Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Hillyard · Hillyard

How do you all deal with verbal abuse? My wife has been verbally abusive for as long as we've been married (almost 19 years) and it seemed to progress with the alcohol use. Sometimes when I bring it up she doesn't even know she's doing it. It even happens when she's sober. Example - she wakes up and finds ou...

worried Mom · worried Mom

Still pretty new at Alanon, 3rd f2f meeting today..... so I'm wondering this..... when I I don't hear from my A daughter it usually means she's drinking. Drinking for her means drink until you black out. I can't decide whether to call and check on her. Don't call - I worry; do call - get upset if she's drin...

butterfly88 · butterfly88

I'm just wondering if this kind of thinking is damaging or fair. Everytime an "episode" happens, I think "okay, this time he really gets how bad this is" or "this time, now that he knows the kids noticed, he will change" or "since he slept with her and that is dev...

pinkchip · pinkchip

I understand when people make this statement and similar claims of how awesome their partner is followed by...."when he's sober." To me, I almost think this is a thinking trap that leads us to further disappointment. I know from when I was an active alcoholic and when engaged in a long te...

yanksfan51 · yanksfan51

Today's reading is a focus on Traditions One and Two. Tradition one being that the welfare of the group comes first, that personal progress depends upon unity, and two that the one authority is a loving God as expressed through a group conscience. I have not studied and worked on the traditions as I ha...

Hillyard · Hillyard

Lately, I've been feeling kind of low. Lots of memories keep breaking in my mind, good and bad, and I'm having a hard time controlling them. I feel like I need to make big decisions but not sure about it.

sookie · sookie

Struggling lately. I am now divorced. The paperwork arrived in the mail a few weeks ago. It has been a long time coming. My ex-AH moved out over 4 years ago and I held on to hope for most of it that we would figure it out and make it work. But it just kept churning and cycling and I couldn't do it anymore. Now tha...

missmeliss · missmeliss

Ugh. Just when you think you've become perfect, lol! I was talking to my grandmother on the phone and I mentioned that I have received really good grades so far for my classes this semester and I'm pleased. Now a few weeks ago she asked me how school was going and I told her it was demanding but good and she s...

hotrod · hotrod

Happy Mother's Day MIP Moms. Remember the precious times I know the following is very true for all of us.

Breakingfree · Breakingfree

The stress is on so please send positive prayers, thoughts and or vibes my way this week please. Mother's Day was nothing special I did homework and studied and my girls made me very nice cards. Just another day and I was on my pity pot about it for a little while, but worked my program and realized until I a...

hotrod · hotrod

The ODA T reading for May 11 is a reminder of the way I once thought , felt, and reacted. It discusses the overwhelming feeling of determination --that I am responsible and can and must do something about everything. The reading points out that this attitude will do nothing constructive for me...

missmeliss · missmeliss

Had to laugh this afternoon. I have been feeling kind of rotten about this place we live in; it is pretty run down and the neighbourhood is pretty dodgy and daughter really hates it. I've managed to get the living room and bedrooms looking really good but the kitchen, bathroom, rear yard etc are pretty a...

MeTwo2 · MeTwo2

so this past couple weeks .. I have gotten over a hundred calls from my ex addict .. I did not answer them for the simple reason nothing has changed .. I can see the familiar behaviors and patterns .. there are many .. I can see the manipulation of the calls .. the every effort to get me to answer .. recognizi...

wildthang86 · wildthang86

Well I can say that I had a fantastic Mother's Day, did not have to lift a finger to do anything yesterday. It was wonderful. Although there was an over shadowing of a sad feeling. My son, actually step-son although we don't use those terms in our family, had texted me Saturday night to tell me that he wasn...

Flower49 · Flower49

Today is a bummer day for me. I can't stop being weepy....hate it. My AH told me his PO will once again be coming to my home next Tuesday. It makes me so mad that I have to endure his criminal punishments to the point that I actually am feeling regretful for calling the police on him when he had his drug dealer...

runningwife · runningwife

I have reached my limit, but chickened out. This past week has really sucked. I went on a girl's trip with some friends. When I returned I found out my AH had gotten drunk at my son's game. So much that, luckily, the coach recognized it and drove my family home. My first mistake was arguing with my AH. The...

Jen61 · Jen61

I came to this site 2 years 3 months ago. I felt so desperate so I poured my heart out. I find it interesting to go back and re-read my posts. I feel that I have grown in many ways, but wow I have a long way to go to become the person I want to be. I want to thank all of you for commenting on my posts and helping me...

