The material presented
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level.
I just wanted to check in tonight. I've had so many things going on, I can't even say. I'm struggling in a lot of ways, but am really feeling good about my progress.
I've read in posts and books about people feeling anxiety and discomfort during the early stages of recovery in Alanon. It's not something we've talked much about in the meetings I've been to in the last couple months. I guess there's a certain amount of anxiety and discomfort that goes along with even positive changes, especially changes involving deep-seated feelings and habits learned over a long, painful time. I have noticed over the past few weeks a lot of anxiety that I have had a hard time explaining, no specific cause I can come up with, and I think it may be just related to the big positive changes I'm making. ?
Kind of like a baby learning how to walk... it's all good, but definitely wobbly and challenging for me. I fall down a few times, but get back up, and I think the anxiety I feel will get better with some time. Have any of you noticed extra anxiety early on that was hard to explain?
Oddly enough, at the same time I feel this strange new anxiety, I also feel less anxiety about other things that used to completely throw me for a loop! That part makes me very happy!! I can't believe the difference. I actually have found a sense of optimism and faith that I probably never had before. I grew up in a very negative, pessimistic family and came into my adult life very fearful without realizing it. That fear led me to be reactive, controlling, depressed....
But over the last few years, and especially these last couple months, I have been finding new confidence in my own ability to weather the storms and be okay, to deal with whatever comes to me. I've also just recently found a real faith in my Higher Power, probably more than I ever did before. I can now accept reality more than I used to be able to. I've been able to (mostly) stop fighting it!! And it feels SO MUCH BETTER! Who knew?! The change has been huge and wonderful!
I know I am on the right track. It's tough, and will take some time, but I know I'm already much happier and healthier than I was just a few months ago. I do have so much more peace of mind I really do feel saying it's a miracle in progress is no exaggeration.
So, I think I need to just keep doing what I'm doing and that I will keep feeling better and finding more positive changes in my life.
Anyway, just wanted to write that down and share it. Can't get to a meeting until Wednesday. Don't know if it will make sense to anyone. Thank you for the opportunity. I'm very thankful for this forum and the compassion and wisdom found here.
Thank you for your inspiring share It was the first I read this AM. It does feel great to see that old anxiety disappear. I found that the new unfocused anxiety was just my being concerned over this new way of being because I was not in control.
What a great topic, I've never thought about anxiety during our own recovery however it makes perfect sense!! Thanks for the share and enjoy the ride :)
Hugs again P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Totally understand your anxiety in learning and practicing new behaviors. I used to confide in an alanon friend all the time "what if people don't like the person I am working towards being"? I had been surrounded by A's all my life and just not sure I would be "accpeted" by them or others anymore. But as I gained confidence in myself and likeing what I saw, I no longer cared of others approved or not. Yes a lot of anxiety at first , but hell I was anxious all the time anyway Today my facorite saying... "What others think of me is none of my business" I truly love that saying and I live by it now. Blessings
Wow, I hear you on this, thanks for sharing it! My sponsor says to me when we get done talking, that the changes in me can be seen by her and that they look good on me :) It feels good to hear that! So even though I am taking baby steps and learning all the way, someone can see that I am doing well and encourages me. I know this board has helped me so much with this too. Glad you are here :) Take care!
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
