C2C for Friday, July 07, 2023 – Who is to blame any way??
DM2021 said
Jul 7, 2023
This day's reading made me truly smile because the author discusses how, with every conflict, they felt they had to some how,
in an anxious and defensive state, prove their innocence. They were always trying to cover themselves from any blame when it
came to confrontation with the alcoholic in their life.
Al-Anon tries to teach us that focusing on other's behavior only takes away from our serenity. Conflicts and/or disputes are
inevitable even in the best of times so instead of dwelling on the contrary state of affairs it is better, per Al-Anon, to look within
ourselves for the part(s) we have played in the conflict and make peace because not everyone needs to be wrong and that it is,
for the most part, normal for people to disagree sometimes.
Todays Reminder: "Today I accept that each life has its share of conflict." "It is not my job to document every such incident."
"Instead of wringing my hands and pointing my finger, I can consider the possibility that everything is happening exactly as it should."
"Sometimes, blame is just an excuse to keep busy so that I don't have to feel the discomfort of my powerlessness."
Todays Quote: "The mind grows by what it feeds on." ~ Josiah G. Holland
I do admit that it takes me one or two days to come to this conclusion, but it isn't easy when you've got an out of
control alcoholic barking at you like a mad dog. Sometimes I'm more affected by the tones and reactions than the
accusatory words they use. But all in all I always arrive at that place of peace and have learned that dwelling,
blaming and score keeping is just so not worth it when it comes to maintaining my peace and dignity. As I make
my way on this journey I sense that the alcoholic is progressing and realize that I must be more flexible due to
the changes they are experiencing.
How do you navigate conflict, if you have any, in your life?
TGIF!!
-- Edited by DM2021 on Friday 7th of July 2023 07:20:40 AM
Lyne said
Jul 7, 2023
Thanks Debbie for your service and share. I live with an active, untreated alcoholic spouse. Yes, there is conflict!! But the longer I practice the alanon program, the better I get at handling them. I try to focus on myself, bless them change me, live and let live, let go and let God, etc. Now because I'll never be perfect (!), if I feel there is something I want to say during a conflict, I say the following: I'm asking you to just listen, don't reply now, because I just need to voice an opinion. I ask my spouse to think about it. I want to pause, and think, and not engage in battle--there is no point. Progress not perfection.
DM2021 said
Jul 7, 2023
Thank you so much Lyne for your ESH because it is nice to know how fellow members
deal with their conflict because it gives us other options that we would not have ordinarily
thought of ourselves!!!
DM2021 said
Jul 7, 2023
Hi TT good to hear from you!! Thank you so much for your ESH!!
It is a tricky and slipper slope choosing to when, how, where, if at all, practicing being true to oneself.
The question for me always is. before I respond, will it make any difference or just be an effort in futility,
due to the constant redirection, gaslighting, lying and deflecting. Most times I maintain my dignity,
serenity and boundaries by choosing to walk away and let God.
This day's reading made me truly smile because the author discusses how, with every conflict, they felt they had to some how,
in an anxious and defensive state, prove their innocence. They were always trying to cover themselves from any blame when it
came to confrontation with the alcoholic in their life.
Al-Anon tries to teach us that focusing on other's behavior only takes away from our serenity. Conflicts and/or disputes are
inevitable even in the best of times so instead of dwelling on the contrary state of affairs it is better, per Al-Anon, to look within
ourselves for the part(s) we have played in the conflict and make peace because not everyone needs to be wrong and that it is,
for the most part, normal for people to disagree sometimes.
Todays Reminder: "Today I accept that each life has its share of conflict." "It is not my job to document every such incident."
"Instead of wringing my hands and pointing my finger, I can consider the possibility that everything is happening exactly as it should."
"Sometimes, blame is just an excuse to keep busy so that I don't have to feel the discomfort of my powerlessness."
Todays Quote: "The mind grows by what it feeds on." ~ Josiah G. Holland
I do admit that it takes me one or two days to come to this conclusion, but it isn't easy when you've got an out of
control alcoholic barking at you like a mad dog. Sometimes I'm more affected by the tones and reactions than the
accusatory words they use. But all in all I always arrive at that place of peace and have learned that dwelling,
blaming and score keeping is just so not worth it when it comes to maintaining my peace and dignity. As I make
my way on this journey I sense that the alcoholic is progressing and realize that I must be more flexible due to
the changes they are experiencing.
How do you navigate conflict, if you have any, in your life?
TGIF!!
-- Edited by DM2021 on Friday 7th of July 2023 07:20:40 AM
Thank you so much Lyne for your ESH because it is nice to know how fellow members
deal with their conflict because it gives us other options that we would not have ordinarily
thought of ourselves!!!
It is a tricky and slipper slope choosing to when, how, where, if at all, practicing being true to oneself.
The question for me always is. before I respond, will it make any difference or just be an effort in futility,
due to the constant redirection, gaslighting, lying and deflecting. Most times I maintain my dignity,
serenity and boundaries by choosing to walk away and let God.