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Asked him to leave.
(Preview)
Hello everyone. I'm pretty new here, and I am very thankful to the kind people I have already met here. I took a few days away. After my husband came home from detox (long story, but I didn't even know he was an alcoholic he was so highly functional and good at hiding it - then he went through a brutal phys...
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Rachel Blue
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6
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675
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memories & leap day!
(Preview)
Gotta get this out: It is leap day & it feels really strange. Don't know how to explain it but then again some days are just strange anyhow. I am so grateful for all of you who shared your experience w/ recovery. I thought it was a pretty good thread myself. So today is full of good memories. I am on my own...
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Hoot Nanny
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4
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495
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Putting Me First: The struggle is real!
(Preview)
Why is putting our selves first the most difficult part of this whole thing? I can put everyone else before me and yet it comes time to just focus on me, I'm uncomfortable. I feel like I am abandoning all that "need" me. My thoughts are consumed by the other person and what they are doing o...
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Crau
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8
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746
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Courage to Change 2-28
(Preview)
The Courage to Change reading for February 28 speaks about the Third Step and discusses how turning our will and life over to the care of HP helps to relieve anxiety and fear . The reading points out that the Third Step is an ongoing process and is not simply done once and forgotten. It suggests that a...
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hotrod
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11
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505
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Courage To Change 29/2
(Preview)
Today's courage to change reading likens our journey to the functioning of an auto-pilot system in an airplane. It explains that the automatic pilot is in fact only "on course" a small percentage of the time, and the rest of the time is spent meandering across it's course and making adjust...
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missmeliss
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3
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453
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telling my story in one word
(Preview)
Growth. I challenge you all to share a word or two to describe your recovery.
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Hoot Nanny
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25
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987
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4th Step
(Preview)
Learn How The Twelve Steps Work.Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together! The 4th Step has been posted to the Step Work Board. Please visit at this web addy: http://stepwork.activeboard.c...
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hotrod
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1
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406
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Hell Hath No Fury
(Preview)
I'm telling you what just when I get to a point where my blood has calmed that man does something so dang stupid I think I can actually see the fire coming out of my ears we are beyond smoke at this point. This is not my problem it's exactly what my attorney said .. the judge in our case could tell him he's out o...
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SerenityRUS
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4
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692
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Is leaving the right or wrong decision?
(Preview)
Alanon tells us not to give advice and to suggest someone actually leaves their alcoholic partner could be the wrong thing. We don't know all the facts and details enough to ever tell someone to do that. However, it is an option, a choice. We are so sick when we live with active drinking. Our relationshi...
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el-cee
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9
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1288
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Little ramble about nothing much :-)
(Preview)
Whew I'm glad today is done. There was a luncheon for my Grandmother's 80th today, which involved getting up at the crack of...well, 7:30 which is early for a Sunday, and traveling 3.5 hours to get there, have lunch with a family i have almost nothing to do with these days, and then 3.5 hours home again, u...
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missmeliss
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6
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582
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When do you know it's time to leave your alcoholic spouse?
(Preview)
I have been in and out of Al-Anon as well as OA for 20 years. I am finally living some of the promises, but one painful side effect is truly knowing that I'm not willing to live with my husband of 23 years, who has stopped using drugs and alcohol--not completely but mostly--for 3 years but is not in a 12-ste...
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jacsuemarie
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9
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1423
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Trusting Myself, Trusting Others, Trusting HP
(Preview)
I want to share a little about my search for a new job. I've been trying to put "fear of the unknown" in balance and stay true to myself in my search. I had quite a few interviews last week, five of them. Three of these were in person. I prefer conversation over being quizzed about hypothetical...
