Hello, everyone. Looking for insights from others who have walked a path similar to mine. I was married to the father of my children for 15 years, divorcing due to his alcoholism. Fast forward about 10 years. I am remarried now for 3 1/2 years. My current husband binge drinks to the point where he is obnoxious, stumbling, slurring his words, and acting confrontational. This has gone on to varying degrees, usually on the weekend, to the point that I have had enough. He cannot control how much he drinks once he gets started. I have heard the typical apologies and promises that it won't happen again, and yet it does.
I told him I cannot go on living this way. He said that he would stop drinking through the end of the year and would prove to me in January that he can have just a couple of drinks and be fine. Every ounce of my being and my past history tells me this will not be the case. Seeing him this way has changed how I feel about him. I am 57 years old and do not want this for the rest of my life. My gut tells me I want to be out of this marriage, but I feel guilty for "not giving him through the end of the year." I know many people stay with their alcoholic spouse. I did for several years to my first husband. At this point of my life, I don't want to live with the uncertainty of what might come when he decides to drink. Any thoughts from others who have similar experiences?
Lyne said
Nov 16, 2024
Welcome. Yes, I've heard all those promises and I've come to believe that without a desire to be alcohol -free, and getting help, all the alcoholic personality traits are firmly engaged. My current spouse promised to change, lied about drinking, hiding liquor, drinking hard cider and telling me that wasn't alcohol, etc., etc., etc. I did divorce my first spouse. My current spouse is finally in AA, but as you said, my feelings have totally changed as well. Alcoholism is a serious disease and it does not just go away.
I also learned that I had become sick in a different way after all the years of being damaged. I couldn't see it and my son had to tell me many times before it sunk in. I now have 13 years in alanon and it's one of the best decisions I've ever made.
You are right that only you can decide if you should stay or go. But I believe in listening to that inner voice. You know you better than anyone else.
This message board is not functioning as well as it used to, but several people continue to try to be involved despite all the spammers. I hope you will get involved in alanon in any way that fits your schedule--in person meetings, zoom meetings, telephone meetings, etc. Best of luck and keep coming back. Lyne. :)
Hello, everyone. Looking for insights from others who have walked a path similar to mine. I was married to the father of my children for 15 years, divorcing due to his alcoholism. Fast forward about 10 years. I am remarried now for 3 1/2 years. My current husband binge drinks to the point where he is obnoxious, stumbling, slurring his words, and acting confrontational. This has gone on to varying degrees, usually on the weekend, to the point that I have had enough. He cannot control how much he drinks once he gets started. I have heard the typical apologies and promises that it won't happen again, and yet it does.
I told him I cannot go on living this way. He said that he would stop drinking through the end of the year and would prove to me in January that he can have just a couple of drinks and be fine. Every ounce of my being and my past history tells me this will not be the case. Seeing him this way has changed how I feel about him. I am 57 years old and do not want this for the rest of my life. My gut tells me I want to be out of this marriage, but I feel guilty for "not giving him through the end of the year." I know many people stay with their alcoholic spouse. I did for several years to my first husband. At this point of my life, I don't want to live with the uncertainty of what might come when he decides to drink. Any thoughts from others who have similar experiences?
I also learned that I had become sick in a different way after all the years of being damaged. I couldn't see it and my son had to tell me many times before it sunk in. I now have 13 years in alanon and it's one of the best decisions I've ever made.
You are right that only you can decide if you should stay or go. But I believe in listening to that inner voice. You know you better than anyone else.
This message board is not functioning as well as it used to, but several people continue to try to be involved despite all the spammers. I hope you will get involved in alanon in any way that fits your schedule--in person meetings, zoom meetings, telephone meetings, etc. Best of luck and keep coming back. Lyne. :)