The author of this day's reading writes about the difficulties loved ones of an alcoholic have believing that the alcoholic
cannot just decide to stop drinking as someone who quits say smoking. We are reminded in this reading that alcoholism
is unlike any other vice, that it is compared to having any other type of disease such as Alzheimers. We cannot success-
fully control someone elses disease and it is so difficult to watch them slip away from us day by day, we feel a sense of
urgency to help, but learn in Al-Anon that we did not cause, cannot control nor cure someones disease.
Todays reminder: "When I accept that alcoholism is a disease, I am forced to face the fact that I am powerless over it."
"Only then can I gain the freedom to focus on my own spiritual growth."
Todays Quote: "A family member has no more right to state, 'If you loved me you would not drink,' than the right to say,
'If you loved me you would not have diabetes.' Excessive drinking is a symptom of the disease." "It is a condition, not an
act." ~ A Guide for the Family of the Alcoholic
I have learned over the years that the Al-Anon suggestion to mind my own business is for a very good reason.The more we
fight and nag the more reason I gave the alcoholic to drink, which is the exact opposite of my intentions!!! Al-Anon is a way
for me to learn about myself, to see my part in the chaos and to recover my dignity and grace. In the mean time the alcoholic
has the respect they deserve and the freedom to make the choice, if they decide, to get help for them selves.
"Surrender is a gift that you can give yourself." "Its an act of faith." "Its saying that even though I cant see where this river
is flowing, I trust it will take me in the right direction." ~ Debbie Ford
I feel that not everyone finds it easy to accept, that alcoholism is a disease, but I do know this much that it definitely causes a host
of diseases throughout the body including the brain.
Do you find this aspect of Al-Anon difficult to understand or accept?
TGIF MIP Family!!{{HUGS}}
SunnyFrog said
Mar 24, 2023
Good morning
I do believe alcoholism/addiction is a disease and I actually have compassion and empathy for those that struggle with it.
That being said, I admit I didnt and still dont treat the exAHs disease in the same way. I actually realized that fully yesterday. I thought I had accepted it but I really havent yet. Its wrong of me and today I am pondering why. I suppose much of it is just the simple fact that its not what I wanted to happen to him or our marriage. And it feels like he betrayed me. Yet his other health issues dont feel like a betrayal to me.
I am still a work in progress and always will be. But at least I am willing to be honest with myself . I know my thinking is distorted and Im happy to be learning different ways here
Have a good day!
Lyne said
Mar 24, 2023
Thank you Debbie for your service and for all above ESH. It did take me a long time to accept that alcoholism is a disease, and another very long time to accept that I need to focus on myself and give away my anger and resentment. Progress not perfection, as it does creep in now and then. One of my flaws is that I do not understand why my A does not want help. I guess if you have cancer, you can choose to die and not get help. I struggle with this, the no help choice, however I have improved on my end of the relationship in that I no longer expect change. I also feel this is very sad, but I no longer dwell on it.
Daffodils said
Mar 24, 2023
Thank you Debbie for your service/ESH. All the shares resonated with me. I believe alcoholism is a disease that is painted over with denial. Depending on the individual, it might be one coat or fifty coats! Taking the focus off of my loved one revealed how sick I had become. My perception was so distorted and in denial about me needing help. The Al-Anon process has enabled me to work on my brain health, address long forgotten/suppressed emotions, take responsibility for my financial well-being and create a less hostile (?) environment. Each day has it's challenges but there's definitely more peace when I mind my own business. Easier said than done. Thank you being a part of my growth.
DM2021 said
Mar 25, 2023
{{HUGS}} to everyone!! Love that we are all on the Al-Anon journey to wellness together!!
StargazerLily said
Mar 26, 2023
I struggle with this concept.
Using diabetes as a parallel to illustrate it helps some.
Someone with type 2 diabetes would get sick from eating lots of sugar.
Someone with alcoholism would get sick from drinking alcohol.
Someone with type 2 diabetes got there from eating lots of sugar.
Someone with alcoholism got there by drinking.
Environment and family history have an impact on these things.
After laying it out here very simplistically I still don't feel sure about it. I'm not sure I ever will.
PosiesandPuppies said
Apr 2, 2023
I can certainly empathize with you StargazerLily. Please know you ware not alone.
Using your analogy, someone with diabetes can arrest their symptoms by following the correct low-carb diet and give up sugar. Studies have proven it. Someone that suffers from alcoholism can also arrest their disease progression by abstaining.
Where I have a hard time is that they actively choose not to, despite all the negative repercussions. So I can still struggle at times, b/c this was not what I signed up for when I married. I married someone with like ideals, like mind-set to me. A Life-Partner. I did NOT agree to alcohol ruining this connection.
