The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My 26 y.o. a/a grandson with anger management issues, and his 44 y.o. a/a mother also has anger management issues are both homeless, the place they had been using as a home (for the past 6 wks) is no longer available to them. I've already told them they can't stay with me in thier current disease state, as they are still in denial about thier illness. He sent word via my sister," would I please let him stay with me for a few days to get out of his current enviorment" I allowed myself to feel guilty and anxious about this, as a matter of fact I still feel scared that I might give in and allow them to come into my home with all the drama. I'm so tired of all the fall out from this illness, I'm taking care of my daughters 16 y.o. son, of course he is having his own issues with being separated from his family, he has some learning disabilities, his mother is still getting his ss check, I've just not been able to deal with this issue, as she say that is the only income she has. I'm going to take care of it, I don't have the energy to do it right now, maybe because I can take care of him financially. That is another reason I feel I'm pressured to help them, they think/know I'm finncially secure. I do have to manage my funds, I feel even if I had money to burn I would'nt take care of them and they shouldn't Right now I feel depressed and want to go to bed and cover my head and cry. I can't because my 16 y.o. and 2 other grandchildren are her for a short vacation. I'm 70 y.o. and want to spend the remainder of my years enjoying my life, not taking care of adults and thier kids. Thanks for listening! Ruby!
I'm sorry you are dealing with this- this disease is so horrible! I can understand how you feel overwhelmed and pressured. Attending Alanon meetings would be helpful if you are not going already. It would help give support in taking care of you. I can't really say anything intelligible, as I still have a long way to work my program, but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.
There is a survival instinct in all of us. If you choose to say NO, everyone will find alternate ways to deal with their situations. It stands to reason they would attempt to go the easist route first.
Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I've heard other people say it's ok to say "I don't know" or "I need time to think." I agree with Christy, it's amazing push comes to shove believe me things will workout. Give it over to your HP and get some serenity for yourself it's a lot for anyone to take on. Most of all you do not have to say yes unless it's truly what you want to do.
P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Ruby the sentence that stood out in your post to me was, "I want to spend the remainder of my years enjoying life, not taking care of adults and their kids." You have ever right to feel that way. Maybe you answered your own question.
No one here can tell you what you should or should not do.......only you can make that decision.
My experience has been when I am faced with a major decision in my life I ask for HP's guidance. Then I weigh the positives and the negatives. I ask myself, what is the next right thing for me, always keeping in mind that my serenity and peace of mind come first.
I always know the feeling in my gut is HP's answer and I go with it. HP doesn't make mistakes.
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Sunday 7th of August 2011 10:34:25 PM
-- Edited by RLC on Sunday 7th of August 2011 10:39:29 PM
Thank you all for your love and support, I do feel calmer and less conflicked about what to do. I told my sis how hearing about my a/a's and thier drama, and getting thier stuff into my head, causes me to relapse , I told her please don't tell me about them. In one of my devotions today, suggested saying often "all is well" say it until you believe it, know it.......Thanks! Ruby!
I remember last year, after I split up from my son's father, he didn't have a job and I paid for his phone bill and car insurance for six months. I was also fully supporting my son and I don't make a lot of money. I finally told him I couldn't do it anymore. I thought he'd never get a phone plan of his own ...etc.
Within a week he had both independent of me. It was so hard for me to do, but I realized that if he had to do something for himself, he did.
What a revalation for me. It's something I had to come to on my own, and I totally understand your dilema. It's very serious and heart breaking.
Sounds like you have already stated that you did not want them there but your guilt might be getting in the way and your afarid you will turn around and take them in. Hold your ground Ruby. You deserve the ability to have some peace at this time in your life. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Take some quiet time and talk to your HP about this and I`am sure you will see that you have nothing to feel guilty about. As one grandmother to another I can see where you are coming from and my heart goes out to you. Its time for Ruby now. You can do it!
