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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> It's been awhile! Still struggling with my AH!
Post Info TOPIC: It's been awhile! Still struggling with my AH!
michellelong


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It's been awhile! Still struggling with my AH!
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Hi All,

It's been close to a week since I had a mental breakdown and I am thankful to all of you who sent reply posts filled with encouragement and hope.

Last weekend was one of the most brutal yet! My AH left 3PM Friday and drank along with obscene amounts of cocaine until coming home (walked 6 miles through the night) Sunday morning at 7:30. I actually went driving around late Saturday looking for him because I had a gut feeling he died in his truck of heat exhaustion.....it was over 100 degress that day and last I heard he was going to lay down in his truck at 8am Saturday morning then coming home. Needless to say he never came home and no phone call at all.

Well he missed his weekend in jail and never bothered to call them so his probabtion officer had him go see her Wednesday and guess what.......starting 8-15 he has to do the remainder of the days (39) straight......can you say HAPPY DAYS!!!

I will miss him and yes he is once again for the.......gee I lost count (time) he is telling me its over no more dinking, he will be the husband he is supposed to be and that I deserve....LOL.

 DO I believe him? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Just wanted to share a little about what happened......I stayed in bed about 3 days after the episode and another 2 in a deep depression but I am doing ok today.

 



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ML
Pushka


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Hugs Michelle,

I am sooo glad you posted I have been thinking about you and wondering how you have been. I hope you are able to get to the meeting this next week. What a great time to take the opportunity to work on yourself with him being away.

Hugs P :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
canadianguy


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Good share Michelle.... now go take advantage of all this new-found freedom, and go do something nice for Michelle today - it will feel awesome.....

Tom



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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

"What you think of me is none of my business"

"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"

 

 

 

 
pinkchip


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Sorry you are going through this. It does sound like his actions are pushing you to a bottom of your own though. I hear the stirrings of change resonating in your post. While he is gone, take time to figure out what makes you happy on your own. Be nice to yourself.

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RLC


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We have been missing you Michelle..HUGS.

I agree with everything Pushka, Tom, and pinkslip said. I hope you take what they suggested to heart. What a wonderful time to start working on YOU. I know your meeting is Thursday and I hope you attend. It's time for "you" to focus on "you"........Start your recovery!!!

HUGS again,
RLC



-- Edited by RLC on Saturday 6th of August 2011 07:16:09 PM

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Debilyn


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no well it's a horrible thing that happened! When and if you ever are not involved in this bolony you will look back and see the horror in it.

People just don't have to live like that.

I am glad you came back and shared. I sure hope you keep coming and Invite you to do some work on your own inventory!! Can you get to meetings? Read literature? go to movies, read funny books etc.

Let all that horror go away. Replace it with some flowers in the house, go visit some one mellow. What is healthy for you? Do it. Anti stressors are what I wish for you.

Believe me, he will be so full of promises now. But I bet you if someone picks him up and hands him a beer and says hey lets do a line, you won't see him till he wants something.

But it won't be him, it will be the disease

So hope you find lotsa (c: s!! love,deb



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
michellelong


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Posts: 39
Date:
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Thank you all for your kind posts.

I have been on the site lots of times within the last week and a half but did not log on, I just wanted to read and relate. I did not feel that I had anything positive to share (I know, sounds stupid) but I am biding my time waiting for either August 15th or 19th as he will find out the exact date when his probation officer FINALLY makes a house visit tomorrow.

As I said I know I will miss him a great deal, and I will most likely visit when they allow me too, but I am going to use all glorious 39 days to work on me!

I have not had a f2f meeting yet and most likely won't until the first Thursday night after his incarceration, but I am going to go because I need to start working on me and I think that without him here and 5 f2f meetings under my belt hopefully I will be strong enough to be able to get in my truck and go even when he is here....if that makes sense to anyone. I have been reading lots of books as well to help me through. (special thanks)!!!

I also want to thank those of you who said you were thinking about me and or missed me......I really do feel like I have a family of understanding and peace on MIP.

Hugs to all of you!!

Prayers to all as well!

Michelle

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ML
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> It's been awhile! Still struggling with my AH!