Attending Meetings Together - Al-Anon Family Group

surfgirl123 · Senior Member

Attending Meetings Together

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

At this point my AH has not started a program, however that being said, if it was an open meeting and he wanted me to come I would be happy to go with him. Our open AA meeting is a speaker and I go to that alone as it is. Sharing is different than having the agenda of controlling, "you should do" or being in his business about his program (why don't you go to more meetings). I think as long as you are working your own program and staying out of his recovery (I mean controlling it). The balance should naturally be ok. You each do your own thing and meet in the middle from time to time that is a normal relationship, of two individuals keeping their individuality while sharing something of themselves with their partner and that's a dance that happens 100x a day.

I'm speculating, I know my AH well enough to know he wouldn't be as open with me at a meeting with him sharing. Anymore than I would be comfortable sharing with him sitting in a room at Alanon. I'm just not there in my own recovery. There are just things my AH would be shocked knowing I felt specific ways that I do, I think it's a fair thing to say I'm sure there are things he needs to say that I am not ready to hear.

Hugs P :)

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

I have only attended one open AA speaker meeting with my spouse. He said he really liked it, the speaker was good, and he said he got a lot out of his talk. However, he has not expressed an interest in going to another one since then. Since both programs are based on attraction rather than promotion (tradition 11), I continue to go to an open AA/Alanon discussion meeting each week. Perhaps some day, he will want what the program has to offer. Until then I keep the focus on my alanon program and leave the results up to my HP.

White Rabbit · ~*Service Worker*~

My AH and I sometimes attend open AA meetings together. Sometimes we plan going to a meeting together as part of our date nights. :)

I don't see anything wrong with it, provided that we are both going to our own separate meetings and working our own programs. If we went to every meeting together, I don't think there's any way either of us could feel completely free to say what's on our minds. But the open meetings we attend together are speaker meetings so we're not engaging in discussion anyway. It's not like I'm sitting there wanting to say something and not feeling like I can because my AH is in the room. Aside from going to open meetings together once in a while, our recovery paths don't overlap much, other than that we might mention something that gave us gratitude or something profound from a meeting once in a while. We don't discuss the ins and outs of our recoveries with each other, though - for me, trying to manage his recovery is what got me in trouble in the first place. That's much better left to him and his sponsor. :)

-- Edited by White Rabbit on Monday 29th of August 2011 09:43:20 AM

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

When my A-fiance wants to go, and its an open AA and I don't have my meeting that night, I have gone. I like open AA because it really hits it home how much it is a disease and I see him as a person with a disease.... Mine doesn't want to go too often, he keeps saying he is going to go, but thats up to him, not me... he went a couple weeks ago, there is a meeting where there is AA upstairs and alanon down stairs, and he volunteered to go...and hasn't wanted to go again since... So I am keeping to me and my program.

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Never miss an opportunity to spend sober time with your husband , open AA is a good thing as long as you dont forget about your program and as you say you also attend Al-Anon meetings so no harm in going to his meetings occasionally. just my opinion don't forget to invite him to open Al-Anon anniversaries when my husb attended those he would often ask when speaker was finished -- have you ever felt that way , opening the door for me to share how i felt . Louise

-- Edited by abbyal on Monday 29th of August 2011 08:30:29 PM

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

My AH (really my ex) has been attending meetings for 3 months. He goes to at least 1 meeting per day, usually 2. I have gone to 3 open AA meetings with him. The last one he asked me to go because he got his 90 day coin. During this meeting, I learned how important these "birthdays" are to the recovering alcoholics.

Attending meetings are helpful to me in many ways. For example, until I heard several AA members speak about "birthdays" I didn't realize how important they were. I never have given it a thought until then.

I would not attend once in awhile if my ex only attended once a week. I don't won't to tread in his territory.

-- Edited by GailMichelle on Monday 29th of August 2011 09:11:09 PM

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