I personally am tired of my so-called healed & whole friend going on and on about how great AlAnon is and you need alanon yadda yadda yadda when she has been going for 18 months and her blaming everyone else but herself for her own behavior is at the absolute worst! Its like she found an entire tribe of people that are giving her permission to take zero REAL responsibility for her actions and yet, as she tells it, keeps reassuring her and enabling her to deflect personal responsibility for what she has done to myself and others all in the name of her not having to be blamed or accept the negativity anymore or be responsible for the patterns I grew into- Its truly nauseating. Shes still a liar, a manipulator and a truly wretched narcissist and now, in her mind, ANY disagreement or criticism or even different point of view is blaming and now she has this program to defend her actions, telling everyone else they need to let go because she apologized She blames her parents, her three ex-husbands, me, and other people for the way that she is. Is this REALLY what your program teaches? It may be hard to believe that I am asking sincerely but I am.

Welcome Ruby Grace to MIP, even though our site is a bit broken at the moment. Every alanon group is different, but I've got 13 years in alanon and I am not familiar with the description above. The groups I go to and alanon friends I have teach us to focus on ourselves and become the best person we can be. We are not encouraged to trample on others. We are taught to have compassion and forgiveness. Perhaps you might try a few different alanon groups, whether in person or on zoom, and decide for yourself what alanon is like. Wishing you all the best, Lyne

Welcome, Ruby Grace. I Second what Lyne shared. That has not been my experience in AlAnon. Al_Anon has taught me healthy boundaries and to not take on other people's stuff, it taught me to look at my side of the street and to take care of that. Each group is different, and if you decide to explore the program a bit, I hope you find a group that is a great fit for you!

Welcome Ruby Grace! You've received great support from Lyne and Skorpi. I'll add that it took me a while to really understand and start living the principles of Alanon. I had so much fear, anxiety, and anger that I couldn't appropriately execute the directives. I didn't realize how distraught and distorted my thinking had become. I dove deeper with a sponsor and the steps. I listened. Now I can better implement boundaries, be responsible for my actions, and not try and force situations. Recently, I've also had a breakthrough where I can focus on myself... huge help! I'm so grateful that I didn't stop at my first impression that AlAnon wasn't for me. Now, the rooms are my routine place to go, to continue to learn, grow, and restore serenity again and again.

I hope you'll keep coming back.