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tiredtonite
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31
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983
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NEW JOB/OUCH
(Preview)
sTARTED A NEW JOB ON THURSDAY. 8 HRS COLD CALLING LEAD OBTAINER /SALES OF HOME SERVICES. hATE THE JOB BUT THE LOCATION IS PERFECT AND THE WORKERS NICE. oN tHURSDAY, I WAS RUNNING SORT OF FOR THE BUS AND MY SHOE GOT CAUGHT IN ONE NICHE OF THE SIDEWALK THAT lOS ANGELES NEVER FIXES. bOOM CRASHED TO CEMENT. i SC...
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YARNCRAZY
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5
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547
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Setting Boundaries with Alcoholic
(Preview)
Just reading some Toby Rice Drew material on line and I came up with a brillent idea as to how to deal with my ABF when he is using. Set up clear single boundaries with him for my sanity. He is currently sleeping off another drunk. When he wakes up, I decided that I will tell him to plan his drunk. Get his booze...
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joker
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4
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2120
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I Was Enabling Him.....
(Preview)
He was only 23, drunk and spaced out on pot.....I was sick just like he was with the disease. Until a sponsor woke me up when she said: "Why is it so hard for you to stop martyring and do whats right for your son. You keep saying how much you love him, then kick him the hell off your couch and let him sink...
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LinSC
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5
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615
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Unhealthy situation
(Preview)
Abf that lives here with me had a woman on the side that use to buy his clothes phones vehicles she married to a veteren lots older than her I found out through his texts their love letter texts this all being 2 yrs ago non stop this other woman would leave me landmines with receipts with her name on them etc e...
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lookingup
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11
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696
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Married another alcoholic
(Preview)
I'm humbly back from too many years away from Alanon. I divorced my husband of 16 years bease his drinking was getting worse. We have 2 beautiful girls who never see their dad because his bottom may be death. Now I'm married to another one. I'm so embarrassed that I would walk right into the insanity a...
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Mojo
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14
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867
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Strategies ?????
(Preview)
I've found a few strategies when dealing with addicts like ,that's a shame,I'm sorry you feel that way,I'm not attending that issue or talk about that but we can can go for a walk etc,I need all the stratigies I can get to keep my sanity,when the addict starts pointing,blaming wether it directly or indi...
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lookingup
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4
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518
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Spiritually and emotionally drained
(Preview)
I'm lonely, tired and worn out and for the first time I'm actually thinking about calling it quits in this relationship.
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Hillyard
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7
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774
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Emotional Blackmail
(Preview)
I just had another moment of clarity after reading on fear! My ABF is emotionally blackmailing me! A member had wrote her alcoholic had said god is going to bless us and I added what ABF had said, same words and if we are together, and another member wrote (this man does not want god in his life right now)....
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joker
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3
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567
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Just a object
(Preview)
I attended an AA meeting today, needed a 12 step program, was really good and met with a man from the program afterwards and I told him what is happening in my home-ABF drunk behaviors, talking, cheating on me with his ex-wife, (yes, he got a hotel room with her and had sex according to her), he denied that...
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joker
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6
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610
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Courage to Change Reading 2- 27
(Preview)
The C2C reading for February 27 speaks about the fact that once we begin to participate in Al-Anon recovery, we can learn to trust that HP will assist in mapping out the direction.that our recovery takes. We must simply humbly ask for God's guidance, and for the willingness to follow that gu...
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hotrod
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1
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955
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No defense over the first drink
(Preview)
I am a two time offender. I qualify for both rooms of AA and Alanon. I met and married a man in the rooms 2 1/2 years ago. He had gotten 8 years in December. Never saw his relapse coming(Or maybe I did and didn;t want to acknowledge it). A little over 48 hours ago my life has been turned upside down. He ha...
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oops35062
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2
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513
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A will be out soon; time to let go?
(Preview)
My A is in "forced" rehab (we don't really have interventions here). The program is for 3 months and they teach some good things like Yoga, meditation, control tools and techniques, education about Alcoholism, Alcoholics, AA (in house and outside if the person is not likely to run away :-...
