Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Fooled · Fooled

So my 24 year old son made an official announcement that he has relapsed. At first he told me by text message and then decided to tell it to my face while I was in the kitchen. He started to talking to me in that very slurred way from across the kitchen but when I said "Whaaaat are you even saying?" over the...

justanotherlostangel · justanotherlostangel

Glad I found this board. I hope to find a meeting at a good time where I live in New York, but thank goodness for the Internet! I have nobody to talk to about my boyfriend. I've unfortunately dated an alcoholic before, and have been to Al-Anon, which has me realizing how many issues I have with whom I pick...

hotrod · hotrod

Learn How The Twelve Steps Work.Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together!http://stepwork.activeboard.com/t62998049/alanon...

hotrod · hotrod

The C2C reading for December 11 talks about our fantasies, which often includes having a great deal of money. The reading asks the question will all our problems go away if we had all the money in the world? Would money resolve the effects of alcoholism on our families, or make the drinker stop drinking...

YARNCRAZY · YARNCRAZY

WHAT A WAY TO SPEND DEC. RESULTS OF MRI OF BACK INDICATES ARTHRITIS, VERY NARROWED DISC AND SPOND SOMETHING. i GET TO TRY SOME WACKY PAIN MED AND ENDURE A SPINE INJECTION ON THE 20TH WHICH IS MY GUY AND i'S 1YR ANNIVERSARY OF MEETING. i GET TO BE IN PAIN DURING THE HOLIDAYS BAH HUMBUG!!!!!!!!!!!! LOOKING...

SDB · SDB

So I've gone through the wringer with my husband the last 2 years. There have been multiple emergency hospitalizations and detoxes, the last being in the middle of October. His last relapse was a two-day bender last Thursday and Friday. He hasn't worked for more than a few weeks in the last 2 years and h...

andromeda · andromeda

Quick email here folks! I could use some positive encouragement: I am studying for my series 7 exams, which basically license me to trade securities, sell annuities and finance products. The amount of information that I am having to take in is overwhelming and I'm stumbling over concepts that I kn...

MissM · MissM

Todays c2c discusses our ability to determine acceptable from unacceptable behavior. How can we possibly determine what is acceptable and what isn't when we have been living in insanity and we have no idea what we ourselves need? A 4th step inventory can help us identify our own traits that we like, t...

Mcat54 · Mcat54

Today is the doctor appointment with my husband about his memory issues. He agreed that I can fill in for the doctor if he leaves anything out (30-year pot habit abandoned two months ago, recent interruption in daily alcohol consumption). I'm praying and giving this to HP. With the help of the program...

pinkchip · pinkchip

I don't know when this became my biggest hot button, but I cannot stand being talked down to (or perceiving it or being spoken to in a dismissive disrespectful tone. If I actually HAD been with or around a "rageaholic" qualifier, it would make sense to have this be such and issue, but that wasn't my cas...

El · El

Thank goodness for Alanon, because it is getting really ugly in my neck of the woods. My MIL has been diagnosed with advanced cancer and has maybe 3 months left. As would be expected, this brings up a lot of emotion, history, anxiety and dread. As my AH and sibs were brought up in an A home, the dysfunctio...

Juliexx70 · Juliexx70

I am new to this. My husband is an alcoholic. He is crazy when he drinks. He drives drunk. I want to leave but I can't financially. How on earth do I learn to just stop caring and allow him to hit rock bottom and stay sane.

Jayla · Jayla

This is my first contact with Al Anon. I know I could go to meetings in my town but I don't want to because my town is so small--there can't be any anonymity for me. I may try to go to some meetings in bigger towns when I visit my family. But will have to think of something to tell them I am doing because they don'...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Today's reading in C2C is about Tradition Eleven, which suggests Al-Anon's public relations policy is described as being based on attraction rather than promotion. The writer suggests that their first responsibility in Al-Anon is to learn to keep the focus on self and to do the best possible to li...

kadriliisa · kadriliisa

Hi this is kadri liisa recovering acoa and also al anon....i have been in both fellowships about 7 years and now i sometimes keep doors of al anon and acoa open in my town as groups are small here. I am 32 years old single lady. Currently my flatmate is social alcoholic and i am following and thinking what...

