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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Even though I know why!!!!
Post Info TOPIC: Even though I know why!!!!
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3653
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Even though I know why!!!!
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ok I am venting, I know better than what I am saying!! Just spitting out my  imperfect me!

RRRRRR son's fb is gone. HUH? He calls to check in. Hey what happened to your fb.

Oh he says it is causing too many problems. HUH? His not wife cept on paper is accusing him of cheating and all that bolony. My son has very high morals and integrity, besides if he met a neat lady he would tell me!

My "thought" was what a freaking wus! What are you thinking allowing her crap to make you change your life!?This is not like you to do this! She is the one who cheats, lies, drives drunk.

I was pretty disappointed in him. Of course did not say so. I don't know what hold she has on him. I don't quite get it. I see her using my dear, brat, stubborn silly passed on first husbands name and want to write to her and say STOP USING ED'S LAST NAME! RRRRRRRR Well it is my sons last name. But it BUGS me!!!!

I don't want this cheating bleep, bleep, bleep, doing this for the mods, person using MY last name! Ok first it is the cheating ****, I am talking about, NOT the A. I just see that. I get she is sick with a disease, is see allll the symptoms, the whole MAP of her destructiveness. Cheating is NOT part of being A. She sees nothing wrong that she did it, does it.

Why would she stop?

I stopped speaking to her when she drove drunk with her son from our place. I let her know that was that. She now drives her teen kids and their friends all over drunk.

She made a HUGE bill on our family plan phone Left me in a huge mess. I dropped the cell company. Had to go to straight talk which I do like.

She never apologized not even a letter.  In her sick mind I am sure she somehow blamed ME for her huge bill.

So I don't get to go camping with him and the kids and my grandson, or rafting or fishing. I will not associate with her. She hurt  my son badly. Never took responsibility. I won't talk to the father of my daughters son either. He hurt her physically and emotionally. He is fortunate he can still walk since I am a JW and love God the creator with all my heart and soul, i know it is NOT my job to take care of him. Sadly he has a much worse fate coming.

Please know it is not my wish, its my sick thoughts that i pray to be forgiven for!Sometimes I wonder how my A is. I want to go get him and we can just talk or I can just look at him. I mean it IS pretty weird when someone you have known all your life is not in their body anymore and there is a stranger there. Yes a brain tumor can do this and tons of every drug imaginable.

Then other times I think I wonder if he is dead and I can get my life insurance now. HORRIBLE huh? I am ahorrible person. I really don't care about the money, are you kidding. I would rather my husband be cross legged on the floor in his levis, bare feet and white t shirt with his long hair and clean shaven face playing his guitar and singing to me!

I want to be in bed with him and he does not complain that there are dogs, or a baby pig or goat in the bed!

I want to take in his cedar scent, breath his breath, and feel that hot love i have felt for him all my life, believe me not everyone loses that lusty neat first love stuff! Every kiss every time, was like the first.

My best friends wife is an A in recovery. But she has no spark, or light. their house has no heart. blah, plain. He is in neutral. But we are glad she is not using for the sons and grandkids sake.

My friends son is an A he was told  to leave. moved out to mommys. My friend was so depressed, his codependancy so apparent. then things got quiet. Huh? son came back. I wonder if son is pushing dad around and threatening to kill him again.

But dad is happier.

I HATE this disease. I am not upset , am happy up here, things are great! My sweetpeas are blooming I started from seed and babied! We are all ok. (c:

btw my illness problem, my bod makes too much cholesterol, my blood sugar is all over the place, I gotta go pick up my monitor, lungs are scarred from the dang asthma.The med makes me so sick and I am praying I don't have to inject myself. I eat so perfectly it is boring and depressing!

I am working hard on it.

So thank you if anyone read all this crap that now I can move on from.....geez nice of me, come here and give you my crap huh? hahaha.

love,debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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youfoundme


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1221
Date:
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Debilyn, I read every word :) HUGS! In support, and loving kindness :) Keep coming and keep sharing :) HUGS HUGS HUGS!

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-youfoundme

Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me... 

 
Katy


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 717
Date:
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I love your crap, and it's a pleasure for me to get to share your growth, we all have our own problems, but they do not define who we are, you rise above them all and always shine through, honest and true.

I love the life you have created, you are an amazingly good person, and I love you lot's.

Katy

  x



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Katy
rosielee


Senior Member

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Posts: 358
Date:
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me too- i read the venting, you are just normal- youd be a saint if you felt otherwise.....

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rosie
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