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New to this but not new to dealing with it
(Preview)
I am just lost. My anxiety is just out of control. Trust is gone. I am angry. I was directed to this forum by my Husbands sobriety coach. He has been out of inpatient about a month. I could not go to the facility family discharge program because I couldn't get the time off work and they only offe...
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Fooled
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5
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534
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Self pity is the enemy
(Preview)
Self pity has been such a destructive, negative shortcoming for me. Feeling like the victim of my relationships has kept me guarded and defensive and it keeps people out of my life. Its fear based and its a choice for me. For example if someone is short or curt with me I can go into my old pattern of feeling...
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el-cee
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15
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1677
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Abf has moved out
(Preview)
He cooked a nice breakfast and got his things together and loaded in his car,said his goodbyes ,bittersweet I guess is how I see it,it is hard for me to except him for who he is what he has become he was doing so good staying sober 2 years ago with no recovery program it's like he went into a tail spin and down h...
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lookingup
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4
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539
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Pina Air Museum
(Preview)
We had a great day together -- Edited by Cathyinaz on Tuesday 1st of March 2016 04:13:47 PM
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Cathyinaz
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10
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719
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active alcoholism behaviors
(Preview)
I was thinking of acceptance and I came up with a list of behaviors that active alcoholism displays and when it happens I should not be surprised. 1. They will lie right to your face they are not drunk or drinking 2. The drinks is more important than anything in the world 3. They will steal, borrow (if low...
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joker
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9
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680
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Feeling of joy
(Preview)
I have been working really hard on staying focused on myself and reading a lot of al-anon literature, AA big book and just trying to let go. I got the best news today from my ABF, he is working this weekend! I am so, so happy! I am so fed up with this drinking and talking to himself and being drunk 24 hours a day...
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joker
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1
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512
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New here - introducing myself
(Preview)
Hello, I'm new here. I am so appreciative of the online option because I know I'd get the 3rd degree of questioning if I attempted to go to face-to-face meetings. My husband is very anti-counseling or anti-tell others about our problems. The short version is this is my second marriage. My first wa...
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Just Kris
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4
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588
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PROUD OF SELF
(Preview)
Stood up to boyfriend yesterday for behavior of his towards me that i felt was unacceptable. Looking out for number one-ME. Wont bore you with many detailes. Just that boyfriend had angry exchange with strange woman i didnt know about money. Saw a side of boyfriend had never seen.. He hastly decided t...
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YARNCRAZY
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1
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396
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Funny of the day.
(Preview)
This morning I was driving to work and the "Stand By You" song came on by (Rachel Planten? Maybe) I heard the following line-- "I'm going to stand by you, even if I don't find heaven, I'll walk through hell with you..." My first thought was, "Oh, she needs al-anon."...
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Bloodshotbetty
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5
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533
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who am I
(Preview)
I just had a moment of clarity. Who am I? I see that I try and hide myself to please others. I want others to see me in a good light! I am afraid of people seeing my anger! I am an angry, angry person. I try and not show that side to anyone! I am afraid to stand up for me, say that I am angry, that I do not deserve this!...
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joker
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2
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367
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Hurt?....not quite...disappointed? let me tell you.
(Preview)
Got out of bed at 5:30Am to walk the puppies in the morning first light and then back into the house to do the other stuff; you know the support the spouse stuff and take care of myself stuff and now I'm disappointed? Made breakfast (cooking style) and served it with fresh coffee and then when it was d...
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Jerry F
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14
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656
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And in happier news...
(Preview)
I began live classes this week and OH what a difference to my spirit already. It's SO good to have a reason to get dressed, take a little pride in my appearance, converse with real people, it's magic. it's been a long, long stretch of on-line study (It was never meant to happen and ended up stretching for 7...
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missmeliss
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2
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490
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Courage to Change (C2C) 3/3/16
(Preview)
Today's reading discusses Step 4, and how it brings about the awareness of our part in the disease. The writer shares that much of their behavior was extremely immature and then goes on to share a lovely list of what they consider mature behavior. While the answer may be different for each of us, askin...
