Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

joker · joker

I am so grateful today. The ABF remains sober and its almost 2 weeks. He may have hit his bottom. I had left while he was in full fledged active drinking and just let him be. He was a complete mess after 5 days of heavy, heavy drinking. We took the empty's back for refund and there was 460 empty's. That was in a...

gabigail · gabigail

Hi everyone- As you know my AS has been in and out of the hospital all summer wirh health issues associated with alcoholism, and it has been pretty progressive. So today was the follow-up after the hospital stay. My spouse had a bad feeling about things. So, her numbers aren't good. She will need a bloo...

littlewing88 · littlewing88

Hi guys, I have posted here before when things were not great but still okay. My SO has relapsed again and I have not spoken to him since the beginning of this month, when he called to tell me that he relapsed. We spoke for about an hour, I was mostly confused and he said that he struggles with opening up to t...

jocelgp · jocelgp

Yesterday i forgot to do an errand for my mother, and I really forgot to do it in good faith. And this morning at breakfast I felt so attacked by sarcasm from my mother and my AH. As shared before, my mom is the controlling and manipulative type. Many times my AH and my mom are at odds with each other and I am...

andromeda · andromeda

I often forget how much my past affects how I react to others today. I often feel slighted, I fear abandonment, and I tend to take things personally but I know I've made progress because I can see other people's perspectives first now before I fly off the handle, lol. This past weekend, I saw that my bf h...

jojo8466 · jojo8466

So Sunday my A lover / bff and I are talking on the phone and out of the blue he asks is he can see me that day. Needless to say shock and questions flew out of my mouth - "why? what for? are you going to break my heart? is this a goodbye meeting?" He tells me "no he just wants to see me and spend time with me - he sa...

pinkchip · pinkchip

Ok...so while I am thinner and taking good care of myself. I noticed today, my hair is significantly graying up the sideburns and now into the rest of my hair and a large streak in my beard. Top that off, I can see some wrinkles. Some of you may laugh, but I was just looking in the mirror thinking "What the he...

Aerin · Aerin

As some of you know from my thread last Friday it hasnt been an easy week. Finally heard from the abf who states he is "very sorry for the things he said and did" Then proceeds to say "he is confused about what to do about our relationship. That its obvious we both arent getting what we want" All along my only...

yanksfan51 · yanksfan51

Good morning everyone: Today's reading is about the special and powerful bond between sponsor and sponsee. I began working with my sponsor about three years ago, and the relationship has profoundly affected my life and strengthened my commitment to recovery. I am blessed to have a sponsor that se...

unbroken13 · unbroken13

Hey all, Well hard to believe a year has gone by and I am still alive and well..lol..... To all of my beautiful friends even consider you all family here a great big THANK YOU!!! I honestly believe to this day if I had not found you I would not be alive today...A year ago I was ready to just lay down, call it qu...

laxplayer24 · laxplayer24

I am hoping that my AH will not drink tomorrow but I will try not to let it ruin my day. I can't control his drinking and after reading posts here for the last week, I am doing better at letting go. I have even said to him, in response to a question or statement from him, that he is in charge of his drinking. My...

missmeliss · missmeliss

Todays c2c speaks about becoming aware of what motivates our actions. In so many cases, what drives us in the beginning is fear. Many of us are afraid to show our true emotions and hide behind a fake smile. By trusting our HP and remembering such slogans as 'Let go and let HP" and 'I came to believe" we can f...

laxplayer24 · laxplayer24

Why does it continue to surprise me when my AH lies????? Alcoholics are liars, plain and simple. They lie and will always lie. Does my AH think I am an idiot?? Doesn't he know that after almost 7 years I can tell when he has been drinking?? I am so sick of the lies! So instead of going out to the living r...

laxplayer24 · laxplayer24

Do the A's in our lives think we are stupid? I went into the bathroom this afternoon and it looked as if someone had vomited in the sink and hadn't done a great job cleaning it up. I came out and asked my husband if he had been sick earlier in the day. He said no, why? I told him what it looked like to me. He s...

laxplayer24 · laxplayer24

My AH of ten asks if I am mad at him. In context, right now he is trying to quit but continues to drink (only a relatively small amount). He just asked if I am mad at him. What do you think the best response is? I said no. I am mad because he said he would quit and he hasn't yet. I am doing a great job of lettin...

pinkchip · pinkchip

I need to take note when times are good. Work is good. I like my job, coworkers, my bosses and my employees. I just got a killer job evaluation and we kicked butt through a DCF audit this week. In 6 months, bosses have gone from saying, ouy of the 3 sites the company has, that we were the "short bus" center to n...

Nightingale · Nightingale

I think something has finally shifted in me. Finally. All the things that have been tarring me up inside for the past four years...my paralyzing insecurities surrounding my relationship...it's all changing. I'm not sure why or how but I am finally finding some relief. Like most of these relationsh...

