying to apply program tools to all areas of my life; I want to improve all relationships and be the best me that I can. I am really struggling with my brother and his obvious disinterest in what is happening here with his family; meaning our elderly mother and myself. He lives out of state and comes t...	El	8	477	Apr 13, 2017 by El
	Alcoholism is a disease (Preview) I have often thought about alcoholism being a disease. I don't struggle with the label but I do struggle with all the differences of what family members go through. Let me list them: 1. Alcoholics lie about many things 2. Alcoholics keep secrets 3. Alcoholics apologize for their condition 4. ...	wifeofalcoholic	5	458	Apr 13, 2017 by el-cee
	New to the program, not the disease (Preview) Hello all! I am 53 and have been in relationships with A's my whole life. It started with my father, then mother and step father. My first marriage was to an emotionally unavailable man (I was pregnant.) My second was to a momma's boy. My third to the very definition of an addict. I, too, tend to have an add...	MissKid	3	568	Apr 12, 2017 by Iamhere
	I'm hurting right now (Preview) I'm at a loss...I go to meetings. I listen. I apply what I hear. But sometimes circumstances .. Situations...Feel hopeless...My son's decisions do affect me..They affect my grandchild..They affect my relationship with my grandchild..It's just a vicious circle of swirling s**t...And it's very...	Tthump	14	560	Apr 12, 2017 by Cathyinaz
	Serenity obliterated today (Preview) I failed myself and my recovering AGf today... This was my first trip away from home since she finished her 90 day in house rehab. I failed and resorted to my old ways of tracking and questioning. I lost my focus. She was doing what she felt necessary for her recovery and all I could see was her going back to...	Rickbrins	17	615	Apr 12, 2017 by Rickbrins
	Compulsive behavior (Preview) I mentioned earlier that my ex-AH is staying with us for a while to see our kid. He is a binge drinker and he is not drinking at this particular juncture - in fact he is so feeble that I would be surprised if he could get out to buy any alcohol. We don't have a car and although we are in a city, I think the neares...	Mattie	7	565	Apr 12, 2017 by SerenityRUS
	tired of living with Alcoholism (Preview) I've been trying to write this post on and off for more than a week but I just can't figure out exactly what the point of it is. So I keep deleting it and starting over. This time I am going to get it out. I feel like I'm starting to accept that my AH is in fact an AH and that our relationship isn't healthy. ...	KT2015	11	615	Apr 12, 2017 by Bo
	what is denial??? (Preview) what is denial and what does it look like in daily life? detachment with love? when is it denial and when is it detachment and how do i tell the difference.	runi	8	742	Apr 12, 2017 by Bo
	4/12/17 One Day at a Time in AlAnon (Preview) Who of us hasn't felt despair at one time or another, especially before recovery: the feeling of hopelessness and no way out. Today's page describes despair as an absence of faith, felt when we expect solutions to come only from us. Perhaps we lost our faith, maybe we never had it. AlAnon gives us the op...	Enigmatic	3	648	Apr 12, 2017 by Iamhere
	can't look away. long long reflection (Preview) Coming out of denial is a bit like chipping off a cast. At first, little pieces come away and you can see the bits underneath. You keep chipping away, little pieces keep falling, then get bigger. Keep chipping, chipping then in a soft but fast crumble, the whole thing is revealed and its Very different t...	a4l	3	488	Apr 12, 2017 by Iamhere
	Now I'm the selfish jerk. Ugh. (Preview) HE has a court-date tomorrow morning. I've been worried about it and the high potential for jail-time, but when I spoke to him a couple of weeks ago he told me he'd spoken to a lawyer who said he was sure he could get an adjournment as he needed time to review the case etc. So I put it out of my mind until there w...	MissM	6	828	Apr 12, 2017 by Mattie
	Kids and Medicine (Preview) I'm adjusting to a new norm of having someone who steps in where in the moment don't have the ability to always be there. I enjoy some aspects of it .. however I still have triggers that are very valid based upon the issue of dealing with someone who lacks common sense and was in an altered state of mind. T...	SerenityRUS	5	441	Apr 12, 2017 by SerenityRUS
