When my spouse started in AA, she did 90 in 90 and even went daily a few weeks more. Then she settled into 3xweek plus 1xweek with a sponsor. I thought that would work for her, and I did see progress, just a lot more work needed. After all, I have 13 years in alanon, and I'm still working my program. Well for the last 2-3weeks, she is going to about 1 meeting a week. Since I've learned so much about alcoholism, I know she needs a program more than 1 meeting a week. And last week I questioned her about missing a meeting, and I promised myself I wouldn't say anything ever again. I broke my promise to myself this morning--she chose to go shopping. I said something like, so you don't want to go to a meeting this morning. I know I have to focus on myself. I need to keep my mouth shut. I also know that my feelings are not going to change much as she withdraws from her program. I thought of the 3 C's--I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, and I sure as heck can't control it.
sunmustshine said
Aug 27, 2024
I was also thinking of the 3 cs. Ive been there countless times, convincing myself I was helping. I was being the crazy one. I had to remind myself to stay in my own lane. One day at a time. Progress not perfection for us too. We can make mistakes and move on making the next minute, hour or day a great one.
Lyne said
Aug 27, 2024
It's so interesting that I know/agree with everything you wrote above, but still have to keep coming back for the reminders. Lol.
Daffodils said
Aug 28, 2024
At this moment I needed the reminders to shut up and mind my own business. Today I caused confusion and frustrated a few souls because I was only trying to help. lol 2024 began with my husband suffering a stroke, heart attack, and discovering he's a diabetic. Needless to say, I took control of his care and have run myself ragged. Thankfully Al-Anon principles, MIP wisdom and weekly F2F has kept me stable but as stated yesterday, sanity not restored. Both of you have reminded me to focus on self . I was able to laugh at myself and admit that I create chaos when I'm just trying to help.
:)
Lyne said
Aug 29, 2024
We are only human and can only do the best we can. But practice helps us move forward, ODAT.
Wolfie55 said
Sep 20, 2024
I'm a double winner, as they say. I've been a grateful member of Alanon for 28 years and a recovered alcoholic, my sobriety date is November 30, 1997, so I didn't just get sober. I been that way a while. I still go to 6 meetings a week. I probably only need one a week, I just don't know which one it is until the week is done. One thing I have learned, painfully, is that if I'm more worried about someone's alcoholism than they are, then I need an alanon meeting. :)
When my spouse started in AA, she did 90 in 90 and even went daily a few weeks more. Then she settled into 3xweek plus 1xweek with a sponsor. I thought that would work for her, and I did see progress, just a lot more work needed. After all, I have 13 years in alanon, and I'm still working my program. Well for the last 2-3weeks, she is going to about 1 meeting a week. Since I've learned so much about alcoholism, I know she needs a program more than 1 meeting a week. And last week I questioned her about missing a meeting, and I promised myself I wouldn't say anything ever again. I broke my promise to myself this morning--she chose to go shopping. I said something like, so you don't want to go to a meeting this morning. I know I have to focus on myself. I need to keep my mouth shut. I also know that my feelings are not going to change much as she withdraws from her program. I thought of the 3 C's--I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, and I sure as heck can't control it.