Anonymouskb · Anonymouskb

Are there any meetings in Austin that I can bring my 6 month old to? Not babysitting but I want to have her in the meeting with me. My husband alcoholic left last night. I know it's not likely to find one of these meetings today but I had to ask.

hotrod · hotrod

The C2C reading for August 21 speaks about some of the confusion that we feel prior to entering program . It points out that implementing slogans such as"Live and Let Live" and "Mind Your Own Business" helps to lift the confusion.. If we think about it., Al-Anon shows us how to live by using the tools...

andromeda · andromeda

Ok, I have been battling my fear of starting a new career as a financial advisor. AND, the worst part is, I'm getting resentful at my bf because he's the one pushing me to interview. I sent my resume, and dammit, they called for an interview which is scheduled for next week. Honestly, I am not sure I am c...

jojo8466 · jojo8466

So I send a text last night to my A lover telling him I had been reading about detaching with love - I told him I loved him, how sorry I was that he had this disease and I hoped he got well soon and he had my number if he ever wanted to talk. I felt good about sending it - felt a relief - that lasted for a couple hours...

seahorselady · seahorselady

Hi All, I came on this board a week or two ago asking for support. I had come to the realization that my enabling was helping to cripple my adult son in life. I had a feeling he was alcoholic, but was not certain. He has lived outside of my house more than he has lived in it since he was 19. He will be turning 27 t...

stepbystep78 · stepbystep78

Hello all- This is my first time on here. I decided last night that I needed help, to deal with my mother's alcoholism. My mother has been an alcoholic since I was born, but she was in sobriety for nearly 20 years, when I was 2-21 years old. I am now almost 26, and have been dealing with this for about 5 yea...

Miller0582 · Miller0582

My father is an alcoholic. I have known this for a long time and it was never more real than two years ago when he was hospitalized. Diagnosed with cirrhosis and varicies were causing nearly fatal GI bleeds. He had to have the TIPS procedure to reduce the portal hypertension. He spent four weeks in the ho...

lgnutah · lgnutah

A boundary I have set to protect my own sanity is to not answer phone calls from my 36 yr old AD between 8 pm-8 am (ringers are turned to silent). She lives 100 miles away, so our communication is primarily via the phone but every couple of months, her sobriety allowing, we meet at a point halfway between ou...

jojo8466 · jojo8466

What exactly does that mean? Does that mean I no longer call or text my alcoholic friend? Should I not answer their texts or calls if they contact me? Do I cut off all communication with them? I want to do what I can to help them get better.....but as I read that I remember "I didn't cause it, I can't cont...

Jerry F · Jerry F

Aloha MIP family and thank you for the gift of your ESH. I woke up this morning and just as I did noticed that a message was coming over my cell. It was from my wife who is still in Central Valley CA. for a little bit. She sent her best wishes and congratulations on our 22 year of marriage...22 years!! th...

jojo8466 · jojo8466

My alcoholic lover text me this afternoon that he "needs me to stay away from him physically because he is getting ready to detox soon. But he wants to stay in touch with me daily to let me know how he is doing and where he is at". Well guess what ???....THAT doesn't work for me!!! WHY is it ALWAYS about the...

joker · joker

i have been reading on line and thought about all the al-anon tools: 1. Do not react 2, Detach and let them be 3. Have a plan B,C,D, when the active alcoholism gets bad and you have to leave for your sanity, either to a friends, a hotel, family, shelter, anywhere safe 4. Do not JADE Justify, Argue, Defend...

milkwood · milkwood

I just overheard my husband talking to someone about me. It is a conversation that I should not have heard but I am pleased that I did. Now I know how AH represents me to others, how his mind works and how utterly hopeless it is to expect any change in that. I think that I just lost the last grain of respect...

hotrod · hotrod

The C2C reading for August 20 speaks about the black-and-white thinking that many of us depended upon when entering program . The reading points out that thanks to Al-Anon's principles and tools, we can learn to view situations in a more objective manner and, while keeping an open mind, learn to...

gabigail · gabigail

Hi everyone On my way to work this morning I heard this new medical study that they did on the effects of marriage and problem drinkers. It was by Dr. Sanjay Gupta and I thought when I heard it it was a bunch of bs. Basically what it said was that if you were married the chances are 70% less likely that som...

Hopeful925 · Hopeful925

I haven't been on the Board for the past few years, luckily, as my AB has been sober since 11.22.13! Working his program, doing well. What I'm struggling with is Hypervigilance....watching him like a Hawk...looking for signs of a slip. At times it abates, but at other times he looks and acts "differe...

lookingup · lookingup

goodmorning to all my alanon family,has anybody have any info as to what,where and when the mip meetings are??or are they just being postponed for now????.........thank you all.......hugs lu

a4l · a4l

I've come to realise I'm not a city girl unless I'm free of encumberances such as domesticity and small children. An opportunity has arisen to leave seeedney and its sparkling harbours which I have not managed to enjoy in almost four years of living here. I felt attached to this city the moment I firs...

