The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Often Times I Wonder What it is that Keeps Me Slipping back to old habbits? What is it In ME, that Makes me feel the disire to do anothers Inventory, and Yet knowing its Not My Place, or my Business...
Been looking a little harder at somethings here lately, and even tho for the most part I keep my side of the street relatively clean, its not perfect but its has seen Huge improvement, but there are days when I allow others to carry my focus, I Allow them & their JUNK to enter my head and sit there spinning the hampsters in my head Non-stop... I Pray to Release them, I Pray for their Peace as well as My own, I Pray for these thoughts to leave, His Will Not Mine.... Yet I Get Stuck... It reminds me of a Book I Use to read to my son, about the Duct that got Stuck in the Muck... Thats me! Days Of Muck!
And then something Wonderful will happen, or a Huge destraction of some sort that keeps my attention busy, and it will pass for awhile, and then right back to the muck I go...It wouldnt be so bad but every time it is triggered it is all negative, everytime it is brought up negative, everytime it is thought of negiative, and everytime someone feels the need to add more to the story... Negative... So How do I Stop a Trigger? How do I just Turn it around into something wonderful? I do better Keeping my glass 1/2 Full... :0)
Ok... so yeah... thats Issue #1...
Next would be Procrastination.... Hate it!!!! Drives Me Nuts.... Yet I Do it All the Time... Now don't Get me Wrong... You Throw me in the middle of a crisis, and I will Come out a Champ... But Everyday stuff, that I could get done, but just at the end of day feel depleated, done, exausted, yet at the same time know that it needs to get done, and the longer I wait the harder it will be do complete....
From little things like the 4 Quilts I Started but can't never find the time to get done, (And it wouldn't take long if I just RE-Started) to the bigger things like My Basement, that i have been avoiding due to the fact I just Hate being down there, so getting it cleaned out could take decades!!! already has... lol...
I Mean I pretty up on my lit... and I know that Alot of these traits come from being a child of an Alcoholic, however i don't feel this gives me any rights other then to say... OK, Eyes Wide open KNock It OFF already!!! And I Will for all of about 20 minutes and then back to obsessing again...
I have had a Ton going on, and when I get overloaded my brain kicks into "Panic" mode and seems I am always waiting for the bottom to split, and I know that is whats going on... but between, Work being a YoYo Weekly, Court Dates, Soccer games 2hrs from home, Health Issues, Family Issues (Which are Mostly A Issues... "Ism's" as I call them), Sons up Coming Events,and Feeling like I Have Wheels on my $ss... Its Just Life, Its Just what happens when "Life Happens"... I have no regrets as to were my Life has Lead me, I just wish I could Snap my Fingers and be the person I know I can be, instead of the one always trying to fix everything, figure everything out, and most is not mine to fingure... Is it Control? is it Fear? Is it Lazy? Is it Just life? ... I know i am the one that has to turn it around, I know I am the only one that can make the next Right decission.... the Question is, on those off days.... Why do I try Not to???
Sorry this is all over the place, but its Monday and Well... That is just how most of my Mondays Go... All Over the place... Thanks for Letting me Share ;)
Ohhh Jozie the other "P" word .. "Procastination" UGH UGH UGH .. the mantra of my life up until this point. I'll tell you what I'll come help with your basement if you come help me shovel out my bedroom .. it's frustrating!! :) :)
I'm just trying my best to take everything one thing at a time and maybe things will start to look better. On a positive note I did get my living room in order this weekend, the kids did their bedrooms, now I'm looking at the rest of it going ok .. maybe I can break this down into just one step at a time. When I look at the whole of it, I absolutely DO panic and it's not a fun feeling and I get the feelings of failure and frustration all over again. I can do one thing and things DO look better.
Hugs thank you for the share on this beautiful Monday morning it was the motivation I needed to look and say what one thing CAN I do and feel good about myself today. :)
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
First off be Gentle with Yourself It really is progress not perfection and seeing our negative attitudes before engaging in the obsession takes practice. II know that many of my resentments and much anger has been lifted and it "circles" over head just waiting for an opening to enter my crazy mind and create havoc and chaos. If I do not pull it in to begin with I am fine-Once it gets a foothold it does a number.
As for procrastination I do still use the "Just for Today " bookmark and follow it I do two things I do not want to do each day and it works.
Keep on taking care of you and sharing It will change and in a year you will look back and see how far you have come