Aerin · Aerin

I wrote a post last Friday that I could tell ABF had been drinking a little and trying to hide it. (he started AA almost 90 days ago) Soooo obvious to me but he thinks I don't notice. Sooooo badly wanted to call him out (as he WAS getting closer to 90 days sober) but I didn't. I stuck to my lessons and said nada....

sarahGee · sarahGee

Last week in my meeting a girl mentioned focusing on drinking water each day. At the time it kind of rolled off my brain, but on the ride home I started thinking about how I don't drink enough water, or any. That eventually lead to me thinking about how little I care for myself. Simple acts, like drinking w...

el-cee · el-cee

When I think of the way I used to live while living within the insanity of the disease it makes me so grateful for Alanon. I was thinking about the things I thought were 'normal' or okay or at the very least I thought just passing phases. I must have known they weren't normal because I kept it all a secret so i...

mauigirl · mauigirl

My husband has been in recovery since May but yet he continues to act like the alcoholic he was while on the drink. He has been reaching out to his family who constantly reject him. He has been consumed with sadness and frustration because of this. I know that in Al-Anon the focus is NOT on the alcoholi...

justjenna · justjenna

Hi, first time here. Haven't talked to anyone yet about this. DH is 75 yo, grew up with functioning alcoholics. Drank heavily when we were first married - but socially. Didn't drink for years and years. Our social set was mostly church folk and we really weren't around drinkers. This summer he s...

Calm Lady · Calm Lady

Having recently been through a tough period of growth and out pouring of inner poison that had been stuck inside me festering and rotting. Stinking! I wanted to share that now a few days later a great feeling of lightness, cleanliness has settled in. Like I have scrubbed out the muck and dirt inside me....

MegV · MegV

So I am a spouse of an alcoholic who in July spent 10 days in the ICU with an esophageal varices and found out he also has cirrhosis of the liver. He almost died! He spent 5 days in rehab then left remained sober for about 6 weeks. Unfortunately one of his doctors told him he was looking great "like nothing...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Our daily reading today is about taking care of self and allowing the alcoholic to do as they need to for their own journey. I love the quote ---- "The suffering you are trying to ease....may be the very thing needed to bring the alcoholic to a realization of the seriousness of the situation -- literall...

Kim C · Kim C

I wanted to share a positive experience I had recently. My 15 year old son exhibits all of the signs of being an alcoholic....without drinking. He recently had a really bad morning during which he was upset to the point of ridiculous over a very minor issue. The skills I have learned in Al-Anon and fr...

Enigmatic · Enigmatic

It's double value day in ODAT: two outstanding quotes to choose from. Both point the way to a peaceful day through patience, warmth, and respect.The first is in the poetic style of Max Ehrmann:"Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible wit...

Fooled · Fooled

I made some big steps in detachment lately. My AS and drug user kept asking me to borrow my car and my daughters car. I was really uncomfortable with it because he is on record as a drug addict and is on probation. How he has a valid license is beyond me but he did show me the paperwork reinstating him wh...

tealfighter · tealfighter

Writing is my solace. I wrote this to "him" this morning. I don't want to react to his behaviour. I want to maintain my sanity and most of all I want to learn to respond rather than reacting. I hate you today. It is the day after my birthday. You didn't think of me. You did not call me. You did not message m...

Buckeye Girl · Buckeye Girl

I need some advice. My single adult daughter recently told me she has returned to her old habits of drinking and smoking weed. She has gone to rehab 4 times For alcoholism and drug abuse. She said the sober life wasn't her thing. She had been doing really well for the past 2 years. She was gointg to AA but la...

slogan_jim · slogan_jim

Why do I constantly try and change these drama addicts? Like I tried to change the alcoholic.....I was doing so well for about 2.5 years...(yay!) living peacefully, in a good place, maintaining boundaries, making friends, staying active... then I started getting closer to an individual who is ver...

yanksfan51 · yanksfan51

Hello Everyone- Today's reading is about decisions, trying to understand our HPs will for us, and paying attention to inward signs about whether we are making choices which are good and healthy for us. In the reading the following statement is quoted: 'Without God, man cannot; without man, God wil...

thekentuckygent · thekentuckygent

Long time lurker, first time poster, but I wanted to start off by saying THANK YOU to all of you for helping me feel not quite SO crazy and alone in all of this. But on to the matter at hand, long story short is that I have a friend of 8+ years that my alcoholic (ex at this point) partner has never been a fan of. I...

Haysinger · Haysinger

Newbie here. Glad I found this board. My wife is binge drinker who recently has become violent. She is in trouble with the law. I'm planning on attending my first meeting tomorrow. Any advice for a first timer? Thanks in advance!

Calm Lady · Calm Lady

Hey all Haven't posted for a while. Been working my program and growing. Just wanted to kind of say out loud that as I move forward I am finding AHs drinking behaviours far harder to cope with. I obviously practice 'detach with love,' I move away, don't engage etc but wow, whereas in the past in my numb sta...

Enigmatic · Enigmatic

Today's page reflects the experience of one who, looking back, recalled the great care taken at the supermarket to pick out the small but more flavorful carrots for her children's snacks. As a teen, however, her son lamented how he received the "scrawny" carrots. Ah, perspective... The writer cons...