YARNCRAZY · YARNCRAZY

Things are still in a tangle here. I let x sis in law help with tax situation and because of XAH's refusal to cooperate, things arent getting done. Werid feeling, having xsis in law describe all his behaviors and all the yelling, drinking and other horrible behavior xah has. Dejavu for me and new for her...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Today's reading talks about brutal honesty with ourselves and awareness of reality. So often those of us affected by this disease struggle to 'see' reality as our views, attitudes and values have been distorted by reacting to the disease. The writer discusses the process of realizing that he/sh...

Calm Lady · Calm Lady

Good morning all As I don't have to put my Superwoman outfit on today to run the world, I thought I would take a ride into town. Have a nice little wander about. The sales are on do I might spot a lovely bargain for myself. I am wearing my smart yet comfortable shoes. Love love love comfortable shoes. Having...

jocelgp · jocelgp

I have posted before that my AH and I lives in my 83 year old mom's house. Because of family circumstances I feel I am morally obliged to stay with my aging mom. It has always been that I find myself caught between my AH and my mom's wanting to control some situations in our life. Where I live there is a cult...

Jerry F · Jerry F

Really. My Higher Power loves to bless me...thinks up the times and places and methods and just knows I have lots of gratitude to show for it and then pass it on to others. I was early for the morning meeting and I think it is because I am getting older as the reason and not the I am being manipulated by my...

Spotster · Spotster

As I sit here, my alcoholic husband is out looking at an apartment. He says we no longer have a relationship. This, after 45 years of marriage and one-and-a-half years of sobriety. I was looking for advice when I came across this site and saw James letter about how AA ruined his life and felt compelle...

Desperateinnyc · Desperateinnyc

Hi, I have found enormous support and faith on this board, so I feel comfortable in sharing this..anyway, my fiancé, is an alcoholic, and it's gotten pretty difficult. He knows he needs help, as do I..and we are slowly getting there. Anyway, I have in the past shared with his ex wife, my concerns, and sh...

lookingup · lookingup

This has got to be a tough one , responsibilities, what are my resonsibilities and what belongs to them? And in what ways am I accountible for my recovery program? What is mine and what is not my responsibility? Lots of ?s here that are hard to answer I've always taken on all and everybody else's respo...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Today's daily reading is about Tradition Six which tells us that "Our Al-Anon Family Groups ought never endorse, finance or lend our name to any outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim. So often, we tend to focus on the steps in reco...

Aerin · Aerin

So, this has happen before. He has been drinking and we just went out to eat. He actually asked for beers while we sat there (almost like mocking me that he can still do what he wants) I didnt say anything and continued eating. He is a mean drunk so he starts bringing up more things. Bashing me about all kind...

Desperateinnyc · Desperateinnyc

hi everyone.. i I feel very scared and alone right now..I cannot handle this anymore. I love this man more then anything in the world..but instead of coming home to me, he sat at a bar, telling me at 7:45 he was leaving soon, at 8:20 he was def leaving..and at 10:00 he came home and I see it right away, and I k...

Ijusttrytobe · Ijusttrytobe

My husband is an alcoholic. I am codependant. He has in the past gotten so deep into his alcoholism that he becomes emotionally and verbally abusive, and even a few times physically abusive. This is of course not to say that I haven't gotten equally abusive when in a horrible argument to defend myself...

Iamhere · Iamhere

My oldest son began his experimenting with substances about 10 years ago. His disease progressed quickly and by 16-17, he was full-blown into H/addiction/alcohol abuse. We had him in 5 treatment centers, 2 mental health facilities and he even went into state custody at one point. I recall a long...

jocelgp · jocelgp

A few days ago after a long night of drinking my husband went home injured, lost his front teeth and thinks he broke his ribs, but he really didn't. He blames me, he said he drank too much because of me, because I wouldn't let him go out and drink with his friends that night and the night before that. Thank...

Lyne · Lyne

Hi~So I am in the process of buying a townhouse and when I retire in the spring, I will be living half time away from my A. I am so excited and I can't believe I am taking this step. Of course it is only through alanon that I gained the strength to do this. But occasionally I have this thought of what if I get ...

Laurynleigh83 · Laurynleigh83

My mom is 58 Years old and was brought to the hospital unresponsive 3 weeks ago by her boyfriend. My mom has Bi-polar disease and had been self medicating with alcohol for years. I am her only child and to say our relationship has been confusing is an understatement. She was a great mother until my parent...

Clara75 · Clara75

I know you don't give advice but does anyone have any experience of this? My parter has been an alcoholic for many years. Over the past 6 months or so there have only been a handful of days she has not drunk. This past run of about 3 weeks has been really bad and I think she is now drinking a litre of vodka a da...

