Hi (((((Everyone))))))

Had a little thread of events happen to me over the weekend that I wanted to share about. The thread began last Thursday night at one of my face to face meetings that I attend weekly. There was a new gentleman that joined us at the meeting. He shared with us that the reason he was at the meeting was that he had watched the movie "When a Man Loves a Woman" and had so identified with the character played by Andy Garcia that he just had to go to an Al-anon meeting!

For those of you who haven't seen the movie, it is about a couple, played by Andy Garcia and Meg Ryan who have some very familiar problems (familiar to us that is ) Ryan's being alcholism, Garcia's being that he is one of us!

Well after the meeting I attended I decided I needed to watch the movie myself because I had not seen it. From the title and stars I had assumed it was a "chick flick" and just hadnt bothered.

Boy was I wrong! The movie was very powerful and very accurately (imho) portrayed the family disease of alcoholism. In my case, I too could so strongly identify with the "husband". And I found it very amazing, how I could see his part in the problems of the marriage....when prior to this program I would have thought him the unappreciated hero of the movie!

Towards the end of the movie, Garcia is going to move away and is telling his oldest daughter, his step-daughter, that he is going. But that he loves her so very much and that he will call and visit her as often as he can.

Well this really struck a chord with me. I do not have any children of my own, biologically. But during my marriage, I raised my two step sons, the younger one from the time he was about a year old.

A year ago, they moved 5 hrs away from me with their mother. And as of the time of my viewing the movie, I had not seen or spoken to either of them in nearly 9 months. I had tried many times, via cell phones, emails but had been unable to reach them. In the beginning I tried hard. As days turn into weeks turn into months the attempts became fewer. I figured they know I love them. They have my number. They will call when they are ready. And it started become a hurt pride issue for me. They would come to my town to visit their school friends on occassions but not come by and see me. I would not even know they were in town until after, when I would run into someone who had seen them.

Well honestly, I didn't take it too personal. They are teenagers. Even when they lived with me, I rarely saw them! Very busy social schedule, you understand.

But seeing the movie and that scene in particular made me feel like I needed to try harder to reach them. Even if it meant having to contact their mother directly to do so.

So I called both boys cell phones. Neither answered. So I sat there, and was considering calling their mom, when my cell phone rang.

It was the oldest boy! He explained that he was playing music when the phone rang and didnt hear it. But saw the missed call message when he stopped playing.

He called me back. He sounded so happy to talk to me. We talked for about 30 minutes then I asked if he knew where his brother was. And he was with him. They were actually having a band practice he and his brother and some friends...trying to start a rock band. Well I ask if I can talk to him and he walks over to give the younger boy the phone. I can here him telling his brother "Phone..its David".

In the background I hear his brother saying, "What!!!! No way!" I could hear him running to the phone to talk to me...and he was so excited and happy.

I talked to him for about 30 minutes as well. About school, his new band, his friends. He told me he was passing all but one of his classes at school. Oh man, instantly the old me surged up and wanted to admonish him and find out why he wasn't passing them all. But I caught myself and just said what class. He says' Health. I am like, isnt that the easiest class of all? He answers, yeah, But it is right after biology, which is my toughtest class, so I have to use Health to recover! Oh man! I laughed at that and so did he. (ME!!!! Laugh about a class he is failing...how does that happen?)

A few minutes later, he is trying to tell me something and one of his friends starts harassing him. Step-son tells me, "hold on" and takes phone away..I hear him tell his friend.... "Dude, back the f*&^ off! I'm talking to my step-dad!" The friend is like, "Sorry man, I didn' know" I was literally rolling on the floor by this point.

It was wonderful to talk to them. And you have no idea how much it was a sign of growth for me, not to have gotten on to either of them about some of the things they told me. How that health class and that F-word would have affected me in the past. I would have been fixated on those things and missed all the rest. The joy in their voices at talking to me.....the shared laughter....them telling me that they love me and miss me.

If all came from this wonderful program. Starting in a meeting with someone sharing about a movie that had brought them to al-anon. A movie that then lead me to a wonderful hour talking to my boys. An hour wherein I was able to talk WITH them instead of AT them.

Thanks Al-anon, and thanks to my HP, whom I choose to call God for getting me here.

Yours in Recovery,
David