This reading looks at where we place our focus.  Is it on the alcoholic?  Is it on ourselves in a self-defeating way (do we feel hopelessly defective)?  Are we blaming others or waiting for them to change?  Alanon reinforces the need to put the focus on ourselves in a positive way.  Having a sponsor and doing the Steps can be enormously helpful.  We can make amends while slowly changing our behavior, and accept the rights of others not to change.

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Sounds so simple but it is easier said than done!  It took me the first few years in alanon to understand that I need to look at myself and try and change what I can.  That meant breaking through my denial to see my defects in the first place.  I guess the next few years meant learning to detach with love as much of the time as I was able.  And now I'm at a point of knowing a lot of what's good for me, but I still need to lean into program and practice, practice, practice.  Focusing on myself is much better than focusing on others' defects, but I still need alanon.  Progress not perfection.  :)