Fearngully · Fearngully

I am interested to hear what others have done when Face to Face meetings are not available. I have no meetings close enough to attend more than once every two months or so. The closest meetings to me are about a three hour drive one way and with two small children (one with a disability) that does not see...

likemyheart · likemyheart

I remember the tension - having to smile and pretend I was enjoying whatever was being thrown at me because I didn't want to ruin the special day. "It's Mother's Day, I did "this" for you, why aren't you happy? Its a "special day" I can act any outrageously way I want and you ca...

Kodydog · Kodydog

My son is 28 years old. He started drinking heavily in college. He moved home with us in his last year of law school. I was so sad when I realized he was an alcoholic. He managed to finish law school in spite of his addition. He started getting really sick and was hospitalized with acute pancreatitis which...

Denise505 · Denise505

Complicated and sad history with my mom. I was born in NY but raised by grandma iu French Canada until 6. When I went to live with my mom she didn't speak French. I have an accent and so no one figured she was my mom, and I look like my dad's side. Mom was an alcoholic. Dad is still alive and a gambler and nut...

Mama D · Mama D

My daughter is in treatment now on her own. She does not want to drink. Her drinking is a result of 8 years of mental & emotional abuse from her husband. Her drinking only became a problem about 3 months ago when she had to start taking medication for severe panic and anxiety attacks. So even thou...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

I know that mother's day and father's day can be very bitter sweet for many people for a multitude of complex reasons. I know for me I have a lot of strong mixed emotions about it. My sponsor and I have talked about this a great deal because when I came into Alanon 4 years ago I think almost 5 now that I think...

missmeliss · missmeliss

We had a very chilled out Mother's Day. Daughter kept things quiet this morning so I could sleep in, which was bliss after staying up late to meet a deadline. When I woke she had cleaned the lounge and taken out the rubbish as well as beautifying her room and putting away the washing. She'd bought me a gift...

hotrod · hotrod

The ODA T reading for May 10 talks about the power of detachment. It states that being detached does not mean we're not living a caring, is just indicated, we are allowing another with dignity to take care of themselves as we take care of ourselves in a healthy fashionthe reading goes on to state that the...

barbarella · barbarella

Hi, I am new here. My mom only began coming out of denial over the past year about my A stepfather. He moved in with us when I was 15 (I am 38 now). I noticed the drinking right away but my mother did not. She went to great lengths to protect and defend him throughout my life. Now, she is divorcing him, after...

Fearngully · Fearngully

My husband quit drinking and joined AA a few days ago. It is a great relief to not have him drunk every night. But a new unsettling fear has settled over me. Nothing between us has changed for me. I am glad he is trying another way but it will take time for me. He sees that as me not letting him take it day by d...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

I'm doing a little venting and contemplating at the moment so just trying to get it out here .. LOL .. sponsor is on vacation and she deserves not to listen to me whine. My XAH did not take the kids this weekend at all .. the ironic part is this .. he already set them up not to even ask last visitation and I have...

Debb · Debb

I discovered this morning that AH did not pay the April heating oil budget plan bill. So I told him he should have discussed his reasons for not paying it, because we got a bill this month that shows we are in arrears. I went and paid the $250 so that when the oil company tops off our tank for the summer that...

SpookyMulder · SpookyMulder

Hello everyone, it is so good to be here. Even though I am a newbie I have already read so many posts that I relate to. My wife, who is an alcoholic, just asked me for a divorce after 6 years. I came home from a trip and in a very robotic way she said, "I want out. I'm done. I need to be wild and free. I'...

worried Mom · worried Mom

New here, new to Al-Anon (2nd F2F meeting today) but......yesterday after my first meeting I was feeling lost and confused (glad I went but still lost). ANYWAY

I'm an avid yardsaler...stopped at one and guess what I got for $1.....tada...a 14 X 16 picture of Jesus holding the lost lamb. Every time...

worried Mom · worried Mom

Are the 12 steps for Al-Anon that exact same ones that AA uses?

emerald eyes · emerald eyes

Hi everyone, I'm new to the forum. I'm feeling totally lost today, nothing seems to be lifting my mood. I've read over my literature and prayed but still I feel like I'm in zombie mode. AH in recovery four weeks. Anyone any hints on how to lift mood?

hotrod · hotrod

The C2C reading for May 9 focuses on the fact that by living with the disease of alcoholism we suffer the loss of self-worth and self-esteem. It points out that were not comfortable with compliments or kind words. In order to be able to recover it was suggested that we make asset and gratitude lists each...