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manas
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2
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644
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Are you wrong to 'love' an active alcoholic?
(Preview)
What i mean is. The 'normal' idea society feeds us about how to love is very dangerous, life threatening for an active drinker and the affected partner. We, who end up with alcoholic partners think we love very deeply. Look at all we do, in the name of love. We very often take verbal, maybe physical abuse...
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el-cee
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2
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539
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The dreaded relapse
(Preview)
It happened. And funny how even with the alchohlic "out" of my life. I am impacted. His counselor called me to get some information about how the week was going. I told him "I don't know I asked him to move out last week", which the counselor had no idea. Hence why I'm still lis...
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Crau
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3
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511
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Having trouble with personal decisions
(Preview)
I have been in a dysfunctional alcoholic marriage for so long that I am not sure sometimes what is an appropriate way of behaving and what is being selfish. I have an opportunity to take a road trip with my sister (with whom I am very close to emotionally but she is 2 states away so we don't get a lot of time t...
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Bethany66
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8
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694
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Feeling like I'm being childish... step 8
(Preview)
I know it sounds like I'm whining... I must be truthful despite my embarrassment of this trait however. I want my AH to do his step work first... he has more time in the program this time and I want HIM to make amends. He isn't. He got his one year coin and proceeded to immediately stop all meetings and...
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LedfootJenny
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8
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745
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Stopping the Insanity
(Preview)
I can't stop the obsessive behaviors that I've managed to have my whole life. No matter how my brain tells me to stop, my heart leads me to more and more trouble. My qualifier, who's been in recovery for 9 years, told me that I'm selfish, I only want what I want, no matter what detriment it may bring to his...
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marniep222
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1
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305
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When he feels guilty
(Preview)
I am just wondering if anyone has had this similar situation and has some good tips on how you were able to detach and not dwell. My AH who had been sober (on his own, no program) for three months had started in the past week to relapse. I knew it was coming and even though I am sad about it and disappointed, I...
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CoopsMom
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5
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746
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Struggling to connect at f2f meetings
(Preview)
I am looking for suggestions for how to connect at face to face meetings. I hear "pick up the 1000 lb phone" and "get a sponsor" but I'm really struggling to make connections. I've attended two different groups almost every week since July. The first three months I went mostly t...
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stillsmilin321
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6
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719
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Courage to Change (C2C) 2/26/16
(Preview)
Today's reading shares about being human, making mistakes and growing through the Al-Anon program. We are able to learn from our mistakes, and continue our growth in self-awareness as we progress in the steps. What a gift that we can own our mistakes, make amends and keep moving forward - we can cha...
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Iamhere
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2
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635
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Issues again
(Preview)
"I am right where I'm suppose to "so I told my sister and she interpreted it like you mean your right where God our hp wants you to be allowing my bf to live here with me so my sister says that's wrong,which it is wrong I'm living in sin,but I am where I'm suppose to be right here living in the moment...
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lookingup
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3
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546
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Courage To Change 25/2
(Preview)
Today's C2C points out that growing up around alcoholism tends to teach us self neglect. (Boy does it ever!) The reading points out that many of us tend to push ourselves to ignore our own well being even when we are ill and simply keep on keeping on. The writer suggests that through al-anon they discove...
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missmeliss
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4
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723
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Attention to the ABF
(Preview)
Just read some things on emotional blackmail on the board here and one of the things that really struck me is by listening to the ABF is I am giving him attention. By giving him attention I am saying your a great guy with great wisdom and I need to listen as I will learn something from your great wisdom that i...
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joker
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1
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588
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2 Years pass quickly
(Preview)
Hi Everyone It's been a while but I'm doing good. Tomorrow will be the day my son is released from prison and I pray for him to come out ready to start a new and continued life. I am grateful for all of you that has helped me so so much....I will never forget. God bless you all and thank you ((( hugs )))
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Cathyinaz
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10
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802
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Grieving the loss of a living addict
(Preview)
Hi I've never done this before so I'm not sure where I should start. I have always loved an addict from the time I was a just a young girl. My life has had numerous addicts and I have never been without trying to love one. I became really great at helping people with addiction to alcohol find sobriety. I oft...