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Iamhere
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3
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457
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Look at all these circuses that aren't mine!!!
(Preview)
There's a lady who lives directly opposite me who has some clear mental health issues. I feel for her, she's sweet and friendly one minute and then in the middle of the street screaming and arguing with rocks, or thin air, or her own foot, or...you get the idea. Schizophrenia or something alike I guess,...
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missmeliss
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3
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499
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Not talking the blame
(Preview)
Drama, drama, never ends with my ABF. He is back at work and I have kept my distance and conversations to a minimum. I do not want to hear any more lies and BS from him. I did text him and said clearly, you need to drink elsewhere (hotel room or elsewhere) as I can not deal with your drinking anymore. As you kn...
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joker
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0
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420
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What if he don't leave,jade is what I'm useing
(Preview)
What if h don't leave?theres my what ifs again,he may not,I'll just ask him nicely again? Then he will still try to use me ,my being nice etc,,,good hearted ness and my sister will fall sorry or bad for him ,I done talked to her about it and told her to not say a thing when I ask him to leave she bad to say ...I'm...
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lookingup
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0
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420
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Am I having stinking thinking or what
(Preview)
My thoughts are .....your not working,don't work,you got it made here just constantly studying on where his next hit is gonna come from or how he is gonna afford it ,beer in my fridge ,and not a cent for a pack of cigs,I feel played like a fiddle ,and he ain't letting up,. Now my thinking is I'm sick of this ,...
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lookingup
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0
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395
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My tools for today
(Preview)
S-save M-motherO-obsessO-ownT-take abuseH-HP (be his or let him be your tin God)E-expectR-react What's the opposites to these ? Please any body ?? Gonna be my tool for today,,,,,my abf not wanting to leave he is being so nice and helpful,and I'm feeling bad sorry for him,but I need my...
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lookingup
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3
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423
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Updates on me
(Preview)
So many diff. Personalities going on at once ,sister is fine now after a nite of drama and chaos with daughter,she is running about acting and talking very positive things she is gonna do,which I've heard the wind blow before,and abf has retired to bed early afternoon when his car didn't sale and no mon...
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lookingup
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4
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458
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Courage To Change 2/3
(Preview)
Today's reading discusses the marvelous tool that is CAL (Conference Approved Literature) and what a benefit it has been to the writer's life. It points out that although opening up to others took time and multiple meetings, she was able to engage with the program from the very beginning by reading t...
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missmeliss
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5
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585
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Partner rehab ahhh
(Preview)
rehab ahhh :( My partner when to rehab today we have been together 5 years have a 2 and a half year old, basically since I have know him alcohol and drugs have been a big part of his life that's got a lot worse the last two years where he will literally go on a 3 or maybe 4 day binge have a hangover for 3 days then d...
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Xxtitchxx89
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14
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655
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I'm exhausted doing nothing
(Preview)
Sit and wonder,lol I have to laugh about it cause I'm so darn exhausted abf will be here until tomorrow,I know a lot of you prolly remembers him ,he is my ex old abf from way back in 2009 I have been rereading old posts from back then I went under diff. Usernames all them posts and replies were all still intac...
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lookingup
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0
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632
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Phone meetings
(Preview)
meetings...........?????????>>>>>>
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lookingup
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4
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1940
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Distressed
(Preview)
I told my addict bf he needed to go somewhere else to stay awhile until the drama. Settled down around here ,just way to much for me to deal with 2 addicts living in my home is a nightmare,he isn't likening it having to leave but so far he has been nice,I told him he could go to his old bosses house but he said NO...