SpookyMulder · SpookyMulder

I was just reading that we are as sick as our secrets. I thought I would make a list of some as an experiment, as a purge, and maybe other people will relate to some of them. Here are the ones I remember right now, off the top of my head. When I got together with my A, I had a suspicion about three weeks in that...

hotrod · hotrod

http://stepwork.activeboard.com/t60167332/alanon-tradition-8/

a4l · a4l

Well the fan is hit. I decided to finalise the seperation by moving things to a more formal process. We had been doing an arrangement where the ah would come for weekends or when he was feeling down. For my part, I was hoping we could move into a friend ship type role, but I must have been having some kind of f...

Helpangel · Helpangel

My daughter started screaming in pain at the loss of her step daddy. This disease is beyond not fair. I dragged my daughter into loving a bipolar alcoholic and all I have is tears for the life we should have had- compared to what we ended up with. I can pretend that this is not a reality and I can pretend that...

PhilB · PhilB

There is a reading in one of the daily readers that includes this concept; It isn't my powerlessness that is the problem. It's the idea that i should have power that's the problem. I cannot find this reading. Can someone help? I have learned in 4th and 5th step work that it is my job to focus on what is, not w...

butterfly88 · butterfly88

I hate the weekend. I love to not have to work...but the weekends are when either 1)my weekend is absorbed with AH getting wasted and doing whatever he wants until Sunday when he apologizes or 2)he isn't drinking, like now, but he is so irritable and annoyed that he can't drink that everything is an issu...

worried Mom · worried Mom

I've seen the stickies but I guess I'm thick headed.

worried Mom · worried Mom

Just found y'all yesterday... went to last nights 9:00 meeting, been reading these posts.....I have an A daughter who admits she's an A, she's married to an A who doesn't admit it. I let her call me all hours of the night and listen to her drunk ramblings. Nothing makes sense. I get the feeling from posts...

glad · glad

I've been thinking about the correlation between God's grace and mercy and a sense of entitlement. Since God's Grace is him giving us things we don't deserve and his Mercy is him not giving us what we do deserve. In social service work I see clients who determine in their own mind (and are taught by the s...

hotrod · hotrod

The ODAT reading for May 8 speaks about the gifts that are offered to us by practicing the Al-Anon program. It points out that "freedom "is one of the gifts that we receive. When we come to Al-Anon we are prisoners of our own confusion and despair and by working the program we are be able to re...

hotrod · hotrod

Good Morning all Today is the 8th anniversary of my son's passing from this disease I miss him every moment of every day.

Hillyard · Hillyard

Since I came on these I'm beginning to notice some improvement, mainly in my thinking. I'm so tightly wound with anxiety but I feel the rope loosening around me. I'm putting a lot of emphasis on letting my HP's will be done and not mine. I am allowing myself to do more things that I'd usually refrain from i...

bells28 · bells28

Hi everyone.. I'm new to the forum but I have been popping in and out for around 5 years now. Just to fill you in abit... I met my husband in 2008 married in 2011 he is 47 and I am 28.. we have 2 young children who are 8 (his step daughter) and our boy is 2. He moved in with me in 2010, I knew he had a drinking problem...

butterfly88 · butterfly88

I just need to get this out there. It's been so long of up and down. I know my story is probably not as severe as others, but to me...it is an endless cycle that seems to be stealing everything I am away from me. I have been married to my husband for 14 years. When he isn't drinking and when he isn't depresse...

wildthang86 · wildthang86

It is with a lot of guilt that I come back to the Al-Anon board. Guilt that I have been gone for so long and guilt because I was so cocky that I felt as though I no longer needed to come here and my f2f meetings. I am back to both and just as crazy as I was when I first showed up here to the board. I am aware enough to kn...

irishwife · irishwife

I am new to this. I am getting ready to marry the man i love. He is an alcoholic. I knew this from the start and about his past. I know he has gotten help before and then started drinking again. He has never hit me or been verbaly abusive. I came home one day and he had been drinking after getting some bad news no...

Hillyard · Hillyard

So, here we go again. My AW is mad because I'm not responding the way she wants me to regarding a situation. She wants me to feel passionate about something and I do but not the way she would like. I tried to listen an be supportive but it wasn't good enough. I tried to reiterate that I do care I just don't resp...

JAH91 · JAH91

Good evening everyone, I am writing here because I am not sure how to deal with my mothers alcoholism anymore and I am wanting to find some advice from people that have been in a similar situation. From a little girl, around the age of six, I have grown up with this crazy and emotionally tolling world that...

