for Dad's that are estranged from their sons . . . .
texas yankee said
June 15th
For many years, I didn't get a Happy Father's Day call from my younger son - but I did this morning, as he was on his way to work. I'm very, very grateful that my younger son and I are on very good terms these days after many years of both of us struggling with the disease of Alcoholism. Of course, there was nothing that I did that motivated him to decide to take a better path - powerlessness, ya know.
Something helped me a lot that I heard in my first meeting, something that helped me deal with our situation much better than I would have - alcoholism is a disease. We hear things in meetings and readings all the time and from the beginning I accepted that alcoholism is a disease - I'm still not sure if I truly believe that it's a disease, but I knew immediately the first time I heard that it was a disease that IF it was a disease, IF I could take a chance that it might really be a disease, IF I could give it a try and ACCEPT that it was a disease, that habit could make my personal struggles with my son lot easier - and it did. I was never mad at my son - frustrated, sure - sad about his situation, sure - but I never was mad at him - I always loved him very much and I knew deep down, in a place that his disease didn't control, I knew that he loved me. I was frustrated (for him) with some of the things he did - but I was never mad AT him - he had a DISEASE that controlled many aspects of his life, but what he did wasn't him - largely, it was the disease, and for a long time, he was unable to overcome the disease's hold on him.
We've all heard this, but if you haven't BELIEVED it yet, give it a try - try to accept it - it might make your life a bit easier.
Lyne said
June 15th
Thank you Texas yankee for your bits of wisdom. It took me a very long time to accept that alcoholism is a disease, but now I truly get it. The things my spouse did and does now still in early recovery, can be explained by no other way. It's a serious often debilitating disease and affects everyone around it. I know it's an illness, one in which I am powerless over. I have however, been working on myself for the last 14 years through alanon. My son used to tell me how sick I was, and I would say, but I'm not the alcoholic! Doesn't matter anymore. My focus is on me and I'll give my alcoholic credit for trying.
I'm very happy for you and your Father's Day call--congrats! Thanks for the post.
For many years, I didn't get a Happy Father's Day call from my younger son - but I did this morning, as he was on his way to work. I'm very, very grateful that my younger son and I are on very good terms these days after many years of both of us struggling with the disease of Alcoholism. Of course, there was nothing that I did that motivated him to decide to take a better path - powerlessness, ya know.
Something helped me a lot that I heard in my first meeting, something that helped me deal with our situation much better than I would have - alcoholism is a disease. We hear things in meetings and readings all the time and from the beginning I accepted that alcoholism is a disease - I'm still not sure if I truly believe that it's a disease, but I knew immediately the first time I heard that it was a disease that IF it was a disease, IF I could take a chance that it might really be a disease, IF I could give it a try and ACCEPT that it was a disease, that habit could make my personal struggles with my son lot easier - and it did. I was never mad at my son - frustrated, sure - sad about his situation, sure - but I never was mad at him - I always loved him very much and I knew deep down, in a place that his disease didn't control, I knew that he loved me. I was frustrated (for him) with some of the things he did - but I was never mad AT him - he had a DISEASE that controlled many aspects of his life, but what he did wasn't him - largely, it was the disease, and for a long time, he was unable to overcome the disease's hold on him.
We've all heard this, but if you haven't BELIEVED it yet, give it a try - try to accept it - it might make your life a bit easier.
I'm very happy for you and your Father's Day call--congrats! Thanks for the post.