Lyne · Lyne

Hi-Tonight my f2f group is celebrating its 13th year, and I am receiving my 3 year coin. I recall hearing AA folks talk about getting a coin, and I didn't understand it at the time. Now I get it! I can't wait to get my coin this evening and I will cherish it always. I have become a better, happier, health...

seahorselady · seahorselady

Hi all, i have really been digging in to recovery big time since i laid the boundaries down with my AS a week ago along with what we aren't willing to do anymore. no more money,etc. Right at that time, my son was evicted, with no job and about the hit the homeless shelter. i am heartsick over it but know in my s...

jojo8466 · jojo8466

I have come to this site not to be judged or told what an awful person I am. I need support, understanding and guidance. My story is lengthy so bear with me.... 8 years ago I began an affair with a married man who was a recovering alcoholic. He had been sober for over 30 years. He is married to a recoverin...

Vanellope · Vanellope

I have been with my boyfriend for almost five years. Things have gotten worse and worse as time goes on. I know that making him leave wouldnt help him because his mother is an alcoholic as well. I would say that 5 out of 7 days he is asleep when I get home. I get upset because he will not help with any of the hou...

Calm Lady · Calm Lady

So AH gets hammered last night. Cuts his foot and it won't stop bleeding so he gets the washing up bowl and soaks his foot in it. yuck. I only found out when he casually mentioned it. Ok off to buy a new bowl. He thought this all perfectly reasonable. My dad used to urinate in his washing up bowl as well as was...

sheebee · sheebee

Hi im new to the goup, and have been married to a functional alcoholic for 5 years. We recently moved back to the UK so that my partner could be closer to family and although I have a limited support network here, Im struggling. Over the last couple of months, his drinking has increased up to 30 can/bottl...

Enigmatic · Enigmatic

Our reading notes that, in an attempt to survive in an alcohol affected environment, we may have developed ways to survive that no longer serve us well once away from the alcoholic, or upon learning healthier strategies in AlAnon. Or perhaps we took a well-intended action too far, too often, thus los...