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jvbaker
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6
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746
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a team of people
(Preview)
I had been reading recovery material this morning and I had a moment of clarity. I need a team of people in my life, not one person. I need a person to do the physical things that require doing, a person to address the mental, emotional, and spiritual. I can not depend on one person to be all these things to m...
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joker
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2
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567
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Control
(Preview)
I just had another moment of clarity. I was reading on fear on this board and I see that fear has kept me stuck. Fear of rejection, fear of being judged bad, fear of being alone, fear of not being loved, fear of stepping into the unknown, fear of failure, fear of not being good enough, fear of abuse, fear of t...
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joker
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4
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601
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Understanding why
(Preview)
When I met my husband I used to ask him to protect me from her (isn't that crazy and irrational) I felt safe. This quote from a member is what I read on fear and OMG it hit me why I am still with my ABF. I am looking at him for protection, to feel safe! I am looking to my ABF to make me feel safe! I am looking to him to...
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joker
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0
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497
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confused
(Preview)
Just wanted to share some insights and to let you all know that my daughter appears to be stabilizing on her new medication! I am so grateful! The home front appears stable with her for the moment! The nurse is coming to see her again today! The ABF drank from Thursday to late Saturday night, slept all day...
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joker
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3
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580
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Master manipulaters
(Preview)
I'm finding it hard to stand up for me when it comes to the addicts in my life its like their master manipulates and blamers so therefore I'm the one ,I live with 2 addicts one being my sister and my boyfriend live here with me,and omg it gets bad I'm to blame for everything and because I'm so easy going and go...
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lookingup
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7
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681
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mentors
(Preview)
I just wondered if there was any kind of connecting type service with mentors here.... like people who will text and/or skype.
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Rachel Blue
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2
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392
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Feel trapped in relationship, so depressed
(Preview)
Hello all,
I have been with my boyfriend for 10 years now. He is my drug of choice.
Currently he has been sober for 4 months, but not in any recovery or therapy. Our relationship for the past 4 months has been so chaotic. We constantly fight, almost everyday.
Our fights are started by him almost 100...
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sunflower22
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5
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2880
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Yesterday I said I felt like a sham....today I find the lesson?
(Preview)
So after a pretty good run of working my program and feeling pretty darn good, I was awoke at 4:30 am Monday with the feeling of something amiss in my bedroom. I had earplugs in, but I could sense a "disturbance in the force". The moon was full and so I was able to make out the shape of my AH bounc...
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Bethany66
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4
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665
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Hope for Today feb 23
(Preview)
Good morning Everyone- Today's reading is a comparison between recovery and the detailed work of sewing. The writer states that before program she would be so critical of her work she would never wear it, or would be quick to point out its imperfections. The program and recovery work helped her to s...
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yanksfan51
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6
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661
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Hope
(Preview)
for two year I was told "don't loose faith, think positive, have hope". Even when my ExAbf was taking the things out of our home and crying while playing with the dog they said "I hope to be be back here some day, hooe to have this family back" hope is a tricky thing for me now because...
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Crau
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3
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556
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Courage to Change (C2C) 2/24/16
(Preview)
The C2C for today discusses the 4th Step inventory that the program suggests as part of the 12 Steps. ur fourth step inventory shows us where we have empty spaces, and what our short-comings are - just as an inventory in a retail space points out gaps on the shelf of out of stock items. The fourth step does...
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Iamhere
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0
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598
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You and the A are the same.
(Preview)
What if someone told you that you are the same as your alcoholic partner, would you believe them? I would have argued against this before alanon. Ive became aware, with amazement, that i have the disease of alcoholism, exact same disease, minus the drinking as the alcoholics in my life. I just never kn...
