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Got a call from my brother who isn't doing so well. He wants to end his life, I talked him out of it for today but he lives in another city - 7 hours away. We're both ACOA, he has been to rehab 2 times now and still drinking. He put his head through a window last night and I urged him to go to the emergency room today, he had been drinking. I'm glad he reached out but I'm not sure if I'm equiped to handle this.
My father is still in the hospital from a traumatic head wound from drinking/falling for almost a year now, he was also recently diagnosed with ADD - which all of his three children have.
I've only started Alanon myself, been to 4 F2F meetings, one last night while he was hurting himself. I'm scared for him, he's only a year older than I am - I however developed different coping mechanisms and although been through hell and back myself I still consider myself lucky (even after much abuse growing up - in every imaginable way as did he, I have PTSD - it would not surprise me if he did too). He's been in therapy and attending AA sporatically but I don't think he's doing the inner work (not trying to take his inventory - just telling it like I sees it).
I'm making the drive out to where he lives next weekend; he went there specifically to go to rehab and I'm going to bring him home to live with me for a while, he will at the very least have a support system. He suffers from depression and I'm fairly certain he's bipolar and would benefit from medication. I just hope he can hold on until I get there.
Although not surprisingly I'm codependant - he is my brother and he is stuck and I do love him and won't let him fall without a fight.
I don't mean fall as hit rock bottom drunk - he's already there emotionally but fall as in feel like he has nothing to live for or no one on his side, we both have abandonement issues - out mother left us when we were babies (myself 9m, he 23m). He was 'rightsized' right after christmas and shortly after he got out of rehab for the second time. He feels worthless as he still can't find work.
Deep breaths. Wish us luck. It really is a family desease.
I am soooo sorry you and your family are going through this, because it's not easy. I don't know if possibly a suicide hotline would help him and/or you. I know it's not good to interfere however I believe that suicide is different than addiction in that way. That's me and I've made the call to a suicide hotline for a loved one and I am grateful I made that call.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Yes indeed it is a family disease. Your parents gave you a beautiful name.
One of my best friends committed suicide at 40 in spite of having lots of support from friends and family and a great job with the best medical benefits money could buy. She too was bipolar. She was determined to end her life and checked herself into a hotel to do it. Nothing could have stopped her.
Another acquaintance whom I knew through work also took her own young life. She was an alcoholic. That's all I know about her. Most of us, even those from abnormal families, can't imagine the anguish your brother must be enduring. My heart is breaking for you.
Talula - My prayers are with you. I feel your pain, because I have brother in the same position. He's bi-polar, but loves beer more than life.
In Fact, he has told me every night this week "goodbye" because he wqas going to kill himself that night. I've called the police, and he is able to silver-tounge his way out of it. He is the master of tell the professionals what they want to hear in order to realease him. Then he'll go home and call my cell, and leave of message of "good-bye" again.
One of these times he's going to do it, but I can't deal with it anymore. I hope your brother gets the help he needs, and you don't get to the point that I'm in now.
Oooh Talula, that is so hard and I am so sorry for what you and your family have been/are going through.
I've been through similiar situations w/my sister. In her case she would seem suicidal/threaten suicide but then bounce back and get angry that people were overreacting. Finally I dropped contact w/her when I was worried she'd go on this trip and kill herself, and she promised she'd call me beforeshe went. Later I read this was called a 'suicide pact'. Well she just left and didn't call, broke the pact. Came home and acted as if nothing happened. That did it for me.
You are in a difficult, stressful situation. There really is nothing one can do to help people when they're like that,help can be offered, but they make their own choices. It is so very hard. Take care of yourself and know that no matter what does or doesn't happen, none of it is your fault or responsibility.
Sending you BIG, huge hugs and lots of support, rara avis
Thanks all for your words of experience and support.
I talked to my brother this morning and he seemed to be in a better place, after crying (deep grief work) all day/night yesterday. His friend went to sit with him for a few hours last night. He would still like my help and I'll still go and get him within the next couple of weeks to give him some time to take care of his biusiness there. He's not one to reach out or ask for help and this sort of thing doesn't happen very often so when it does I know he's been visiting that very dark place inside of him. There's no magic wand to take away that kind of pain and hurt but there's always room for love and hope.
