The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Lindaoakford you talk a lot about your ongoing relationship with "the drawer", and the desire to look, but the understanding that looking is only going to make you crazy.
Although AH has been dry (until tonight, see other post), I like that visual. Although AH doesn't have a drawer, per say, I am going to visualize putting his problems in a drawer and closing it. I don't need to have his problems. They belong in his drawer When I want to look at his problems (how many empties, how late was he out, how bad is his breath), I feel crazy.
So, I'm going to do my best to put it all in a drawer and shut it. God willing, it will stay shut to me.
I have looked in the drawer I think three times since starting on this board. Before that I looked up to three times a day!!!! The last time I looked wasn't becasue I was DRIVEN to.. I didn't have that DESIRE to NEED to know. It was kinda like seeing where we were up to. LIke checking the bank balance. My feelings around looking were very different and my motive for looking was very different.
I don't talk to the drawer any more. I believe the little monster lives in there. That is his addiction drawer and I don't like it.
This morning I started a new visualisation. I imagined that drawer going up and into the universe. That drawer does not belong to me. I liked how I felt, but 5 minutes later it fell back down and hit me in the head. I had to put it back up there again. Must be that ockie strap its attached to (hehehehhee)
Oh Gosh!!! I'm always throwing something away that is in the drawer. Always trying to clean out the drawers. At home, work, moms house, glove boxes in our cars.
When I visualize my active hubby's stuff in a drawer, ther isn't one large enough! It need to be a huge trunk w/a padlock on it.
I think purging all the drawers is a way for me to control something since I can't control hubby.
