One member recalls the gulf that opened between she and her daughter when she tried to prevent daughter from taking a particular action.
Focus on Step 1 and her powerlessness pulled her back from acting, she let go and let God. The hatred her daughter developed dissipated, they were able to regain a relationship because they accepted each other for who they were.
Reminder In a crisis consider the wisdom of not immediately stepping in to exert our control, perhaps showing patience to let some things work out.
"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them." - Thomas Merton: No man is an Island
------------------
This is a heavy page with some uncomfortable truth in it for me. This is so much easier in distant relationships, close relationships offer more of a struggle.
Talking with the expectation that they will see things from my perspective has long been an area of work. Separating myself from the attitudes and actions of those close to me is more of a challenge when I'm convinced that I will be affected.
This page points to an alternative to trying to change their course in coming to appreciate their differences, trying to see the positives to them, how it enriches rather than detracts. At the very least, remembering that it is their right to choose, not ours...
This page is still very much a work in progress for me...grateful for the reminders
Lyne said
Jun 13, 2023
Thank you Paul for your service, share, and honesty. Uncomfortable with this reading applies to me. I am also a work in progress and have to practice a lot, perhaps daily, in this area. Because for letting someone else make decisions for themselves, when I think they are self-destructive, is not easy to just let go and let God. Alcohol abuse is alcohol abuse, and other substances can be as well. I do know I have to focus on myself, and live and let live. Most of the time I am able to do this. Progress not perfection.
DM2021 said
Jun 14, 2023
Thank you Paul for your service and lovely reading and share. Thank you to Lyne ... yes progress not perfection is the goal indeed!!
I needed to read this today it is so perfect!!
"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image."
"Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them." - Thomas Merton: No man is an Island
I have been troubled by thoughts of some family members and the drinker, how they treat me because I have placed
boundaries on what I will and will not accept. They want to "twist me into their own image" was the explanation I
was looking for and my mind is at ease because now I understand. Relationships are so important to me, so when
they are fractured it troubles me. I have learned in Al-Anon that my powerlessness over other's actions and thoughts
is paramount but can not expect other's to understand when I take a step back and not engage. It still troubles me
One member recalls the gulf that opened between she and her daughter when she tried to prevent daughter from taking a particular action.
Focus on Step 1 and her powerlessness pulled her back from acting, she let go and let God. The hatred her daughter developed dissipated, they were able to regain a relationship because they accepted each other for who they were.
Reminder In a crisis consider the wisdom of not immediately stepping in to exert our control, perhaps showing patience to let some things work out.
"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them." - Thomas Merton: No man is an Island
------------------
This is a heavy page with some uncomfortable truth in it for me. This is so much easier in distant relationships, close relationships offer more of a struggle.
Talking with the expectation that they will see things from my perspective has long been an area of work. Separating myself from the attitudes and actions of those close to me is more of a challenge when I'm convinced that I will be affected.
This page points to an alternative to trying to change their course in coming to appreciate their differences, trying to see the positives to them, how it enriches rather than detracts. At the very least, remembering that it is their right to choose, not ours...
This page is still very much a work in progress for me...grateful for the reminders
Thank you Paul for your service and lovely reading and share. Thank you to Lyne ... yes progress not perfection is the goal indeed!!
I needed to read this today it is so perfect!!
"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image."
"Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them." - Thomas Merton: No man is an Island
I have been troubled by thoughts of some family members and the drinker, how they treat me because I have placed
boundaries on what I will and will not accept. They want to "twist me into their own image" was the explanation I
was looking for and my mind is at ease because now I understand. Relationships are so important to me, so when
they are fractured it troubles me. I have learned in Al-Anon that my powerlessness over other's actions and thoughts
is paramount but can not expect other's to understand when I take a step back and not engage. It still troubles me
and am grateful for today's reminder!!!