GreenerGal · GreenerGal

It has been such an awful couple of weeks. Two of my dear friends have passed away, financial stress and taxes and now last night after my friend's service my AB and I stopped by his office to drop off the bike and there on his desk was a razor blade. I stared in disbelief for half a second then picked it up,...

Jerry F · Jerry F

That is a statement taught to me by my early sponsor after I realize in my stubbornness that I have attempted to control outcomes and came up battered and bruised. That sponsor is gone now however the lesson is fresh, loud and clear. My wife exercised caring for me leaving me a list of 10 suggestions wh...

gabigail · gabigail

I have in my recovery process two years ago realized that I am a codependent and that looking back at my parent's relationship, that's exactly what it was. But I did not grow up with alcohol. It was only when I got married that I realized the problem I inherited from my parents. I think the most glaringly o...

hotrod · hotrod

This. C2C reading for 5-7 speaks about alcoholism being a disease. It points out that once we truly accept that alcoholism this important fact, we are set free from trying to control it or be angry with the alcoholic. We can then turn our attention to our own recovery. This recovery is crucial to our o...

Bloodshotbetty · Bloodshotbetty

I took my husbands car off of our insurance. I have reasons to believe he has driven drunk a couple times (even though he just got a DUI). I told him a few weeks ago that if he continued to do so, I would remove him from the insurance and he would have to take the bus to work. Well, I FOLLOWED THROUGH, which I...

pixie · pixie

I've mentioned that my alcoholic father in law has dementia. But he's now 82 years old. My husband who is 55 is showing signs of what I'll call forgetfulness since he hasn't been to a dr. to be diagnosed. He forgets that I've told him things but gets mad when something happens and he'll say "why did...

Hopefull15 · Hopefull15

Need some feedback pleaseâ¦Iâm not sure if my reaction/response to something my AH does when heâs been drinking borders on controlling/lack of acceptance (step 1) or if I am setting a true boundary.Â He claimed two weeks ago that he had hit his bottom and swore to all (his family, me, his job) that he...