John · John

After many years in both AA and Al-Anon I can say that many marriages or relationships don't survive. Why? Because to start with... neither program is a professional marriage or relationship counseling service. Many times people get sober and realize that they don't like or love their spouse any...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	progress (Preview) I am so grateful today. The ABF remains sober and its almost 2 weeks. He may have hit his bottom. I had left while he was in full fledged active drinking and just let him be. He was a complete mess after 5 days of heavy, heavy drinking. We took the empty's back for refund and there was 460 empty's. That was in a...	joker	4	418	Aug 25, 2016 by Iamhere
	Bad news (Preview) Hi everyone- As you know my AS has been in and out of the hospital all summer wirh health issues associated with alcoholism, and it has been pretty progressive. So today was the follow-up after the hospital stay. My spouse had a bad feeling about things. So, her numbers aren't good. She will need a bloo...	gabigail	13	523	Aug 25, 2016 by Doingmybest
	ABF silent/avoiding me on social media and messenger (Preview) Hi guys, I have posted here before when things were not great but still okay. My SO has relapsed again and I have not spoken to him since the beginning of this month, when he called to tell me that he relapsed. We spoke for about an hour, I was mostly confused and he said that he struggles with opening up to t...	littlewing88	9	587	Aug 25, 2016 by Doingmybest
	Just for today, ... I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it (Preview) Yesterday i forgot to do an errand for my mother, and I really forgot to do it in good faith. And this morning at breakfast I felt so attacked by sarcasm from my mother and my AH. As shared before, my mom is the controlling and manipulative type. Many times my AH and my mom are at odds with each other and I am...	jocelgp	11	699	Aug 25, 2016 by Doingmybest
	How's that for a lesson in recovery? (Preview) I often forget how much my past affects how I react to others today. I often feel slighted, I fear abandonment, and I tend to take things personally but I know I've made progress because I can see other people's perspectives first now before I fly off the handle, lol. This past weekend, I saw that my bf h...	andromeda	4	565	Aug 25, 2016 by Doingmybest
	Update (Preview) So Sunday my A lover / bff and I are talking on the phone and out of the blue he asks is he can see me that day. Needless to say shock and questions flew out of my mouth - "why? what for? are you going to break my heart? is this a goodbye meeting?" He tells me "no he just wants to see me and spend time with me - he sa...	jojo8466	8	521	Aug 23, 2016 by hotrod
	Gray hairs (Preview) Ok...so while I am thinner and taking good care of myself. I noticed today, my hair is significantly graying up the sideburns and now into the rest of my hair and a large streak in my beard. Top that off, I can see some wrinkles. Some of you may laugh, but I was just looking in the mirror thinking "What the he...	pinkchip	18	695	Aug 23, 2016 by jitsuka
	And now comes the apology with the twist.. (Preview) As some of you know from my thread last Friday it hasnt been an easy week. Finally heard from the abf who states he is "very sorry for the things he said and did" Then proceeds to say "he is confused about what to do about our relationship. That its obvious we both arent getting what we want" All along my only...	Aerin	14	748	Aug 23, 2016 by CyndiODAT
	Hope for Today Aug 23 (Preview) Good morning everyone: Today's reading is about the special and powerful bond between sponsor and sponsee. I began working with my sponsor about three years ago, and the relationship has profoundly affected my life and strengthened my commitment to recovery. I am blessed to have a sponsor that se...	yanksfan51	2	463	Aug 23, 2016 by Iamhere
	August 20th~A year later (Preview) Hey all, Well hard to believe a year has gone by and I am still alive and well..lol..... To all of my beautiful friends even consider you all family here a great big THANK YOU!!! I honestly believe to this day if I had not found you I would not be alive today...A year ago I was ready to just lay down, call it qu...	unbroken13	7	527	Aug 23, 2016 by milkwood
	tomorrow is my birthday (Preview) I am hoping that my AH will not drink tomorrow but I will try not to let it ruin my day. I can't control his drinking and after reading posts here for the last week, I am doing better at letting go. I have even said to him, in response to a question or statement from him, that he is in charge of his drinking. My...	laxplayer24	11	530	Aug 22, 2016 by laxplayer24
	Courage to Change 22/8 (Preview) Todays c2c speaks about becoming aware of what motivates our actions. In so many cases, what drives us in the beginning is fear. Many of us are afraid to show our true emotions and hide behind a fake smile. By trusting our HP and remembering such slogans as 'Let go and let HP" and 'I came to believe" we can f...	missmeliss	3	471	Aug 22, 2016 by Jerry F
	I really need to vent..... (Preview) Why does it continue to surprise me when my AH lies????? Alcoholics are liars, plain and simple. They lie and will always lie. Does my AH think I am an idiot?? Doesn't he know that after almost 7 years I can tell when he has been drinking?? I am so sick of the lies! So instead of going out to the living r...	laxplayer24	7	634	Aug 22, 2016 by El
	more lies..... (Preview) Do the A's in our lives think we are stupid? I went into the bathroom this afternoon and it looked as if someone had vomited in the sink and hadn't done a great job cleaning it up. I came out and asked my husband if he had been sick earlier in the day. He said no, why? I told him what it looked like to me. He s...	laxplayer24	11	690	Aug 22, 2016 by Jazzie18