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lookingup
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2
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428
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Forgotten passwords
(Preview)
I've lost or forgotten old usernames and passwords for this board,are there any way I can retrieve them back so that I can go back and read my old posts from yrs ago ???? Thank you ,lu ive had at least 3 or 4 usernames and passwords from over the years but don't have them now. Need help please . Lu
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lookingup
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9
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472
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QUITT JOB
(Preview)
HIRED FOR 8HR SHIFT COLD CALLING FOR HOME SERVICES COMPANY. LOCATION WAS PERFECT BUT THE NEW OWNERS BREATHED DOWN OUR NECKS. tHERE WERE QUOTAS INPOSSIBLE TO MEET. tHE COMPUTORS KEPT MESSING UP AND THE LEAD GENERATER PROGRAM KEPT CALLING THE SAME PEOPLE. MUCH ITRATATION AND FRUSTRATION, OFFICE NOT...
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YARNCRAZY
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2
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376
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choices
(Preview)
I was reading Al-Anon literature this morning and the word Choices came to me. What are my choices? I thought hard about it and came up with a list: 1. Ask for help (call police, domestic violence help line, woman shelter, AA, Al-Anon, sponsor, friend, post on board here, let someone know what is happen...
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joker
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2
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453
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If only...
(Preview)
If only I wasn't so passive he said. But what he didn't know is that when I wasn't, he didn't remember or picked a fight or threatened to leave.
If only I wasn't so enabling his family said. But they couldn't see was what my day to day life was with him because they were so far away; all the times I put up boun...
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Crau
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6
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528
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How do you know when its over
(Preview)
My husband has relapsed and hes back to his old self. Sweet as can be when sober but mean as all hell (verbally) when drinking. I realize I love only part of him and I hate what he becomes when hes drinking. Hes been completely drunk the last 2 nights and I dont want to be treated that way anymore. Really just...
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Britta
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3
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501
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Hope for Today March 1
(Preview)
Today's reading brings up that difficult concept of detaching with love. In the reading it is suggested that this is important for US-- that until we are able to lovingly detach we are bound to the past and moving forward in life is very difficult. The opening sentences are about how the reader saw so...
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yanksfan51
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6
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611
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Could Use Some Help
(Preview)
Hi Everyone, As some of you know I started a new job last week. It's been an eventful week at the new workplace. As I suspected my new boss is an ACOA. She got word that her biological father died this week. He left her and her brother when they were very small with their mother who was a violent alcoholic. M...
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tiredtonite
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10
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596
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Giving back the problem to alcoholic
(Preview)
Its been another hellish 5 days of alcoholic using. He came home from work Thursday night and went straight to the bar. He did not come into the house. I went to bed and woke up at 3 am. He was still not home but I had a good laugh. I thought for sure he would make the liquor store before 2 am, he needs his alcohol...
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joker
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5
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550
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f2f questions...I left feeling confused tonight
(Preview)
Hello all, I went to an open meeting and then to a step meeting. Tonight I was at the step meeting for just the second time and shared with the group that I have spoken my peace to my husband this past week. I had told him that I was seeking recovery, that I hoped he would seek it for himself also because my f...
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newleaf66
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14
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647
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I think he is trying to kill himself!!
(Preview)
I mean, he was diagnosed with Barretts Esophagus and told to "Wien" off alcohol and lay off pop. So what does he do? Spends the rest of the day after the Upper endoscopy, eating everything in sight. (junk food) And I am not sure, but i THINK he drank a little. Thursday he drank his usual 1/2 a 5th...
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Tired-of-it
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10
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859
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Feeling uneasy when things are going smoothly
(Preview)
I've always been terrible at taking care of myself. Last week I got really sick with a bad cold and I had to stay home from work for a day and for several days I couldn't speak much (lost my voice) and had to take things really slow. I think it was my HPs way of telling me to listen and learn. I listened to my b...
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KT2015
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3
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489
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Intervention..Of sorts
(Preview)
Sooo, My AH and I are in a church that has small satalite Home Churches, like Bible studies. We get together once a week, and then go to the "big" church on Sunday with other home churches. This keeps it kinda nice, cause you have the feel of a small church when you are within a larger church. I a...
