Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Confused!
Post Info TOPIC: Confused!
Lolly


Newbie

Status: Offline
Posts: 4
Date:
Confused!
Permalink  

Hello..Im new to this site,but not to the Al a non meetings ...my friend who is dating a A needed my support and so I went along

Boy was I in for a reality check of my own!

I thought I had done all the healing that there was ..as I come from a very controlling parent and drinking grandparent...which led me into drinking relationships and abuse.

Amazing that when you are 45 you only relise then that sitting on your granpas lap when he was drunk...un beknowns to a 5 year old,would have such an inpack on your life!

So here is my plea I gues for help,as I cant get to my meetings atm

I have discovered I am a control freak (which I hate) thanks mum.

Im trying extremely hard to change that because in turn my 11 year old is going down the same path...the wrong path

Im in a relationship with a wonderful man that came into my life 6 years ago...we were only together for a short time as he drank a lot then and with children it just didnt work.

6 years later we are crossing paths again.

Do I love him...Yes there is no doubt about that

I do give credit where credit is due...and that is he doesnt drink nearly as much as he used to.

But he still drinks

Now I am the one with the problem as I dont know how to handle it...as he hides his drinking from me,and only because of his attitude towards me ..do I know he has been drinking

Ive learnt from past relationships not to nag and pester them when there drinking ...but when you find empty bottles in places they shouldnt be in....and you confront them calmly only to be told that you had already found it weeks ago ........confuse  What can you say !!!

 



__________________
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:
Permalink  

Hi Lolly

Hi Lolly
 
Welcome to MIP. I am so glad you are familiar with alanon and have attended meetings. MIP is a wonderful forum and we have lo-line meetings that are powerful
 
As you know Alcoholism is a chronic disease and we who live or have lived with this disease are affected.
 
Thank God for alanon as I found the solution and maintained for my chronic disease in the rooms, principles and tools of this program.
 
John has a great Post on the diseas of alcoholism at the top of this message Board. at 

STICKY: Why Alcoholism is "categorized/listed" as a disease by AMA (explained)  It answers many qwuestions about alcoholism

 

 

 
I know I am powerless over alcohol and people [places and things). I need a HP to guide me in all my affairs. I need to live one day at a time, trusting on HP and focused on myself.
 
I need to know myself and my boundaries and live by principles that enrich my self esteem and support my beliefs .
 
Alanon tools work" one day at a time". I feel I have the same disease as the alcoholic and I get a reprieve from my condition as long as I am using tools, and tending to my spirituality. I know when I stopped attending meetings I reverted back to my old behavior and default attitudes.
 
 
Control, denial and pretend were the tools I used to support an unmanageable life style .I urge you to try to find face to face meetings that you can attend, dig out your former daily readers and focus on program each morning. . Do a a 4th thru 9th step on this relationship and you will have your answers.
 
 
Keep coming back You are worth it.

 

 

 

 

 

(Preview



__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Lolly


Newbie

Status: Offline
Posts: 4
Date:
Permalink  

Thanks for your kind words,Yes Al a non def helped me rilse what I hadnt for years and what I always ran away from....Someone controlling me and in turn I became the controller...not a nice place to be..
Have a great night everyone xx

__________________
Pushka


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3870
Date:
Permalink  

Lolly,

Hugs and welcome you are in the right place. I so understand the controlling issue side of things because hellooo queen of control. LOL. The f2f meetings make a huge difference for me on a lot of fronts and the MIP boards I get my attitude tune up and it helps me work my program.

I love the fact that everyone on here is so lovely. Please keep coming back, keep working your program because you are worth it. :)

P :)

__________________

Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
xeno59


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1138
Date:
Permalink  

Lolly

Welcome
I landed in alanon at 49 yrs old so you are ahead of the game!
Keep getting to your meetings, when you can't we have meetings here twice daily ( its a nice way to start the day).
You will be astounded at how much for the better your life will change working the program.
Blessings

__________________
youfoundme


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1221
Date:
Permalink  

Hi and welcome here! I am glad to hear you are going to meetings already!! The diesease is of mind, body and spirit and through alanon I have learned that I have the same disease as my A, I just choose to use a person to make me feel better rather than a substance. Reading the books Getting Them sober, One day at a time in alanon and Courage to change have helped me so much. I hope you keep coming! HUGS!
Take care of you!

__________________

-youfoundme

Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me... 

 
Lolly


Newbie

Status: Offline
Posts: 4
Date:
Permalink  

Thankyou everyone for your kind words
xoxo


__________________
flopadopilus


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 662
Date:
Permalink  

Sending you love and support Lolly!

__________________

 

God grant me the serenity 
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference. 

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Confused!