	how do i answer this one.... (Preview) My AH of ten asks if I am mad at him. In context, right now he is trying to quit but continues to drink (only a relatively small amount). He just asked if I am mad at him. What do you think the best response is? I said no. I am mad because he said he would quit and he hasn't yet. I am doing a great job of lettin...	laxplayer24	4	542	Aug 22, 2016 by el-cee
	Self-care improved (Preview) I need to take note when times are good. Work is good. I like my job, coworkers, my bosses and my employees. I just got a killer job evaluation and we kicked butt through a DCF audit this week. In 6 months, bosses have gone from saying, ouy of the 3 sites the company has, that we were the "short bus" center to n...	pinkchip	9	666	Aug 22, 2016 by el-cee
	Feeling a Shift (Preview) I think something has finally shifted in me. Finally. All the things that have been tarring me up inside for the past four years...my paralyzing insecurities surrounding my relationship...it's all changing. I'm not sure why or how but I am finally finding some relief. Like most of these relationsh...	Nightingale	3	470	Aug 22, 2016 by milkwood
	Searching for a meeting (Preview) Are there any meetings in Austin that I can bring my 6 month old to? Not babysitting but I want to have her in the meeting with me. My husband alcoholic left last night. I know it's not likely to find one of these meetings today but I had to ask.	Anonymouskb	5	428	Aug 21, 2016 by Iamhere
	Courage to Change Reading 8-21-2016 (Preview) The C2C reading for August 21 speaks about some of the confusion that we feel prior to entering program . It points out that implementing slogans such as"Live and Let Live" and "Mind Your Own Business" helps to lift the confusion.. If we think about it., Al-Anon shows us how to live by using the tools...	hotrod	4	667	Aug 21, 2016 by seahorselady
	FEAR of a new careeer (Preview) Ok, I have been battling my fear of starting a new career as a financial advisor. AND, the worst part is, I'm getting resentful at my bf because he's the one pushing me to interview. I sent my resume, and dammit, they called for an interview which is scheduled for next week. Honestly, I am not sure I am c...	andromeda	10	646	Aug 21, 2016 by SerenityRUS
	Lost control again - ugh (Preview) So I send a text last night to my A lover telling him I had been reading about detaching with love - I told him I loved him, how sorry I was that he had this disease and I hoped he got well soon and he had my number if he ever wanted to talk. I felt good about sending it - felt a relief - that lasted for a couple hours...	jojo8466	3	421	Aug 21, 2016 by Iamhere
	Practicing the tools...baby steps big time (Preview) Hi All, I came on this board a week or two ago asking for support. I had come to the realization that my enabling was helping to cripple my adult son in life. I had a feeling he was alcoholic, but was not certain. He has lived outside of my house more than he has lived in it since he was 19. He will be turning 27 t...	seahorselady	8	565	Aug 20, 2016 by seahorselady
	New to this, Hello everyone (Preview) Hello all- This is my first time on here. I decided last night that I needed help, to deal with my mother's alcoholism. My mother has been an alcoholic since I was born, but she was in sobriety for nearly 20 years, when I was 2-21 years old. I am now almost 26, and have been dealing with this for about 5 yea...	stepbystep78	7	575	Aug 20, 2016 by Miller0582
	Learning To Cope (Preview) My father is an alcoholic. I have known this for a long time and it was never more real than two years ago when he was hospitalized. Diagnosed with cirrhosis and varicies were causing nearly fatal GI bleeds. He had to have the TIPS procedure to reduce the portal hypertension. He spent four weeks in the ho...	Miller0582	3	562	Aug 20, 2016 by Miller0582
	Phonecall when AD is drunk-how to better succeed at ending it quickly? (Preview) A boundary I have set to protect my own sanity is to not answer phone calls from my 36 yr old AD between 8 pm-8 am (ringers are turned to silent). She lives 100 miles away, so our communication is primarily via the phone but every couple of months, her sobriety allowing, we meet at a point halfway between ou...	lgnutah	7	512	Aug 20, 2016 by lgnutah
	Question about "detaching with love" (Preview) What exactly does that mean? Does that mean I no longer call or text my alcoholic friend? Should I not answer their texts or calls if they contact me? Do I cut off all communication with them? I want to do what I can to help them get better.....but as I read that I remember "I didn't cause it, I can't cont...	jojo8466	9	777	Aug 20, 2016 by Sandy408
	This works when ...you work it. (Preview) Aloha MIP family and thank you for the gift of your ESH. I woke up this morning and just as I did noticed that a message was coming over my cell. It was from my wife who is still in Central Valley CA. for a little bit. She sent her best wishes and congratulations on our 22 year of marriage...22 years!! th...	Jerry F	4	496	Aug 20, 2016 by Iamhere
	WHY???? (Preview) My alcoholic lover text me this afternoon that he "needs me to stay away from him physically because he is getting ready to detox soon. But he wants to stay in touch with me daily to let me know how he is doing and where he is at". Well guess what ???....THAT doesn't work for me!!! WHY is it ALWAYS about the...	jojo8466	13	594	Aug 20, 2016 by Iamhere
	al-anon tools (Preview) i have been reading on line and thought about all the al-anon tools: 1. Do not react 2, Detach and let them be 3. Have a plan B,C,D, when the active alcoholism gets bad and you have to leave for your sanity, either to a friends, a hotel, family, shelter, anywhere safe 4. Do not JADE Justify, Argue, Defend...	joker	4	2114	Aug 20, 2016 by tiredtonite
	More will be revealed... (Preview) I just overheard my husband talking to someone about me. It is a conversation that I should not have heard but I am pleased that I did. Now I know how AH represents me to others, how his mind works and how utterly hopeless it is to expect any change in that. I think that I just lost the last grain of respect...	milkwood	19	638	Aug 20, 2016 by milkwood