Emma123 · Emma123

I split with my ah after he turned violent. I had to move out of our shared home. I'm finding the loss incredibly painful. Even though the breakup is for the best I miss him. We had some good times, especially early on in the relationship. I went on a couple of dates with a new man. I felt huge attraction to hi...

Prissykitty · Prissykitty

I'm struggling. I feel that as of late I've been very good at disengaging with love. We have a toddler to co-parent and so when I'm working my program I'm great at ignoring husbands mood swings. I keep my life peaceful and kind of ignore his moaning and whining. He is an insomniac and typically looks exha...

Prissykitty · Prissykitty

He's so broken. He relapsed Friday night. He hates himself. He hates his life even though he has so much he knows he should be grateful for. It breaks my heart to watch him sobbing and talking about what a horrible person he is. His dad died ten years ago tomorrow and he sobs that he misses him. He dabbled in...

Rwisdom08 · Rwisdom08

I grew up with alcoholics and married one. I am at a breaking point and have no one to turn to.

Faintly Falling · Faintly Falling

I have just returned to Al anon after a 20 year absence. I am so glad and grateful to have found a forum as it really helps me when I write things down. I promise I won't make a habit of venting my every issue but I will get this one off my chest if you don't mind. It's been building for a while. it regards yet anot...

LinSC · LinSC

"We Came, We Ate, We Left" Great One .... Thanks Tiredtonite

MissM · MissM

I know this is kind of whingy but it's making me miserable lately and seems to be my ever present woe so, maybe if I share it, it will get smaller. Sometimes it works that way. Seems like many people have walked the same path as me and separated and then moved on with someone new and things are wonderful..in...

Faintly Falling · Faintly Falling

I feel that I have been quite good about setting boundaries within the family. I know my limits and I usually instinctively know when I've been sucked in too far. But this time it's the health professional who has sucked me in like a blackhole! To explain briefly, my sister died last summer from cancer ....

Fooled · Fooled

I am not sure what it was today that kept pushing me off kilter but there was something. Nothing really concrete but a state of restless anxiety slowly burning under the surface all day. I really found myself fed up, ready to give up, hopeless, tired and weak. Like the armor I have been putting on is...

Confused16 · Confused16

My ABF has been struggling with addiction since he was a kid. We come from VERY DIFFERENT backgrounds. So needless to say, it was hard for us to understand each others way of living. My ABF struggles a lot with boundaries. He would use the excuse of seeing his kids to disappear for days on end. He would end...

hotrod · hotrod

The C2C reading for December 4 speaks about making choices. The reading points out that many times, before program we made our choices strictly on the basis of our feelings as if feelings were facts. If we were frightened about taking certain action then we avoided it, there was no middle ground and no...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

I'm really struggling with old behaviors .. mine .. LOL. Being new into a relationship for the first time in 5 years and then dealing with the fact I'm dealing with another co-dependent which there is nothing like two codies in a relationship together .. LOL. I have to keep really strong boundaries a...

DeeS · DeeS

Thank you for this group. My mother was an alcoholic. Now my son. He is 28 years old, very bright, and the world was his for the asking. He has been a slow downward spiral for years looking back but we just didn't see it. He was in Korea when his father died and that triggered an event with Adderall. He r...

El · El

I think the program is starting to sink in! I am noticing some subtle shifts in my thoughts and behaviors. I haven't made any big proclamations to myself, but my attitude is changing. AH is away this weekend hunting. Normally, I would think that he just wants to get away to drink freely. Now, while tha...

Aerin · Aerin

ABF has been in AA for almost 90 days. He has had only 2 obvious relapses during that time and only missed only 1 meeting. (that I know of) Thats pretty good I think. However yesterday I came over and could smell just a liitle beer on him and he was acting a teeny bit off (nothing like drinking days) but I coul...

slogan_jim · slogan_jim

I am really feeling sorry for myself right now. All my pent up anger has turned me into an asshole over the years...i just masked it as being 'authentic'....this is no longer a one off...this is a pattern I exhibit and it was only a matter of time before I could no longer get away with it.....i'm the common...

Lucy125 · Lucy125

I haven't been here for a while. I have been going to the face to face meeting and reading all the materials. I have also been practicing the 12 steps. I noticed something, does the addicted person's behavior get worse when the family practices the 12 steps? I have been re reading the new comers packe...

Prissykitty · Prissykitty

It's been about four months. It's 1am and I woke up because I heard husband making weird noises in the living room. He was asleep but I knew immediately something was up. Sure enough when I "woke" him he wasn't speaking English and couldn't look straight. He's not in active recovery, but I finally am. I...

