Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

4LLCandMe · 4LLCandMe

Hi all, i'm new here, but i've been attending al-anon meetings for almost 11 months now. some background info b4 i continue...i've been in a relationship with an addict for over 8 years now, our 3rd wedding anniversary will be in the fall. we now have 2 girls, 10 yrs (from a previous re...

RainyJamie · RainyJamie

I don't know what is wrong with me, I know what things set him off and I know that I have to just back off. Is that right? I am still trying to live with this guy and it is so hard. I came home after being gone all day and he was sitting on the computer. I told him I had to use it and he let me, but it was moving so sl...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

Just when everything seemed to be mellowing out, he had a place to stay, a job and was paying support and seeing the kids...all hell breaks loose again. Maybe that is just my dramatic rendition of the story. Anyway, last week I was on the fence going back and forth about giving him another chance, etc a...

maresie2 · maresie2

For most of my life I have believed that I was never part of the problem at work. I have really bought into that I had an awful supervisors (and I had some doozys) and terrible co workers and really bad environments. I started a new job recently (albeit a temporary job) I can never quite muster up to gettin...

mama_nz · mama_nz

I'm struggling lately with whether I should have stayed living with my ex(A) or moved back in with him -would that have solved things. Because even though we have been apart a year now almost to the day, we are still arguing over drinking, he is still drinking. It's like the same stuff as when...

QOD · QOD

Ok - so as of this morning....my AH has been gone for one solid week. Off smoking his crack, probably feeling sorry for himself. Boo hoo. Yea right! I know he is alive for 2 reasons.....I can track his credit card cash advances to know he is still withdrawing money. AND he called his sister last night a...

kellygirl · kellygirl

Since I attended my first Al-Anon meeting this week, a whole host of feelings have emerged within me...a lot of good, but some bad. The most prevelant feeling I have been getting is "Is My H Really An Alcoholic?" I know that when he was living at home with us he was, but he has been gone since l...

rtexas · rtexas

((((((Everyone)))))) Not long after I got here, someone posted this for me. I don't really know where it comes from, but I saved it. I read these things I have saved over time when I am feeling a need and I decided with all the new members here lately that someone may want to read it. Hope you enjoy it...

jewely · jewely

i was just sitting here minding my own business when........, my husband walked in last night with our one year old grandaughter. i looked at him and i said, ''what's this?'' i was feeling exhausted but quite proud of myself because i had managed to straighten up the house and co...

mama_nz · mama_nz

My ex (A) emailed me to say he's sorry, that it hurts him like hell that I don't want to be with him anymore and that he had lots he still wanted to say and he hopes to hear from me. Well curiosity got the better of me and I ended up calling him tonight, and woah what a mistake that was. I was the one that...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

Well I'm still doing pretty good. Haven't talked to the A since I dropped him off Saturday night at his sponsor's house (where he currently resides). I have thought about calling but then thought why bother. Of course when I do call he'll say it's only because I want my child s...

mama_nz · mama_nz

So, after last weekend's incident with my ex (A) (drinking again) he's now emailed me to say sorry. I pulled the phone out of the wall the day after it happened -more to stop myself from calling him and giving him a piece of my mind, and so I wouldn't be tempted to talk if he called. I've...

twinmom2 · twinmom2

(((MIP Friends))) This week has been a challenging week. Still no work for my AH. I have been working short hours at work so that I can be available for the kids because I could not put them in daycare this week either. I did this so that my AH could work. He has now had to resort to day labor; which to say t...

twinmom2 · twinmom2

(((Happy Friday MIP Friends))) My AH went to a first time individual session with our therapist last night. I did well with detaching emotionally and just giving over my hopes and fears to HP. I simply asked if the session went o.k. but did not ask him to get into details. Later on he told me on his ow...

afmom03 · afmom03

Hi everyone!!!

