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So here it is .. my last night out of town with my primary alcoholic's family .. this truly has been Such a trip .. at this point i'm hoping to make it back on my way out of this town and safely back to my home town ..
I made a decision to stay home from a family outting today and knew it would make the addicts a little upset but i couldn't go and truly had to make a choice to stay home with our daughter whether others understood or not ..
when the family was gone .. i cleaned, did laundry, dishes, etc.. cleared off the deck .. washed his mother's clothes, etc.. i played with our daughter and then put her to bed at 9 p.m. the family came home, the alcoholic flew past me into the room we were in and proceeded to wake her out of her sleep saying it's our last night here she needs to spend time with her grandma .. i said no.. we don't leave until tomorrow night .. they will get time tomorrow .. she began to wake and he stood over our 8 year old saying i'm not the reason you stayed home .. mom made you stay home, etc.. i began to tell him i was going to call for help if he didn't leave her meaning the police because at the time he was crazy making with us both .. i had said Nothing to him .. he walked into the living room after where his mother was yelling drug addicts can get their kids back too, you're not keeping her from me .. the crazy part .. I Never tried .. even though i should have .. he began talking to his mother saying you saw her hit me, she pulled your hair .. we have witnesses and we can get her locked away until tuesday .. (to think he would most likely get away with that because of the police force down this way and how serious they take those types of situations.) his mother's reply ?? now now we had a good day .. she just needs a meeting .. omg .. really ?? i said nothing at that point because i would have said too much .. i walked away into the other room ..
while i was out there she had thrown her arms out to her son saying come here my baby .. and hugged him .. afterward she said thank you so much for cleaning my room .. i told her everything was washed and your welcome .. but it's sad that when she carries the message to her son that it's ok for him to talk to me the way she heard him talk she is truly hurting him and that it is so sad because she has robbed him from becoming the man we both know he could have been .. it's absolutely unbelievable that would act the way she has ..
all i know is the levels of insanity in this family run very deep .. she is in bad health with her heart and i'm also sad to see the primary A pull her right in the middle of things .. but both are just crazy at the moment .. my progress ?? i have remained calm enough through this situation but when i go home i'm distancing for some time .. this family is not safe .. cannot be trusted and this is not a good environment for our daughter to be in too much ..
if anyone has any similar crazy esh to share, please do .. i need you .
The things I remember most about dealing with my A's family (his mom and s.dad) there has been more than one situation. Her jealousy and anger of their dad. Divorced for over 20 years at the time. Looking back now seeing other things that have happened I can kind of understand why. I never had that kind of crazy, it's not to say there were not some seriously crazy things that happened. I never had the issue of her trying to triangulate with my AH. When my AH would go over there he did not drink, so if they were both actively drinking who knows where it would have lead to.
You just can't nail jell-o to a tree. Rationalizing with anger is no different than rationalizing with alcohol. Once a point is hit there is no turning back. I agree not engaging was exactly where you needed to be. These people have their own issues and you did a great job of not getting sucked into it all.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Metwo2, In my experience, I have had to put up boundaries to protect myself and my kids. Maybe when you get home, you can come up with a good boundary to make sure this doesn't happen again. If you have a sponsor, she can help you come up with a good one. If not, go to meetings and get phone numbers so people in real time can talk with you and talk things out. This board is great, it has saved my life, but in real time, I needed a voice on the other end of the phone.... For me, I call my sponsor, or another alanon friend and stop living in denial. I then can feel better and start working on things that make me a better person. Take care of you! Stay safe! :) HUGS
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
it helps so much to have others to reason things through with .. i appreciate all of this but the simplicity that arguing with anger is like arguing with alcohol .. so true .. last night at the end of the night .. somehow (gods grace) .. i had the strength to walk a creamer into the room and talk to the alcoholic .. (if you read my other posts you'll see there was a big family fight over creamer .. wow was all i could think) .. i told the A (whos creamer i had drank) .. i bought another bottle and we would both have a couple cups of coffee in the morning together and that he could use the rest .. figured it made sense seeing as how i wasn't the one to open the bottle .. that in itself was progress for me .. (much) ..
when i woke this morning the A's mother and daughter n'law were at the table .. with serenity i said good morning to noone .. after getting my coffee i followed the daughter n'law down the hall on my way to the bathroom but paused to say .. good morning .. when i did walk back in the room the mother was by herself .. i was able to tell her i want you to know i love you .. and that i wasn't going to judge good, bad, right, wrong with my decision to stay home because how did i know this wouldn't have been an even bigger situation had i of gone .. i want her granddaughter to have good memories not chaotic ones .. i know that's your son and i know you love him .. i also know you have your reasons for being the way you were .. you both are will continue to be in my prayers ..
well it was progress for me that's for sure and i have lots to share .. we still have another 8 hours to get through before we're on our way .. in an alcoholic home 8 hours is alot of time to get into trouble .. but god is good .. i'm still here standing with my dignity in tact .. would love to type more because i'm not done but extras came in and i need to finish packing .. thanks you again so much for being here .. i sincerely already love all of you without ever having met you ..
-- Edited by MeTwo2 on Sunday 4th of September 2011 01:03:23 PM
guess i will type one thing .. in typing the above i realised i don't have to be ready to try to control everyone else .. as long as i keep the focus on me and keep myself in check .. that's all i really have to be ready for .. preparing me .. not with solutions but keeping my serenity in check .. thanks so much again ..
babes- i wrote the book on insanity in families-lol
when my mum was drunk- she had three other family members sitting on her to try and calm her hysterics- police were called round regularly....she used to go into school and make people cry
its drama drama- drama- and they are the principle actors- and we are the bit parts-lol
ill stop now before i get too bitter and twisted-lol
so yes- i know about the insanity- all you can do is work on yur stability- you sound like you are doing a good job
Hugs, you got all the prayers you need!! Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
You're so beautifully recovering! I'm sending mental energy and strength to you and wish to say thank you for inspiring me to work harder than ever. Hugs to you and your precious child and brava for protecting her as much as you can from her father and grandmother. You stayed away from the outing and still they brought their sickness into your child's life! You've got your hands full but you're not alone. You're in my heart.
I had real severe issues with the ex A's mother. She did a lot of rescuing, merging and insisting. I felt left out. Eventually like you I opted out. Needless to say that did not go down well at all.
Over time I've come to have compassion for her. Needless to say that came at a lot of distance. I do know with al anon's help I managed a visit from her with diginity and that really helped my self esteem.