	Courage to Change reading 8-20-2016 (Preview) The C2C reading for August 20 speaks about the black-and-white thinking that many of us depended upon when entering program . The reading points out that thanks to Al-Anon's principles and tools, we can learn to view situations in a more objective manner and, while keeping an open mind, learn to...	hotrod	3	481	Aug 20, 2016 by Iamhere
	Heard about this new medical study -I don't buy it! (Preview) Hi everyone On my way to work this morning I heard this new medical study that they did on the effects of marriage and problem drinkers. It was by Dr. Sanjay Gupta and I thought when I heard it it was a bunch of bs. Basically what it said was that if you were married the chances are 70% less likely that som...	gabigail	7	517	Aug 20, 2016 by gabigail
	Hypervigilance...is this ever going to subside? (Preview) I haven't been on the Board for the past few years, luckily, as my AB has been sober since 11.22.13! Working his program, doing well. What I'm struggling with is Hypervigilance....watching him like a Hawk...looking for signs of a slip. At times it abates, but at other times he looks and acts "differe...	Hopeful925	5	646	Aug 19, 2016 by Jerry F
	Meetings (Preview) goodmorning to all my alanon family,has anybody have any info as to what,where and when the mip meetings are??or are they just being postponed for now????.........thank you all.......hugs lu	lookingup	2	356	Aug 19, 2016 by lookingup
	eureka....city life is not for me yet. (Preview) I've come to realise I'm not a city girl unless I'm free of encumberances such as domesticity and small children. An opportunity has arisen to leave seeedney and its sparkling harbours which I have not managed to enjoy in almost four years of living here. I felt attached to this city the moment I firs...	a4l	4	446	Aug 19, 2016 by hotrod
	Sis in law [XAH's sis} (Preview) Things are still in a tangle here. I let x sis in law help with tax situation and because of XAH's refusal to cooperate, things arent getting done. Werid feeling, having xsis in law describe all his behaviors and all the yelling, drinking and other horrible behavior xah has. Dejavu for me and new for her...	YARNCRAZY	2	390	Aug 19, 2016 by hotrod
	Courage to Change (C2C) 8/19/16 (Preview) Today's reading talks about brutal honesty with ourselves and awareness of reality. So often those of us affected by this disease struggle to 'see' reality as our views, attitudes and values have been distorted by reacting to the disease. The writer discusses the process of realizing that he/sh...	Iamhere	7	479	Aug 19, 2016 by hotrod
	Plans for the day (Preview) Good morning all As I don't have to put my Superwoman outfit on today to run the world, I thought I would take a ride into town. Have a nice little wander about. The sales are on do I might spot a lovely bargain for myself. I am wearing my smart yet comfortable shoes. Love love love comfortable shoes. Having...	Calm Lady	11	797	Aug 19, 2016 by Calm Lady
	AH and my manipulative and controlling mom, how do i deal with this? (Preview) I have posted before that my AH and I lives in my 83 year old mom's house. Because of family circumstances I feel I am morally obliged to stay with my aging mom. It has always been that I find myself caught between my AH and my mom's wanting to control some situations in our life. Where I live there is a cult...	jocelgp	4	2582	Aug 19, 2016 by jocelgp
	Letting my self get blessed... (Preview) Really. My Higher Power loves to bless me...thinks up the times and places and methods and just knows I have lots of gratitude to show for it and then pass it on to others. I was early for the morning meeting and I think it is because I am getting older as the reason and not the I am being manipulated by my...	Jerry F	7	503	Aug 19, 2016 by Iamhere
	AA ruining my family ... has ruined my family (Preview) As I sit here, my alcoholic husband is out looking at an apartment. He says we no longer have a relationship. This, after 45 years of marriage and one-and-a-half years of sobriety. I was looking for advice when I came across this site and saw James letter about how AA ruined his life and felt compelle...	Spotster	36	8519	Aug 19, 2016 by Iamhere
	If anyone can relate, I am dumbfounded (Preview) Hi, I have found enormous support and faith on this board, so I feel comfortable in sharing this..anyway, my fiancé, is an alcoholic, and it's gotten pretty difficult. He knows he needs help, as do I..and we are slowly getting there. Anyway, I have in the past shared with his ex wife, my concerns, and sh...	Desperateinnyc	5	504	Aug 19, 2016 by Iamhere
	Responsibilities (Preview) This has got to be a tough one , responsibilities, what are my resonsibilities and what belongs to them? And in what ways am I accountible for my recovery program? What is mine and what is not my responsibility? Lots of ?s here that are hard to answer I've always taken on all and everybody else's respo...	lookingup	6	463	Aug 18, 2016 by hotrod
	Courage to Change (C2C) 8/18/16 (Preview) Today's daily reading is about Tradition Six which tells us that "Our Al-Anon Family Groups ought never endorse, finance or lend our name to any outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim. So often, we tend to focus on the steps in reco...	Iamhere	2	529	Aug 18, 2016 by hotrod
	He just threatened me in restaurant ( 1 2 ) (Preview) So, this has happen before. He has been drinking and we just went out to eat. He actually asked for beers while we sat there (almost like mocking me that he can still do what he wants) I didnt say anything and continued eating. He is a mean drunk so he starts bringing up more things. Bashing me about all kind...	Aerin	51	1445	Aug 18, 2016 by a4l