I'm just poppin' in to say "howdy ya'll"...it's been 4 weeks ago today that I left my AH...and to let ya's know I'm doing well. I don't have a job yet, but that will come in time. My last paycheck from the bus driving job was wayyyyyy more...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

Well AH came over last Friday and stayed till Sat. and I could barely stand that long. First about 10 mins after he got in the car he asked if we were going to get back together or not (I'm afraid if I say no the support will stop and if I say yes I'm setting myself up) so I say I don't know. He says...

twinmom2 · twinmom2

(((Friends))) I had a thought this morning that I wanted to share with the group. Maybe someone else is experiencing this as well. Today's courage to Change was about doing what is best for my life, living my life the way I want it and giving myself what I need to be happy. Thinking about this sent...

maresie2 · maresie2

I have not been posting much because (a) I did not have the internet at home (the A allowed the service to be cut off. For me that used to be a sticking point. I would go "off" on the a when it was down. This time I did not and it was pretty hard to manage the resentments and the difficulty of using th...

debilyn · debilyn

mary I hope I was not too tough on you!!! please come back and post I am concerned!!!! I do not trust your A at all!!! love,debilyn

Riley · Riley

I of course left out the part of the conversation that disturbed me the most because it is literally stuck inside my head. he said that he wanted to drag me behind his truck. This is what I had found so disturbing, knowing our background. Those are pretty strong words.

mandy · mandy

cant seem to accomplish step 1! what the h#ll is wrong with me?? I keep brushing dirt under the carpet thinking the pain will go away. My a is out of control and trying to take his family down with him. I'm on my way and am so good at denial. By the way, any idea why I turned into a massive control freak?:fu...

bev · bev

hi all i finally did it i moved..after i left my AH sold everything in the house for crack,and beer thern to make things worse my monthly settlement check to the house instead of coming here in ny{i had the addy changed and everything and also in formed the bank about him trying to cash my check if it goes th...

Diva · Diva

Ok, I admit I am excited, which is a good thing considering how scared and concerned I have been over my recent "event." I'll let you all know about the Bad, Bad One when I get home. His voice sounds the same...husky and sexy...Ah, what fun!!!! Of course I know that I must take life easy fo...

bev · bev

well i left florida.on friday..AH tried to call my daughter but they wouldnt talk to him..on friday before we eft my daughter and son in law went back to the house to get my son in laws car and trailor,when they got there my daughter went in the house and everything was gone even his truck,but he was there e...

Wilted · Wilted

What books would you recommend Beginners read first? Wilted

chauri · chauri

Hi all, this is my first time on this. Just logged in. We are in the process of moving. Of course, my A can't help much. Some days he tries Some days it's been bad. So much clutter and mess. I feel over whelmed. I'm trying to apply the tool Letting go and letting god .... Some things are hard t...

Wilted · Wilted

Last Friday I attended my first face to face Al-Anon meeting and today I am going to my first Codependency meeting. After just "sitting still" for so long, I feel that I am finally taking some positive steps forward and there is a peace in my spirit that I haven't felt in quite awhile. I kn...

DeeDee · DeeDee

I am only on step 3...made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God. Sometimes, I feel I still have to remember step 1, I am powerless over alcohol... Some of the al anon support I have received, tell me that it is ok for me to set boundaries. So, with the Super Bowl coming up, my AH told m...

jewely · jewely

can you tell me how to get into the step work board??? thanks jewely

rtexas · rtexas

(((((Everyone)))) So over the past year I have struggled to understand and surrender to the fact that my wifes drinking is beyond my control. Just when I get a handle on that... she has appearantly started going to the outpatient treatment program here in town. I say appearantly because I don'...

Diva · Diva

He'll be here late this evening. We have a quiet lunch planned for tomorrow. Very close by so that I don't have to exert too much effort. What a hell of a time to have a heart episode!!!! LOL!! Diva

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

I have been thinking that I am probably just holding on to my A because he's a good fallback which isn't fair to me or him. I have hope for the future of meeting someone someday who is totally into me and treats me like a precious gem not a doormat. I'm so sick of men not doing what they say they...

Riley · Riley

My husband is one of my many qualifiers, he has now been sober for two years, 1 month and two, days. I am having difficulty feeling safe and grounded. My husband and I have had several very personal conversations regarding my family, his sponsor had brought them up to me in a way that he thought was humoro...

rtexas · rtexas

(((((Everyone)))))) In one of my F2F meetings someone had a very interesting share. Do you remember the movie Groundhog Day with Bill Murray? He was a news anchor person who was being a real butthead and relived the same day over and over and over again until he got it right. How often does that happen...

serendipity · serendipity

my ex kindly shared with me at some point in our life together that crack addicts break off the antena on cars to clean their pipes. i think he was proud that he never did that to our car. lol! also, steel wool. used as a screen. and the singed eyelases or eyebrows. i so wish i didn't know these things.

sharky · sharky

Hi, I'm a newbie. I actually posted an intro back in November or so. I went and picked up a few books that some of you recommended: Getting them Sober, Marriage on the Rocks, and Codependent No More. I haven't posted since then b/c I've spent most of my meager spare time reading - I litera...

ally · ally

((((((((((((((((roomies)))))))))))))))))) I posted a few months ago, asking for prayers for Liam. Liam is 18 years old and was suffering fom cancer for the last four years. Sadly Liam passed away this morning. He was a lovely, genourous, well mannered boy. He had a big future ahead of him. This some...

