I am almost 3 years in the program and have had the same sponsor since month 1. She was a life line and a solid friend, when I had none. I still love her deeply, but I am wondering if our time together as sponsor/sponsee has come to an end. I knew going into working with her that she was on step 10. She had been on it for over a year. I didn't think anything about, and assumed she would complete the 12 long before I got there. That didn't happen, and 3 years later she is still working her 10th step like a boss, but I am being told that I can not progress off my 9th step with her until she is done with her 10th.....but then we have more steps to go! I have sponsees myself who I recently took on and am hoping to not out pace them and continue offering sponsorship to them. None of them are interested in working a step with me that I have not worked, and I get that and support that. I also assumed (I have clearly been doing too much of that) as my sponsor finished their steps, I would finish mine and so on with my sponsees. I have had direct conversations with my sponsor and they have let me know that they are slowing down their step work and not intending to move on from step 10 "any time soon." What should I do? I am genuinely done with my 9th and want to move on, but my sponsor is not comfy with it, so that means find a new sponsor? I have been looking and I have not been able to find one. I have been steadily just turning it over and doing my step work, but this situation feels.....Meh. :(
Lyne said
June 30th
Greetings McTater. I have 14 years in this program and have never heard of a situation quite like this. As with most things, only you can make this decision for yourself, but perhaps I can share some ESH. In my thinking, a sponsor should not be holding a sponsee back who is ready to move forward. A sponsor hopefully is meeting their sponsee where they are at, and helping them go forward as they are ready. You have a bunch of choices:
-waiting for her
-finding a new sponsor (which sometimes is growth producing)
-keeping a friendship with your sponsor when she is not your sponsor any longer
When I finished the steps with my sponsor, I waited a couple years and then did them again with her. The second time was better than the first. I think the steps are an important learning experience for all of us. Good for you for wanting to finish.
We all have shortcomings! None of us are perfect. Think about what is best for you and go for it!! Lyne :)
McTater said
July 16th
Thank you so much for your comment. Hopefully we will be friends no matter what, this person means a great deal do me as a friend, and I do believe that finding a new sponsor at this point is the only way for me to go. I have already been looking and it is silent out there. I do believe growth will come from this if I apply the lessons I will gratefully learn from it.
Thanks,
MT
Macworkz said
7 days ago
my take is that if you have gotten into your own tenth step and you've got Sponsee waiting for you don't be afraid to launch forward because you can finish your 10th step on your own and then share it with either your sponsor later or perhaps develop a co-sponsorship with one of the people that you're working with . There's really no such thing as one right way to do the steps.
Alanon more than anything else has taught me one thing and that's to trust myself and my judgment.
I am almost 3 years in the program and have had the same sponsor since month 1. She was a life line and a solid friend, when I had none. I still love her deeply, but I am wondering if our time together as sponsor/sponsee has come to an end. I knew going into working with her that she was on step 10. She had been on it for over a year. I didn't think anything about, and assumed she would complete the 12 long before I got there. That didn't happen, and 3 years later she is still working her 10th step like a boss, but I am being told that I can not progress off my 9th step with her until she is done with her 10th.....but then we have more steps to go! I have sponsees myself who I recently took on and am hoping to not out pace them and continue offering sponsorship to them. None of them are interested in working a step with me that I have not worked, and I get that and support that. I also assumed (I have clearly been doing too much of that) as my sponsor finished their steps, I would finish mine and so on with my sponsees. I have had direct conversations with my sponsor and they have let me know that they are slowing down their step work and not intending to move on from step 10 "any time soon." What should I do? I am genuinely done with my 9th and want to move on, but my sponsor is not comfy with it, so that means find a new sponsor? I have been looking and I have not been able to find one. I have been steadily just turning it over and doing my step work, but this situation feels.....Meh. :(
-waiting for her
-finding a new sponsor (which sometimes is growth producing)
-keeping a friendship with your sponsor when she is not your sponsor any longer
When I finished the steps with my sponsor, I waited a couple years and then did them again with her. The second time was better than the first. I think the steps are an important learning experience for all of us. Good for you for wanting to finish.
We all have shortcomings! None of us are perfect. Think about what is best for you and go for it!! Lyne :)
Thank you so much for your comment. Hopefully we will be friends no matter what, this person means a great deal do me as a friend, and I do believe that finding a new sponsor at this point is the only way for me to go. I have already been looking and it is silent out there. I do believe growth will come from this if I apply the lessons I will gratefully learn from it.
Thanks,
MT