hotrod · hotrod

The C2C reading for may six talks about Step 5, which asked that we, admit to God, ourselves and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. The reading goes on to point out that many of us are intimidated by this step because it means revealing our darkest secrets. These secrets we kept in our...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Verbal abuse (Preview) How do you all deal with verbal abuse? My wife has been verbally abusive for as long as we've been married (almost 19 years) and it seemed to progress with the alcohol use. Sometimes when I bring it up she doesn't even know she's doing it. It even happens when she's sober. Example - she wakes up and finds ou...	Hillyard	26	1341	May 12, 2015 by ntd2001
	Another ?..... (Preview) Still pretty new at Alanon, 3rd f2f meeting today..... so I'm wondering this..... when I I don't hear from my A daughter it usually means she's drinking. Drinking for her means drink until you black out. I can't decide whether to call and check on her. Don't call - I worry; do call - get upset if she's drin...	worried Mom	4	508	May 12, 2015 by worried Mom
	When will I stop thinking "THIS TIME" he really gets it... (Preview) I'm just wondering if this kind of thinking is damaging or fair. Everytime an "episode" happens, I think "okay, this time he really gets how bad this is" or "this time, now that he knows the kids noticed, he will change" or "since he slept with her and that is dev...	butterfly88	13	728	May 12, 2015 by milkwood
	But he's so great when he's sober... (Preview) I understand when people make this statement and similar claims of how awesome their partner is followed by...."when he's sober." To me, I almost think this is a thinking trap that leads us to further disappointment. I know from when I was an active alcoholic and when engaged in a long te...	pinkchip	19	992	May 12, 2015 by sookie
	Hope for Today May 12 (Preview) Today's reading is a focus on Traditions One and Two. Tradition one being that the welfare of the group comes first, that personal progress depends upon unity, and two that the one authority is a loving God as expressed through a group conscience. I have not studied and worked on the traditions as I ha...	yanksfan51	4	568	May 12, 2015 by yanksfan51
	Bad thinking (Preview) Lately, I've been feeling kind of low. Lots of memories keep breaking in my mind, good and bad, and I'm having a hard time controlling them. I feel like I need to make big decisions but not sure about it.	Hillyard	15	684	May 12, 2015 by sookie
	The "poor me" feeling (Preview) Struggling lately. I am now divorced. The paperwork arrived in the mail a few weeks ago. It has been a long time coming. My ex-AH moved out over 4 years ago and I held on to hope for most of it that we would figure it out and make it work. But it just kept churning and cycling and I couldn't do it anymore. Now tha...	sookie	11	1088	May 11, 2015 by glad
	And here I was thinking I was perfectly detached. (Preview) Ugh. Just when you think you've become perfect, lol! I was talking to my grandmother on the phone and I mentioned that I have received really good grades so far for my classes this semester and I'm pleased. Now a few weeks ago she asked me how school was going and I told her it was demanding but good and she s...	missmeliss	14	875	May 11, 2015 by Breakingfree
	Happy Mother's Day MIP Moms (Preview) Happy Mother's Day MIP Moms. Remember the precious times I know the following is very true for all of us.	hotrod	8	692	May 11, 2015 by Breakingfree
	Finals week while in clinicals..... and about Mother's Day (Preview) The stress is on so please send positive prayers, thoughts and or vibes my way this week please. Mother's Day was nothing special I did homework and studied and my girls made me very nice cards. Just another day and I was on my pity pot about it for a little while, but worked my program and realized until I a...	Breakingfree	7	587	May 11, 2015 by Irish7
	ODAT 5-11 (Preview) The ODA T reading for May 11 is a reminder of the way I once thought , felt, and reacted. It discusses the overwhelming feeling of *determination --that I am responsible and can and must do something about everything.* The reading points out that this attitude will do nothing constructive for me...	hotrod	1	525	May 11, 2015 by Debb
	Mysterious Ways lol (Preview) Had to laugh this afternoon. I have been feeling kind of rotten about this place we live in; it is pretty run down and the neighbourhood is pretty dodgy and daughter really hates it. I've managed to get the living room and bedrooms looking really good but the kitchen, bathroom, rear yard etc are pretty a...	missmeliss	22	1000	May 11, 2015 by Sweet Stanley
	fear (Preview) so this past couple weeks .. I have gotten over a hundred calls from my ex addict .. I did not answer them for the simple reason nothing has changed .. I can see the familiar behaviors and patterns .. there are many .. I can see the manipulation of the calls .. the every effort to get me to answer .. recognizi...	MeTwo2	5	570	May 11, 2015 by MeTwo2
	Where o where was my youngest son yesterday? Not with me... (Preview) Well I can say that I had a fantastic Mother's Day, did not have to lift a finger to do anything yesterday. It was wonderful. Although there was an over shadowing of a sad feeling. My son, actually step-son although we don't use those terms in our family, had texted me Saturday night to tell me that he wasn...	wildthang86	1	573	May 11, 2015 by hotrod