RainyJamie · RainyJamie

I don't want to jump to conclusions, but things are looking up. After spending a week with my now unemployed A (AND NO CAR!!) I hit the streets and started filling out job applications; I have been out of work for a while and all my references are out of state. The economy here is pretty slow so I was app...

mandy · mandy

my husband (the a) and I have been married close to ten years and we have two small children. He has been an a for as long as I've known him. I finally have had enough of watching him slowly destroy himself and his family. My children are finally old enough to undersand his behavior and now I am the one fe...

kerry5 · kerry5

In April, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70+ birthday Maya Angelou said this: "I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow." "I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/s...

Fifi · Fifi

Thank you all for your kindness...your words have helped me remember the calm and happy part of my soul....your words and a good nights sleep, baking muffins, and watching the beautiful sunrise. i know i'll make it....just wish i could be making it a little better....oh i am so greedy :) lol! love yo...

Katy · Katy

Riding my Bike! When my life had become unmanageable and my husband had started to bring all and Sundry home for me to sleep with, I got mad and made a plan, I would learn to ride a motorbike and ride off into the sunset with the first man that would have me, in my mind that was a good idea because I thought hel...

QOD · QOD

So today is day 6 that my AH has been missing on this latest binge. His mom is worried to death about him. Me, well, I just don't give a damn. Is that wrong? I mean I do but I don't, ya know? I watch his credit card transactions and see that he is still at it but other than that, nothing. As the d...

QOD · QOD

I was just thinking........Ok, so I don't care any more that my AH is gone. Life seems more peaceful at home without him. The kids seem more at ease. Not that he is violent or aggressive at home....b/c he is not. Usually he is just sleeping, or watching tv. Once in a while he gets pissed b/c he fee...

ZiggyDoodles · ZiggyDoodles

.......is it Bad, Bad Bill time? Ziggy

RainyJamie · RainyJamie

Wow I had no idea how long this would get. If you wnt the cliff notes version, I highlighted in bold. This is something that has weighed on my mind from the beginning. He was clean for 10+ years when we met. Ampetamines were more of an issue for him. He left a long term relationship to be with me. He was with he...

Moon · Moon

This is a total God story that happened to me the other day that most al-anons will relate to, so I hope you can get something from it. I was driving my car one day, I had my two children in the back strapped into their carseats. I turned onto a side street and as I drove up the street a truck to my left caught m...

lebe27 · lebe27

((friends)) In last night's meeting someone said Detachment for us is like not drinking is for the A. Wow really got me thinking. A has not been drinking this time since Thanksgiving and I have been trying to detach. This has been going on for both of us for sometime with many relapses. I notice...

jewely · jewely

my grandmother used to tell me.......,' ''idle hands are the devils tools''. i am thinking today, ''uh huh she is right.'' i won't make it to face to face meeting tonight. after i finish typing this i will probably go lay down. i have spent the past few days...

babysteps · babysteps

I thought I had mastered detachment because I was doing so well emotionally. Well I guess I had detached emotionally, but I was still taking care of (controlling) everything. I took care of all the bills and the cleaning and shopping and care of our child. I was letting him doing his thing and not gettin...

kellygirl · kellygirl

Hi all...in a nutshell, my H and I have been married x 17 years, we have 3 wonderful sons ages 9,12 & 17...he dropped bomb last March saying that he could no longer handle the pressures of marriage, kids, home etc...found out 2 mos later he moved into a trailor with a female bartender that works at the...