Kristy66 · Kristy66

Ok, so I have never gone to a meeting. My spouse (boyfriend of 13 years) has started showing signs of binge drinking - maybe it's been happening longer than I want to admit. We have been on the roller coaster as some describe it - things are great throughout the week, and then on Friday night, he says he's g...

KT2015 · KT2015

My AH seems to find ways to take Fridays off or at least come home early on Fridays. I won't even go down the road of what a bad idea that is related to his work because it's not my problem it is his and shockingly it doesn't seem to cause him problems. But it causes me problems. He tries to refrain...

MissM · MissM

Today's C2C asks "what is meditation?" It suggests that the answer for us is to interpret in our own ways, but drawing on other member's experiences can help us to find what works for us. It suggests various interpretations such as seeking the spiritual purpose to our actions, concentrating on breat...

JosieP · JosieP

lo everyone, I am new to this group and have already taken comfort from reading your messages. My husband and I have now separated because he is an alcoholic. I am incredibly sad about this and struggling to come to terms with it because I love him but I had to end it for a number of reasons but mainly becaus...

Fooled · Fooled

For the last month or so my daughter has been the bane of my existence. I have finally have achieved happiness, and a somewhat sense of peace and serenity and I swear to all that is holy that if I thought she could be, she is doing it on purpose. Every single day she manages to push my buttons and test t...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Today's reading discusses the concept of recovery - "Let it Begin With Me". The reading suggests it's easy for us to sit and itemize the defects of our qualifier/others. We can spend hours thinking of the ways others should/could change! Yet, not one time has this mental criticism improved anythi...