	Regrets (Preview) Today is a bummer day for me. I can't stop being weepy....hate it. My AH told me his PO will once again be coming to my home next Tuesday. It makes me so mad that I have to endure his criminal punishments to the point that I actually am feeling regretful for calling the police on him when he had his drug dealer...	Flower49	7	886	May 11, 2015 by Flower49
	I think I'm enabling (Preview) I have reached my limit, but chickened out. This past week has really sucked. I went on a girl's trip with some friends. When I returned I found out my AH had gotten drunk at my son's game. So much that, luckily, the coach recognized it and drove my family home. My first mistake was arguing with my AH. The...	runningwife	4	496	May 11, 2015 by sookie
	Two years, 3 months.. (Preview) I came to this site 2 years 3 months ago. I felt so desperate so I poured my heart out. I find it interesting to go back and re-read my posts. I feel that I have grown in many ways, but wow I have a long way to go to become the person I want to be. I want to thank all of you for commenting on my posts and helping me...	Jen61	3	513	May 11, 2015 by hotrod
	Face to Face meetings (Preview) I am interested to hear what others have done when Face to Face meetings are not available. I have no meetings close enough to attend more than once every two months or so. The closest meetings to me are about a three hour drive one way and with two small children (one with a disability) that does not see...	Fearngully	3	629	May 11, 2015 by milkwood
	Special days MY way! (Preview) I remember the tension - having to smile and pretend I was enjoying whatever was being thrown at me because I didn't want to ruin the special day. "It's Mother's Day, I did "this" for you, why aren't you happy? Its a "special day" I can act any outrageously way I want and you ca...	likemyheart	5	579	May 11, 2015 by milkwood
	My son Sad and scared (Preview) My son is 28 years old. He started drinking heavily in college. He moved home with us in his last year of law school. I was so sad when I realized he was an alcoholic. He managed to finish law school in spite of his addition. He started getting really sick and was hospitalized with acute pancreatitis which...	Kodydog	9	697	May 10, 2015 by Jen61
	Mothers Day Blues (Preview) Complicated and sad history with my mom. I was born in NY but raised by grandma iu French Canada until 6. When I went to live with my mom she didn't speak French. I have an accent and so no one figured she was my mom, and I look like my dad's side. Mom was an alcoholic. Dad is still alive and a gambler and nut...	Denise505	4	555	May 10, 2015 by LinSC
	Daughter Getting Sober Her Husband Not (Preview) My daughter is in treatment now on her own. She does not want to drink. Her drinking is a result of 8 years of mental & emotional abuse from her husband. Her drinking only became a problem about 3 months ago when she had to start taking medication for severe panic and anxiety attacks. So even thou...	Mama D	6	765	May 10, 2015 by Mama D
	Parents .. (Preview) I know that mother's day and father's day can be very bitter sweet for many people for a multitude of complex reasons. I know for me I have a lot of strong mixed emotions about it. My sponsor and I have talked about this a great deal because when I came into Alanon 4 years ago I think almost 5 now that I think...	SerenityRUS	4	599	May 10, 2015 by hotrod
	Grateful today. (Preview) We had a very chilled out Mother's Day. Daughter kept things quiet this morning so I could sleep in, which was bliss after staying up late to meet a deadline. When I woke she had cleaned the lounge and taken out the rubbish as well as beautifying her room and putting away the washing. She'd bought me a gift...	missmeliss	2	452	May 10, 2015 by hotrod
	ODAT Reading 5-10 (Preview) The ODA T reading for May 10 talks about the power of detachment. It states that being detached does not mean we're not living a caring, is just indicated, we are allowing another with dignity to take care of themselves as we take care of ourselves in a healthy fashionthe reading goes on to state that the...	hotrod	2	635	May 10, 2015 by maryjane
	(trigger warning) heartbreak with codependent mom (Preview) Hi, I am new here. My mom only began coming out of denial over the past year about my A stepfather. He moved in with us when I was 15 (I am 38 now). I noticed the drinking right away but my mother did not. She went to great lengths to protect and defend him throughout my life. Now, she is divorcing him, after...	barbarella	7	2678	May 10, 2015 by barbarella
	Fear (Preview) My husband quit drinking and joined AA a few days ago. It is a great relief to not have him drunk every night. But a new unsettling fear has settled over me. Nothing between us has changed for me. I am glad he is trying another way but it will take time for me. He sees that as me not letting him take it day by d...	Fearngully	4	565	May 10, 2015 by maryjane
	Fun Weekend :) (Preview) I'm doing a little venting and contemplating at the moment so just trying to get it out here .. LOL .. sponsor is on vacation and she deserves not to listen to me whine. My XAH did not take the kids this weekend at all .. the ironic part is this .. he already set them up not to even ask last visitation and I have...	SerenityRUS	0	496	May 10, 2015 by SerenityRUS
	Just need to bounce this off you all (Preview) I discovered this morning that AH did not pay the April heating oil budget plan bill. So I told him he should have discussed his reasons for not paying it, because we got a bill this month that shows we are in arrears. I went and paid the $250 so that when the oil company tops off our tank for the summer that...	Debb	11	1195	May 10, 2015 by Debb