Tiger2006 · Tiger2006

To render ourselves insensible to pain we must forfeit also the possibilities of happiness. --Sir John Lubbock A caterpillar knows instinctively that it must spin a cocoon. When finished it will use the protection it has made to turn itself into a beautiful butterfly. When the time is right, the but...

nmike · nmike

Hi Alanoners, Well, with relationships it seems like they all go to hell at the same time. I know I have a part in it but hopefully my 4th step inventory will show me where I go astray. It has been a year and half since my AHsober moved out. The holidays were ok and actually fun but I just can't see us getti...

my sister · my sister

Just wanted to thankyou for those who wrote me, although not alot like I see some get for deaths, it meant a great deal to me as a new member. I dont chat room, cant write fast enough to reply (remember Im very disabled person)and cannot use my dragon speaker much right now due to only half a diaphragm. I app...

nmike · nmike

Thanks Alanoners for your responses to my down day. Sometimes I need a little jump start with perspective. In another post abbyal referred to ODAT July 14. So being the good codependent that I am and read July 16 by mistake. Boy, did that ever apply to me. Oops, then I realized that I had read the wrong pag...

Rita G · Rita G

so while i was off work i found out that our oldest daughter, Ashley is expecting again. She's about 8 wks along, not in a program of recovery, she has already lost custody of her other 2 children, 3 abortions, the father of the baby is abusive, not supporting his other children that he has with m...

Katy · Katy

My journey to happiness, it’s not something that fell into my lap complete, I had to earn it, and once I grasped the knowledge, the tools I needed to facilitate my power, my will over situations, I found just as I had become expert on self pity and control, I could learn to become an expert on happiness.Oh...

Maria123 · Maria123

((((((((Friends)))))))))), Alcoholism is only one of the symptoms of other underlying "issues" going on. Of late, I have been reading many of my own stories in yours and many of my friends feeling like everything is their fault. Abuse takes many forms. There's physical, emotio...

barisax · barisax

I don't hate my ex-wife. I don't wish anything bad on her, I even pray for her on occasion. I am really not involved in her life at all - I bump into her maybe twice a year while doing things with the kids, and that's about it. What's always interesting about those "bumps" i...