	I am stoked! (Preview) What a beautiful day! I just want to share my day w you. The sun is shining on this beautiful spring day. I am so excited to get out & enjoy the sunshine. We have had a long winter & it is time to get out finally! I am so grateful for anything positive that happens to me. It is my God-given gift to share t...	Hoot Nanny	4	596	Apr 12, 2017 by milkwood
	Sometimes I complicate it (Preview) Al-Anon provides me with simple tools to make my life more manageable. But sometimes I make it complicated, by overthinking a process, a step or a slogan making them complex and confusing. I get stuck in my head and I'm unable to move forward in my recovery. This is when I have to remind myself to "keep it...	_bunny_	4	651	Apr 11, 2017 by Stan1
	my anxiety response to the anger, help! (Preview) So yesterday I found myself in a mess of my own doing. Wallowing and such... I quickly recognized and tried to change my attitude around. Jump to today. Sundays are always the hardest. I wake up with anxiety wondering if my A was going to follow thru on plans and promises he has made to the boys. Today is no...	pumkin26	21	784	Apr 11, 2017 by pumkin26
	Apr 11 hope for Today (Preview) Good morning Everyone: Today's reading is about the influence of alcoholism on our feelings. Do we try to draw attention to ourselves? Do we avoid having attention on ourselves? Do we try to control and manage our feelings? Personally there are two points that stand out to me in today's reading- one...	yanksfan51	2	472	Apr 11, 2017 by Iamhere
	The Insanity of the Disease.... (Preview) We all know, experience and hear how cunning, baffling and powerful this disease is.....For me, yesterday was an interesting day. I say interesting instead of maddening, sad, crazy, insane as it was all that and then some. I'll be as brief as I can - nobody likes to read long, long posts. My oldest so...	Iamhere	32	1055	Apr 10, 2017 by Iamhere
	This isn't the roller coaster I want to ride (Preview) This is my first post, I've read many of yours and hope I'm following group guidelines. I've been to two meetings the last two weeks after avoiding them for months. I suppose I don't want to admit that this is my new normal, that this did indeed happen in my life. I have an AH who was mostly sober for 13 years...	Foomamapop	5	448	Apr 10, 2017 by Jerry F
	Awareness,acceptance,action and people pleasing (Preview) Today I'd like to share on the 3 As and people pleasing,and jade. ive come to realize that I am still a people pleaser even when sick,and then jump to jadeing ,justifieing defending and explaining as to why I can't do some things when I'm sick,as in not get out around others to spread my virus,or just real...	lookingup	8	499	Apr 10, 2017 by lookingup
	Arguing with a fence post .. (Preview) I seem to attract difficult people who have little to do with me in all reality. They always seem to be on the outskirts of my life. The good news is I am learning that trying to talk rationally to some of them is like arguing with a fence post .. and as someone very close and wise recently pointed out to me ....	SerenityRUS	3	590	Apr 10, 2017 by a4l
	Nervous... (Preview) Briefly, my A is being discharged today, after weeks in detox followed by in-patient. He'll be doing out-patient at the same facility, but we pick him up tonight after that. My son is worried...rightly so...about "who" is coming home. And you know what? So am I. I've had my ups and downs this who...	ForwardMotion	3	555	Apr 10, 2017 by shrnp
	A wolf in sheep's clothing (Preview) Today my A ex=bf called me and started talking about how I do not want to see him. Last night he was depressed and called me. I actually have not said that I did not want to see him, I just do not want him spending the night at my house. He does not drive and he is expecting to be able to get someone to drop him off a...	shrnp	4	456	Apr 10, 2017 by shrnp
	4/10/17 Courage to Change (Preview) Today's author notes how we may view ourselves as victims, especially as it relates to the effects of the disease of alcoholism. Work in Steps 4 and 8 can help us see and address where we, too, have caused harm to others. This is an opportunity for balance, for not swinging from one extreme to the other by...	Enigmatic	4	611	Apr 10, 2017 by Iamhere
