"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

michellelong · Veteran Member

a little disturbed

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh wow Michelle hugs,

I can just say I fully understand your frustration on that level. My A's lawyer told him that he would be able to drop the rest of the probation at the actual sentencing .. I sat there with my mouth open thinking really? In what way is that a good thing for my A? I'm not able to be judge and jury as much as I want to be .. lol.

Yes, on the fear factor as well. I'm sure that was a big motivation. At the rate he's going they can only turn a blind eye for so long anymore. It's going to come out on it's own.

Hugs, keep working your program and keep coming back :) P :)

Have a wonderful day and enjoy the peace you do get lots can happen in 7 days :)

-- Edited by Pushka on Tuesday 9th of August 2011 07:48:07 AM

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

Well everything happens for a reason, I am learning. So take the 7 days and enjoy. I hear ya on the probation part, its crazy! And crazy making. Keep your focus on you, go to meetings while you are alone and get some phone numbers to call! Take care of you!

ELEKTRAWMN · Senior Member

Probation is a joke. My ABF showed up to his probation appointment one time drunk, KNOWING they'd violate him and he did 20 days.... all to get out of taking the driving class and the substance abuse treatment...

The "system" is ridiculous.

Otie · Senior Member

Hi.

I would just like to say that the criminal justice system is definitely not a progam designed for emotional growth and development. Right or Wrong---the reality is that it is what it is.

Just like with divorces---many people feel that the courts did not give them the "pound of flesh" that they felt they deserved. The court cares only about protection of property and legal rights under the law. Lawyers look for the best deal for their clients. Courts don't care a twit about the personal and family dynamics of a case.

Projecting anger onto the courts is a tempting but totally useless endeavor.

Just giving my 2 cents on this. I'm not trying to be insensitive.

Sincerely, Otie

-- Edited by Otie on Tuesday 9th of August 2011 10:33:53 AM

-- Edited by Otie on Tuesday 9th of August 2011 10:35:33 AM

xeno59 · ~*Service Worker*~

Totally understand. The legal system is so convoluted you never know which way they are going to go. My son's last probation officer never made 1 visit to our home, his work or his other home when we had to have him move out and was then shocked that son had relapsed... Um hello? Might have figured that out had you bothered to check on him.
Anyway now he has to serve his whole sentence of 6 months.
But please don't think because they are going easy on your husband he is getting away with anything. He isn't if he doesn't work recovery he will get more charges and at some point someone will put all the pieces together. My son was also very charming and manipulative with his therapist, PO etc but it caught up with him eventually.
Keep workin your program and stay focused on you
Blessings

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

Yep, I completely understand your frustration, but the reality is that the "three C's" apply to the probationary system, the courts, the police, et al (whether we like it or not). Our true frustration is that our A's aren't "getting it", and we can't expect ourselves, or any system, to "change" them....

Tom

michellelong · Veteran Member

Thank you for all of the responces and once again I feel human and know I am not alone.

Otie, I never take anything you have to share as incensitive, and I appriciate your frankness.

Just to be clear, I am not in anyway thinking the system is going to change him, I am just very frustrated that they are not doing the job they are supposed to do.
For me, whether it be my AH or someone else's A, if they are drinking/drugging and behind the wheel of a motor vehicle, get caught and given a slap on the wrist to me this is saying.......hey the next time you decide to get messed up don't forget those keys cause were not going to do anything about it anyway!

I was hit by a drunk driver back in 1989 and was hurt pretty badly! So I am speaking as I guess an advocate for that side of the street as well.

To me this is like putting a little kid in time out for doing something unacceptable and 2 seconds later saying.....hey sweetie, here's some cookies and milk.

I just needed to vent a little about what is going on, but I really am in a whole new way working on myself. I just know that no matter how at peace I become with me there will always be things like this that I will have issues with. There are just so many horror stories here in NC alone regarding deaths cause by people like this and I am mortified that stronger laws have not been put in place.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I woulda said oh nooooo well I thought you were going away so I planned to go to tahiti for 50 days! Well can't lose my ticket,bought new stuff and am ready to go!

And that as they say, is that...hey take a vacation. Nothing says we cannot get away for being good! They get a free time for bad behavior!

deb

Otie · Senior Member

Dear Michelle, I hear where you are coming from, I think. Please don't think for a minute that I am "defending" the criminal justice system---I am just describing it in practical terms.

Personally, I think it sucks in so many ways. I think it is a reflection of our society/culture. Don't get me started on that---LOL. The way I see it, we warehouse human beings in prisons as a result in many cases of our collective failure as a society to provide a nurturing world for them in the first place.

Michelle, I feel for you and know that you are trying your very hardest. Just keep it up.

In support, Otie wink

-- Edited by Otie on Tuesday 9th of August 2011 05:58:11 PM

Kate1979 · Member

I can relate to your frustration, Michelle. It seems that if they know they can get away with lesser consequences, why change your ways? My AH is friends with many of the police in our city. He seems to think that he can get away with drunk driving (although he says he is "never drunk, I just had a few beers"...however we all know what that means). In fact, one of his friends has sat at our house and they have shared a case of beer over a few hours...and than his cop friend just got in the car and drove home. I was enranged! This has happened on more than one occasion. It is as if they think they are above the law since they know cops or have "inside sources". As I said, I totally hear your frustration! Let me know if you want to vent...because I'm right there with you! Hang in there!

Lindaoakford · ~*Service Worker*~

Having worked for the drug courts here in Australia.. and the alcohol court.. I can say that they do care.. but I agree with Otie.
Cant make all of the people happy all of the time.
Having said that.. I also agree there are some useless people who work for community corrections (parole officer type people) and they have no idea how to do their job properly.

I can say that is the fault of my ex husband in my small city, he is the educator of all the new parole officers who are employed... most of them are useless when I have had to work with them. (please see that as a light hearted jab.. I am not really being vindictive). People are people and there are good and bad in all areas

I hope things work out for you

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"