irish54 · irish54

Hi Family, Well, my daughter (grandaughter I've had since a baby) turned 18 yesterday. I sure have had some mixed feelings, but guess that's normal. The fact that she left my home in Dec. shortly before Christmas, as most will remember, make it a little harder to deal with in some ways.....m...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	a fresh start? (Preview) Hi all, i'm new here, but i've been attending al-anon meetings for almost 11 months now. some background info b4 i continue...i've been in a relationship with an addict for over 8 years now, our 3rd wedding anniversary will be in the fall. we now have 2 girls, 10 yrs (from a previous re...	4LLCandMe	6	524	Feb 3, 2007 by maresie2
	I started it (Preview) I don't know what is wrong with me, I know what things set him off and I know that I have to just back off. Is that right? I am still trying to live with this guy and it is so hard. I came home after being gone all day and he was sitting on the computer. I told him I had to use it and he let me, but it was moving so sl...	RainyJamie	7	410	Feb 3, 2007 by Maria123
	He's in jail...again (Preview) Just when everything seemed to be mellowing out, he had a place to stay, a job and was paying support and seeing the kids...all hell breaks loose again. Maybe that is just my dramatic rendition of the story. Anyway, last week I was on the fence going back and forth about giving him another chance, etc a...	carolinagirl	3	602	Feb 3, 2007 by Maria123
	Seeing myself in others (at work) (Preview) For most of my life I have believed that I was never part of the problem at work. I have really bought into that I had an awful supervisors (and I had some doozys) and terrible co workers and really bad environments. I started a new job recently (albeit a temporary job) I can never quite muster up to gettin...	maresie2	1	406	Feb 3, 2007 by gardengal
	Should I have stayed (Preview) I'm struggling lately with whether I should have stayed living with my ex(A) or moved back in with him -would that have solved things. Because even though we have been apart a year now almost to the day, we are still arguing over drinking, he is still drinking. It's like the same stuff as when...	mama_nz	4	484	Feb 3, 2007 by lin0606
	Update - AH still gone but not exactly missing! (Preview) Ok - so as of this morning....my AH has been gone for one solid week. Off smoking his crack, probably feeling sorry for himself. Boo hoo. Yea right! I know he is alive for 2 reasons.....I can track his credit card cash advances to know he is still withdrawing money. AND he called his sister last night a...	QOD	7	434	Feb 3, 2007 by maresie2
	Second Guessing Myself...Please Help (Preview) Since I attended my first Al-Anon meeting this week, a whole host of feelings have emerged within me...a lot of good, but some bad. The most prevelant feeling I have been getting is "Is My H Really An Alcoholic?" I know that when he was living at home with us he was, but he has been gone since l...	kellygirl	5	579	Feb 3, 2007 by maresie2
	The Awakening.... (Preview) ((((((Everyone)))))) Not long after I got here, someone posted this for me. I don't really know where it comes from, but I saved it. I read these things I have saved over time when I am feeling a need and I decided with all the new members here lately that someone may want to read it. Hope you enjoy it...	rtexas	6	460	Feb 3, 2007 by maresie2
	i was just sitting here minding my own my business when.........., (Preview) i was just sitting here minding my own business when........, my husband walked in last night with our one year old grandaughter. i looked at him and i said, ''what's this?'' i was feeling exhausted but quite proud of myself because i had managed to straighten up the house and co...	jewely	6	492	Feb 3, 2007 by maresie2
	I must be a sucker for punishment (Preview) My ex (A) emailed me to say he's sorry, that it hurts him like hell that I don't want to be with him anymore and that he had lots he still wanted to say and he hopes to hear from me. Well curiosity got the better of me and I ended up calling him tonight, and woah what a mistake that was. I was the one that...	mama_nz	6	570	Feb 3, 2007 by maresie2
	Still doing pretty good (Preview) Well I'm still doing pretty good. Haven't talked to the A since I dropped him off Saturday night at his sponsor's house (where he currently resides). I have thought about calling but then thought why bother. Of course when I do call he'll say it's only because I want my child s...	carolinagirl	3	417	Feb 3, 2007 by maresie2
	Sorry is not a 4-letter word (Preview) So, after last weekend's incident with my ex (A) (drinking again) he's now emailed me to say sorry. I pulled the phone out of the wall the day after it happened -more to stop myself from calling him and giving him a piece of my mind, and so I wouldn't be tempted to talk if he called. I've...	mama_nz	5	781	Feb 3, 2007 by maresie2
	The guilt passes onto to everyone (Preview) (((MIP Friends))) This week has been a challenging week. Still no work for my AH. I have been working short hours at work so that I can be available for the kids because I could not put them in daycare this week either. I did this so that my AH could work. He has now had to resort to day labor; which to say t...	twinmom2	6	583	Feb 3, 2007 by maresie2