	This is unbearable..I am beyond feeling capable in this (Preview) hi everyone.. i I feel very scared and alone right now..I cannot handle this anymore. I love this man more then anything in the world..but instead of coming home to me, he sat at a bar, telling me at 7:45 he was leaving soon, at 8:20 he was def leaving..and at 10:00 he came home and I see it right away, and I k...	Desperateinnyc	18	657	Aug 18, 2016 by Desperateinnyc
	I feel numb. Starting to give up and considering moving on. (Preview) My husband is an alcoholic. I am codependant. He has in the past gotten so deep into his alcoholism that he becomes emotionally and verbally abusive, and even a few times physically abusive. This is of course not to say that I haven't gotten equally abusive when in a horrible argument to defend myself...	Ijusttrytobe	15	762	Aug 18, 2016 by Iamhere
	A Bit of Hope I Want to Share! (Preview) My oldest son began his experimenting with substances about 10 years ago. His disease progressed quickly and by 16-17, he was full-blown into H/addiction/alcohol abuse. We had him in 5 treatment centers, 2 mental health facilities and he even went into state custody at one point. I recall a long...	Iamhere	8	591	Aug 18, 2016 by Iamhere
	NO is a complete sentence (Preview) A few days ago after a long night of drinking my husband went home injured, lost his front teeth and thinks he broke his ribs, but he really didn't. He blames me, he said he drank too much because of me, because I wouldn't let him go out and drink with his friends that night and the night before that. Thank...	jocelgp	6	2712	Aug 18, 2016 by Iamhere
	fear of good things (Preview) Hi~So I am in the process of buying a townhouse and when I retire in the spring, I will be living half time away from my A. I am so excited and I can't believe I am taking this step. Of course it is only through alanon that I gained the strength to do this. But occasionally I have this thought of what if I get ...	Lyne	7	514	Aug 18, 2016 by Iamhere
	My mom is going to die from alcoholism... (Preview) My mom is 58 Years old and was brought to the hospital unresponsive 3 weeks ago by her boyfriend. My mom has Bi-polar disease and had been self medicating with alcohol for years. I am her only child and to say our relationship has been confusing is an understatement. She was a great mother until my parent...	Laurynleigh83	10	2836	Aug 18, 2016 by hotrod
	Alcohol and paranoia (Preview) I know you don't give advice but does anyone have any experience of this? My parter has been an alcoholic for many years. Over the past 6 months or so there have only been a handful of days she has not drunk. This past run of about 3 weeks has been really bad and I think she is now drinking a litre of vodka a da...	Clara75	14	3249	Aug 18, 2016 by Clara75
	Anniversaries (Preview) Hi-Tonight my f2f group is celebrating its 13th year, and I am receiving my 3 year coin. I recall hearing AA folks talk about getting a coin, and I didn't understand it at the time. Now I get it! I can't wait to get my coin this evening and I will cherish it always. I have become a better, happier, health...	Lyne	5	457	Aug 18, 2016 by hotrod
	feel the need to DO something (Preview) Hi all, i have really been digging in to recovery big time since i laid the boundaries down with my AS a week ago along with what we aren't willing to do anymore. no more money,etc. Right at that time, my son was evicted, with no job and about the hit the homeless shelter. i am heartsick over it but know in my s...	seahorselady	11	598	Aug 18, 2016 by seahorselady
	Ugh...I need help (Preview) I have come to this site not to be judged or told what an awful person I am. I need support, understanding and guidance. My story is lengthy so bear with me.... 8 years ago I began an affair with a married man who was a recovering alcoholic. He had been sober for over 30 years. He is married to a recoverin...	jojo8466	5	493	Aug 18, 2016 by jojo8466
	Things are hard and i dont know what to do (Preview) I have been with my boyfriend for almost five years. Things have gotten worse and worse as time goes on. I know that making him leave wouldnt help him because his mother is an alcoholic as well. I would say that 5 out of 7 days he is asleep when I get home. I get upset because he will not help with any of the hou...	Vanellope	7	502	Aug 18, 2016 by Aerin
	Yuck! (Preview) So AH gets hammered last night. Cuts his foot and it won't stop bleeding so he gets the washing up bowl and soaks his foot in it. yuck. I only found out when he casually mentioned it. Ok off to buy a new bowl. He thought this all perfectly reasonable. My dad used to urinate in his washing up bowl as well as was...	Calm Lady	6	497	Aug 17, 2016 by Iamhere
	Living with a functional alcoholic (Preview) Hi im new to the goup, and have been married to a functional alcoholic for 5 years. We recently moved back to the UK so that my partner could be closer to family and although I have a limited support network here, Im struggling. Over the last couple of months, his drinking has increased up to 30 can/bottl...	sheebee	5	2135	Aug 17, 2016 by Iamhere
	C2C 8/17 How Might We Frame Our Defects of Character? (Preview) Our reading notes that, in an attempt to survive in an alcohol affected environment, we may have developed ways to survive that no longer serve us well once away from the alcoholic, or upon learning healthier strategies in AlAnon. Or perhaps we took a well-intended action too far, too often, thus los...	Enigmatic	2	434	Aug 17, 2016 by Calm Lady
	AA destroyed our family??? Cult? (Preview) After many years in both AA and Al-Anon I can say that many marriages or relationships don't survive. Why? Because to start with... neither program is a professional marriage or relationship counseling service. Many times people get sober and realize that they don't like or love their spouse any...	John	28	6831	Aug 17, 2016 by Jerry F
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.