	Complications or just plain alcoholic mean-ness? (Preview) Hello everyone, it is so good to be here. Even though I am a newbie I have already read so many posts that I relate to. My wife, who is an alcoholic, just asked me for a divorce after 6 years. I came home from a trip and in a very robotic way she said, "I want out. I'm done. I need to be wild and free. I'...	SpookyMulder	8	780	May 10, 2015 by el-cee
	Speaking of mysterious ways..... (Preview) New here, new to Al-Anon (2nd F2F meeting today) but......yesterday after my first meeting I was feeling lost and confused (glad I went but still lost). ANYWAY I'm an avid yardsaler...stopped at one and guess what I got for $1.....tada...a 14 X 16 picture of Jesus holding the lost lamb. Every time...	worried Mom	2	439	May 9, 2015 by missmeliss
	oh boy.....another ? (Preview) Are the 12 steps for Al-Anon that exact same ones that AA uses?	worried Mom	4	461	May 9, 2015 by worried Mom
	feeling lost (Preview) Hi everyone, I'm new to the forum. I'm feeling totally lost today, nothing seems to be lifting my mood. I've read over my literature and prayed but still I feel like I'm in zombie mode. AH in recovery four weeks. Anyone any hints on how to lift mood?	emerald eyes	8	667	May 9, 2015 by worried Mom
	C2C 5-9 (Preview) The C2C reading for May 9 focuses on the fact that by living with the disease of alcoholism we suffer the loss of self-worth and self-esteem. It points out that were not comfortable with compliments or kind words. In order to be able to recover it was suggested that we make asset and gratitude lists each...	hotrod	1	436	May 9, 2015 by Debb
	My Sick Secrets... (Preview) I was just reading that we are as sick as our secrets. I thought I would make a list of some as an experiment, as a purge, and maybe other people will relate to some of them. Here are the ones I remember right now, off the top of my head. When I got together with my A, I had a suspicion about three weeks in that...	SpookyMulder	4	740	May 9, 2015 by missmeliss
	Tradition 8 (Preview) http://stepwork.activeboard.com/t60167332/alanon-tradition-8/	hotrod	2	659	May 9, 2015 by hotrod
	the last strand of gum. (Preview) Well the fan is hit. I decided to finalise the seperation by moving things to a more formal process. We had been doing an arrangement where the ah would come for weekends or when he was feeling down. For my part, I was hoping we could move into a friend ship type role, but I must have been having some kind of f...	a4l	7	854	May 9, 2015 by el-cee
	Today I told my 7 year old that her daddy wouldn't be living with us anymore. (Preview) My daughter started screaming in pain at the loss of her step daddy. This disease is beyond not fair. I dragged my daughter into loving a bipolar alcoholic and all I have is tears for the life we should have had- compared to what we ended up with. I can pretend that this is not a reality and I can pretend that...	Helpangel	9	699	May 8, 2015 by ntd2001
	Powerlessness is not the problem powerlessness weakness step 1 (Preview) There is a reading in one of the daily readers that includes this concept; It isn't my powerlessness that is the problem. It's the idea that i should have power that's the problem. I cannot find this reading. Can someone help? I have learned in 4th and 5th step work that it is my job to focus on what is, not w...	PhilB	2	891	May 8, 2015 by ntd2001
	The weekend (Preview) I hate the weekend. I love to not have to work...but the weekends are when either 1)my weekend is absorbed with AH getting wasted and doing whatever he wants until Sunday when he apologizes or 2)he isn't drinking, like now, but he is so irritable and annoyed that he can't drink that everything is an issu...	butterfly88	3	594	May 8, 2015 by a4l
	1st time here....don't understand 12 step (Al-Anon (Preview) I've seen the stickies but I guess I'm thick headed.	worried Mom	7	646	May 8, 2015 by ntd2001
	Am I to blame??? (Preview) Just found y'all yesterday... went to last nights 9:00 meeting, been reading these posts.....I have an A daughter who admits she's an A, she's married to an A who doesn't admit it. I let her call me all hours of the night and listen to her drunk ramblings. Nothing makes sense. I get the feeling from posts...	worried Mom	5	832	May 8, 2015 by Mike B
	control, God's Grace and Mercy (Preview) I've been thinking about the correlation between God's grace and mercy and a sense of entitlement. Since God's Grace is him giving us things we don't deserve and his Mercy is him not giving us what we do deserve. In social service work I see clients who determine in their own mind (and are taught by the s...	glad	1	682	May 8, 2015 by hotrod
	ODAT 5-8 (Preview) The ODAT reading for May 8 speaks about the gifts that are offered to us by practicing the Al-Anon program. It points out that *"freedom* "is one of the gifts that we receive. When we come to Al-Anon we are prisoners of our own confusion and despair and by working the program we are be able to re...	hotrod	0	337	May 8, 2015 by hotrod
	missing my son (Preview) Good Morning all Today is the 8th anniversary of my son's passing from this disease I miss him every moment of every day.	hotrod	31	1080	May 7, 2015 by Truth
	Some Improvement (Preview) Since I came on these I'm beginning to notice some improvement, mainly in my thinking. I'm so tightly wound with anxiety but I feel the rope loosening around me. I'm putting a lot of emphasis on letting my HP's will be done and not mine. I am allowing myself to do more things that I'd usually refrain from i...	Hillyard	5	386	May 7, 2015 by Hillyard