	How we teach others to treat us .. (Preview) One thing that keeps coming back to the forefront of my mind is how I teach others to treat me. The biggest thing I ask myself is what would I say to my best friend if she came to me telling me the same story? Since finding Alanon it is easier to be gentle with myself and ask harder questions in terms of if thi...	SerenityRUS	9	784	Apr 10, 2017 by KT2015
	Oh the Anger.... (Preview) WOW. I've been on the receiving end of my AH's anger before (not physically, just emotionally and verbally) but DANG, he's on a new level this weekend. Maybe it's because he can't drink and he knows it. He's on his last leg at work and his oldest child refuses to even speak to him since he missed her bir...	SoLost	2	572	Apr 10, 2017 by hotrod
	Did You Ever Consider This? (Preview) My AH is still actively drinking. Not pass out drunk anymore, but the kind where he tries to hide it, all the while promising he will get help. He never follows through on that. I have moved on to ACCEPTANCE, b/c I have to.But because of his continued usage, he health is deteriorating. He has some decent...	PosiesandPuppies	6	620	Apr 10, 2017 by PosiesandPuppies
	Odat Reading (4-9-2017) (Preview) The ODA T reading for April 9 talks about being in a crisis that lasts for what seems like an eternity. When we are involved with these difficult experiences, we can find no escape and the problem occupies our thoughts continually. This is the time that we must remind ourselves that we need to recal...	hotrod	6	559	Apr 9, 2017 by lookingup
	Feeling like a jerk (Preview) So this weekend, hubby and I need to call the A (hubby's brother) and the A's fiancee and let them both know very clearly that we will not be paying A's bills, handling his paperwork, finding new housing for him, or all the other myriad things that A has chosen not to take care of while he drinks and gambles...	makebelieve11	6	598	Apr 9, 2017 by Lyne
	Being and staying sick (Preview) ive heard a lot of folks talking about being sick all the time around my town,with upper respiratory infections,stomach problems. same with me,now it's eco me a concern of mine, i live in a small town,old house. a year ago,a man had to go up into my attic,(very small crawl space), when he came down he imm...	lookingup	4	594	Apr 9, 2017 by lookingup
	the straw breaking my back (Preview) in despair. my partner/fiance has been sober 5 months. yesterday he broke into my phone and read my journal. we've been down this road before. previously he broke into my computer, put in spyware, altered my contacts, then wrote to my ex boyfriend to try to replace some information he had deleted. he w...	Junenine	13	788	Apr 8, 2017 by Junenine
	stuff (Preview) I had the most ridiculous conversation with my drunk mother. When she dies, she wants champagne and flowers and she doesn't ever want to be buried with the spiders and the slimy things and yuk. Then she spoke of my death like it's going to happen next week. She asked me to plan my tombstone. What do I want i...	MissM	3	667	Apr 8, 2017 by 2HP
	Financial advice please! (Preview) I am asking for help here, I have seen messages from other members talking about minimizing the terrible financial toll of an alcoholic spouse and I need some guidance! My husband has been out of control with money for a while - pretty sure he is racking up a personal line of credit at the moment. Is it w...	VickiR	7	677	Apr 8, 2017 by VickiR
	Something is bugging me (Preview) Last Staurday, the people I live with went to a wedding. As some of you know the husband's mom lives here and has dementia. In lieu of rent I take care of her while they are gone out to work, dinner, etc. The wedding was at 5. But that morning, they both got up showered and got ready and the woman informed me...	Marie71	7	696	Apr 8, 2017 by Marie71
	Tonight, I did things differently (Preview) This is my first time posting. I've only been to 2 meetings, but I could immediately tell I was in the right place. My 32 year old brother and my father are both alcoholics. My brother lives with my parents (major enablers) and recently I've been working on my own boundaries - taking more space from them....	Bon17	3	577	Apr 7, 2017 by shrnp
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.