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Tired-of-it
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6
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554
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New Here
(Preview)
I'm so glad I found this site. I'm new to this site but not new to alanon. I've been reading a lot of the posts and the words are like water for someone dying of thirst. I work in a treatment center so I'm around just barely treated alcoholism every day...I've got some time in AA, which is where I've spent...
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outlandergirl
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16
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540
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Not getting enmeshed
(Preview)
My addict sister is in another crises with her oldest daughter which is 18 and lives out on her own with a healthy boyfriend,so to try and stay out of the drama and chaos of a/ sister and her being very emotional and crying can't eat,etc all on account of her daughters bad attitude toward her,says her moms...
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lookingup
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1
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432
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Trying to keep focus on ME ,
(Preview)
Any suggestions would be great as in my working my program as best and as hard as I can and as I have time to do so,I'm asking for Tools and Slogans to get me through tough times as have a addict sister and addict / alcoholic bf living in my home they can both be helpful in some ways both pay their way mostly sist...
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lookingup
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2
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469
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Asked him to leave.
(Preview)
Hello everyone. I'm pretty new here, and I am very thankful to the kind people I have already met here. I took a few days away. After my husband came home from detox (long story, but I didn't even know he was an alcoholic he was so highly functional and good at hiding it - then he went through a brutal phys...
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Rachel Blue
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6
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586
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memories & leap day!
(Preview)
Gotta get this out: It is leap day & it feels really strange. Don't know how to explain it but then again some days are just strange anyhow. I am so grateful for all of you who shared your experience w/ recovery. I thought it was a pretty good thread myself. So today is full of good memories. I am on my own...
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Hoot Nanny
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4
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422
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Putting Me First: The struggle is real!
(Preview)
Why is putting our selves first the most difficult part of this whole thing? I can put everyone else before me and yet it comes time to just focus on me, I'm uncomfortable. I feel like I am abandoning all that "need" me. My thoughts are consumed by the other person and what they are doing o...
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Crau
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8
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667
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Courage to Change 2-28
(Preview)
The Courage to Change reading for February 28 speaks about the Third Step and discusses how turning our will and life over to the care of HP helps to relieve anxiety and fear . The reading points out that the Third Step is an ongoing process and is not simply done once and forgotten. It suggests that a...
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hotrod
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11
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433
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Courage To Change 29/2
(Preview)
Today's courage to change reading likens our journey to the functioning of an auto-pilot system in an airplane. It explains that the automatic pilot is in fact only "on course" a small percentage of the time, and the rest of the time is spent meandering across it's course and making adjust...
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missmeliss
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3
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367
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telling my story in one word
(Preview)
Growth. I challenge you all to share a word or two to describe your recovery.
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Hoot Nanny
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25
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895
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4th Step
(Preview)
Learn How The Twelve Steps Work.Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together! The 4th Step has been posted to the Step Work Board. Please visit at this web addy: http://stepwork.activeboard.c...
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hotrod
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1
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336
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Hell Hath No Fury
(Preview)
I'm telling you what just when I get to a point where my blood has calmed that man does something so dang stupid I think I can actually see the fire coming out of my ears we are beyond smoke at this point. This is not my problem it's exactly what my attorney said .. the judge in our case could tell him he's out o...
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SerenityRUS
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4
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620
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Is leaving the right or wrong decision?
(Preview)
Alanon tells us not to give advice and to suggest someone actually leaves their alcoholic partner could be the wrong thing. We don't know all the facts and details enough to ever tell someone to do that. However, it is an option, a choice. We are so sick when we live with active drinking. Our relationshi...
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el-cee
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9
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997
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Little ramble about nothing much :-)
(Preview)
Whew I'm glad today is done. There was a luncheon for my Grandmother's 80th today, which involved getting up at the crack of...well, 7:30 which is early for a Sunday, and traveling 3.5 hours to get there, have lunch with a family i have almost nothing to do with these days, and then 3.5 hours home again, u...