Bethany66 · Bethany66

I kept hearing talk of "Gaslighting" and then someone referenced the movie, so I went to the library and got it on DVD to watch. My AH was passed out, so I had uninterrupted time. Now I totally understand the use of that term. And last night, I saw it in action. I went out to dinner with 5 very good women...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Today's reading talks about 'all that is Al-Anon'.....what this means is we arrive, and no matter how defeated, broken, crazy or other we are - we are invited back. Many of us are grateful for this love and acceptance, no matter our condition when we arrive. For many, Al-Anon is the last hope. The dis...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Relapse of Son (Preview) So my 24 year old son made an official announcement that he has relapsed. At first he told me by text message and then decided to tell it to my face while I was in the kitchen. He started to talking to me in that very slurred way from across the kitchen but when I said "Whaaaat are you even saying?" over the...	Fooled	21	646	Dec 11, 2016 by Iamhere
	new member in Exhaustion Central feeling so alone. panic (Preview) Glad I found this board. I hope to find a meeting at a good time where I live in New York, but thank goodness for the Internet! I have nobody to talk to about my boyfriend. I've unfortunately dated an alcoholic before, and have been to Al-Anon, which has me realizing how many issues I have with whom I pick...	justanotherlostangel	3	445	Dec 11, 2016 by Jerry F
	Step 8 (Preview) Learn How The Twelve Steps Work.Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together!http://stepwork.activeboard.com/t62998049/alanon...	hotrod	0	411	Dec 11, 2016 by hotrod
	Courage To Change Reading 12-11-2016 (Preview) The C2C reading for December 11 talks about our fantasies, which often includes having a great deal of money. The reading asks the question will all our problems go away if we had all the money in the world? Would money resolve the effects of alcoholism on our families, or make the drinker stop drinking...	hotrod	4	600	Dec 11, 2016 by Iamhere
	OFF TOPIC-MY BACK (Preview) WHAT A WAY TO SPEND DEC. RESULTS OF MRI OF BACK INDICATES ARTHRITIS, VERY NARROWED DISC AND SPOND SOMETHING. i GET TO TRY SOME WACKY PAIN MED AND ENDURE A SPINE INJECTION ON THE 20TH WHICH IS MY GUY AND i'S 1YR ANNIVERSARY OF MEETING. i GET TO BE IN PAIN DURING THE HOLIDAYS BAH HUMBUG!!!!!!!!!!!! LOOKING...	YARNCRAZY	6	395	Dec 11, 2016 by YARNCRAZY
	What's your process when LO is actively drinking? (Preview) So I've gone through the wringer with my husband the last 2 years. There have been multiple emergency hospitalizations and detoxes, the last being in the middle of October. His last relapse was a two-day bender last Thursday and Friday. He hasn't worked for more than a few weeks in the last 2 years and h...	SDB	8	544	Dec 11, 2016 by lookingup
	Encouragement and support (Preview) Quick email here folks! I could use some positive encouragement: I am studying for my series 7 exams, which basically license me to trade securities, sell annuities and finance products. The amount of information that I am having to take in is overwhelming and I'm stumbling over concepts that I kn...	andromeda	9	722	Dec 10, 2016 by Iamhere
	Courage to Change 10/12 (Preview) Todays c2c discusses our ability to determine acceptable from unacceptable behavior. How can we possibly determine what is acceptable and what isn't when we have been living in insanity and we have no idea what we ourselves need? A 4th step inventory can help us identify our own traits that we like, t...	MissM	2	386	Dec 10, 2016 by Enigmatic
	Consult about memory issues (Preview) Today is the doctor appointment with my husband about his memory issues. He agreed that I can fill in for the doctor if he leaves anything out (30-year pot habit abandoned two months ago, recent interruption in daily alcohol consumption). I'm praying and giving this to HP. With the help of the program...	Mcat54	13	675	Dec 10, 2016 by Mcat54
	You can't talk to me like that! ( 1 2 ) (Preview) I don't know when this became my biggest hot button, but I cannot stand being talked down to (or perceiving it or being spoken to in a dismissive disrespectful tone. If I actually HAD been with or around a "rageaholic" qualifier, it would make sense to have this be such and issue, but that wasn't my cas...	pinkchip	50	1360	Dec 9, 2016 by LinSC
	Thank goodness, because.... (Preview) Thank goodness for Alanon, because it is getting really ugly in my neck of the woods. My MIL has been diagnosed with advanced cancer and has maybe 3 months left. As would be expected, this brings up a lot of emotion, history, anxiety and dread. As my AH and sibs were brought up in an A home, the dysfunctio...	El	6	430	Dec 9, 2016 by Calm Lady
	Help (Preview) I am new to this. My husband is an alcoholic. He is crazy when he drinks. He drives drunk. I want to leave but I can't financially. How on earth do I learn to just stop caring and allow him to hit rock bottom and stay sane.	Juliexx70	7	375	Dec 9, 2016 by KennyFenderjazz
	Alcohol Before All (Preview) This is my first contact with Al Anon. I know I could go to meetings in my town but I don't want to because my town is so small--there can't be any anonymity for me. I may try to go to some meetings in bigger towns when I visit my family. But will have to think of something to tell them I am doing because they don'...	Jayla	29	768	Dec 9, 2016 by Iamhere
	Courage to Change (C2C) 12/9/16 (Preview) Today's reading in C2C is about Tradition Eleven, which suggests Al-Anon's public relations policy is described as being based on attraction rather than promotion. The writer suggests that their first responsibility in Al-Anon is to learn to keep the focus on self and to do the best possible to li...	Iamhere	1	337	Dec 9, 2016 by hotrod