That being said, after much research into the addicted brain, what helps me to understand is knowing the chemical changes of the brain that occurs with excessive drug use - this includes alcohol. In fact, alcohol is the most insidious of all! Once I truly understood the medical aspect, then I began to understand that my spouse was just not the same person I married. He wasn't even someone I would entertain to date if I met him today. He just couldn't be. However, I still can't get rid of the "If Only's." There are times now (5 yrs from divorce) that I miss the person I married, and I can get stuck with anger over it. When that occurs, I try and focus on my Gratitude List. It helps most of the time.
All of this to say, there are times I think I will never truly understand as well.
But I have read on this forum (can't remember who I am quoting), "You don't have to always understand to accept. Acceptance is key."
The author of this day's reading writes about the difficulties loved ones of an alcoholic have believing that the alcoholic
cannot just decide to stop drinking as someone who quits say smoking. We are reminded in this reading that alcoholism
is unlike any other vice, that it is compared to having any other type of disease such as Alzheimers. We cannot success-
fully control someone elses disease and it is so difficult to watch them slip away from us day by day, we feel a sense of
urgency to help, but learn in Al-Anon that we did not cause, cannot control nor cure someones disease.
Todays reminder: "When I accept that alcoholism is a disease, I am forced to face the fact that I am powerless over it."
"Only then can I gain the freedom to focus on my own spiritual growth."
Todays Quote: "A family member has no more right to state, 'If you loved me you would not drink,' than the right to say,
'If you loved me you would not have diabetes.' Excessive drinking is a symptom of the disease." "It is a condition, not an
act." ~ A Guide for the Family of the Alcoholic
I have learned over the years that the Al-Anon suggestion to mind my own business is for a very good reason. The more we
fight and nag the more reason I gave the alcoholic to drink, which is the exact opposite of my intentions!!! Al-Anon is a way
for me to learn about myself, to see my part in the chaos and to recover my dignity and grace. In the mean time the alcoholic
has the respect they deserve and the freedom to make the choice, if they decide, to get help for them selves.
"Surrender is a gift that you can give yourself." "Its an act of faith." "Its saying that even though I cant see where this river
is flowing, I trust it will take me in the right direction." ~ Debbie Ford
I feel that not everyone finds it easy to accept, that alcoholism is a disease, but I do know this much that it definitely causes a host
of diseases throughout the body including the brain.
Do you find this aspect of Al-Anon difficult to understand or accept?
TGIF MIP Family!! {{HUGS}}
I do believe alcoholism/addiction is a disease and I actually have compassion and empathy for those that struggle with it.
That being said, I admit I didnt and still dont treat the exAHs disease in the same way. I actually realized that fully yesterday. I thought I had accepted it but I really havent yet. Its wrong of me and today I am pondering why. I suppose much of it is just the simple fact that its not what I wanted to happen to him or our marriage. And it feels like he betrayed me. Yet his other health issues dont feel like a betrayal to me.
I am still a work in progress and always will be. But at least I am willing to be honest with myself . I know my thinking is distorted and Im happy to be learning different ways here
Have a good day!
I struggle with this concept.
Using diabetes as a parallel to illustrate it helps some.
Someone with type 2 diabetes would get sick from eating lots of sugar.
Someone with alcoholism would get sick from drinking alcohol.
Someone with type 2 diabetes got there from eating lots of sugar.
Someone with alcoholism got there by drinking.
Environment and family history have an impact on these things.
After laying it out here very simplistically I still don't feel sure about it. I'm not sure I ever will.
I can certainly empathize with you StargazerLily. Please know you ware not alone.
Using your analogy, someone with diabetes can arrest their symptoms by following the correct low-carb diet and give up sugar. Studies have proven it.
Someone that suffers from alcoholism can also arrest their disease progression by abstaining.
Where I have a hard time is that they actively choose not to, despite all the negative repercussions.
So I can still struggle at times, b/c this was not what I signed up for when I married. I married someone with like ideals, like mind-set to me. A Life-Partner.
I did NOT agree to alcohol ruining this connection.
That being said, after much research into the addicted brain, what helps me to understand is knowing the chemical changes of the brain that occurs with excessive drug use - this includes alcohol. In fact, alcohol is the most insidious of all! Once I truly understood the medical aspect, then I began to understand that my spouse was just not the same person I married. He wasn't even someone I would entertain to date if I met him today. He just couldn't be. However, I still can't get rid of the "If Only's." There are times now (5 yrs from divorce) that I miss the person I married, and I can get stuck with anger over it. When that occurs, I try and focus on my Gratitude List. It helps most of the time.
All of this to say, there are times I think I will never truly understand as well.
But I have read on this forum (can't remember who I am quoting), "You don't have to always understand to accept. Acceptance is key."