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el-cee
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12
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982
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is al-anon for atheists?
(Preview)
Hello all, I am asking this question not to cause controversy but because I am very new to this whole experience. My husband is currently in detox in the hospital. The past five days have been horrible. Firstly I had no idea he was drinking this much as I am rarely home. It sounds crazy but I truly didn...
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Rachel Blue
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19
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907
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just an honest share; lessening the illusion ..
(Preview)
Interesting when i reflect back on my life pre recovery .. I can see (and admit today) there wasn't higher power in me in truth .. there was more often than not lower power such as fear anger confusion .. wasn't until i began joining the fellowship that i began to experience occasions of higher power suc...
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MeTwo2
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0
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580
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Clarifying an issue with AH and cell phones
(Preview)
This week an issue came up with my AH - He was upset about something and wanted to reach me. I was in a group meeting and had my phone on silent. Near the end of the meeting I checked my phone -- "Call me please, when you have a moment" was his text at 9am and one missed call. I sent a text back at that ti...
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Taraxacum
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4
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663
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Guilt...
(Preview)
I have incredible guilt right now for ending things with my boyfriend who was just days home from treatment. Guilt that I wasn't patient enough, that I let my emotions overshadow my ability to make a sound decsision. But he's moved out and its done. Back story at what brought me to my breaking point...
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Crau
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12
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3782
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I'm just plain tired....
(Preview)
I am tired of the thoughts that constantly flow through my head about what I should have or could have done differently. I'm tired of being crippled by the obsession of needing to know what tomorrow will bring or if that one thing I did or say was the right or wrong thing. I'm tired of needing external va...
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Crau
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7
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705
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Feeling like a sham
(Preview)
12 days ago I posted about the peace I felt in spite of the craziness in my home. Then shit got really real last night (4:30 am) as my AH fell down stumbling to bed and gashed his head on the bedside table. Blood everywhere. Now there is no mention of the incident tonight and I am not sure if talking about it wi...
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Bethany66
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3
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537
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fREAKIN oUT
(Preview)
Just did my taxes and because we got laid off and had to cash in our pensions to survive, we owe a s___ load of money to IRS. Im hoping I can work with them on payment plan. Im sooo stressed,what with having divorce papers served, dealing with home ownership transfer,my sis in law and no job. The only thing g...
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YARNCRAZY
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4
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632
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Advice Please - Unsure how to respond to actively drinking boyfriend
(Preview)
Hi I'm KG and my boyfriend is in the midst of a 2 week bender. He has been in a rapid relapse cycle for the past 4 months or so, and like so many others say, he is Mr Wonderful when he is sober - I've never gotten along better with a man than I do with him. When he drinks, he becomes a belligerent arse and I want no...
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Browneyedgirl66
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3
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672
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getting over resentment of being the one to move out of family home
(Preview)
Hi all, I am really stuck. I have made progress, and am increasingly realizing how stuck I am. I moved out of my house last July, because my AH refused to go. 18 months earlier, a counselor had recommended he move out for awhile. This was before I knew he was secretly drinking - we had terrible fights an...
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oceanpine
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6
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578
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Need to air my thoughts...
(Preview)
I am not sure why I so strongly feel the need to post today, but I do, so here it is.My AH is retired, and 13 years older than I. We live about 17 miles from town, in a gated lakeside community. His world is very small. Mostly he works around the house on projects I wrack my brain to come up with, plays comput...
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Bethany66
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25
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1074
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my life is pretty much an open book...
(Preview)
Every since I joined Al anon I have been an open book. Sometimes I think it is due to the fact that I have this illness. Bipolar disorder. I am not a Bipolar. I have the disease. Anyhow, I realized that 30 years ago, I had an awful experience that changed my life. I am a new person w/ a new outlook on life. I actu...
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Hoot Nanny
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2
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474
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