	flatmate of alcoholic and acoa (Preview) Hi this is kadri liisa recovering acoa and also al anon....i have been in both fellowships about 7 years and now i sometimes keep doors of al anon and acoa open in my town as groups are small here. I am 32 years old single lady. Currently my flatmate is social alcoholic and i am following and thinking what...	kadriliisa	8	607	Dec 9, 2016 by kadriliisa
	And the sneaking continues.. (Preview) I wrote a post last Friday that I could tell ABF had been drinking a little and trying to hide it. (he started AA almost 90 days ago) Soooo obvious to me but he thinks I don't notice. Sooooo badly wanted to call him out (as he WAS getting closer to 90 days sober) but I didn't. I stuck to my lessons and said nada....	Aerin	30	680	Dec 9, 2016 by Maresie25
	Self Care (Preview) Last week in my meeting a girl mentioned focusing on drinking water each day. At the time it kind of rolled off my brain, but on the ride home I started thinking about how I don't drink enough water, or any. That eventually lead to me thinking about how little I care for myself. Simple acts, like drinking w...	sarahGee	11	794	Dec 8, 2016 by kadriliisa
	The depths of my disease (Preview) When I think of the way I used to live while living within the insanity of the disease it makes me so grateful for Alanon. I was thinking about the things I thought were 'normal' or okay or at the very least I thought just passing phases. I must have known they weren't normal because I kept it all a secret so i...	el-cee	8	607	Dec 8, 2016 by Jill
	An alcoholic in recovery is the same as an alcoholic minus the drink (Preview) My husband has been in recovery since May but yet he continues to act like the alcoholic he was while on the drink. He has been reaching out to his family who constantly reject him. He has been consumed with sadness and frustration because of this. I know that in Al-Anon the focus is NOT on the alcoholi...	mauigirl	9	510	Dec 8, 2016 by sarahGee
	First time here (Preview) Hi, first time here. Haven't talked to anyone yet about this. DH is 75 yo, grew up with functioning alcoholics. Drank heavily when we were first married - but socially. Didn't drink for years and years. Our social set was mostly church folk and we really weren't around drinkers. This summer he s...	justjenna	11	401	Dec 8, 2016 by KennyFenderjazz
	Very grateful (Preview) Having recently been through a tough period of growth and out pouring of inner poison that had been stuck inside me festering and rotting. Stinking! I wanted to share that now a few days later a great feeling of lightness, cleanliness has settled in. Like I have scrubbed out the muck and dirt inside me....	Calm Lady	3	369	Dec 8, 2016 by Iamhere
	Choosing Alcohol over everything.. (Preview) So I am a spouse of an alcoholic who in July spent 10 days in the ICU with an esophageal varices and found out he also has cirrhosis of the liver. He almost died! He spent 5 days in rehab then left remained sober for about 6 weeks. Unfortunately one of his doctors told him he was looking great "like nothing...	MegV	7	480	Dec 8, 2016 by Iamhere
	Courage to Change (C2C) 12/8/16 (Preview) Our daily reading today is about taking care of self and allowing the alcoholic to do as they need to for their own journey. I love the quote ---- "The suffering you are trying to ease....may be the very thing needed to bring the alcoholic to a realization of the seriousness of the situation -- literall...	Iamhere	1	312	Dec 8, 2016 by hotrod
	It works if you work it! Amazed! (Preview) I wanted to share a positive experience I had recently. My 15 year old son exhibits all of the signs of being an alcoholic....without drinking. He recently had a really bad morning during which he was upset to the point of ridiculous over a very minor issue. The skills I have learned in Al-Anon and fr...	Kim C	5	372	Dec 8, 2016 by Calm Lady
	12-7-16 One Day at a Time in AlAnon (Preview) It's double value day in ODAT: two outstanding quotes to choose from. Both point the way to a peaceful day through patience, warmth, and respect.The first is in the poetic style of Max Ehrmann:"Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible wit...	Enigmatic	4	463	Dec 7, 2016 by hotrod
	this and that and an omg (Preview) I made some big steps in detachment lately. My AS and drug user kept asking me to borrow my car and my daughters car. I was really uncomfortable with it because he is on record as a drug addict and is on probation. How he has a valid license is beyond me but he did show me the paperwork reinstating him wh...	Fooled	4	375	Dec 7, 2016 by Fooled
	Pain (Preview) Writing is my solace. I wrote this to "him" this morning. I don't want to react to his behaviour. I want to maintain my sanity and most of all I want to learn to respond rather than reacting. I hate you today. It is the day after my birthday. You didn't think of me. You did not call me. You did not message m...	tealfighter	7	382	Dec 7, 2016 by Jerry F
	Advice needed (Preview) I need some advice. My single adult daughter recently told me she has returned to her old habits of drinking and smoking weed. She has gone to rehab 4 times For alcoholism and drug abuse. She said the sober life wasn't her thing. She had been doing really well for the past 2 years. She was gointg to AA but la...	Buckeye Girl	6	388	Dec 6, 2016 by Jerry F
	Drama addicts (Preview) Why do I constantly try and change these drama addicts? Like I tried to change the alcoholic.....I was doing so well for about 2.5 years...(yay!) living peacefully, in a good place, maintaining boundaries, making friends, staying active... then I started getting closer to an individual who is ver...	slogan_jim	6	2754	Dec 6, 2016 by slogan_jim
