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So, told AH on Saturday morning that I was moving out and going to stay with my parents in a different city.
We tried staying amicably in the apartment for that day/night, but he got drunk after work, came home, started a huge argument about who gets to keep the dog and such. Eventually things calmed down and we had a nice long talk. Fast forward to the next morning when the cops are banging on the door at 8:00am because my parents haven't heard from me since I called them in the middle of the night to tell them about all of my AH's drunken threats. They were worried, and now he was mad as hell.
Then, things calmed down a bit and we were civil that day. I helped him run a few errands because he will soon be without a car. We both decided it was best if we did not stay in the house together anymore. I have been carting around a lot of my stuff and sleeping at different friends' houses or hotel rooms. My parents will be here Saturday morning to help me pack up my things and leave.
My AH has tried a few times to suck me back into all the drama by pulling on my heartstrings and making himself out to be the victim. I have momentarily faultered, but overall, I have held pretty strong. I know this is what is best for me (esp. as I know that he has been going out all of these past nights and hearing him ramble on about how he "would have really stopped this time". Key words being "would have" instead of "will".
I am letting go and letting God take over. Need my HP for support so much right now. Thank you guys for all your kind words along the way, as this is probably the hardest thing I have/will ever have to do. I have been calling this a "separation" but it feels more like an escape and I have a pretty good feeling that I will never be back...
good for you kay. I have said before, I would not wish this experience on my worst enemy (not that I have one). It is very sad and you should be very proud of yourself for what you have done for yourself. You chose what you needed to do and you have stuck with it. give that dog of yours a great big pat.
Sending you much support and love during this time. Sometimes one day at a time is just to long, it just needs to be min by min. Hugs again.
P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I argued with the ex A a lot about leaving him. I think thats to be expected.
The ex A acted pretty nonchalant at the beginning then got mad, then felt abandoned, then got mad. I had contact with him for a long time after I left him.
Be kind to yourself.
I heard a great analogy today. If we are growing tomatos we have to put the right soil, water them, nuture them to bear fruit.
Living with an alcoholic who isn't in recovery is pretty toxic stuff. The more you can do to nuture yourself the better you will feel. Of course you are living in a "war zone" if you are moving out so nuturing yourself really needs a lot of creativity.
Come here as often as possible, post and get to know people. Try to get a sponsor if you don't have one.
Alcoholics live in denial. The ex A could not imagine I would leave him, let alone stay left and move on. He was absolutely flabbergasted.
Months and months later I found he had put my name down as a significant other on all kinds of things. He absolutely never expected me to drop all contact (that took me a while).
Thanks everyone. Tomorrow is the big moving day. I just said goodbye to my AH because he was headed to work and this will be the last time I see him for awhile. It was quite sad. Watching his chin tremble and his eyes water as he rushed to get out of the car to avoid losing it just made me lose it and burst into tears. I do love him, but I know that this is what is best. I am also pretty sure that we will stay apart, but only time will tell for sure.
I know that he will be okay, if he allows himself to be. If he chooses to take this time to better himself and find serenity in good things instead of the alcohol. I do worry about him though.
And I will take this time to get myself together as well. I know I have a lot to work on.
I am going through a very similar situation, so I think I have a pretty good understanding of your struggle. I have been with my husband for 20 years, dealing with first drug issues (his) and then when he quit that, it was alcoholism. I had tried to leave a few times before but always ended up being sucked back into the drama by my own emotional weakness and his manipulations. Plus, we had kids..so I guess that was part of my justification for trying to make it work. I realize now, that was probably the worst thing for my kids: that I stayed so long in such an unhealthy, co-dependent relationship.
I finally decided to try to break the cycle once and for all and recently took a really good job in a city that is 300 kms away from my old home. It is not easy starting over alone in an unfamiliar city but I am hopeful the distance will help me stick to my resolve as I "sort myself out".
Good luck with your new life, and stay strong!
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The Journey of a thousand miles is begun with a single step.
