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My dh is not drinking tonight but he's just getting on my nerves. How do you handle it when someone gives you the silent treatment just because you got ticked at how they were behaving? Namely:while watching a football game, he was talking like he was from another race and making fun of them and making up this long story thinking he was being really funny(he does this alot and usually I just tolerate it) but tonight I couldn't take another word. So, I snapped at him and he decided not to talk to me all night no matter how pleasant I was being. He said he didn't want to 'upset me'. Umm, it's not like I started screaming and yelling, I just said, "Stop. Enough. I've heard enough and I know how you feel about them, OK?" Is it wrong for me to ask someone to quit being a sarcastic racist? UGH!
ah the silent treatment I remember it well . my husb did this often and it drove me nuts until I met a woman who asked me if I had thought of enjoying the silence ?? she went on to say think about it he's not complaing or hollering at you telling you how this is all your fault .. she said to enjoy the silence . Made sence to me so enjoy ..just carry on doing what you normally do dont try and coax him out of his mood it will pass alot quicker if you just be. Louise
Dear ilovedogs. I understand how bad the silent treatment feels. It is not just silence from verbal harrassment (or abuse). It is passive aggressive hostility. The hostility energy that it emits is actually louder than an oncoming train for ther person that it is directed to.
I don't feel that it is wrong to ask for basic respect of your value system. Ones' ethics are very deep seated and to be prevented from being true to your morality is very dehumanizing and is eroding to the spirit.
Basically, I see it as an issue of boundries. Each person has to decide what it is they are willing to endure.
Hi Ilovedogs, My boyfriend will do this passive aggressive nonsense when he's been drinking. And just like Abbyal has suggested, I actually find something to do while it is silent. Last night, he said something to try and pull me into an argument. I told him plainly, without crying or yelling, that I refused to get sucked into his argument or anger. Silent treatment then ensued. So I picked up a book and read and enjoyed it.
If you're anything like me, you're actually upset with yourself, not him. It takes real honesty to get to that point, but think about it... you got what you asked for, yet you still weren't happy. His feelings are now hurt because you have always tolerated it in the past... for whatever your motive was, that's what you said you did. So now, understandably, he is hurt... you and I would be hurt too if someone suddenly changed on us... it's all just human behavior. It's only human and easy to see if you reverse the situation by putting yourself in his shoes.
Maybe you'll feel better by making amends to yourself and to him for "tolerating" it in the past (dishonesty with self and with him...?) and you will do it differently next time, and there won't be any hard feelings. If you decide to make amends to him... remember to focus on YOUR PART only, not what he's done... stay on your side of the street.
In recovery support, sweetie. We are ALL more alike than different. Take what you like. ((hugs))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Oh yes, I remember the silent treatment well, and the torment I put myself through trying to figure out what did I do?, It wasn't untill I came here and I learnt I didn't have to do anything, to either cause it or change it, my husband generalises and is very judgemental, I used to fight everyones corner on their behalf, and we would be miserable week in week out, now? I smile inwardly and outwardly, his thoughts are not mine to change or justify, when he goes into silent mode, I get busy and take no notice, and try and stay upbeat and happy, it seems to help us get along much better, and to accept our own point of view.
There were times when I chased my AH around trying to get him to talk to me. What came out of his mouth when he did decide to talk to me again was such a load of boosha I seriously regretted it. Like abbyal said: Enjoy the Silence. ((hugs))
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Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.