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missmeliss
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6
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491
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When do you know it's time to leave your alcoholic spouse?
(Preview)
I have been in and out of Al-Anon as well as OA for 20 years. I am finally living some of the promises, but one painful side effect is truly knowing that I'm not willing to live with my husband of 23 years, who has stopped using drugs and alcohol--not completely but mostly--for 3 years but is not in a 12-ste...
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jacsuemarie
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9
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1328
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Trusting Myself, Trusting Others, Trusting HP
(Preview)
I want to share a little about my search for a new job. I've been trying to put "fear of the unknown" in balance and stay true to myself in my search. I had quite a few interviews last week, five of them. Three of these were in person. I prefer conversation over being quizzed about hypothetical...
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tiredtonite
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31
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895
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NEW JOB/OUCH
(Preview)
sTARTED A NEW JOB ON THURSDAY. 8 HRS COLD CALLING LEAD OBTAINER /SALES OF HOME SERVICES. hATE THE JOB BUT THE LOCATION IS PERFECT AND THE WORKERS NICE. oN tHURSDAY, I WAS RUNNING SORT OF FOR THE BUS AND MY SHOE GOT CAUGHT IN ONE NICHE OF THE SIDEWALK THAT lOS ANGELES NEVER FIXES. bOOM CRASHED TO CEMENT. i SC...
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YARNCRAZY
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5
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463
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Setting Boundaries with Alcoholic
(Preview)
Just reading some Toby Rice Drew material on line and I came up with a brillent idea as to how to deal with my ABF when he is using. Set up clear single boundaries with him for my sanity. He is currently sleeping off another drunk. When he wakes up, I decided that I will tell him to plan his drunk. Get his booze...
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joker
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4
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2020
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I Was Enabling Him.....
(Preview)
He was only 23, drunk and spaced out on pot.....I was sick just like he was with the disease. Until a sponsor woke me up when she said: "Why is it so hard for you to stop martyring and do whats right for your son. You keep saying how much you love him, then kick him the hell off your couch and let him sink...
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LinSC
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5
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523
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Unhealthy situation
(Preview)
Abf that lives here with me had a woman on the side that use to buy his clothes phones vehicles she married to a veteren lots older than her I found out through his texts their love letter texts this all being 2 yrs ago non stop this other woman would leave me landmines with receipts with her name on them etc e...
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lookingup
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11
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604
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Married another alcoholic
(Preview)
I'm humbly back from too many years away from Alanon. I divorced my husband of 16 years bease his drinking was getting worse. We have 2 beautiful girls who never see their dad because his bottom may be death. Now I'm married to another one. I'm so embarrassed that I would walk right into the insanity a...
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Mojo
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14
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773
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Strategies ?????
(Preview)
I've found a few strategies when dealing with addicts like ,that's a shame,I'm sorry you feel that way,I'm not attending that issue or talk about that but we can can go for a walk etc,I need all the stratigies I can get to keep my sanity,when the addict starts pointing,blaming wether it directly or indi...
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lookingup
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4
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434
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Spiritually and emotionally drained
(Preview)
I'm lonely, tired and worn out and for the first time I'm actually thinking about calling it quits in this relationship.
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Hillyard
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7
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681
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Emotional Blackmail
(Preview)
I just had another moment of clarity after reading on fear! My ABF is emotionally blackmailing me! A member had wrote her alcoholic had said god is going to bless us and I added what ABF had said, same words and if we are together, and another member wrote (this man does not want god in his life right now)....
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joker
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3
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487
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Just a object
(Preview)
I attended an AA meeting today, needed a 12 step program, was really good and met with a man from the program afterwards and I told him what is happening in my home-ABF drunk behaviors, talking, cheating on me with his ex-wife, (yes, he got a hotel room with her and had sex according to her), he denied that...
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joker
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6
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520
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