	My AH took a big step last night (Preview) (((Happy Friday MIP Friends))) My AH went to a first time individual session with our therapist last night. I did well with detaching emotionally and just giving over my hopes and fears to HP. I simply asked if the session went o.k. but did not ask him to get into details. Later on he told me on his ow...	twinmom2	4	496	Feb 3, 2007 by maresie2
	Four Weeks Ago Today...(Smiles) (Preview) Hi everyone!!! I'm just poppin' in to say "howdy ya'll"...it's been 4 weeks ago today that I left my AH...and to let ya's know I'm doing well. I don't have a job yet, but that will come in time. My last paycheck from the bus driving job was wayyyyyy more...	afmom03	4	495	Feb 3, 2007 by maresie2
	He's going to start "seeing other people" (Preview) Well AH came over last Friday and stayed till Sat. and I could barely stand that long. First about 10 mins after he got in the car he asked if we were going to get back together or not (I'm afraid if I say no the support will stop and if I say yes I'm setting myself up) so I say I don't know. He says...	carolinagirl	7	820	Feb 3, 2007 by maresie2
	Holding myself back (Preview) (((Friends))) I had a thought this morning that I wanted to share with the group. Maybe someone else is experiencing this as well. Today's courage to Change was about doing what is best for my life, living my life the way I want it and giving myself what I need to be happy. Thinking about this sent...	twinmom2	4	530	Feb 3, 2007 by maresie2
	Update (Preview) I have not been posting much because (a) I did not have the internet at home (the A allowed the service to be cut off. For me that used to be a sticking point. I would go "off" on the a when it was down. This time I did not and it was pretty hard to manage the resentments and the difficulty of using th...	maresie2	0	310	Feb 3, 2007 by maresie2
	marisie (Preview) mary I hope I was not too tough on you!!! please come back and post I am concerned!!!! I do not trust your A at all!!! love,debilyn	debilyn	1	332	Feb 3, 2007 by maresie2
	Sponsor conflict (Preview) I of course left out the part of the conversation that disturbed me the most because it is literally stuck inside my head. he said that he wanted to drag me behind his truck. This is what I had found so disturbing, knowing our background. Those are pretty strong words.	Riley	3	415	Feb 3, 2007 by Serenity
	step 1 (Preview) cant seem to accomplish step 1! what the h#ll is wrong with me?? I keep brushing dirt under the carpet thinking the pain will go away. My a is out of control and trying to take his family down with him. I'm on my way and am so good at denial. By the way, any idea why I turned into a massive control freak?:fu...	mandy	6	518	Feb 2, 2007 by sharky
	i moved (Preview) hi all i finally did it i moved..after i left my AH sold everything in the house for crack,and beer thern to make things worse my monthly settlement check to the house instead of coming here in ny{i had the addy changed and everything and also in formed the bank about him trying to cash my check if it goes th...	bev	2	402	Feb 2, 2007 by bev
	Feeling better today. All dressed, and ready for "lunch." (Preview) Ok, I admit I am excited, which is a good thing considering how scared and concerned I have been over my recent "event." I'll let you all know about the Bad, Bad One when I get home. His voice sounds the same...husky and sexy...Ah, what fun!!!! Of course I know that I must take life easy fo...	Diva	5	569	Feb 2, 2007 by Maria123
	i left (Preview) well i left florida.on friday..AH tried to call my daughter but they wouldnt talk to him..on friday before we eft my daughter and son in law went back to the house to get my son in laws car and trailor,when they got there my daughter went in the house and everything was gone even his truck,but he was there e...	bev	8	461	Feb 2, 2007 by carol
	What books would you recommend? (Preview) What books would you recommend Beginners read first? Wilted	Wilted	5	545	Feb 2, 2007 by lin0606
	letting go and letting God (Preview) Hi all, this is my first time on this. Just logged in. We are in the process of moving. Of course, my A can't help much. Some days he tries Some days it's been bad. So much clutter and mess. I feel over whelmed. I'm trying to apply the tool Letting go and letting god .... Some things are hard t...	chauri	4	503	Feb 2, 2007 by aunitedway
	Stepping forward.... (Preview) Last Friday I attended my first face to face Al-Anon meeting and today I am going to my first Codependency meeting. After just "sitting still" for so long, I feel that I am finally taking some positive steps forward and there is a peace in my spirit that I haven't felt in quite awhile. I kn...	Wilted	5	482	Feb 2, 2007 by aunitedway
	Question... (Preview) I am only on step 3...made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God. Sometimes, I feel I still have to remember step 1, I am powerless over alcohol... Some of the al anon support I have received, tell me that it is ok for me to set boundaries. So, with the Super Bowl coming up, my AH told m...	DeeDee	3	441	Feb 2, 2007 by Rita G
	can you tell me how??? (Preview) can you tell me how to get into the step work board??? thanks jewely	jewely	2	386	Feb 2, 2007 by aunitedway
	Something New to be Powerless over.... (Preview) (((((Everyone)))) So over the past year I have struggled to understand and surrender to the fact that my wifes drinking is beyond my control. Just when I get a handle on that... she has appearantly started going to the outpatient treatment program here in town. I say appearantly because I don'...	rtexas	9	558	Feb 2, 2007 by emma