	Hope for Today dec 6 (Preview) Hello Everyone- Today's reading is about decisions, trying to understand our HPs will for us, and paying attention to inward signs about whether we are making choices which are good and healthy for us. In the reading the following statement is quoted: 'Without God, man cannot; without man, God wil...	yanksfan51	5	394	Dec 6, 2016 by Jerry F
	Alcoholic Partner Telling Me Who To Be Friends With (Preview) Long time lurker, first time poster, but I wanted to start off by saying THANK YOU to all of you for helping me feel not quite SO crazy and alone in all of this. But on to the matter at hand, long story short is that I have a friend of 8+ years that my alcoholic (ex at this point) partner has never been a fan of. I...	thekentuckygent	8	400	Dec 6, 2016 by Jerry F
	First Post (Preview) Newbie here. Glad I found this board. My wife is binge drinker who recently has become violent. She is in trouble with the law. I'm planning on attending my first meeting tomorrow. Any advice for a first timer? Thanks in advance!	Haysinger	10	380	Dec 6, 2016 by maryjane
	Ramped up (Preview) Hey all Haven't posted for a while. Been working my program and growing. Just wanted to kind of say out loud that as I move forward I am finding AHs drinking behaviours far harder to cope with. I obviously practice 'detach with love,' I move away, don't engage etc but wow, whereas in the past in my numb sta...	Calm Lady	26	882	Dec 6, 2016 by el-cee
	Hope for Today 12-5-16 (Preview) Today's page reflects the experience of one who, looking back, recalled the great care taken at the supermarket to pick out the small but more flavorful carrots for her children's snacks. As a teen, however, her son lamented how he received the "scrawny" carrots. Ah, perspective... The writer cons...	Enigmatic	5	511	Dec 5, 2016 by Enigmatic
	Loneliness after breakup (Preview) I split with my ah after he turned violent. I had to move out of our shared home. I'm finding the loss incredibly painful. Even though the breakup is for the best I miss him. We had some good times, especially early on in the relationship. I went on a couple of dates with a new man. I felt huge attraction to hi...	Emma123	3	2341	Dec 5, 2016 by Iamhere
	How to disengage with spouse? (Preview) I'm struggling. I feel that as of late I've been very good at disengaging with love. We have a toddler to co-parent and so when I'm working my program I'm great at ignoring husbands mood swings. I keep my life peaceful and kind of ignore his moaning and whining. He is an insomniac and typically looks exha...	Prissykitty	7	2310	Dec 5, 2016 by mauigirl
	So worried about my husband feeling hopeless (Preview) He's so broken. He relapsed Friday night. He hates himself. He hates his life even though he has so much he knows he should be grateful for. It breaks my heart to watch him sobbing and talking about what a horrible person he is. His dad died ten years ago tomorrow and he sobs that he misses him. He dabbled in...	Prissykitty	4	398	Dec 5, 2016 by Iamhere
	Where to begin (Preview) I grew up with alcoholics and married one. I am at a breaking point and have no one to turn to.	Rwisdom08	3	406	Dec 5, 2016 by Iamhere
	Partner blames me for everything when he's stressed (Preview) I have just returned to Al anon after a 20 year absence. I am so glad and grateful to have found a forum as it really helps me when I write things down. I promise I won't make a habit of venting my every issue but I will get this one off my chest if you don't mind. It's been building for a while. it regards yet anot...	Faintly Falling	12	2914	Dec 5, 2016 by KT2015
	Slogan for the Holidays (Preview) "We Came, We Ate, We Left" Great One .... Thanks Tiredtonite	LinSC	6	442	Dec 5, 2016 by el-cee
	Whinge whinge moan moan. (Preview) I know this is kind of whingy but it's making me miserable lately and seems to be my ever present woe so, maybe if I share it, it will get smaller. Sometimes it works that way. Seems like many people have walked the same path as me and separated and then moved on with someone new and things are wonderful..in...	MissM	5	728	Dec 5, 2016 by el-cee
	Dealing with family counsellor and totally exhausted! (Preview) I feel that I have been quite good about setting boundaries within the family. I know my limits and I usually instinctively know when I've been sucked in too far. But this time it's the health professional who has sucked me in like a blackhole! To explain briefly, my sister died last summer from cancer ....	Faintly Falling	7	496	Dec 4, 2016 by DrSheilaHerenow
	You can run but you cannot hide (Preview) I am not sure what it was today that kept pushing me off kilter but there was something. Nothing really concrete but a state of restless anxiety slowly burning under the surface all day. I really found myself fed up, ready to give up, hopeless, tired and weak. Like the armor I have been putting on is...	Fooled	6	429	Dec 4, 2016 by Calm Lady
	Confused, overwhelmed, hopeless, SAD ... (Preview) My ABF has been struggling with addiction since he was a kid. We come from VERY DIFFERENT backgrounds. So needless to say, it was hard for us to understand each others way of living. My ABF struggles a lot with boundaries. He would use the excuse of seeing his kids to disappear for days on end. He would end...	Confused16	5	462	Dec 4, 2016 by Iamhere
	Courage to Change reading 12-4-2016 (Preview) The C2C reading for December 4 speaks about making choices. The reading points out that many times, before program we made our choices strictly on the basis of our feelings as if feelings were facts. If we were frightened about taking certain action then we avoided it, there was no middle ground and no...	hotrod	3	481	Dec 4, 2016 by Iamhere
