Courage to Change January 18 Keep the Focus on Yourself
tiredtonite said
Jan 18, 2024
Today's reading reminds us to keep to our own side of the street. It mentions a newcomer who felt helping their alcoholic was the right thing to do. Al-anon suggests we focus on our own needs and allow others to the freedom to make their own choices. The newcomer felt the Al-anon suggestion to allow the alcoholic to struggle or suffer from the consequences of their choices was unkind. They felt it was compassionate to rescue them from harm. The reading goes on to say such actions deprive the alcoholic from opportunities to want to change and asks the reader to examine their motives if they are engaging in such behavior. Is it helping or hindering the alcoholic from seeking sobriety? More harm can be caused than good. In this particular reading, the "helping" was a way for the newcomer to avoid the anxiety that can accompany an active alcoholic's unpredictable behavior.
Admittedly, I still practice this behavior at times despite no longer living with active alcoholism. Thankfully, I realize my serenity and my own needs are better met when I practice detachment from over involvement in the life of another person. Did the person ask for my help? Do I really know what's best for another person? It can be a humbling experience when I realize I am not helping but rather imposing my will no matter how seemingly well intended. That is when I will typically apologize and return the focus to things I need or want to do for myself. There is no shortage of those things :)
The reading concludes -
"In Al-anon we learn not to create a crisis, not to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events" Detachment
Lyne said
Jan 19, 2024
Thanks TT for this great reading and share. I was in my A's business for years, because I thought I had the "right" answers for someone to get sober. WRONG! My efforts to try and force solutions did nothing for our marriage and I got more and more frustrated and angry. Learning to focus on myself, and the art of detachment, took me some time to comprehend. And it took even a longer time of practicing to put these concepts into action. Progress not perfection. At times I catch myself trying to direct others--I also apologize and then say it's none of my business. :)
Skorpi said
Jan 19, 2024
Such a great reading today! When I talk to my aw about this, she often says she wishes I'd work on her side of the street. Recently, she says "there are squirrels everywhere and they are running wild over here" lol. I removed her that her squirrels are her responsibility, and that it isn't right for me to take them on. We agreed to disagree on that, but all humor aside, I cannot control what she does, so I have to focus on myself and what I'm doing. Am I acting with integrity? Am I at peace with what I do and say? The AA coins remind people to be true to themselves, and I've found that this applies to me as well and my work through the alanon program.
Today's reading reminds us to keep to our own side of the street. It mentions a newcomer who felt helping their alcoholic was the right thing to do. Al-anon suggests we focus on our own needs and allow others to the freedom to make their own choices. The newcomer felt the Al-anon suggestion to allow the alcoholic to struggle or suffer from the consequences of their choices was unkind. They felt it was compassionate to rescue them from harm. The reading goes on to say such actions deprive the alcoholic from opportunities to want to change and asks the reader to examine their motives if they are engaging in such behavior. Is it helping or hindering the alcoholic from seeking sobriety? More harm can be caused than good. In this particular reading, the "helping" was a way for the newcomer to avoid the anxiety that can accompany an active alcoholic's unpredictable behavior.
Admittedly, I still practice this behavior at times despite no longer living with active alcoholism. Thankfully, I realize my serenity and my own needs are better met when I practice detachment from over involvement in the life of another person. Did the person ask for my help? Do I really know what's best for another person? It can be a humbling experience when I realize I am not helping but rather imposing my will no matter how seemingly well intended. That is when I will typically apologize and return the focus to things I need or want to do for myself. There is no shortage of those things :)
The reading concludes -
"In Al-anon we learn not to create a crisis, not to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events" Detachment