	Bad, Bad, Bill (Preview) He'll be here late this evening. We have a quiet lunch planned for tomorrow. Very close by so that I don't have to exert too much effort. What a hell of a time to have a heart episode!!!! LOL!! Diva	Diva	4	434	Feb 2, 2007 by leo
	I have hope (Preview) I have been thinking that I am probably just holding on to my A because he's a good fallback which isn't fair to me or him. I have hope for the future of meeting someone someday who is totally into me and treats me like a precious gem not a doormat. I'm so sick of men not doing what they say they...	carolinagirl	3	596	Feb 2, 2007 by Jerry F
	Sponsor conflict (Preview) My husband is one of my many qualifiers, he has now been sober for two years, 1 month and two, days. I am having difficulty feeling safe and grounded. My husband and I have had several very personal conversations regarding my family, his sponsor had brought them up to me in a way that he thought was humoro...	Riley	10	721	Feb 2, 2007 by Serenity
	So tomorrows GroundHog day.... (Preview) (((((Everyone)))))) In one of my F2F meetings someone had a very interesting share. Do you remember the movie Groundhog Day with Bill Murray? He was a news anchor person who was being a real butthead and relived the same day over and over and over again until he got it right. How often does that happen...	rtexas	8	620	Feb 2, 2007 by CJ
	another sign of crack use (Preview) my ex kindly shared with me at some point in our life together that crack addicts break off the antena on cars to clean their pipes. i think he was proud that he never did that to our car. lol! also, steel wool. used as a screen. and the singed eyelases or eyebrows. i so wish i didn't know these things.	serendipity	7	540	Feb 1, 2007 by serendipity
	I think I'm starting to get it! (Preview) Hi, I'm a newbie. I actually posted an intro back in November or so. I went and picked up a few books that some of you recommended: Getting them Sober, Marriage on the Rocks, and Codependent No More. I haven't posted since then b/c I've spent most of my meager spare time reading - I litera...	sharky	8	491	Feb 1, 2007 by sharky
	PRAYERS FOR LIAM'S FAMILY (Preview) ((((((((((((((((roomies)))))))))))))))))) I posted a few months ago, asking for prayers for Liam. Liam is 18 years old and was suffering fom cancer for the last four years. Sadly Liam passed away this morning. He was a lovely, genourous, well mannered boy. He had a big future ahead of him. This some...	ally	15	823	Feb 1, 2007 by ally
	Getting a little better (Preview) I don't want to jump to conclusions, but things are looking up. After spending a week with my now unemployed A (AND NO CAR!!) I hit the streets and started filling out job applications; I have been out of work for a while and all my references are out of state. The economy here is pretty slow so I was app...	RainyJamie	1	412	Feb 1, 2007 by Rita G
	new here..need some direction (Preview) my husband (the a) and I have been married close to ten years and we have two small children. He has been an a for as long as I've known him. I finally have had enough of watching him slowly destroy himself and his family. My children are finally old enough to undersand his behavior and now I am the one fe...	mandy	7	533	Feb 1, 2007 by RoseX
	Words of Wisdom Maya Angelou (Preview) In April, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70+ birthday Maya Angelou said this: "I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow." "I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/s...	kerry5	9	901	Feb 1, 2007 by tea2
	thanks (Preview) Thank you all for your kindness...your words have helped me remember the calm and happy part of my soul....your words and a good nights sleep, baking muffins, and watching the beautiful sunrise. i know i'll make it....just wish i could be making it a little better....oh i am so greedy :) lol! love yo...	Fifi	1	302	Feb 1, 2007 by Rita G
	Riding My Bike1 (Preview) Riding my Bike! When my life had become unmanageable and my husband had started to bring all and Sundry home for me to sleep with, I got mad and made a plan, I would learn to ride a motorbike and ride off into the sunset with the first man that would have me, in my mind that was a good idea because I thought hel...	Katy	5	594	Feb 1, 2007 by Katy
	Intervention for my AH?? (Preview) So today is day 6 that my AH has been missing on this latest binge. His mom is worried to death about him. Me, well, I just don't give a damn. Is that wrong? I mean I do but I don't, ya know? I watch his credit card transactions and see that he is still at it but other than that, nothing. As the d...	QOD	11	576	Feb 1, 2007 by carolinagirl
	If only his problems would disappear with him! (Preview) I was just thinking........Ok, so I don't care any more that my AH is gone. Life seems more peaceful at home without him. The kids seem more at ease. Not that he is violent or aggressive at home....b/c he is not. Usually he is just sleeping, or watching tv. Once in a while he gets pissed b/c he fee...	QOD	8	514	Feb 1, 2007 by jrtjosey
	Diva! Do you have knotts in your stomach? (Preview) .......is it Bad, Bad Bill time? Ziggy	ZiggyDoodles	8	696	Feb 1, 2007 by Rita G
	I think I ruined recovery for him (Preview) Wow I had no idea how long this would get. If you wnt the cliff notes version, I highlighted in bold. This is something that has weighed on my mind from the beginning. He was clean for 10+ years when we met. Ampetamines were more of an issue for him. He left a long term relationship to be with me. He was with he...	RainyJamie	11	717	Feb 1, 2007 by Moon