	Old Behaviors (Preview) I'm really struggling with old behaviors .. mine .. LOL. Being new into a relationship for the first time in 5 years and then dealing with the fact I'm dealing with another co-dependent which there is nothing like two codies in a relationship together .. LOL. I have to keep really strong boundaries a...	SerenityRUS	5	415	Dec 4, 2016 by SerenityRUS
	New to group (Preview) Thank you for this group. My mother was an alcoholic. Now my son. He is 28 years old, very bright, and the world was his for the asking. He has been a slow downward spiral for years looking back but we just didn't see it. He was in Korea when his father died and that triggered an event with Adderall. He r...	DeeS	4	430	Dec 4, 2016 by Freetime
	Subtle shifts (Preview) I think the program is starting to sink in! I am noticing some subtle shifts in my thoughts and behaviors. I haven't made any big proclamations to myself, but my attitude is changing. AH is away this weekend hunting. Normally, I would think that he just wants to get away to drink freely. Now, while tha...	El	12	380	Dec 4, 2016 by tiredtonite
	Mini relapses- should I call him out? (Preview) ABF has been in AA for almost 90 days. He has had only 2 obvious relapses during that time and only missed only 1 meeting. (that I know of) Thats pretty good I think. However yesterday I came over and could smell just a liitle beer on him and he was acting a teeny bit off (nothing like drinking days) but I coul...	Aerin	11	450	Dec 4, 2016 by Enigmatic
	Feeling sorry for myself (Preview) I am really feeling sorry for myself right now. All my pent up anger has turned me into an asshole over the years...i just masked it as being 'authentic'....this is no longer a one off...this is a pattern I exhibit and it was only a matter of time before I could no longer get away with it.....i'm the common...	slogan_jim	9	2850	Dec 3, 2016 by Iamhere
	Does the problem temporarily get worse when person starts Al Anon (Preview) I haven't been here for a while. I have been going to the face to face meeting and reading all the materials. I have also been practicing the 12 steps. I noticed something, does the addicted person's behavior get worse when the family practices the 12 steps? I have been re reading the new comers packe...	Lucy125	8	524	Dec 3, 2016 by Lucy125
	He relapsed (Preview) It's been about four months. It's 1am and I woke up because I heard husband making weird noises in the living room. He was asleep but I knew immediately something was up. Sure enough when I "woke" him he wasn't speaking English and couldn't look straight. He's not in active recovery, but I finally am. I...	Prissykitty	10	467	Dec 3, 2016 by maryjane
	Binge drinking spouse (Preview) Ok, so I have never gone to a meeting. My spouse (boyfriend of 13 years) has started showing signs of binge drinking - maybe it's been happening longer than I want to admit. We have been on the roller coaster as some describe it - things are great throughout the week, and then on Friday night, he says he's g...	Kristy66	3	383	Dec 3, 2016 by SerenityRUS
	Dreading going home tonight... (Preview) My AH seems to find ways to take Fridays off or at least come home early on Fridays. I won't even go down the road of what a bad idea that is related to his work because it's not my problem it is his and shockingly it doesn't seem to cause him problems. But it causes me problems. He tries to refrain...	KT2015	20	908	Dec 3, 2016 by Iamhere
	Courage to Change 3/12 (Preview) Today's C2C asks "what is meditation?" It suggests that the answer for us is to interpret in our own ways, but drawing on other member's experiences can help us to find what works for us. It suggests various interpretations such as seeking the spiritual purpose to our actions, concentrating on breat...	MissM	3	330	Dec 3, 2016 by Enigmatic
	Feeling confused (Preview) lo everyone, I am new to this group and have already taken comfort from reading your messages. My husband and I have now separated because he is an alcoholic. I am incredibly sad about this and struggling to come to terms with it because I love him but I had to end it for a number of reasons but mainly becaus...	JosieP	7	594	Dec 3, 2016 by Mcat54
	Let it begin with me (Preview) For the last month or so my daughter has been the bane of my existence. I have finally have achieved happiness, and a somewhat sense of peace and serenity and I swear to all that is holy that if I thought she could be, she is doing it on purpose. Every single day she manages to push my buttons and test t...	Fooled	19	698	Dec 3, 2016 by Fooled
	Courage to Change (C2C) 12/2/16 (Preview) Today's reading discusses the concept of recovery - "Let it Begin With Me". The reading suggests it's easy for us to sit and itemize the defects of our qualifier/others. We can spend hours thinking of the ways others should/could change! Yet, not one time has this mental criticism improved anythi...	Iamhere	2	359	Dec 2, 2016 by Enigmatic
	Gaslighting? I get it now! (Preview) I kept hearing talk of "Gaslighting" and then someone referenced the movie, so I went to the library and got it on DVD to watch. My AH was passed out, so I had uninterrupted time. Now I totally understand the use of that term. And last night, I saw it in action. I went out to dinner with 5 very good women...	Bethany66	7	484	Dec 2, 2016 by milkwood
	Courage to Change (C2C) 11/1/16 (Preview) Today's reading talks about 'all that is Al-Anon'.....what this means is we arrive, and no matter how defeated, broken, crazy or other we are - we are invited back. Many of us are grateful for this love and acceptance, no matter our condition when we arrive. For many, Al-Anon is the last hope. The dis...	Iamhere	3	370	Dec 1, 2016 by Iamhere
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.