	To trust him or not to trust him.. (Preview) Hi everyone.. I'm new to the forum but I have been popping in and out for around 5 years now. Just to fill you in abit... I met my husband in 2008 married in 2011 he is 47 and I am 28.. we have 2 young children who are 8 (his step daughter) and our boy is 2. He moved in with me in 2010, I knew he had a drinking problem...	bells28	4	762	May 7, 2015 by LedfootJenny
	My story (Preview) I just need to get this out there. It's been so long of up and down. I know my story is probably not as severe as others, but to me...it is an endless cycle that seems to be stealing everything I am away from me. I have been married to my husband for 14 years. When he isn't drinking and when he isn't depresse...	butterfly88	14	820	May 7, 2015 by LedfootJenny
	Yep. it's about time I return to my Program...I deserve it (Preview) It is with a lot of guilt that I come back to the Al-Anon board. Guilt that I have been gone for so long and guilt because I was so cocky that I felt as though I no longer needed to come here and my f2f meetings. I am back to both and just as crazy as I was when I first showed up here to the board. I am aware enough to kn...	wildthang86	6	856	May 7, 2015 by ntd2001
	My Story/need an outside opinion (Preview) I am new to this. I am getting ready to marry the man i love. He is an alcoholic. I knew this from the start and about his past. I know he has gotten help before and then started drinking again. He has never hit me or been verbaly abusive. I came home one day and he had been drinking after getting some bad news no...	irishwife	7	1554	May 7, 2015 by irishwife
	Need Help... (Preview) So, here we go again. My AW is mad because I'm not responding the way she wants me to regarding a situation. She wants me to feel passionate about something and I do but not the way she would like. I tried to listen an be supportive but it wasn't good enough. I tried to reiterate that I do care I just don't resp...	Hillyard	5	634	May 7, 2015 by andromeda
	Needing to start somewhere. Any advice would be greatly appreciated :) (Preview) Good evening everyone, I am writing here because I am not sure how to deal with my mothers alcoholism anymore and I am wanting to find some advice from people that have been in a similar situation. From a little girl, around the age of six, I have grown up with this crazy and emotionally tolling world that...	JAH91	6	771	May 7, 2015 by Tracy
	The addict throwing everything at me but the kitchen sink (Preview) It has been such an awful couple of weeks. Two of my dear friends have passed away, financial stress and taxes and now last night after my friend's service my AB and I stopped by his office to drop off the bike and there on his desk was a razor blade. I stared in disbelief for half a second then picked it up,...	GreenerGal	10	846	May 7, 2015 by GreenerGal
	There I got myself good that time... (Preview) That is a statement taught to me by my early sponsor after I realize in my stubbornness that I have attempted to control outcomes and came up battered and bruised. That sponsor is gone now however the lesson is fresh, loud and clear. My wife exercised caring for me leaving me a list of 10 suggestions wh...	Jerry F	5	654	May 7, 2015 by Jill
	Controlling CoaA/A (Preview) I have in my recovery process two years ago realized that I am a codependent and that looking back at my parent's relationship, that's exactly what it was. But I did not grow up with alcohol. It was only when I got married that I realized the problem I inherited from my parents. I think the most glaringly o...	gabigail	7	697	May 7, 2015 by maryjane
	C2C 5-7 (Preview) This. C2C reading for 5-7 speaks about alcoholism being a disease. It points out that once we truly accept that alcoholism this important fact, we are set free from trying to control it or be angry with the alcoholic. We can then turn our attention to our own recovery. This recovery is crucial to our o...	hotrod	0	436	May 7, 2015 by hotrod
	Feeling guilty/responsible and I SHOULDNT. (Preview) I took my husbands car off of our insurance. I have reasons to believe he has driven drunk a couple times (even though he just got a DUI). I told him a few weeks ago that if he continued to do so, I would remove him from the insurance and he would have to take the bus to work. Well, I FOLLOWED THROUGH, which I...	Bloodshotbetty	3	645	May 7, 2015 by hotrod
	my alcoholic husband is becoming his father (Preview) I've mentioned that my alcoholic father in law has dementia. But he's now 82 years old. My husband who is 55 is showing signs of what I'll call forgetfulness since he hasn't been to a dr. to be diagnosed. He forgets that I've told him things but gets mad when something happens and he'll say "why did...	pixie	4	737	May 7, 2015 by pixie
	feedback please...was it controlling or setting a boundary? (Preview) Need some feedback pleaseâ¦Iâm not sure if my reaction/response to something my AH does when heâs been drinking borders on controlling/lack of acceptance (step 1) or if I am setting a true boundary.Â He claimed two weeks ago that he had hit his bottom and swore to all (his family, me, his job) that he...	Hopefull15	7	738	May 6, 2015 by Hopefull15
	C2C 5-6 (Preview) The C2C reading for may six talks about Step 5, which asked that we, admit to God, ourselves and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. The reading goes on to point out that many of us are intimidated by this step because it means revealing our darkest secrets. These secrets we kept in our...	hotrod	4	719	May 6, 2015 by Debb
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.