	Understanding step one (Preview) This is a total God story that happened to me the other day that most al-anons will relate to, so I hope you can get something from it. I was driving my car one day, I had my two children in the back strapped into their carseats. I turned onto a side street and as I drove up the street a truck to my left caught m...	Moon	6	984	Feb 1, 2007 by Moon
	Detachment for us... (Preview) ((friends)) In last night's meeting someone said Detachment for us is like not drinking is for the A. Wow really got me thinking. A has not been drinking this time since Thanksgiving and I have been trying to detach. This has been going on for both of us for sometime with many relapses. I notice...	lebe27	3	438	Jan 31, 2007 by Karilynn
	idle hands are the devil's tools (Preview) my grandmother used to tell me.......,' ''idle hands are the devils tools''. i am thinking today, ''uh huh she is right.'' i won't make it to face to face meeting tonight. after i finish typing this i will probably go lay down. i have spent the past few days...	jewely	2	523	Jan 31, 2007 by Maria123
	I thought I had detached, but I was still enabling (Preview) I thought I had mastered detachment because I was doing so well emotionally. Well I guess I had detached emotionally, but I was still taking care of (controlling) everything. I took care of all the bills and the cleaning and shopping and care of our child. I was letting him doing his thing and not gettin...	babysteps	2	763	Jan 31, 2007 by lin0606
	Newbie Alert*** (Preview) Hi all...in a nutshell, my H and I have been married x 17 years, we have 3 wonderful sons ages 9,12 & 17...he dropped bomb last March saying that he could no longer handle the pressures of marriage, kids, home etc...found out 2 mos later he moved into a trailor with a female bartender that works at the...	kellygirl	11	729	Jan 31, 2007 by jrtjosey
	Are you the catepillar or the butterfly? (Preview) To render ourselves insensible to pain we must forfeit also the possibilities of happiness. --Sir John Lubbock A caterpillar knows instinctively that it must spin a cocoon. When finished it will use the protection it has made to turn itself into a beautiful butterfly. When the time is right, the but...	Tiger2006	1	539	Jan 31, 2007 by barisax
	Feeling a little down... (Preview) Hi Alanoners, Well, with relationships it seems like they all go to hell at the same time. I know I have a part in it but hopefully my 4th step inventory will show me where I go astray. It has been a year and half since my AHsober moved out. The holidays were ok and actually fun but I just can't see us getti...	nmike	6	452	Jan 31, 2007 by drucilla06
	the 10 of you who wrote about my sisters DEATH (Preview) Just wanted to thankyou for those who wrote me, although not alot like I see some get for deaths, it meant a great deal to me as a new member. I dont chat room, cant write fast enough to reply (remember Im very disabled person)and cannot use my dragon speaker much right now due to only half a diaphragm. I app...	my sister	15	630	Jan 31, 2007 by aunitedway
	Found some answers..... (Preview) Thanks Alanoners for your responses to my down day. Sometimes I need a little jump start with perspective. In another post abbyal referred to ODAT July 14. So being the good codependent that I am and read July 16 by mistake. Boy, did that ever apply to me. Oops, then I realized that I had read the wrong pag...	nmike	2	475	Jan 31, 2007 by rtexas
	Another Grandchild affected by the disease (Preview) so while i was off work i found out that our oldest daughter, Ashley is expecting again. She's about 8 wks along, not in a program of recovery, she has already lost custody of her other 2 children, 3 abortions, the father of the baby is abusive, not supporting his other children that he has with m...	Rita G	6	585	Jan 31, 2007 by Rita G
	Katy's Journey to find happiness! (Preview) My journey to happiness, it’s not something that fell into my lap complete, I had to earn it, and once I grasped the knowledge, the tools I needed to facilitate my power, my will over situations, I found just as I had become expert on self pity and control, I could learn to become an expert on happiness.Oh...	Katy	1	638	Jan 31, 2007 by Jerry F
	What I have learned that saved my life (Preview) ((((((((Friends)))))))))), Alcoholism is only one of the symptoms of other underlying "issues" going on. Of late, I have been reading many of my own stories in yours and many of my friends feeling like everything is their fault. Abuse takes many forms. There's physical, emotio...	Maria123	12	687	Jan 30, 2007 by Maria123
	The Extraterrestrial (Preview) I don't hate my ex-wife. I don't wish anything bad on her, I even pray for her on occasion. I am really not involved in her life at all - I bump into her maybe twice a year while doing things with the kids, and that's about it. What's always interesting about those "bumps" i...	barisax	3	413	Jan 30, 2007 by Jennifer
	Daughter turned 18 (Preview) Hi Family, Well, my daughter (grandaughter I've had since a baby) turned 18 yesterday. I sure have had some mixed feelings, but guess that's normal. The fact that she left my home in Dec. shortly before Christmas, as most will remember, make it a little harder to deal with in some ways.....m...	irish54	6	548	Jan 30, 2007 by Karilynn
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